Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (2015)

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GREG: I have no idea
how to tell this story.

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00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,648
I don't even know
how to start it.

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00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,326
Like, I guess I could use
one of those classic

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story beginning sentences.

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"It was the best of times:
it was the worst of times."

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00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,328
But what would that even mean?

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I mean, obviously,
somewhere in the world,

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it's the best of times
for someone.

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Like he's eating
all this insane

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Vietnamese food
he just got for free---

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...and the woman
who delivered the food

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looks exactly like the hot
girl from Pussy Riot

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and now she's situated
in the corner

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playing unspeakably beautiful
melodies on the harp.

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While he's just going to town
on that food.

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So, yeah,
that's the best of times.

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Meanwhile, some other guy
is having

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his will broken
by professional torturers. ..

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...who are suspending him

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over a crocodile-infested
pool of acid.

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And because it's acid,

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these crocodiles
are just pissed.

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And they're also piping in
that gross smell you get...

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...when they spill
a bunch of milk

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in the school parking lot.

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And this beefy torture dude

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is just punching
the hell out of him.

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Worst of times: check.

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(TYPING)

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All right, look.
I'll just start.

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This is the story of
my senior year of high school

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and how it destroyed my life.

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And howl made a film so bad,
it literally killed someone.

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(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

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I used to think about it
this way:

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Schenley High School
was a world unto itself.

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By senior year, I had mastered
the languages and customs

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of its various
sovereign states.

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The head nods of Jock Nation.

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The fist bumps
of the Kingdom of Stoners.

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The innocuous witticisms of

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The People's Republic
of Theater Dorks.

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Greg, how was your summer?

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Summer. What does that word
even mean?

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Like, more "summ"?
(LAUGHING)

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GREG: In a typical
high school life,

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you belong to one nation...

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...which can never
guarantee you total security.

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But I thought
I found a way out.

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Get citizenship
in every nation.

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Get passports to everywhere.

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Just be on low-key
good terms with everyone...

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...casually interact with them
once in a while...

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...in a way that is invisible
to everyone else.

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Never commit to an interaction

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that won't be casual
or mellow.

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GIRL: Your test was today?

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GREG: Ugh. Tests!
I've been there.

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That's like sending troops
to Afghanistan.

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Maintain relationships
with citizens

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of the most
dicked-upon nations.

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For example, Scott Mayhew,

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the gothy dork
I'm sitting next to here.

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Scott, nice Berserker.

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Thank you?

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It took years of cultivation
to win his trust.

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(SINGING)
Yo, my name is III Phil

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I'll bend you to my will

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GREG: Or the universally
ostracized III Phil.

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Yeah, that's good.

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Force you to eat that pill Now
you're like, "What's the deal?"

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Truly a nation of one.

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I just got killed

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(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

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GREG: And there were some
places I simply couldn't go.

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Like the cafeteria.

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Every last square inch of it
was disputed territory.

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It was Crimea, Kashmir,

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and the Gaza Strip
all rolled into one.

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Also the part of
the Indian Ocean with pirates.

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Captain Phillips pirates,
not Pirates of the Caribbean.

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Although, actually, who knows?
Maybe both.

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(BURDEN OF DREAMS THEME
PLAYING ON VIDEO)

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Instead, I always ate lunch
in the office

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of my history teacher.

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Mr. McCarthy.

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Fact:

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I'm in 309 for
the next...20 minutes.

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The only reasonable adult
in all of Schenley.

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Heathens.

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BOTH: Respect the research.

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With Earl,
whose role in my life

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I'm not even gonna try to
explain to you right now.

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The harmony of overwhelming
and collective murder.

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GREG: One last thing:
hot girls destroy your life.

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That's just a fact.

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It doesn't matter if the hot
girl is also a good person.

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She's a moose,
you're a chipmunk.

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She's just wandering through
the forest, oblivious.

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And she doesn't even know that
she stomped on your head.

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Hey, Madison.

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Hey, how was your summer?

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Summer. What does that word
even mean, right?

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More "summ."

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Winter, same deal.
More "wint"?

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McCarthy's in 309.

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Great, thanks.

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WERNER HERZOG ON VIDEO:
To become humbled

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in front of
this overwhelming misery...

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...and overwhelming
fornication

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and overwhelming
lack of order.

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Titties.

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(MOANING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

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Honey, can we come in?
Jesus,Jesus!

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Yeah. What do you want?

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GREG'S MOM: First of all,
I was going through...

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...your stuff
and I saw that you

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have not even unwrapped
your college directory.

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Mom, don't go through
my stuff.

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We discussed it, and she gets
to go through your stuff.

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GREG'S MOM: Just have a look.
It's fun.

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It's like a menu
for your future.

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What are you in the mood for?
Some Penn State?

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Some Pepperdine?
Pomona? Princeton?

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I'm not getting
into Princeton.

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He's not
getting into Princeton.

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Um, so, is that it?

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No, honey, it's not it.

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Your father and I want to talk to
you about something kind of sad.

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What?

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(PURRING)

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What happened?

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Well, I just got off the phone
with Denise Kushner,

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Rachel's mom. You know Denise?

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Um, not really.

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You're friends
with Rachel, though.

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Yeah, I mean,
we're like, acquainted.

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Come here.

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(SIGHS) okay-

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Rachel's been diagnosed
with leukemia.

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They just found out.

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GIRL: Your test was today?

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Ugh. Tests! I've been there.

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Oh, God.

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Is that serious?

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They're doing
all kinds of tests.

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They're doing
everything they can.

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They just don't know.

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Man, that sucks.

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You're right.

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It sucks.

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It sucks really bad.

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It sucks quite a bit.

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Yeah.

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(CAT MEOWING)

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Dad, Cat Stevens
is clawing me.

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Well, he's deeply distraught.

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Well, you know,
I was talking to Denise...

159
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...and Denise feels that
you might be someone...

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...who could make
Rachel feel better.

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Yeah, but like I said,

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we're not
really friends, so...

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Just give Rachel a call.

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Yeah, well, what do you
want me to say?

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"Hey, it's Greg, the guy who's

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"never really paid
attention to you...

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"..but now you have cancer,
so let's hang out"?

168
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,327
That's not gonna work.

169
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,561
She'll think
you're being sarcastic.

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Are you telling me
you can't do

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one nice thing
for another person?

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00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,006
I mean, honestly, is that
really what's happening here?

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Fine. Okay.

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00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,281
Just, please don't
go through my stuff.

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Or I'll start going through
your stuff.

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GREG'S DAD: I hope
you like tampons.

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ANNOUNCER ON RADIO: It's
Central Pittsburgh on 90.5...

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(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

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ON PHONE: This is Rachel.

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Hey, it's Greg Gaines.

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Hi.

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GREG: Yo!

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00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,923
So, I called a doctor...

184
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...he said you needed
a prescription of Greg-acil.

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What's that?

186
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Uh...

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It's me.

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In convenient gel-tab form.
(CHUCKLES)

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Oh.

190
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Yeah.

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(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)

192
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So, I guess
you heard I'm sick.

193
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,241
Yeah.

194
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,890
Did my mom tell you?

195
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,520
Um, well, my mom told me.

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Oh.

197
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,931
So, um...

198
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,686
What?

199
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:05,921
What?

200
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,044
What were you gonna say?

201
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:09,721
Um...

202
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,121
Greg, what?

203
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,085
Uh,yeah,
I was just calling to see

204
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,083
if you wanted to hang out.

205
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,771
Right now?

206
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,884
Um, sure.

207
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,851
No, thanks.

208
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,481
Oh.

209
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,728
Okay, so you don't
wanna hang out?

210
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,769
No. Thanks anyways.

211
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,927
Okay. Um, bye.

212
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,281
Bye.

213
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:33,920
(GREG'S MOM TURNS TV OFF)

214
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Mom, what are you doing?

215
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,284
Okay, Mom, listen,
she doesn't want to see me.

216
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,044
I'm sorry to be the one
to tell you, Gregory...

217
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...that you do not
have a choice

218
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,281
in this particular matter.

219
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,725
Mom, please, let me say
one thing for one second.

220
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,120
You have been
given an opportunity

221
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,328
to make a very real difference
in someones life.

222
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,885
And if what you're
choosing instead

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00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:48,961
is to lie around the house
all day...

224
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,407
She doesn't want to see me!

225
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,324
...I will be required
to step in...

226
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,004
We're not even friends!

227
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,242
...and inform you that
that is 100% unacceptable.

228
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,846
GREG: Your nonstop stream of
words is making me freak out!

229
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,684
And if you think that all
these excuses you're making

230
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,000
are in any way better...

231
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,487
...or more important,
than the happiness

232
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:06,641
of a girl with cancer...

233
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,450
Mom! lam now entering
a subhuman state.

234
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,726
...a friend with cancer,

235
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,848
you are sadly mistaken,
my friend.

236
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,046
(GREG GROANING)

237
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,248
You are going to pick up
that phone.

238
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,721
You're going to
call Rachel again.

239
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,247
You are going to.
You are going to.

240
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,329
Oh, Greg.

241
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,203
Oh, Mrs. Kushner.

242
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,130
Denise, Greg.

243
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,808
To you, I'm Denise, okay?

244
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,769
Oh, okay. Good.

245
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,241
You're a real good kid,
you know that?

246
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,051
You really are.
You just have a big heart.

247
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,002
You're kind, nice.

248
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,968
I really appreciate it.

249
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,201
Thank you.

250
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,760
Good,good,good,
good,good...

251
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:22,721
...good boy.

252
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:23,881
Okay.

253
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,283
You really are kind,
big-hearted, delicious...

254
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,887
...yummy, yummy, young boy.

255
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,446
And you're so, so, handsome.

256
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,331
Oh, I'm not handsome,
but thank you.

257
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,448
And so modest.

258
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,001
I guess I'm a modest mouse.

259
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,286
(LAUGHS)

260
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,527
Greg, where do you come up
with this stuff?

261
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,041
Well, that's the name
of a band, actually.

262
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:48,531
Oh.
Yeah.

263
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,726
RacheH

264
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,123
I've got a modest little mouse
here to see you!

265
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,761
GREG: Rachel.

266
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,809
Greg, what are you doing here?

267
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,006
So, uh...

268
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,325
...the doctor
really recommends

269
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,368
a strong dosage of Gregitor.

270
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,204
(LAUGHING)
You already used that joke.

271
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:07,361
No.

272
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,487
No, 'cause last time
it was about Greg-acil...

273
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,530
...which if you recall comes
in convenient gel-tab form.

274
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,887
Look, I don't want you
hanging outwith me.

275
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,371
I don't need your stupid pity.

276
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:18,567
It's fine, you can just go.

277
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:19,687
No, no.

278
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,201
You got it all wrong. I'm not
here 'cause I pity you.

279
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,443
I'm actually here
because my mom is making me.

280
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,244
RACHEL: That's actually worse.

281
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,890
Yeah, I know.

282
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,362
Look, it's okay. Honestly,
I'm fine. Just...just go.

283
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,484
Okay, Rachel, just listen
to me for a second.

284
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,885
My mom is gonna turn my life
into a living hell...

285
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,008
...if I don't hang out
with you.

286
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,323
I can't overstate how annoying
she's being about this.

287
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,809
She's basically like
the LeBron James of nagging.

288
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,091
LeBron James plays basketball.

289
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,605
I know who LeBron James is.

290
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,250
Look, I know I'm not doing you
any favors here.

291
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,761
What I'm asking is for you
to do me a favor.

292
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,007
You want a favor from me?

293
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,207
Yes.

294
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,931
Just let me hang out
with you for one day.

295
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,605
I could tell my mom
we hung out

296
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,644
and then we'll just be
out of each other's lives.

297
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,320
Deal?

298
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,486
Deal.

299
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,121
Word.

300
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,841
Is that a Black Power salute?

301
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,490
No, I was going in
for a fist bump.

302
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:21,801
I can't fist bump you
from up here.

303
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,088
GREG: Yeah, I realize that.

304
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:40,881
Books.

305
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:42,561
Nice.

306
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,441
And, uh...

307
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,450
...tree wallpaper.

308
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:52,611
That's good.

309
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:53,921
RACHEL: Why?

310
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,046
GREG: I don't know.

311
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,403
There's a lot of pillows
in here.

312
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,167
Mmm-hmm.

313
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,526
Seriously, like, how many...
how many pillows is that?

314
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:34,880
I don't know.

315
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,682
I wish I had
that many pillows.

316
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,049
So, ask your parents for some.

317
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,210
No, they'd be suspicious
or something.

