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- >Day raspy breathing in Equestria.
- >Another day dawns in the land of brightly coloured miniature horses.
- >And with the rising sun you wake up.
- >But just as you leave the realm of dreams your ears start to hear a most peculiar noise.
- >It sounds like heavy breathing.
- >Right in your left ear.
- >You take note of the strange phenomenon, but are distracted by another sensation.
- >Your nose picks up the distinct smell of half-digested pocky sticks, sugarcubes and >grape.
- >You know this particular smell very well.
- >Because it is the combined smell of the breath and shampoo of one certain alicorn princess who loves to make your life a living hell.
- “Good morning, Twilight.”
- >You roll over to be greeted by Twilight’s creepy grin on her horse face.
- >She’s straddled over you, her forehooves either side of your head.
- >”Morning Anon-kun!”
- >She’s been on a Japanese kick since her fetish attempt last week.
- >She’s become a bit of an otaku.
- >It’s still not your fetish.
- “How long have you been here?”
- >”Oh, well... I decided to open your window about 3am, so pretty much since then.”
- >Another one of Twilight’s OP Mary Sue powers is that she doesn’t need to sleep.
- >So she often gets bored watching you from afar and simply breaks into your house.
- >There’s no way you can stop her.
- >No lock can withstand her alicorn magic.
- “Twilight, it’s way too early for this...”
- >”Oh, of course!”
- >She jumps off your bed and gallops into your bathroom.
- >”Quick! It’s almost 7:40! You need to do your routine on time!”
- >You groan.
- >Yes, you are usually punctual.
- >But you are so tired of this shit.
- >You roll over and pull up the covers.
- >”Anooooooooon! The sooner you get up, the sooner I can guess your fetish! Come on, or you'll be tardy!”
- >You pull the covers tighter.
- >Twilight has had enough of your reluctance and solves it like she solves all of her problems.
- >With crazy experimental magic.
- >You clutch your duvet with all your might.
- >But then it turns into frogs.
- “GAH!”
- >Their slimy touch covers all of your body.
- >You immediately spasm and flail to try and shake them off.
- >You find the solution to your new predicament very quickly by standing up off the bed.
- >Twilight smiles smugly from your bathroom.
- >It’s alright for her, being royalty now.
- >She doesn’t have to buy a new duvet.
- >You trudge into the bathroom to start your routine.
- >You’re about to pull down your boxer shorts for your morning shit, but you hesitate.
- >”Well...? Go on!”
- “Twilight, a little privacy?”
- >Yeah, it’s stupid to ask an omnipotent god queen for privacy, but it’s the principal that matters.
- >Surprisingly she acquiesces to your demand and trots merrily out of your bathroom.
- >You drop your underwear and hear a giggle from outside.
- >”Heehee!”
- >You look to the wall next to your toilet.
- >You can’t see it, but you just know Twilight is probably using some kind of wallhack/x-ray vision magic.
- >Fucking haxxy alicorns.
- >You continue your routine, trying as much as possible to not show your tackle to the side of the room where your stalker awaits.
- >Shower.
- >Shave.
- >Do something else beginning with S.
- >...Summersault.
- >That’ll do.
- >You leave the bathroom as fresh as a daisy and bump into the purple goddess waiting in your bedroom.
- >”Oh, Sorry Anon...”
- >She says those words in a tone which she thinks is sultry.
- >However, this is still the nerdy little bookworm that lived in a library before she was crowned.
- >So it comes out as more of a squawk.
- >Gilbert Goddfried is more seductive.
- >”I PREFER TO BE CALLED EEEE-ROTIC!”
- >You shudder at the thought of his voice.
- >You’re so distracted that you don’t notice a purple hoof stepping on the towel that covers the lower half of your body.
- >You walk forward and the towel unwraps from around your waist.
- >It stays behind with Twilight.
- >You notice when you remark that it’s suddenly very breezy today indoors.
- >*Click*
- >You turn around to see Twilight with a cameraphone taking a picture of your ass.
- “GODDAMMIT, TWILIGHT!”
- >You scramble for a new set of boxers and get them on while Twilight giggles and drools over the picture she just took.
- >She’s probably sending it to Celestia and Luna right now!
- “Give me that!”
- >You snatch the phone out of her hoof.
- >How did she even use this thing, anyway?
- >Oh, right. Alicorn magic.
- >You raise your hand to throw the phone on the ground when suddenly you can’t feel it in your hand anymore.
- >Twilight has teleported the phone back into her possession.
- >Fucking haxxy alicorns.
- >You do your best to ignore her.
- >It’s all you can do against her overpoweredness.
- >You get dressed.
- >And then the fun begins.
- >”Come on, Anon! You’re ready to go now!”
- “Twilight, I haven’t had breakfast...”
- >”No time for that! I’m sure you’ll love this one!”
- >You don’t have time to protest before Twilight’s horn lights up and teleports you outside your front door.
- >There in front of your house lies a yellow dumpster with a pink lid.
- >”Well? What do you think?”
- >You walk all around the object.
- >It’s spotless. Like it’s brand new.
- >It’s probably never even been used.
- >You stand in front of it again and shake your head.
- “I... I don’t understand the fetish attempt this time, Twilight.”
- >Suddenly the dumpster opens its lid on its own.
- >You can see inside that it’s full of a milky white fluid.
- >The aroma of gallons of baby chowder overwhelms your nostrils.
- >The dumpster speaks in Fluttershy’s voice.
- >”S-so, cumdumpsters aren’t your fetish, Anon?”
- >You promptly gag and faint at the silliness of it all.
- >You’ve been in this fandom far too long for this shit.
- END
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