Subverted Expectations

One time, I decided to cook my girlfriend a romantic dinner. I set up a pretty decent table: fine china with my grandmother's silverware I inherited when she passed (God rest her soul) and a fresh rose and candle in the middle to set the mood.

She came home from work later than usual, so she was exhausted so I had to convince her to the table. I brought a pot of freshly cooked dog shit to subvert her expectations, and to subvert even those expectations I stuck a wedding ring in the middle of it. She then subverted my expectations by eating the ring so we had to wait for her to shit out the ring. I didn't want to spoil the surprise so I tried to make things sexual and confessed my love of scatplay (her lack of knowledge of this subverted my expectations because we literally just ate dog shit, but I digress).

So she shit in my mouth and one thing led to another, and I subverted her expectations by getting down on one shit-covered knee, covered in shit from head to toe, and asked her to marry me. She subverted my expectations by admitting she was having an affair with the dog whose shit we had just finished eating. I subverted her expectations by fucking killing myself.

I'd like some sort of award for subverting your expectations for spending 5 minutes writing the above nonsense, since this is unironically considered a good substitute for a coherent universe and plot in this day and age.