318
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,282
What, that you'd sleep
all the time?

319
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,124
No. Probably assume

320
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,208
I was gonna masturbate
all over them.

321
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,282
They just have
some gross ideas about me.

322
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,361
But that's on them.

323
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,087
They're always getting
sexy pillows.

324
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,006
This is a nice pillow.

325
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,081
This pillow is a dude,
obviously...

326
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,571
...but it reminds me
of this pillow

327
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,210
we used to have
named Francesca.

328
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,011
They have a similar coloring.

329
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,969
Anyway, Francesca,
we had to eventually

330
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,008
give away
because in the end...

331
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,640
...that whole situation
was just a real problem.

332
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,165
It was a mess.

333
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,288
There was a real chemistry

334
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,091
between us both that
I think no one could deny.

335
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,484
I know the world may have
thought it was wrong...

336
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,450
...but I think, personally,
the world was wrong...

337
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,841
...about what
could be between...

338
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,526
...a pillow, and a boy...

339
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,970
...who became a man.

340
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,404
Or whatever. I'm just...

341
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,644
...trying to be funny.

342
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,644
No, that was good.
Thank you.

343
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,487
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

344
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,766
Oh, shit.

345
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,404
I actually have to go.

346
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,404
That's okay. Who was that?

347
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,046
Sorry. Uh, that was Earl.

348
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,121
Oh, who's Earl?

349
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,162
GREG: You may remember Earl
from 15 minutes ago.

350
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,361
Titties.

351
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,602
So, some people think
Earl is my friend,

352
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:09,761
but he's really not.

353
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,444
He's more like a coworker.

354
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,011
I've known him
since kindergarten.

355
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,521
His house is
a short walk from mine,

356
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,204
but in a much
tougher neighborhood.

357
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,682
His dad is in Texas, his mom
is a depressed shut-in.

358
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,888
And his brother
Derrick's dog Doopie

359
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,929
will definitely
eat me someday.

360
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,406
(DOOPIE GROWLING)

361
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,088
(SCREAMS)
Doopie, Doopie, chill!

362
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,444
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

363
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,045
(DOOPIE BARKING)

364
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,644
GREG: So over the years we've
mostly hung out at my place.

365
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,088
Usually with my dad,
a tenured sociology professor.

366
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,527
What you got, cat?
You wanna fight?

367
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,808
Didn't think so, punk-ass cat.

368
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,803
GREG'S DAD: Boys!
GREG: His job allows him

369
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,245
to be frequently at home
doing nothing.

370
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,363
You'll want to pay
close attention to this.

371
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,490
The insane Conquistador,
Aguirre,

372
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,800
is raging
through the jungle...

373
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,930
...in search of a golden city
that doesn't exist.

374
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,246
The wrath of God.

375
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,165
GREG'S DAD: It's a classic
of foreign cinema.

376
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,049
Who else is with me?

377
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,201
(LAUGHING)

378
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,964
GREG: In addition
to the best films...

379
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,166
This is cuttlefish.

380
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,004
...my house also has
the weirdest food.

381
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,128
A sea creature
much like a squid.

382
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,487
It is a favorite East Asian
snackfood.

383
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,768
Obviously we come from
pretty different backgrounds.

384
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,241
But somehow, we like
most of the same things.

385
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,210
Yes, its smell is
odd and repellent

386
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,645
to our Western noses.

387
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,802
And we learned pretty early on

388
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,245
that we were the only ones
who liked...

389
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,728
...for example,
classics of foreign cinema.

390
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,604
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)
Why did We like them?

391
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,171
It's hard to say.

392
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,522
Maybe it's that they were
weird and often violent,

393
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,761
like us.

394
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,446
Or confusing and possibly
meaningless, like life.

395
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,251
You can't escape of
this (BLEEP) stinkin' camp

396
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,526
because you never know
when they call you.

397
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:46,886
Because you have to be here

398
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,367
because you're paid for,
you're under contract.

399
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,410
(PROJECTOR RUNNING)

400
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,562
GREG: Anyway,
we liked them so much

401
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,846
we started making our own.

402
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,001
Action!

403
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,844
GREG: The idea behind
each one was...

404
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,161
...we took a film
that we liked

405
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,810
and made the title stupider.

406
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,166
And then made a new film

407
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,685
to reflect
the new stupid title.

408
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,808
It's a formula that only
produces horrible films...

409
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,327
...but for some reason
we keep using it.

410
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,284
(MUSIC FROM
THE 400 BLOWS PLAYING)

411
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:29,807
(GROANS)

412
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:38,925
(SCREAMING)

413
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,929
GREG: We've made 42 films.

414
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,968
You'd think we'd have stopped
making them by now.

415
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,360
But we haven't.

416
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,091
Honestly, it's like
you can't go anywhere.

417
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,851
You can't escape
this (BLEEP) stinking place...

418
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,843
...because you don't know
when they call you...

419
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,126
...'cause you're on contract

420
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,567
and you're paid to be here,
it's (BLEEP) bullshit.

421
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,290
Yeah, and it's like, you know,

422
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,328
I can't do anything.
I'm not a free person.

423
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,643
Truly, one of my favorites
from your oeuvre.

424
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,124
A mature investigation
into the nature of violence.

425
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,521
Dad, for like
the billionth time,

426
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,284
you're not allowed
to watch these.

427
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,884
I'm a fan.

428
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,688
You gonna go see
that girl again?

429
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,008
I mean, probably, yeah.

430
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,764
You gonna play
with them titties?

431
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,366
No. It's not like that.

432
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:38,521
Well, that's not right.

433
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,523
I mean, this could be
her last chance on Earth

434
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,761
to be with a man.

435
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,285
Don't make this about you.

436
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,441
Earl!

437
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,242
First of all,
if it's that high-stakes,

438
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,448
probably won't even be able
to get a boner.

439
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,567
Did I even say shit
about boners?

440
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,767
No.

441
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,525
What kind of cancer even is
acute myelogenous leukemia?

442
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,011
You know, cancer of the, uh...

443
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,570
...the thing.

444
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,086
GREG ON VIDEO: It's bullshit!

445
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,883
The Battle of Antietam was
the bloodiest day

446
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,086
in American history.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

447
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,723
Class, what do you have to
say for yourselves?

448
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:15,881
ALL: Respect the research.

449
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:16,961
(YELLING)

450
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,361
That is what
I'm talking about!

451
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,045
All right,
run for your lives.

452
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,248
Save yourselves.
Go, go, go, go, go.

453
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,170
Good work today, everybody.

454
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,411
Way to go. Barn.
Love it. Good stuff.

455
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,244
Good job.
Excellent work today.

456
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,323
Excellent. Nice job.
Hey, can I talk to you?

457
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,561
Can I talk to you
for a second?

458
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,005
Sure, Greg, what's up?

459
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,201
Uh, do you know
any facts about leukemia?

460
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,361
Leukemia?

461
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:45,208
Yeah, it's a cancer of the
blood and/or bone marrow.

462
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,361
Why?

463
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,966
Right, so it's pretty
spread out in the body?

464
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,645
That is a fact, yes.

465
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,087
How soon do
people die from it?

466
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,208
I think it's often
pretty treatable, bud.

467
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:56,406
Why do you ask?

468
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,563
Well, you know Rachel Kushner
has leukemia, right?

469
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,051
Wait, Rachel has what?

470
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,961
(SIGHS) I'm, like,
innovatively stupid.

471
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,841
Everyone was gonna find out
sooner or later.

472
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,321
Just hate having to share
everything about myself.

473
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:11,720
I'm the exact same way.

474
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,283
You know,
one thing you can do

475
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,600
if you don't want to
talk to anyone...

476
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,523
...is just enter
a subhuman state.

477
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,529
Here, pretend you're
someone annoying.

478
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,171
(GREG CLEARS THROAT)

479
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,446
(IN DEEP VOICE) "Hi, Rachel.

480
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,885
"I'm really sorry
you have cancer."

481
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,644
(GRUNTING)

482
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,286
Does that ever work? (LAUGHS)

483
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,684
Yeah, of course.
It works all the time.

484
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,843
It's called
passive resistance.

485
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,168
You know, that's what Gandhi
was all about.

486
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,687
I'm pretty sure Gandhi
never did the subhuman thing.

487
00:21:58,120 --> 00:21:59,645
Yeah, he did.

488
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,489
That's how India achieved
statehood. Here, try it.

489
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,091
(GRUNTING)

490
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,566
Nope.

491
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,886
Come on, it's easy.

492
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,004
Okay. Or another thing
you can do is just

493
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,730
flat-out pretend to be dead.

494
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,763
Say something annoying to me.

495
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:20,841
Um...

496
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,169
"Hey, Rachel. I just want you
to remember

497
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,681
"that your cancer
is all part of God's plan."

498
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,810
HUGH JACKMAN: Hey, asshole.

499
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,610
Yeah, over here.

500
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,571
Justso
we're straight on this,

501
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,244
you're advising
a girl with cancer...

502
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,767
...to pretend to be dead.

503
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:44,966
No, seriously.

504
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,690
Think about what you're
doing here, dickhead.

505
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,644
I've been doing
my broody Wolverine face on

506
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,761
this girl's wall...

507
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,445
...for five
and a quarter years,

508
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,931
and at this point, I'm
probably only still here...

509
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,684
...because she'd feel
weirdly guilty

510
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,046
or disloyal taking me down.

511
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,929
But I'm goddamned
if I'm letting

512
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,365
a little punk like you
waltz in here...

513
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:00,846
...stupiding up the place!

514
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,161
Not on my watch, pal.

515
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,606
Greg, what's wrong?

516
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,364
I'm really sorry.

517
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,323
I shouldn't have told you
to pretend to be dead.

518
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,289
That was really insensitive.

519
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:14,884
I mean, I'm sick.
I'm not dying.

520
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,162
Yeah, I know, but I just...

521
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,049
Now I'm being
all weird about it.

522
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,726
And I can't get un-weird,
'cause I just--

523
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,126
Despite what you said,

524
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,690
I'm clearly still
sitting here thinking...

525
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,325
..."death, death, death,
death, death, death."

526
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,050
(GROANING DRAMATICALLY)

527
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,800
That's exactly
what I'm talking about!

528
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:42,881
(LAUGHING)

529
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,207
GREG: So if this was
a touching romantic story...

530
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:47,925
...this is probably
where a new feeling

531
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,001
would wash over me...

532
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,286
...and our eyes would meet

533
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,044
and suddenly we would be
furiously making out...

534
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,924
...with the fire
of a thousand suns.

535
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,848
But this isn't
a touching romantic story.

536
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,201
- Anyway...
- Yep.

537
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,807
GREG: But we did
still become friends.

538
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,048
Daniel Craig's thing is,
he's got an accent, right?

539
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,931
So he's used to talking with
his mouth in a weird shape...

540
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,128
...which is why he has
pouty lips, like a woman.

541
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,130
Lickable technology, like,
I could text you a sandwich.

542
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,441
I think that's where phones
are headed.

543
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,570
There's a button on the nape
of his neck, under the skin.

544
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,609
Just push u
if you want Yum to stop.

545
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,162
Do you believe animals
just live in our house,

546
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,805
and everyone's cool with it?

547
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,689
Like, real animals?

548
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,207
Anyway. You talk now.

549
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,602
You mean, talk about cancer?

550
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,410
Only if you want to.

551
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,729
RACHEL: The hardest part is
watching my mom

552
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,211
trying to deal with it all.

553
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,250
And sometimes, I mean,
I do think if it ends up

554
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,482
that she's alone
in that house...

555
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,483
She has no one. She and
my dad hate each other.

556
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,050
She has no siblings.

557
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,929
I don't know what she'd do.

558
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,326
Don't cry.

559
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:00,970
I'm not crying.

560
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,807
Right, well, you know,
you can cry if you need to.

561
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,769
I thought you said,
"Don't cry."

562
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,251
(SIGHS) Um...

563
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,369
Me and my dad used to
walk around the block

564
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,044
and count squirrels.

565
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,363
Why? Did he work for, like,
the squirrel census?

566
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:15,885
No, it was just
something we did

567
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,167
when it was time for us
to spend time together.

568
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:19,685
We didn't even say anything
while we did it.

569
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,410
All we'd say was stuff like:

570
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,325
"Squirrel, seven."
"Two squirrels, nine."

571
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,371
Jesus. You need to apply
for a dad refund immediately.

572
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,567
RACHEL: What group am I in?

573
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:30,721
GREG: What?

574
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,604
RACHEL: Yesterday you were
saying you'd mapped out

575
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:33,920
the entire high school
by group.

576
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,320
What's my group?

577
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,323
Seriously?
Yeah.

578
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,927
Boring Jewish Senior Girls,
Subgroup 2-A.

579
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,121
(GRUNTS IN ANNOYANCE)

580
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,884
Please appreciate
how honest I was just now.

581
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:44,961
You're an asshole.

582
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,724
What group are you in?

583
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,770
Uh, I'm not
in a group, actually.

584
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,049
I just wouldn't belong to
a group that doesn't suck.

585
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,246
You know,
I'm terminally awkward

586
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,322
and I have a face
like a little groundhog.

587
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:00,447
So...

588
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,488
You can't really think that.

589
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,764
No, I don't think that.

590
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,331
I know that.

591
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,366
I just feel like, you know,
for a kid like me...

592
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:14,603
...in high school,
best case scenario,

593
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,205
just...survive. You know?

594
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:19,045
Survive without creating
any mortal enemies...

595
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,680
...or hideously embarrassing
yourself forever.

596
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,842
Just survive until college?

597
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,368
College? No. God, college is
going to be even worse.

598
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:28,641
What?

599
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,406
I mean, at least high school,
it's over at 3:O0...

600
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,530
...and it's kids
I mostly know by now.

601
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,489
But college is just gonna be
non-stop strangers.

602
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,085
And some of them
even live in your room.

603
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,362
It's like you can
literally never relax.

604
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,444
I see myself dying of
a panic attack two weeks in.

605
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,645
I might just not apply.

606
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,485
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard you say.

607
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,041
It's probably
not even top five.

608
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,610
And, you know,
high school, college,

609
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,045
we're forced to spend
these years of our lives...

610
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,168
...in randomly selected
groups of people

611
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,004
that we have nothing
in common with.

612
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,650
It's a nightmare.

613
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,686
Anyone who says otherwise
is lying.

614
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:06,921
Congratulations, Greg.

615
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:08,241
Tomorrow,
you're eating lunch with

616
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,164
Boring Jewish Senior Girls,
Subgroup 2-A.

617
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,165
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

618
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,091
So where do you usually sit?

619
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,084
It's literally like we're trying
to have lunch in Kandahar.

620
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,008
Rachel, we just found out the
theme for this year's prom:

621
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:29,810
"A Knight to Remember."

622
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,684
Knight with a
Medieval prom!

623
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,161
Isn't prom like
six months away?

624
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,321
Hi, guys. This is Greg,

625
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,323
he's gonna be
sitting with us today.

626
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,211
Anybody need any spoons? No?

627
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:43,646
Hello.

628
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,410
So, Greg, why are you
sitting with us today?

629
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,568
You know, it's lunch.

630
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,802
You gotta eat somewhere.
Can't stand and eat.

631
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,447
You and Rachel seem very
friendly, all of a sudden.

632
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:57,931
Yeah.

633
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,923
You're only talking to her
because she has cancer.

634
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,001
What?

635
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,242
NAOMI: Greg, you hung out
with Rachel once.

636
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,050
You're befriending her to
feel good about yourself.

637
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,480
No, I'm not.

638
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:07,641
Who even does that?

639
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:12,521
You guys mind
if I sit with you?

640
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:13,601
Of course not.

641
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:17,446
MADISON: Sorry, it's a...

642
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,250
It's a pillow.
It's meant to be a baby,

643
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,651
for health class.

644
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,246
You think it's safe here?

645
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,606
A pillow?

646
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:25,886
Greg, what do you think?

647
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:27,446
Mmm, I don't know.

648
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,971
Better not get it
too close to me,

649
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,725
otherwise I mightjust
masturbate onto it.

650
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,728
Ew, Greg,
that's just weird and gross.

651
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:40,561
Hey, everyone,

652
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,722
check out Scott Mayhew's
Tyrannosaurus walk.

653
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,201
It's a great way to get
from point A to point B.

654
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,165
That was really mean, Greg.

655
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:48,810
I think he heard you.

656
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,485
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

657
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:56,490
GREG: And just like that...

658
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,842
...eight years
of carefully-cultivated

659
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:02,241
invisibility...gone.

660
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:03,321
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

661
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,401
Fin.

662
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,244
GREG: Your mom made cookies?

663
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,688
Nah, I won them off
of Ill Phil in a game of tonk.

664
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,640
Got tired of whooping
your sorry ass.

665
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,321
Why do they even call it
Scholar Horizons Biology?

666
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,922
Maybe they should call it
Scholar Horizons Tonk.

667
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:21,684
Or Sometimes Paper Football.

668
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,171
McCARTHY: Heathens.

669
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:24,930
What up?
Hi, Mr. McCarthy.

670
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:27,601
Wow.

671
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,808
Earl, fact,
that lunch is garbage.

672
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,123
You're literally poisoning
yourself right in front of us.

673
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,209
At least I ain't eating
no funky ass

674
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,442
seaweed-looking tentacle soup.

675
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,525
Seriously, this stuff
is the business.

676
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,842
It's Vietnamese.
It's called Pho.

677
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,684
It is "Pho-nomenal."

678
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,365
Well, let me try
some one time.

679
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:49,521
Mmm.

680
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,364
Now you want to try some?
Yeah.

681
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:53,641
Well, no.

682
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,246
It's strictly forbidden for me
to give you food.

683
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:57,885
However, if you go to...

684
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,686
...Thuyen's Super
Saigon Flavor

685
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,091
over in Lawrenceville...

686
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:04,691
...and ask for Thuyen.

687
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,003
Tell him to put it on my tab.
You'll be all set.

688
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,921
I ain't going to
no damn Lawrenceville.

689
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,685
Fair enough.

690
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:16,687
(CLEARS TH ROAT)

691
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,649
You'll have to excuse me.

692
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,167
Boys.

693
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:24,924
BOTH: Respect the research.

694
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,081
MCCARTHY: Respect!

695
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,684
God! You know,
people just assume that

696
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,171
Rachel and I are dating.

697
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,321
It's ruining my life.

698
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,171
Today I threatened to
sexually assault a fake baby.

699
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,000
And I became mortal enemies
with Scott Mayhew.

700
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:44,969
Both of which
are Rachel's fault.

701
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,724
Sorry, but they just are.

702
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,167
Of course I'm a dick
for complaining about it.

703
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,206
I mean, I am a dick
for complaining about it.

704
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,729
I didn't actually mean
any of that.

705
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,723
Better play
with them titties.

706
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,243
Does this taste
strange to you?

707
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,125
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

708
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,004
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)

709
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,443
The soup had drugs.

710
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,171
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

711
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,441
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

712
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:09,681
Whoa!

713
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,521
(THEME FROM NA VAJO JOE
PLAYING)

714
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:15,931
EARL: McCarthy must've
put weed in that soup

715
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,445
because my brain
is trying to eat itself.

716
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:18,761
GREG: Oh, my God.

717
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:20,365
I have to go visit
Rachel right now.

718
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:21,726
EARL: Okay, well, you do that.

719
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,042
I'ma be at your house
eatin' up all your dad's food.

720
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,043
GREG: No! You have to
come help!

721
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:27,281
EARL: Help With what?

722
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:28,521
GREG: Help!

723
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,248
EARL: Hey, in class,
do McCarthy act all, like,

724
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:34,805
stoned and shit?

725
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,283
GREG: Uh, I don't know.
lguess.

726
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:38,805
Yeah, sometimes.

727
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:40,450
Well, not sometimes,

728
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,085
but you know what I'm...
You know how he is.

729
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:43,890
Goddamn, son.

730
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,883
You can't even put a full damn
sentence together.

731
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,884
It's insane that Mr. McCarthy
eats soup with drugs in it.

732
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,884
EARL: Hey, come on, man,
keep your damn voice down.

733
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,769
We can't tell anyone
we're on drugs.

734
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,405
Why the hell not?

735
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,568
Because then they'll know.

736
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,171
(DOORBELL RINGING)

737
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:18,843
(TROUBLE PLAYING)

738
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,967
It's my humble little mouse.

739
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,761
And who is
his little mouse friend?

740
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,125
Earl Jackson.

741
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,162
Earl's just my coworker,
and, uh, he's a great guy.

742
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,641
We were just walking around
the neighborhood, you know.

743
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,246
Not really doing anything,

744
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,765
and just wanted
to come say "What's up?"

745
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,962
'Cause Rachel's
about to lose her hair.

746
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:53,810
Mmm.
So, just wanted to say,

747
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,531
you know,
"Bye, hair. Good riddance."

748
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,845
She's gonna look great without
hair. That's a fact, so...

749
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,729
Yeah, I just wanted to say
what's up.

750
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,884
Rachel! We've got
two cute little mouse boys

751
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,803
on our doorstep
that wanna say hi!

752
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:14,807
Would you two...mice
like a little bit of cheese?

753
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:19,961
Okay.

754
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:28,923
I like your room, Rachel.

755
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,482
Thanks. Greg thinks
it's too girly.

756
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,211
No, I love girly,
I think it's fine.

757
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,486
EARL: Well,
it ain't too girly.

758
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:36,561
I mean, I done seen some
rooms where I'm like:

759
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,489
"Yo, this some
pink puffy bullshit."

760
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:39,920
I mean, Hello Kitty posters

761
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,241
and chocolate and naked dudes
all over the wall.

762
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,323
They make me want to
throw up for real.

763
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,211
Hey, if you're gonna throw up,
don't do it in here, okay?

764
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,321
This is her room.

765
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:51,171
Anyways.

766
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,164
Rachel, we really just wanted
to see how you was doin:

767
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:55,561
Thanks.

768
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:58,530
Yeah, chemotherapy.
That really sucks.

769
00:34:58,680 --> 00:34:59,681
EARL: Greg.

770
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,603
What the hell, bro?
Don't say it suck, dumb-ass!

771
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,285
It does kinda suck.

772
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,522
Yeah, but I mean, you gotta do
what you gotta do.

773
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,045
RACHEL: Yeah, I guess.

774
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:11,961
Um...

775
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,441
Uh...

776
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:16,966
Look, you guys can go
if you want.

777
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:18,804
GREG: We're on drugs.
Oh, shit!

778
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,200
Why are you on drugs?

779
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,930
Well, we're accidentally
on drugs.

780
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:23,206
"Accidentally"?

781
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,044
McCarthy gave us some soup.

782
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,407
Well, McCarthy gave us
some of his,

783
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,130
you know, just regular,
normal soup...

784
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:30,361
...but then, it was
the last of the soup

785
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:31,606
so we had to go get
some more...

786
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,569
...from a restaurant,

787
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,404
on the fifth floor
of an office building.

788
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:36,846
And in the same building,

789
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:38,046
there was
a Jamaican embassy...

790
00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:40,641
...and we ended up
getting trapped

791
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:42,245
in an elevator
with a Rastafarian guy...

792
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,085
...and he just hotboxed
the whole elevator, so...

793
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,561
We were stuck in there
for, like, 25 minutes...

794
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:48,926
...and we had to breathe
the weird marijuana air.

795
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:50,650
Earl, am I right?

796
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,245
That's exactly what happened.

797
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,401
You guys had
quite an adventure.

798
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,086
(SIGHS) Being on drugs
just really sucks.

799
00:35:58,160 --> 00:35:59,650
Being around people
on drugs sucks.

800
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:03,367
This whole situation, really
sorry, just sucks. I'm sorry.

801
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,131
Yo, yo. What the hell
is your problem, man?

802
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:07,691
All apologetic and shit,

803
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:08,807
making shit
'bout your sorry ass.

804
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,928
Look, that's not what we came
here to do. Okay?

805
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:12,605
You wanna help,
you gonna take this girl out

806
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,330
to get some ice cream.

807
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:16,968
And me, too,
'cause I love that shit.

808
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:18,281
You like ice cream?

809
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:19,441
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

810
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,922
RACHEL: So, you know
Greg from class?

811
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,688
I've known Greg
ever since we were little.

812
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:26,763
You know, I was in
y'all kindergarten, right?

813
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,081
Really?

814
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,685
Mmm-hmm. I remember you.

815
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,762
You was the girl who called
Justin Jones perverted...

816
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,207
...for showing girls
the birthmark on his butt.

817
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:35,566
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God, yes!

818
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:37,724
Yeah, dude came running up,

819
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,683
showed you his butt.
You were calm.

820
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,451
Said, "Justin, only perverts
show their butts."

821
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:43,521
(SLURPS)
I was right there.

822
00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:45,529
RACHEL: I can't believe
you remember that.

823
00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:48,963
You a hero. Shut his
perverted ass right down.

824
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:50,645
I never forget it.
(LAUGHS)

825
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,488
So you and Greg
are coworkers?

826
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:54,721
Naw, we friends.

827
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,280
He just hates calling people
his friend. Dude's got issues.

828
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,887
RACHEL: Yeah, he does.
What's going on?

829
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,566
EARL: Man, I don't even know.
It might be his folks.

830
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:04,609
I mean, dude's mom
always tellin' him

831
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,489
how handsome he is,
which he ain't.

832
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,484
So now he think he can't trust
anybody close to him.

833
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:10,766
Dude's weird-ass dad

834
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,081
don't socialize with anybody
'cept the cat.

835
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:15,641
So that's a role model
ain't got no friends.

836
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:17,610
Bottom line, dude's terrified

837
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,330
of callin' somebody
his friend...

838
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,687
...and they sayin', "Hey, bro,
I'm not your friend."

839
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:23,041
Then he'd have to
kill himself.

840
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,243
But how are you coworkers?

841
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,051
We, um, we make films.

842
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:29,481
Movies?

843
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,524
Yeah. We been making them
for a few years now.

844
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:34,728
We have, like, 42 in total.

845
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,684
Greg! You never told me.

846
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:38,080
Well, we never told
anybody 'bout them.

847
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,162
They suck.
I mean, they're terrible.

848
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,169
I'm pretty sure
they don't suck.

849
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,522
EARL: Well, you can see
for yourself if you want.

850
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,047
RACHEL: Are you sure?

851
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,281
EARL: Hell, yeah,
don't even worry about it.

852
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:48,441
Just don't tell nobody.

853
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:49,931
RACHEL: No, of course,
I won't.

854
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:52,810
All right, son,
get on your feet.

855
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:53,881
Sounds good.

856
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:56,205
Where are we going?

857
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:58,481
(SINGING)

858
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,928
A candy-colored
clown they call the sandman

859
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,886
Tiptoes to my
room every night

860
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,651
Just to sprinkle stardust
and to whisper

861
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:14,771
Go to sleep,
everything is all right

862
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,765
I close my eyes

863
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:20,086
(LAUGHING)

864
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,084
Then I drift away

865
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:24,891
EARL: We can walk you home.

866
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,087
RACHEL: He needs to recover,

867
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:28,242
and you probably
should look after him.

868
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:30,881
Peace,peace.

869
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,610
Thanks.
Bye.

870
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,563
Goddamn it, Earl.

871
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:39,404
Son, don't even start.

872
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:40,971
Pig's foot.

873
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:48,005
GREG: So, we're pretty far
into this stupid story now...

874
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,686
...and you're probably
saying to yourself,

875
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,285
"Hey. I like this girl Rachel.

876
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,920
"And I'm gonna be pissed
if she dies at the end."

877
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,766
So, I'm just telling you:
don't freak out. She survives.

878
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,080
So, hopefully,
that reassures you.

879
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,602
Although, actually,
why would it?

880
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,843
I'm just overwhelmed
with your enthusiasm today.

881
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,525
I guess we're just gonna have
to do it

882
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,443
the old-fashioned way.

883
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:14,450
I'm thinking of one of you.

884
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,170
I'm not gonna mention
any names,

885
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:17,850
but your initials...

886
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:19,041
...are Scott Mayhew.

887
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,602
Fact: Greg's been
telling everyone

888
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,011
your soup has
marijuana in it.

889
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,685
(STUDENTS GASP)
I didn't tell anyone.

890
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:26,484
I heard you bellowing about
it on public transit.

891
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,529
Is that a fact, Greg?

892
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:33,803
Look, yesterday,
Earl and I got stoned somehow.

893
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,644
And it was after
we both ate your soup.

894
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,086
And we didn't smoke
any marijuana,

895
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,685
which I have never done,
so...

896
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,046
Your soup must have
drugs in it,

897
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,565
'cause that was the only thing
we both ate...

898
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:43,529
...other than some cookies
we got from Ill Phil,

899
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,130
the drug dealer.

900
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:47,801
Aha.

901
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,687
Man, how did you not know
it was the cookies?

902
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,049
Man, it was your dumb ass
yelling that shit on the bus.

903
00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:55,480
ILL PHIL: Yo, Greg!

904
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:57,244
Did you snitch on me?

905
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:58,890
He did snitch on you!

906
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:00,687
I was there.

907
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,604
I heard you ridiculing me

908
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:04,489
in front of
your loathsome harem.

909
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,526
You have made...
a mortal enemy.

910
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:09,644
And I will never stop
hounding you.

911
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,604
Yeah, you made two mortal
enemies. I stabbed a dude.

912
00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:13,721
Jesus.

913
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,330
(RAPPING) I'll kill you
20 different ways

914
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,731
Stab you with blades

915
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,929
Shoot you with death rays
Abandon you in a maze

916
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,526
Choke you on mayonnaise

917
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:24,091
(MUSIC PLAYING)

918
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,442
GREG: So they haven't really
done anything.

919
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,204
It's been about a month now.

920
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,125
They did say they're never
gonna stop hounding rne...

921
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,090
...so, sooner or later...
you know...

922
00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:57,651
...gonna get hounded.

923
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:03,562
Sorry, next time
I'll bring you some flowers.

924
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:06,723
Though I don't even know
where I'd put them.

925
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,724
It's like, like the only place
left is the barf bucket.

926
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,125
Flowers.

927
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,250
Where you barf.

928
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:24,570
I like that hat.

929
00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:27,730
It's pretty cute.

930
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:36,085
(CRYING) Look, I've never
been very beautiful...

931
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:40,087
...and that's fine because
that's not important to me.

932
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:41,640
But...

933
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,122
I thought it'd be
easier looking like this.

934
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,526
It's just not.

935
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,765
Everyone comes in here
and sees me...

936
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,481
...and they're
so clearly repulsed.

937
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:59,120
It's so much harder
than I thought it would be.

938
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:00,965
Hey, come on.

939
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:02,441
You look good.

940
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:06,127
I'm ugly, Greg!
I'm so ugly.

941
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,768
Everyone feels like they
have to lie to me and no one

942
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:10,848
realizes how insulting
that is.

943
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,601
Everyone thinks they're
helping, and they're not.

944
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:27,641
(SNIFFLING)

945
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:30,801
Here.

946
00:42:31,720 --> 00:42:32,960
That one's called Mono Rash.

947
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,008
It's based on Rashomon
by Kurosawa.

948
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,730
Plot's basically
just Earl killing people

949
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:37,961
'cause he has a rash...

950
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,361
...from mono,
you know, the STD.

951
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:41,481
(CHUCKLES)

952
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,204
Anyway, we're supposed
to go work on

953
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,322
our homage to Apocalypse Now.

954
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,482
Ours is called
A Box O' Lips, Wow,

955
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:50,800
which is even worse
than Mono Rash.

956
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,843
It's a war movie
where these two guys

957
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,490
take part in the unspeakable
brutality of war...

958
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,768
...and then they find
a box of tulips.

959
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,082
Box O' Lips, yeah.
And they're just, "Wow."

960
00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:02,322
They can't get over
how great these tulips are,

961
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,004
it's like,
"A box 0' lips, wow!"

962
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,446
The worst part is,
tulips might not

963
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,210
even be in the budget anymore.

964
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,566
I should actually
just stay here

965
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,091
and keep you
from watching that.

966
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,046
No! I'm fine. Go make it.

967
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,161
Okay.

968
00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:21,370
Okay. Have fun watching

969
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,408
this incredibly
terrible movie.

970
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,443
Mmm. Have fun

971
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,931
making the next one.
Mmm-hmm.

972
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,206
(THE RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES
PLAYING)

973
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,371
DERRICK: Hey, White boy!

974
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,483
Why don't you make me a tulip 'fore
I have Doopie come down

975
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,403
there and eat your face?
(LAUGHS)

976
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,123
But no, for real.
Can you make me a tulip?

977
00:43:58,320 --> 00:43:59,890
Oh, my God!
Am I on set right now?

978
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,371
Oh, damn!
Oh, my God!

979
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,444
Ahh! I can't take it!
Action! Cut!

980
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,402
Madison, why are you here?

981
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,005
Rachel said that
I could find you here...

982
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,764
...and your phone was going
straight to voice mail.

983
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,962
Probably 'cause there ain't
no good service down there!

984
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:14,963
But I had to get here
'cause I had to let you know.

985
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:17,600
So, I was visiting Rachel,
and I was giving her a card...

986
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,121
...and she was watching
one of your secret movies.

987
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:21,611
Oh, my God.
Wait, did you see any of it?

988
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,245
No! No, she turned it
off immediately.

989
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,640
It was good, it was good.

990
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:25,921
You know,
you're both Japanese, and...

991
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,764
...Earl beheaded you,
and, but then,

992
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:29,126
she, like, turned it off.

993
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,601
But I had a brainstorm. Okay?
I had an amazing brainstorm.

994
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:35,526
I realized...you need to
make a film for Rachel.

995
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,131
What do you think?

996
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,604
It would be like her favorite
thing in the entire world...

997
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,683
...and it's like the most
important thing you could do.

998
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,090
You have to do it.

999
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:48,807
(SIGHS)

1000
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:50,166
Yeah, word.

1001
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,971
"Word"? Like, word,
you'll do it, word?

1002
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:54,851
(CHIPMUNK SQUEAKING)

1003
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:58,601
(GROANS)

1004
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:01,647
Yep.

1005
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:02,841
Oh, my God, awesome!

1006
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,206
Okay, well,
I can't wait to see it.

1007
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,850
Um, okay, I gotta go, but...

1008
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:07,847
Cut!

1009
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:09,846
That's a wrap!

1010
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,281
Rolling!

1011
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,327
Titties.

1012
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:15,045
GREG: Goddamn it!

1013
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:16,880
In the next few weeks,

1014
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,962
did I start
making that movie? No.

1015
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,168
Because I didn't agree
to make that movie.

1016
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,243
All I said was, "Word."

1017
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,050
"Word" could mean anything.

1018
00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:26,571
Plus, we had at least
a month or two...

1019
00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:27,881
...before she'd ran through

1020
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,962
all the terrible films
we'd already made.

1021
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,481
For example,
A Sockwork Orange.

1022
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,002
(MUSIC FOR THE FUNERAL OF
QUEEN MARY, Z 860 PLAYING)

1023
00:45:57,240 --> 00:45:58,526
(MUSIC STOPS)

1024
00:45:58,600 --> 00:45:59,840
"Droogle"?

1025
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,042
It's Google for droogs.

1026
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,001
What's that?

1027
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,728
GREG: Nothing, just the bane
of my existence.

1028
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,004
Which my mom is forcing me
to carry around

1029
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,849
until I apply
to some colleges.

1030
00:46:14,240 --> 00:46:15,765
She says it's like a menu

1031
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:16,841
for my future,
and I was, like, "Sure.

1032
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,008
"A menu that only has food

1033
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,128
"that will humiliate me
for four years."

1034
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,409
You have to be less
of an idiot about college.

1035
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,127
Listen, even if you think
people won't like you...

1036
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,204
...which is literally
an insane thing to think...

1037
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,089
...you're way less exposed
to people in college.

1038
00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:34,891
High school is 40 hours
of class a week.

1039
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,566
College is, like, 15 and 20.

1040
00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:39,085
And if you don't want to
live with other people,

1041
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,601
then go to Pittsburgh State.

1042
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,410
Live at home.

1043
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,251
It's better than
sitting college out

1044
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:47,970
because you irrationally
hate yourself.

1045
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,323
Not irrationally, though.

1046
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,050
Apply to Pittsburgh State.

1047
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,087
Right now. Apply early.

1048
00:46:55,720 --> 00:46:58,963
Come on. Do it in front of me.
Apply to Pittsburgh State.

1049
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:00,406
What if I say no?

1050
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,287
I have stage four cancer.

1051
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,441
So that would be a pretty
dick move. Come on.

1052
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:09,761
(SIGHS) Fine.

1053
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:20,684
"Why I want to
go...to college."

1054
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,922
By Werner Herzog.

1055
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:29,600
(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
The highly selective

1056
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,205
admissions process...

1057
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,170
...weeds out the cruel
and the stupid.

1058
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,529
So college is unlike
the senseless chaos...

1059
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:41,287
...and sickening enormity
of high school.

1060
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,842
High school is the mouth
of a great demon...

1061
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,650
...biting and chewing

1062
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:48,450
and smushing people
in the face.

1063
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,450
It is simply overwhelming.

1064
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:57,649
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
In all seriousness,

1065
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:59,324
I am looking forward
to college...

1066
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,285
...because I didn't really
fit in in high school,

1067
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:03,447
because of my weird
rodent face...

1068
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:04,567
No.

1069
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,644
...and a habit of saying
the dumbest possible shit.

1070
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:08,801
No!

1071
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,725
The sheer pastiness
of my complexion...

1072
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,965
...overvvhelms all who behold
it with existential nausea.

1073
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:21,041
"In high school, I never
truly felt comfortable...

1074
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:22,686
"..in my own skin.

1075
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,808
"In fact,
I've always been someone...

1076
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:28,641
"..who doesn't
really like themselves.

1077
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:33,371
"But I think that's because I
have some growing up to do...

1078
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:38,048
"..and college is the place
where I'm going to do it."

1079
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:42,491
That's way too personal.

1080
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:43,971
It's a personal essay.

1081
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:48,091
Fine, if you want to
see this again...

1082
00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:50,049
Okay! Okay!

1083
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:53,246
But only because cancer.

1084
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:56,964
And you know what? You have
to do this too now. Here.

1085
00:48:57,640 --> 00:48:59,324
Page through this huge,
horrible book

1086
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:00,561
and find some colleges.

1087
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,006
That's yours now.

1088
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,361
Mmm. It's like a menu
for your future.

1089
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:11,289
Can I finish
my movie first?

1090
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:19,324
(I'LL COME RUNNING
TO TIE YOUR SHOE PLAYING)

1091
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,169
(SIGHS)

1092
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:33,486
(SONG PLAYING)

1093
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:39,124
I'll find a place
somewhere in the corner

1094
00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:46,644
I'm gonna waste
the rest of my days

1095
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:54,569
Just watching patiently
from the window

1096
00:49:56,600 --> 00:50:00,764
Just waiting
Seasons change someday

1097
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:02,729
Oh, oh, my dreams
will pull you

1098
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:04,245
Through that garden gate

1099
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:09,486
I want to be
the wandering sailor

1100
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:17,370
We're silhouettes
by the light of the moon

1101
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:24,128
I sit playing solitaire
by the window

1102
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:31,490
Just waiting
Seasons change, aha

1103
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:32,931
You'll see, one day

1104
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,287
These dreams will pull you
through my door

1105
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:39,809
And I'll come running
to tie your shoe

1106
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:48,645
I'll come running
to tie your shoe

1107
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:55,642
I'll come running
to tie your shoe

1108
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:03,647
I'll come running
to tie your shoe

1109
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,683
GREG: So,
if we make this film,

1110
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:35,841
people are gonna be, like:

1111
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:37,281
"Oh, Greg and Earl,

1112
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:38,850
"they're those
weird filmmakers.

1113
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,684
"They're always
creepily filming stuff.

1114
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,410
"They'll probably sneak into
your house one night

1115
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:43,726
"and film you
while you're sleeping."

1116
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,205
But people probably
already think that,

1117
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:46,281
'cause you gave Rachel
those stupid films.

1118
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:47,361
(MUFFLED)
This is nasty as hell.

1119
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,124
GREG: So now, I've become
completely conspicuous,

1120
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:50,361
like all the time.

1121
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:51,726
People look at me and think,

1122
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:52,966
"Filmmaker."
The hell even is this?

1123
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:54,081
When they're not
already thinking,

1124
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:55,201
"Cancer girl's boyfriend."

1125
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:56,566
It tastes like a dog's
funky-ass butthole.

1126
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:57,841
Furthermore,
we agreed to do a film

1127
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,570
that we have no idea
what it should look like...

1128
00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:01,529
...or sound like, or even be.

1129
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:02,806
I mean,
what the hell sort of film

1130
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,962
should we even make? Huh?

1131
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:06,849
I mean, what was I thinking?

1132
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,046
EARL: You were thinking
that girl Madison

1133
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:09,246
had nice titties.

1134
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:10,600
I mean,
I like the titties too,

1135
00:52:10,720 --> 00:52:12,290
but now you got a problem.

1136
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:13,964
'Cause I ain't agreed
to do this shit.

1137
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:15,087
You did.

1138
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,728
Are you not gonna
help me make this?

1139
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,529
The hell we gonna make, son?

1140
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:23,080
GREG'S DAD:
They want fresh inspiration.

1141
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:24,765
I must tell you,
the richest inspiration

1142
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:26,450
I have ever known was...

1143
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:28,887
...during my period of
quarantine in the Amazon.

1144
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,371
(THEME FROM THE CONVERSATION
PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

1145
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:32,124
Where I
and a half dozen other...

1146
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:34,402
...unfortunates
had nothing to watch...

1147
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:38,281
...but the bristling,
leviathan tarantula...

1148
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:41,569
...bunched up on
the rotting, flimsy thatch...

1149
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:43,762
...perhaps eight feet
above our faces.

1150
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,085
Spiders the size
of your fist.

1151
00:52:47,240 --> 00:52:49,766
Their fangs glistening
with venom and...

1152
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,649
...their thousand-fold
black eyes

1153
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:53,967
shining dully in the gloom.

1154
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:55,406
In the darkness,
you would hear

1155
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:56,925
the sudden anguished hiss...

1156
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,163
...of a spider being struck
by an adult leopard wasp...

1157
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:01,486
...and in their
mortal struggle,

1158
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:02,840
they would plummet
to one's bed...

1159
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,970
...biting and stinging
and thrashing...

1160
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:09,682
You know that you can
smoke a hornet?

1161
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,321
GREG: Okay, sojust look at me
when you answer the questions.

1162
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,681
Don't worry
about the camera, all right?

1163
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,524
Okay, Denise.

1164
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,443
Tell me a little
about Rachel's birth.

1165
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,169
Uh, Rachel's birth.

1166
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,204
What an ordeal that was.

1167
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:26,281
(CHUCKLES)

1168
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,444
Greg, just...
let me tell you one thing.

1169
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,170
I was a really good mom
to her, you know?

1170
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:34,805
I really was.

1171
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,321
Some single moms,
their kids grow up too fast...

1172
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,164
...but I always tried to
protect Rachel from that.

1173
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,846
I did my very best
to protect her from...

1174
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:45,483
...growing up too quickly,
you know?

1175
00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:48,321
Right.

1176
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:50,641
And now, I'm learning
that there are...

1177
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:53,481
...there are just
some things that you can't

1178
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,608
protect your kid from,
you know?

1179
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,401
No matter what you do,
you just...

1180
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,645
So, did she have
any favorite toys?

1181
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:11,322
Before I answer that question,
this is serious...

1182
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,771
...so use your ears
and listen to me.

1183
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:18,251
I want you
to promise me something

1184
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:19,651
as I care about you.

1185
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:21,529
You gotta promise me you're
not gonna have a baby...

1186
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:22,607
...unless you're
ready to love

1187
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:24,091
that baby's mother
your whole life...

1188
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:25,161
...and this is serious.

1189
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,642
I'm telling you something
that nobody's gonna tell you.

1190
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,122
Don't pick a girl
who's push-pull, you know?

1191
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,931
You wanna pick somebody
who's gonna love you...

1192
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:37,841
...and not forget you,
and not...

1193
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:41,169
...leave you for someone
with a big, fat ass.

1194
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:43,683
So, no favorite toy.

1195
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:45,281
DENISE: Um...

1196
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,281
Oh, you want to know what?
Here's a favorite toy.

1197
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:49,361
Scissors.

1198
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,363
When Rachel's father
first left...

1199
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,045
...she gathered up
all his books,

1200
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:54,121
favorite old books...

1201
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,885
...and she rounded 'em up
and she cut them right up.

1202
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:58,126
Please, don't tell her
I'm telling you,

1203
00:54:58,200 --> 00:54:59,565
she would chop my head off.

1204
00:54:59,720 --> 00:55:02,405
But she just...
(IMITATES SCISSORS)

1205
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:04,209
And I was, like,
"Atta girl."

1206
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:07,563
Snip, snip, snip.
She was very mad.

1207
00:55:07,720 --> 00:55:09,961
Can we take a little break
and have a little taste?

1208
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:11,565
You boys are old enough
to have a little taste, right?

1209
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,251
Can we take a teeny break,
just have a little taste?

1210
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,406
Oh, yeah, that's a good boy.

1211
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,245
Greg, will you join us?

1212
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:22,850
Oh, I'm okay.

1213
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,400
Oh, come on,
don't be a party pooper!

1214
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:26,845
All right, all right.

1215
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:30,726
Now we can get back
to our interview.

1216
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:32,760
GREG: So, basically,
this whole setup

1217
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:33,966
is so that, you know...

1218
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:35,849
...I can talk to you,
you can talk to me...

1219
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,161
...and I can see you,
and you can see me.

1220
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:39,606
Except it's not really me,
it's a phone.

1221
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:41,603
And I know that
sounds kind of weird,

1222
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:43,011
but it's not.

1223
00:55:43,240 --> 00:55:46,164
So, anyway, just treat it
like a get-well card,

1224
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:47,725
you can look into the lens.

1225
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:49,291
And, uh...

1226
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,204
Yeah, it's a video,
so you know...

1227
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:52,441
...don't think about it
too hard,

1228
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:54,210
but just make it good.

1229
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:55,771
Start whenever you're ready.

1230
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,126
STUDENT: Hi, Rachel.

1231
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:59,681
I guess I don't really
know you that well...

1232
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:02,047
...but I believe in you.
You can do it.

1233
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,770
That's real nice, yo.

1234
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:05,883
It's so sweet
that your boyfriend

1235
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:07,450
is doing this for you.

1236
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:08,931
He must really love you.

1237
00:56:09,080 --> 00:56:11,128
EARL: Girl, that ain't
her boyfriend.

1238
00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:12,241
Oh.

1239
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:14,641
I know you're Jewish,
but I just wanted you to know

1240
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:16,569
that God has a plan for you.

1241
00:56:16,720 --> 00:56:17,881
You seem like
a really cool person.

1242
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:19,291
I know we don't really talk.

1243
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:22,484
But you've got
a lot of friends. And, uh...

1244
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:23,641
Out of all the people
in this school,

1245
00:56:23,720 --> 00:56:25,290
I don't hate you.

1246
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,121
I believe in you
and you can do it.

1247
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:29,966
You can do it.

1248
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:31,970
I believe in you.

1249
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:33,811
You can do it.

1250
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:35,325
Damn.

1251
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,168
(EVERYBODY'S TALKIN' PLAYING)

1252
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:49,403
Everybody's talking at me

1253
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:54,166
I don't hear a word
they're saying

1254
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:58,842
Only the echoes of my mind

1255
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:01,931
GREG: So again,

1256
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:03,843
if this was a touching,
romantic story...

1257
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,769
...we'd obviously fall in love

1258
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:07,683
and she'd say all the wise,
beautiful things...

1259
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:08,767
...that can only be learned

1260
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,842
in life's twilight
or whatever.

1261
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,128
And then she'd die
in my arms.

1262
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:20,601
But again,
that's not what happened.

1263
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,207
She just got quieter.
And unhappier.

1264
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,884
So, how are you?

1265
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:29,291
For real.

1266
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,045
For real?

1267
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:35,721
Feeling like
you might have been right.

1268
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:40,371
Right when?

1269
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:43,204
Back in October.

1270
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:46,486
When you thought
I was dying.

1271
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:54,971
Well, I mean,
I regret thinking that.

1272
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:58,565
Don't regret it.

1273
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,083
(GREG BRAYING)

1274
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,524
What is that noise?

1275
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:22,722
It's Regretful Polar Bear.

1276
00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:27,170
Polar Bears have
the purest expression

1277
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,208
of regret in the
animal kingdom.

1278
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,762
Just listen to how haunting
and plaintive they sound.

1279
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:35,286
(BRAYING)

1280
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:36,521
(CHUCKLES)

1281
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:40,002
Don't make me laugh.
Please. It kinda hurts.

1282
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:42,761
All right.

1283
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,441
Kind of a monster
silence in here.

1284
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:57,120
(RACHEL SIGHS)

1285
00:58:57,920 --> 00:58:58,967
Yeah.

1286
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,771
It's okay to just be silent
for a while.

1287
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:07,811
GREG: Look,

1288
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:09,649
I know you're really
bracing for this sweet girl...

1289
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:12,081
...that you probably
like a lot to die.

1290
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,961
Just please bear with me.
She doesn't. She gets better.

1291
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,565
I promise.

1292
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:19,802
(EVERYBODY'S TALKIN'
CONTINUE PLAYING)

1293
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,001
Pretty much all I remember
from that winter...

1294
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:00,764
...is working on
that stupid film...

1295
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:02,001
...just trying
to make something

1296
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:03,969
that made
some kind of sense...

1297
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:05,844
...and knowing the whole time
that I couldn't...

1298
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,047
...that maybe it was possible

1299
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:09,208
to make the thing
we wanted to make...

1300
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,328
...but it wasn't
possible for us.

1301
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:15,285
That was
an entire winter of my life.

1302
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:20,601
I mean, obviously,

1303
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,370
I remember
visiting Rachel too.

1304
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:25,727
Sometimes she talked,

1305
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:28,121
and sometimes,
she didn't want to.

1306
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,122
When she didn't want to,
I talked.

1307
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,123
Or we watched movies.

1308
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:34,726
Sometimes, she laughed.

1309
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:37,890
Sometimes, she didn't.

1310
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,370
What I don't remember
is doing schoolwork.

1311
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:51,245
I did literally zero
schoolwork during this time.

1312
01:00:57,680 --> 01:00:58,727
Not figuratively.

1313
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:02,405
Literally zero schoolwork.

1314
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:08,887
That's actually
sort of hard to do.

1315
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,248
So, what's going on
at school?

1316
01:01:32,560 --> 01:01:34,847
Well, right now, the whole
school looks like a castle...

1317
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:37,122
...'cause everyone's
getting ready

1318
01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:38,565
for Medieval Prom.

1319
01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:43,809
I guess everyone's trying
to figure out how to, like...

1320
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:45,211
...twerk medievally?

1321
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:46,406
(CHUCKLES)

1322
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:48,280
Are you going?

1323
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:49,646
No, of course not.

1324
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:51,290
You should go.

1325
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:52,965
No way!

1326
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,722
Have you seen me in a tux?

1327
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:59,726
It's like when they make
a dog wear human clothes.

1328
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:00,961
Have you seen that?

1329
01:02:01,120 --> 01:02:03,930
It just makes you
really sad to look at.

1330
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:09,245
Oh, and I don't have
anyone to go with.

1331
01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:10,606
So there's that.

1332
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:16,966
Unless...

1333
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:19,130
...you know...
you wanted to...

1334
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:21,123
Greg, I'm not going to prom.

1335
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:23,009
I mean, you totally could.

1336
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:25,327
It could be like a,
s-, awesome statement.

1337
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:26,926
Hey,uh...

1338
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:30,129
When are you guys
finishing your movie?

1339
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,287
You don't know we're working
on a movie right now.

1340
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:37,251
You don't have to pretend.

1341
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:40,369
Earl told me you guys
were making a movie for me.

1342
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:44,365
(SIGHS) God, yeah...

1343
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,329
I guess he probably did.

1344
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:49,286
I was just asking, because--

1345
01:02:49,440 --> 01:02:51,010
Goddamn it, Earl! Ugh.

1346
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:53,851
It was just, it was
supposed to be a surprise!

1347
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,284
You know?
It's taking forever

1348
01:02:56,360 --> 01:02:57,600
because we really want
to get it right, and...

1349
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:01,002
I'm probably gonna
stop treatment pretty soon.

1350
01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:06,881
What?

1351
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:12,803
It just isn't
doing me any good.

1352
01:03:12,880 --> 01:03:15,201
All it's doing
is making me sicker.

1353
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:26,200
Yeah, but it--
I mean, if you stop, then...

1354
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:28,482
Well, we'll just
see what happens.

1355
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,050
(SNIFFLES)

1356
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,640
Well, we know
what's gonna happen, right?

1357
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,091
(SIGHING)

1358
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:47,242
I know who you can
take to prom.

1359
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:51,247
Who?

1360
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:55,091
This sexy pillow here.

1361
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:56,161
Oh, my God, can you just--

1362
01:03:56,240 --> 01:03:57,924
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
Ooh, Greg,

1363
01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:59,087
this pillow's name
is Francesca.

1364
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:00,446
GREG: Don't joke,
I can't deal with that.

1365
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:01,601
She's a filthy Italian woman.

1366
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:02,681
Please, stop!

1367
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:05,885
Don't yell at me.

1368
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,684
So, that's it?
Just, to hell with college,

1369
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:08,761
to hell with growing up?

1370
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:09,841
Greg, don't.

1371
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,524
Rachel, what the hell
is wrong with you?

1372
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:13,284
This is your life!

1373
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,442
Yeah, it is my life.

1374
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:19,521
It's me who has to
lie in bed all day,

1375
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:20,681
with a shaved head...

1376
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:22,524
...getting weaker and uglier,

1377
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:25,683
and more miserable,
with no hope in sight.

1378
01:04:26,120 --> 01:04:27,884
I'm the one who
has to suffer through this,

1379
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,201
not you, so don't yell at me.

1380
01:04:32,560 --> 01:04:34,722
I'm sorry,
but I'm not gonna sit here

1381
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:37,087
and get comfortable
watching you die.

1382
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,246
Okay? I'm not.
I'm not gonna do that.

1383
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:43,443
So don't ask me to.

1384
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,123
If you can't accept
that I'm going to do

1385
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:48,646
what I want to do
with my life...

1386
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:51,563
...then you're
a terrible friend.

1387
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:54,770
I'm a terrible friend?

1388
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:55,967
Okay.

1389
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:57,971
You know,
I'm not the one giving up.

1390
01:04:58,120 --> 01:04:59,485
I'm not ruining
my friend's life

1391
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,090
by giving up
on the whole world.

1392
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:03,083
Oh, please, Greg,
you should be overjoyed.

1393
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:04,400
Now you can
go back to your life

1394
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:06,926
of being invisible
and detached...

1395
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:08,809
...and self-hating.

1396
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:12,446
Yeah.

1397
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:15,927
And you can go back
to your life of being dead.

1398
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,002
Nice. Really nice.

1399
01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:27,808
This is gonna
kill your mom.

1400
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:33,642
Have you gotten
comfortable with that?

1401
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,602
That doesn't
bother you anymore?

1402
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:40,761
Thinking about your mom?

1403
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:42,604
Get outta here, Greg.
You've done your time.

1404
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:44,842
You don't have to hang around
with the sick girl anymore.

1405
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:51,362
How can you even
say that to me?

1406
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:55,011
Your mom forced you
to hang outwith me.

1407
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:56,730
Earl forced you
to show me your movies.

1408
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:58,968
Madison forced you
to make a movie about me.

1409
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:01,725
So, what part of this
did you actually want to do?

1410
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:14,330
(SNIFFLES)

1411
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:24,011
Just... Just do something
nice for me for once

1412
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:25,889
and just get out.

1413
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:52,601
GREG: Earl!

1414
01:06:52,920 --> 01:06:55,287
This is it!
You've gone too far!

1415
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:56,680
You've leaked
the unleakable secret

1416
01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:58,285
because you hold
nothing sacred.

1417
01:06:58,400 --> 01:06:59,447
'Cause you're a dickhead!

1418
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:00,607
The foundation of any

1419
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:02,324
good working partnership
is trust...

1420
01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:04,209
...and I can no longer
trust you in any way.

1421
01:07:04,280 --> 01:07:05,520
You'll leak anything
to anyone.

1422
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:07,204
It's like working
with Julian Assange.

1423
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:09,442
Assangde. Ass-andge.
Damn it!

1424
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:24,285
The hell you want?

1425
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:26,643
Just waiting for Earl.
Awright, awright.

1426
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:28,885
VVhassup,boy?
You gonna come in?

1427
01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:31,122
So, Rachel told me that
you told her about the, uh...

1428
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:33,050
...about the film
that we're making for her.

1429
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,121
Yeah?

1430
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:36,728
You're like
Julian Assange, man.

1431
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:38,245
It's like you
always do this--

1432
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:39,481
I don't know,
'cause you, like,

1433
01:07:39,560 --> 01:07:41,164
wanna be a better friend
than me or something?

1434
01:07:41,240 --> 01:07:42,401
I don't know if I can
work with you again

1435
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:43,686
after you sell me out
like a dick!

1436
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:46,081
Oh, okay. Watch out, yo.

1437
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:49,002
Hey, yo,
shut your ass up, man!

1438
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:50,650
Like you care so much about
what other people think,

1439
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:51,921
boy, you go around here...

1440
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:53,081
...kissin' everybody ass,

1441
01:07:53,160 --> 01:07:54,241
pretending like
they your friend.

1442
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:56,641
Look,nobody
gives a shit about you, Greg!

1443
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:57,926
All right? Nobody give a shit!

1444
01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,001
DERRICK: Whoop his ass!

1445
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:01,566
And then the one girl who do
actually care about you...

1446
01:08:01,680 --> 01:08:02,761
...you wanna come
over here and

1447
01:08:02,840 --> 01:08:05,320
bitch and whine
about some films, yo? Huh?

1448
01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:07,841
Because somebody
actually cares about you?

1449
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:09,251
Like, damn,
I'm so tired of you

1450
01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:11,004
treating this girl
like she a burden.

1451
01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:13,088
You know,
her life is over after this!

1452
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:14,241
And you want to
come over here

1453
01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:17,091
bitchin' and whinin' about
some irrelevant bullshit!

1454
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:19,606
Like, yo, you so close to me knocking
your shit loose right now, son!

1455
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:20,761
Go for it!

1456
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:21,921
Oh, so you want me
to hit you now? Huh?

1457
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:23,923
Yeah, I don't care!
You want me to hit you now?

1458
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:25,206
Yeah, Earl, I want you to!
(GROANS)

1459
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:27,688
That's right! Jack that
little dude up there!

1460
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:30,764
(GROANING)

1461
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:34,281
See, Greg?

1462
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,681
You lucky that was him
and not me out there...

1463
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:38,962
...'cause I'd have been whooping
your ass up and down this street.

1464
01:08:39,040 --> 01:08:41,042
It'd have been a ass-whoopin'
fest around here, you dig?

1465
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:46,405
(PANTING)

1466
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:53,647
McCARTHY: So what's the status
on the 20-pager on Nixon?

1467
01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:57,883
Uh, I need another extension.

1468
01:08:58,040 --> 01:09:00,281
That might prove difficult...
(EXHALES)

1469
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:03,131
...seeing how it's the...

1470
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:04,810
...the end of the quarter
and all.

1471
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:08,530
Yeah, I've just been busy.

1472
01:09:10,440 --> 01:09:12,283
You know, I heard...

1473
01:09:15,680 --> 01:09:17,170
...about Rachel.

1474
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:19,844
How you holding up?

1475
01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:25,041
You know...

1476
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:27,845
...not great.

1477
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:36,562
You know, my dad died
when I was 15, Greg.

1478
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:38,922
A couple years
younger than you.

1479
01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:42,603
You know, the thing is that,
when I was a kid...

1480
01:09:43,240 --> 01:09:45,925
...I really,
I really can only remember

1481
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:47,843
thinking about him as this...

1482
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:51,322
...you know, big,
kind of like asshole guy.

1483
01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:55,041
At his wake,
these buddies of his

1484
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:56,167
kept coming up to me...

1485
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:58,925
...and telling me
these stories about him.

1486
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:01,248
And it was like
they were talking about

1487
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:03,163
some complete other guy.

1488
01:10:04,560 --> 01:10:06,369
To give you an example.

1489
01:10:07,040 --> 01:10:10,249
He knew every single
European pop song

1490
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:11,651
from the 1970s.

1491
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:12,801
Every single one.

1492
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:15,120
He'd memorize these songs,

1493
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:17,043
and he'd do that
so he could go...

1494
01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:20,090
...and sing them
to German girls in bars.

1495
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:22,406
He had a go-to,

1496
01:10:22,480 --> 01:10:25,006
his number one
go-to song. It was a...

1497
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:30,210
It was a Dutch song.
It was called Ding-a-Dong.

1498
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:35,521
My dad used to sing that
to German girls in bars.

1499
01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:38,404
That's a fact.

1500
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,809
So what does that mean?

1501
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:49,164
Well, Greg, I think that
it just means that...

1502
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:52,680
...even after somebody dies,
you can...

1503
01:10:53,560 --> 01:10:55,881
...you can still
keep learning about them.

1504
01:10:56,920 --> 01:10:59,651
You know, their life.

1505
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:04,643
It can keep unfolding
itself to you just as long...

1506
01:11:05,600 --> 01:11:08,126
...just as long as
you pay attention to it.

1507
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:10,691
Are you seriously
trying to turn this

1508
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:13,081
into some stupid
sappy lesson?

1509
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:14,321
(MCCARTHY SIGHS)

1510
01:11:15,440 --> 01:11:17,010
You're a good kid, Greg.

1511
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:19,606
No! Look, I'm going home.

1512
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:23,606
See, I'm cutting class
right in front of you. 'Kay?

1513
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,445
I'm not a good kid. I'm not.

1514
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:44,521
Okay.

1515
01:11:45,320 --> 01:11:47,448
Earl came by earlier
to drop something off...

1516
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:49,648
...but he turned down
this superb

1517
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:51,768
Andouille rabbit sausage...

1518
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:53,888
...which is quite unlike him.

1519
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:56,570
Is everything all right?

1520
01:11:58,040 --> 01:11:59,201
Buddy?

1521
01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:16,964
EARL: Hey, Rachel. Uh...

1522
01:12:17,920 --> 01:12:19,160
We tried
a lot of different ways

1523
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:20,924
of making a film for you...

1524
01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:23,844
...but they were all
too goofy or irrelevant...

1525
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,604
...or just not what we wanted.

1526
01:12:25,760 --> 01:12:28,366
So, now I'm gonna
talk to you directly.

1527
01:12:29,080 --> 01:12:30,081
Um...

1528
01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:32,767
All right, I'm gonna be
honest here. Okay?

1529
01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:35,048
Sometimes, white girls
are particularly stupid.

1530
01:12:35,160 --> 01:12:39,563
I mean, everybody's stupid,
but white girls, you know...

1531
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:41,324
They think
they better than everybody

1532
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,006
and self-centered
and pretend they not.

1533
01:12:44,080 --> 01:12:45,764
But...

1534
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:48,451
you aren't like that,
you know. Um...

1535
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,409
It's just crazy
how patient you've been.

1536
01:12:50,480 --> 01:12:53,324
You know, I know if it was me
that had cancer, uh...

1537
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:56,521
...I'd be upset and angry

1538
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:59,120
and trying to beat everybody's
ass half the time.

1539
01:12:59,560 --> 01:13:03,326
So I'm just, I'm just amazed
at how patient you've been.

1540
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:07,881
You, you make me
feel blessed.

1541
01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:18,766
COMMENTATOR ON VIDEO: Tales of Hoffmann is a film

1542
01:13:18,840 --> 01:13:21,320
by Michael Powell
and Emeric Pressburger.

1543
01:13:21,400 --> 01:13:22,447
(DOOR OPENS)

1544
01:13:22,520 --> 01:13:24,329
I think, ultimately,
what one has to understand

1545
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:25,731
watching this film...

1546
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,610
...it's a very special
piece of filmmaking.

1547
01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:29,681
Oh.

1548
01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:32,208
Are you eating lunch
in here still?

1549
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:34,446
Not if you are.

1550
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:36,883
Well, I'm not eating
lunch in here if you are.

1551
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:40,446
Good,
'cause I like it in here.

1552
01:13:40,880 --> 01:13:43,087
So I guess I could just go.

1553
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:45,086
Or you could go.

1554
01:13:45,720 --> 01:13:48,451
No, I like
the air-conditioner.

1555
01:13:48,520 --> 01:13:50,363
And I like
the comfortable chair.

1556
01:13:54,280 --> 01:13:56,601
Yeah, I like those too.

1557
01:13:57,480 --> 01:13:59,881
Sounds like your
damn problem.

1558
01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:03,841
COMMENTATOR: --which showed
one film per week...

1559
01:14:04,040 --> 01:14:06,805
...twice a night,
and three times on Saturday.

1560
01:14:07,480 --> 01:14:09,528
In a way,
Tales of Hoffmann is...

1561
01:14:09,600 --> 01:14:10,601
(DOOR CLOSES)

1562
01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:13,331
...the culmination of
Powell-Pressburger's work...

1563
01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:16,131
...with what they call
the composed film.

1564
01:14:35,640 --> 01:14:36,687
(SQUEAKS)

1565
01:14:37,480 --> 01:14:38,481
MADISON: Hey!

1566
01:14:38,960 --> 01:14:40,325
Can I talk to you
about the movie?

1567
01:14:41,080 --> 01:14:42,161
Um...

1568
01:14:42,240 --> 01:14:43,810
Yeah, it's not done yet.

1569
01:14:44,000 --> 01:14:45,206
Greg, you guys
have been working on it

1570
01:14:45,280 --> 01:14:46,691
for like four months.

1571
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:49,166
Yeah, well...

1572
01:14:49,680 --> 01:14:50,966
I don't know,
we tried a bunch of stuff

1573
01:14:51,040 --> 01:14:52,883
and it just...

1574
01:14:53,280 --> 01:14:54,327
...didn't really work.

1575
01:14:54,400 --> 01:14:55,401
It's not that good.
(SIGHS)

1576
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:56,607
Greg!

1577
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:59,371
Now is not the time for your
"I'm Greg, I suck,

1578
01:14:59,440 --> 01:15:00,930
"nothing I do
is any good" thing.

1579
01:15:01,080 --> 01:15:02,206
I'm sure what you have
is awesome

1580
01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:04,169
and I think she would
really benefit...

1581
01:15:04,240 --> 01:15:06,720
...if you just got it done
and gave it to her.

1582
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:09,568
Madison,
she stopped treatment.

1583
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:13,806
She gave up.

1584
01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:17,405
She quit.

1585
01:15:19,400 --> 01:15:20,765
VVeH,lguess
that's a really good reason

1586
01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:22,365
to just finish
the fucking movie.

1587
01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:23,885
And give it to her.

1588
01:15:26,040 --> 01:15:27,371
But whatever.

1589
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:41,685
Honey?

1590
01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:44,441
What?

1591
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:52,401
Rachel's back
in the hospital, honey.

1592
01:15:56,520 --> 01:15:58,841
Wait, is she starting
treatment again?

1593
01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:03,328
It's not for
treatment, honey.

1594
01:16:08,440 --> 01:16:09,441
Oh.

1595
01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:14,565
Mom, what?

1596
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:16,611
Well, I thought
we could go and--

1597
01:16:16,680 --> 01:16:17,761
You just thought
this was your last chance

1598
01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:19,888
to force me
to hang outwith her?

1599
01:16:19,960 --> 01:16:20,961
Greg, come on.

1600
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,121
Don't worry, Mom,
I'm sure you can find

1601
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:24,487
another girl with cancer
after Rachel dies.

1602
01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:27,803
Which, by the way...

1603
01:16:28,160 --> 01:16:29,969
...she's decided to do.

1604
01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:34,526
She's just decided to die...

1605
01:16:34,600 --> 01:16:37,410
...so maybe I can decide
not to visit her.

1606
01:16:37,480 --> 01:16:39,130
(SIGHING)

1607
01:16:42,760 --> 01:16:45,730
I promise you,
you will regret that...

1608
01:16:45,880 --> 01:16:46,961
...if you don't visit her.

1609
01:16:47,080 --> 01:16:48,127
(SCOFFS)

1610
01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:50,009
You'll regret it
for the rest of your life.

1611
01:16:50,160 --> 01:16:51,571
Mom, that's probably true.

1612
01:16:51,720 --> 01:16:53,131
But honestly,
I have a shitload of things

1613
01:16:53,200 --> 01:16:54,645
to regret right now.

1614
01:16:54,800 --> 01:16:57,280
I regret not having a date
for tomorrow's stupid prom.

1615
01:16:57,360 --> 01:17:00,011
I regret being too weird
to make friends.

1616
01:17:00,160 --> 01:17:01,207
I definitely regret making

1617
01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:02,566
all those shitty films
with Earl.

1618
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:05,206
And I assume you saw the email
I got today, from Pitt?

1619
01:17:06,480 --> 01:17:07,766
Oh, no? You didn't see it

1620
01:17:07,840 --> 01:17:09,604
while you're going though
all my shit? Here.

1621
01:17:09,840 --> 01:17:11,410
Have a look.

1622
01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:12,726
I'm definitely gonna regret

1623
01:17:12,800 --> 01:17:14,723
doing literally
no school work this year!

1624
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:16,201
Oh, my God, Greg.

1625
01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:17,964
I know. Admission rescinded,

1626
01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:20,327
due to significant change
in my academic record.

1627
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:21,890
Oh, well,
no college next year.

1628
01:17:21,960 --> 01:17:24,008
I guess I'll just be home,
which sucks for you...

1629
01:17:24,080 --> 01:17:25,081
...because it's gonna be
so hard for you

1630
01:17:25,200 --> 01:17:26,690
to go through all my stuff.

1631
01:17:26,760 --> 01:17:28,489
Can you just do me a favor
right now, Mom?

1632
01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:29,846
Just leave me alone. Okay?

1633
01:17:29,920 --> 01:17:31,763
Just let me sit here
and regret stuff.

1634
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:32,841
I'm just gonna think about

1635
01:17:32,960 --> 01:17:34,007
all the things
that I've ever done...

1636
01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:35,366
...and all the things
I haven't done

1637
01:17:35,440 --> 01:17:38,125
and just regret the living
shit out of it. Okay?

1638
01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:45,207
GREG'S MOM: All the deadlines
have passed, Victor.

1639
01:17:45,360 --> 01:17:46,566
What's he gonna do next year?

1640
01:17:46,680 --> 01:17:47,886
He's just gonna
waste the year?

1641
01:17:47,960 --> 01:17:49,325
GREG'S DAD:
He is grieving, honey.

1642
01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:50,561
You have to let him grieve.

1643
01:17:50,720 --> 01:17:51,721
GREG'S MOM:
But I can't just sit by

1644
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:53,165
and just let him
ruin his life.

1645
01:17:53,240 --> 01:17:54,241
GREG'S DAD:
That's not what I'm saying.

1646
01:17:54,320 --> 01:17:55,321
GREG'S MOM:
Well, he's doing it.

1647
01:17:55,440 --> 01:17:56,521
GREG'S DAD:
The universe does not operate

1648
01:17:56,600 --> 01:17:58,409
according to
a college deadline!

1649
01:18:17,520 --> 01:18:18,760
MADISON:
Can I ask you something?

1650
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:20,006
(SQUEAKS)

1651
01:18:20,320 --> 01:18:21,321
Nope.

1652
01:18:21,480 --> 01:18:22,845
No. It's not what you think.

1653
01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:24,046
It's just that
prom is tonight and--

1654
01:18:24,120 --> 01:18:26,851
Let me ask you something.
What is this?

1655
01:18:27,400 --> 01:18:29,289
What is up
with the arm touching?

1656
01:18:29,360 --> 01:18:30,407
Are you just being friendly,

1657
01:18:30,480 --> 01:18:31,686
or is this some
calculated maneuver...

1658
01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:33,364
...to get me to do
whatever you want?

1659
01:18:33,440 --> 01:18:34,487
'Cause you have to understand

1660
01:18:34,560 --> 01:18:36,244
what it does
when a beautiful, sexy...

1661
01:18:36,320 --> 01:18:37,446
...otherwise
thoughtful girl...

1662
01:18:37,600 --> 01:18:39,602
...touches the arm
of a scrawny, pasty

1663
01:18:39,680 --> 01:18:40,806
groundhog-faced kid.

1664
01:18:40,880 --> 01:18:42,211
It's an act of cruelty.

1665
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:45,526
Are you done?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm done.

1666
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:47,091
I'm done with you.

1667
01:18:47,200 --> 01:18:49,487
I'm done
with this stupid film.

1668
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:51,244
All right? I'm done.

1669
01:18:52,280 --> 01:18:53,566
Yo! But you ain't
done with me!

1670
01:18:53,880 --> 01:18:55,484
(RAPPING)
I'm back for my revenge

1671
01:18:55,560 --> 01:18:56,800
Stab you in the dick

1672
01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:58,047
Pardon my French

1673
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,931
Really? You're gonna stab me
in the dick? Go ahead.

1674
01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:02,001
Stab me in the dick.

1675
01:19:02,080 --> 01:19:04,367
Just no rapping.
Okay? All right?

1676
01:19:04,440 --> 01:19:06,727
ILL PHIL: (RAPPING) I'll break your
eyeball with a fist I got clenched

1677
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:07,847
(STUDENTS CLAMORING)

1678
01:19:07,920 --> 01:19:09,410
Shove your body
under another bench

1679
01:19:09,480 --> 01:19:10,641
Stop rapping!

1680
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:12,643
Knock your teeth out
with the fist I got clenched

1681
01:19:12,720 --> 01:19:14,324
I can't do this if you're
gonna rap the whole time.

1682
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:16,286
(BOTH GRUNTING)

1683
01:19:17,200 --> 01:19:18,201
(GRUNTING)
(CHOKING)

1684
01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:33,686
STUDENTS: Aw!

1685
01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:37,406
PRINCIPAL: Break it up!

1686
01:19:37,560 --> 01:19:38,561
Earl!

1687
01:19:38,720 --> 01:19:41,041
Break it up! Break it up!

1688
01:19:41,120 --> 01:19:42,167
I thought you were
eaflnglunch

1689
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:43,287
in Mr. McCarthy's office.

1690
01:19:43,360 --> 01:19:44,646
Man, I was,
but he all sad talking

1691
01:19:44,720 --> 01:19:45,721
about German music and shit.

1692
01:19:45,920 --> 01:19:47,649
That's boring as hell, man.

1693
01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:50,411
I'm surprised and disappointed
to see you two fighting.

1694
01:19:50,480 --> 01:19:52,130
And, Phillip, I'm surprised
and disappointed

1695
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:53,611
to see you
back on school grounds...

1696
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:55,285
...after being expelled!

1697
01:19:55,360 --> 01:19:56,361
EARL: All right, man.

1698
01:19:56,440 --> 01:19:57,521
PRINCIPAL: Please
leave the premises.

1699
01:19:57,600 --> 01:19:58,931
Back to class.

1700
01:19:59,000 --> 01:20:00,161
Let's go!

1701
01:20:00,320 --> 01:20:02,209
Maxwell, Ryan, Soledad,

1702
01:20:02,280 --> 01:20:04,521
stop gawking
and start walking!

1703
01:20:04,600 --> 01:20:06,284
(PRINCIPAL CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY)

1704
01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:10,966
MADISON: Greg!

1705
01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:13,606
Yo, babe!
You see me pummel this bitch?

1706
01:20:13,760 --> 01:20:14,807
Come on and keep walking

1707
01:20:14,880 --> 01:20:16,530
'fore I can whoop
that ass again, man.

1708
01:20:16,680 --> 01:20:18,250
Madison, what?

1709
01:20:19,080 --> 01:20:20,650
Come to prom with me.

1710
01:20:22,720 --> 01:20:24,245
I know the whole
movie situation

1711
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:25,890
was really difficult
foryou“.

1712
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:28,008
...and I kind of feel like
it was my fault.

1713
01:20:29,040 --> 01:20:30,041
So I just kind of wanted to

1714
01:20:30,120 --> 01:20:31,770
make it up to you
a little bit.

1715
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:35,889
Is this a pity date?

1716
01:20:35,960 --> 01:20:36,961
No.

1717
01:20:37,040 --> 01:20:38,769
No, it's not a pity date.

1718
01:20:40,240 --> 01:20:41,605
Greg, just come
to prom with me.

1719
01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:43,125
I think we'd have a good time.

1720
01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:48,122
Told you
you would get a date.

1721
01:20:48,920 --> 01:20:49,921
Yep.

1722
01:20:55,320 --> 01:20:58,563
So you're welcome.
For the tux and everything.

1723
01:20:59,760 --> 01:21:01,125
Thanks, Mom.

1724
01:21:15,920 --> 01:21:19,163
I'm very upset
about this college thing.

1725
01:21:20,720 --> 01:21:22,006
But your father
and I can wait

1726
01:21:22,080 --> 01:21:23,969
till you're ready
to talk about it.

1727
01:21:26,240 --> 01:21:27,765
I appreciate that.

1728
01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:32,562
Don't forget your corsage.

1729
01:21:35,600 --> 01:21:36,601
All right.

1730
01:21:42,200 --> 01:21:44,521
GREG'S MOM: My handsome boy...

1731
01:21:44,680 --> 01:21:46,444
...going to prom.

1732
01:21:49,080 --> 01:21:51,367
Take lots of pictures, okay?

1733
01:21:59,160 --> 01:22:00,241
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

1734
01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:09,965
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1735
01:22:10,040 --> 01:22:11,326
302 Halket Street.

1736
01:22:11,600 --> 01:22:12,840
What's that?

1737
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:14,684
I said 302 Halket Street.

1738
01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:17,891
Huh?
302 Halket Street.

1739
01:22:18,040 --> 01:22:19,769
Halket? Okay.
Okay.

1740
01:22:19,920 --> 01:22:21,331
You got it, baby.

1741
01:22:21,480 --> 01:22:23,323
So you love this girl?

1742
01:22:24,600 --> 01:22:26,841
Uh, no.
I wouldn't go that far.

1743
01:22:27,120 --> 01:22:28,167
What?

1744
01:22:28,320 --> 01:22:29,765
No. I-- No.

1745
01:22:29,960 --> 01:22:31,200
Yeah, so you guys
are gonna be getting busy

1746
01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:33,169
on my brand new
Tuscan leather?

1747
01:22:33,320 --> 01:22:34,970
No. I think--
Huh?

1748
01:22:35,120 --> 01:22:36,804
No, we're not.
I don't think so.

1749
01:22:36,880 --> 01:22:38,803
Nah, I'm just
playing with you.

1750
01:22:38,960 --> 01:22:40,530
But I do hope you get some.

1751
01:22:40,720 --> 01:22:42,768
It's really gonna depend
on what she wants to do.

1752
01:22:42,840 --> 01:22:43,841
If you really love her,
though,

1753
01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:45,251
you definitely got a shot.

1754
01:22:45,400 --> 01:22:47,084
Because she'll know.

1755
01:22:47,840 --> 01:22:49,569
She is fine though?

1756
01:22:51,160 --> 01:22:52,161
Huh?

1757
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,364
(HONKING)
(SIREN WAILS)

1758
01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,121
Hey.

1759
01:23:59,720 --> 01:24:01,290
I know, I look amazing.

1760
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:07,968
Can I put
some flowers on you?

1761
01:24:22,960 --> 01:24:24,644
Like that.

1762
01:24:32,560 --> 01:24:33,641
Okay.

1763
01:24:34,520 --> 01:24:36,568
Before we watch this...

1764
01:24:37,080 --> 01:24:39,321
...I'm sorry
it took so long to make.

1765
01:24:39,480 --> 01:24:41,323
But the reason is...

1766
01:24:41,720 --> 01:24:45,042
...just couldn't figure out
how to get it to not suck.

1767
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:49,288
But...we never really
did figure it out.

1768
01:24:49,360 --> 01:24:50,885
It still sucks.

1769
01:24:51,760 --> 01:24:53,330
And, um, it's...

1770
01:24:55,000 --> 01:24:57,731
(SIGHS) It's not exactly
what I wanted to say to you.

1771
01:24:58,200 --> 01:24:59,929
(WHIRRING)

1772
01:25:04,400 --> 01:25:05,401
But...

1773
01:25:06,720 --> 01:25:08,051
...whatever.

1774
01:25:08,360 --> 01:25:10,522
Let's just
watch this first, okay?

1775
01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:20,769
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

1776
01:28:19,040 --> 01:28:21,168
(couemwe)

1777
01:28:23,880 --> 01:28:25,723
Hey, should I get a nurse?

1778
01:28:27,600 --> 01:28:29,728
Denise! Denise!

1779
01:29:41,560 --> 01:29:44,131
GREG: That was the last time
I saw Rachel.

1780
01:29:44,960 --> 01:29:47,440
She went into a coma
shortly after that,

1781
01:29:47,520 --> 01:29:49,124
and died about
10 hours later.

1782
01:29:51,960 --> 01:29:54,327
I know I told you
she doesn't die.

1783
01:29:54,840 --> 01:29:56,365
And I'm sorry.

1784
01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:58,001
Deep down...

1785
01:29:58,360 --> 01:30:01,364
...somehow,
I didn't think she would.

1786
01:30:02,880 --> 01:30:04,405
But she did.

1787
01:30:32,760 --> 01:30:34,888
(PRAYING IN HEBREW)

1788
01:31:57,120 --> 01:31:58,929
(INAUDIBLE)

1789
01:33:20,680 --> 01:33:22,364
(SIGHS)

1790
01:33:30,560 --> 01:33:32,608
RACHEL: Dear Greg,
I heard what happened

1791
01:33:32,680 --> 01:33:33,920
with your class work.

1792
01:33:34,080 --> 01:33:35,730
And With Pitt State.

1793
01:33:36,280 --> 01:33:38,009
So, I wrote them a letter,

1794
01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:40,287
trying to convince them
to let you back in.

1795
01:33:40,960 --> 01:33:43,361
There's a copy in here,
if you want to read it.

1796
01:33:44,040 --> 01:33:45,883
Hopefully, it works,
because that would mean...

1797
01:33:45,960 --> 01:33:48,645
...I have powers
from beyond the grave.

1798
01:33:48,800 --> 01:33:51,371
But you should probably
send them something too.

1799
01:33:52,760 --> 01:33:55,730
Goodbye, Greg.
You're a good friend.

1800
01:33:56,120 --> 01:33:57,406
Although if you don't
go to college,

1801
01:33:57,480 --> 01:33:58,766
you're also an idiot.

1802
01:33:58,920 --> 01:34:00,922
But you already knew that.

1803
01:34:01,760 --> 01:34:03,091
Love, Rachel.

1804
01:34:04,720 --> 01:34:08,247
P.S.: I'd also like for you
to take some of my pillows.

1805
01:34:08,400 --> 01:34:10,880
They'll want a good home
where they'll be loved.

1806
01:34:11,080 --> 01:34:13,162
P.P.S.: Not in the way
you're thinking,

1807
01:34:13,240 --> 01:34:14,241
that's disgusting.

1808
01:34:47,920 --> 01:34:48,967
(SNIFFLES)

1809
01:37:29,400 --> 01:37:30,606
(CHUCKLES)

1810
01:37:49,280 --> 01:37:51,442
RACHEL: Dear Pittsburgh
State Admissions:

1811
01:37:51,600 --> 01:37:53,090
I'm writing
on behalf of someone

1812
01:37:53,160 --> 01:37:54,969
who gave me
half a year of his life...

1813
01:37:55,080 --> 01:37:56,127
...at the time when I was at

1814
01:37:56,240 --> 01:37:58,447
my most difficult
to be around.

1815
01:37:58,640 --> 01:38:00,608
He has a very
low opinion of himself,

1816
01:38:00,680 --> 01:38:01,886
which is why
I think it's necessary...

1817
01:38:01,960 --> 01:38:03,086
...that you hear from someone

1818
01:38:03,160 --> 01:38:05,128
who sees him
as he actually is:

1819
01:38:05,280 --> 01:38:07,760
A Iimitlessly kind,
sweet, giving,

1820
01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:09,444
and genuine person.

1821
01:38:09,600 --> 01:38:11,762
No matter how much
he would deny it.

1822
01:38:12,440 --> 01:38:14,727
The drop in his academic
performance this year...

1823
01:38:14,800 --> 01:38:15,926
...is the consequence
of all the time

1824
01:38:16,000 --> 01:38:17,047
he spent with me...

1825
01:38:17,160 --> 01:38:19,561
...and the time he spent
making things for me...

1826
01:38:19,640 --> 01:38:21,881
...and how hard
that was for him.

1827
01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:23,684
You can ask him about it...

1828
01:38:23,760 --> 01:38:25,922
...but his sort of
over-the-top humility

1829
01:38:26,000 --> 01:38:27,764
will probably get
in the way.

1830
01:38:28,680 --> 01:38:31,809
No one has done more
to make me smile than he has.

1831
01:38:31,960 --> 01:38:33,644
And no one ever could.

1832
01:38:51,400 --> 01:38:52,731
GREG: Rachel's ashes
were scattered

1833
01:38:52,840 --> 01:38:54,888
in a park behind her house.

1834
01:38:55,520 --> 01:38:57,284
Apparently, she ran away
from home once

1835
01:38:57,360 --> 01:38:59,169
and tried to live there.

1836
01:39:00,400 --> 01:39:03,324
It was this story
her aunt told at the funeral.

1837
01:39:03,480 --> 01:39:05,847
She was trying
to become a squirrel.

1838
01:39:06,520 --> 01:39:07,806
She thought she could
turn into one

1839
01:39:07,920 --> 01:39:09,206
just by being in the forest...

1840
01:39:09,360 --> 01:39:11,522
...and wanting it really bad.

1841
01:39:12,240 --> 01:39:15,323
I guess maybe that's
what Mr. McCarthy meant...

1842
01:39:15,480 --> 01:39:18,484
...about someone's life
continuing to unfold.

1843
01:39:19,520 --> 01:39:21,124
It was weird to be
learning something new

1844
01:39:21,200 --> 01:39:23,202
about Rachel after she died.

1845
01:39:24,160 --> 01:39:27,050
But somehow,
it was reassuring as well.