Thread 91: Stories 16-30

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Discord"
'Cardboard Pinkie'
{Luna}
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we can go on tangents! Now for something different...

Discord looks back at the TV.
"Oh good, she's mixing it up."
*DONG DING*
"I'm coming! I should expand that dong more."
Discord opens a door that would typically end up behind the person ringing, but all he sees is the front of his house.
"Hm...was hoping it was Bryan Cranston."
He closes the door and turns around.
"WHAT IN THE-"
His house is perfectly clean and organized.
"My beer cans are stacked!"
Knocks it over. Cans.wav
"My trash can is grouchless!"
He snaps his fingers making a green monster appear in the trash can.
"and the skeleton in my closet is proper!"
The skeleton waves his top hat.
"Who would do this?!"

'Hey. I'm crashing here a bit. Thought it needed a more feminine touch though.'

"...I see the not quite Pinkie is here."
Snaps his fingers bringing back the noisy chaos in his house.

'You're so mean. I worked hard on that. Also once I regain my full strength, I'm going to become the real Pinkie. Then we can hang out. It'll be fun.'

"I already have a friend."

'Then you can have more! C'mon let me stay awhile. We can get a lot of spotlight if we work together, you know. With our powers combined we can break any rule we wanted.'

"...I-"

'How about a hoofjob?'

"Oh, we're that kind of late night."

>Hey, don't say that with my face!
Pinkie and Luna jump out of the TV.

{There will be no pleasure tonight!}

'Join me, Discord. There'll be a lot of laughter! Decide!'

"...I already decided the moment you organized my house."

'Ah, in that case.'
She deflates like a balloon and flies out the window.

>...you could have helped us stopped her right here, you know.

"and end the game? Where's the fun in that? Also take this."
He gives her a helix shell.
"I'm your new summon spell."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"42"
~~~~~

>THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

"..."

>I am one of the greatest infiltrators of all time, I have commanded armies in my days, once upon a time I was destined to become an immortal, ageless Queen of untold power! I do enough paperwork to literally form a giant monster for a fireball changeling to battle! I AM SO DAMN IMPORTANT... so what the FUCK am I dressed like this and dancing for her!?

"She wanted us to be her dancers."

>This is so degrading! Why me!? WHY ME!?

"...Because you're pretty enchanting?"

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Pffft, no, no you did not just say that.

"...'

>You dance like white ponies, by the way.

"Your jealousy is showing."

>No, seriously, that is the whitest dancing I have ever seen. Stop just randomly shaking your booty, you don't have much of one.

"..."

>Uh-

"We can never be friends again."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Poindexter
"AJ"
~~~~~~

"So, giant grabby thing."

>Giant grabby thing, yes.

"And this is ta' do... what now?"

>Puts the opponents in the little cages and then hovers them over the lava pits, because fire.

"And then ya'... drop 'em in? Wouldn't it just be easier ta' toss 'em? Seems like this here is really roundabout."

>Actually, I slooooowly lower them towards it. While monologuing.

"And this is ta'.... make 'em afraid of you? Are ya' gonna make a huge spectacle of this? Make those critters watch as ya' slowly set fire ta' their loved ones in a clear sign against all that opposes ya'? Make 'em have ta' be so close they smell the flesh burnin' off their skin? Make 'em regret ever havin' a single thing ta' do against ya'? Make 'em beg for mercy, then callously snuff 'em out?"

>Hm? Oh, no, I'll probably just get distracted by something unrelated and leave them dangling with no hope of escape, surely.

"..."

>...

"...It concerns me that yer' plannin' for that."

>Why? It seems like a solid plan to me.

"...M'kay."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Actarius
"Sombra"
'JJ'
[2]
~Coltsly~
~~~

>Okay, so, in hindsight trying to fight back was ineffective, at best.

"HOW ARE YOU STILL CONSCIOUS!?"

>...I...I don't know how to answer that. Isn't that like saying "How are you alive?" it's like... either I am or I'm not, you know?

'He has a point.'

[Couldn't ya' be kiiiinda awake but not a bunch, like when I jump on Eighteen in the mornin' a'fore she's had her coffee and she don't know where she is?]

'Wait, why would coffee matter? We don't-'

"Do not question the child."

>We're getting off topic, because I am not that, I am none of that, I am very much still conscious-

"Despite the fact you have been hit so many times I'm pretty sure that qualified as a free gym trial."

>-and we needs a more intuitive, not bad plan. Miss Coltsly! How about it?

~...I got nothing.~

>...JJ! Got a plan?

'I could try juggling at them.'

[DO IT! DOOOO IIIITTT!]

>While Juggling is, indeed, the answer to most of life's problems, even a clock set on time is wrong on daylight savings.

"That and I'm getting tired of tossing things into his mouth."

>Nah, don't worry, he can catch stuff in his mouth like a pro... why did you just cover her ears again?

"I DON'T KNOOOOWWWW!"

>...So! You guys come up with a plan.

'What about you?'

>Me? Oh, I just noticed those robots noticed us, and am now going to go back to stalling them.

'...how-'

>OWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOW-

~I am going to have to pay that guy so many reparations... I just feel so bad about this... why are you giving me that look?~

"...What is wrong with you guys!?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
[Trixie]
~~~~~~

>Bill, bill, bill, bill, request for funding, bill, request for another stripper performance-

"WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT!?"

>Ugh
'Curses'
[Tell them Trixie said fuck off!]

>'[...Wait-]

"WHAT!?"

>What madness doth thou speak?

[Trixie has been hounded by those plebeians ever since she arrived! 'Knows how to put on a show' my beautiful, unobtainable ass!]

'I'm afraid you are quite wrong as to whom exactly they want, I fear. I am unique, exotic and strange, they've been asking me to perform for well over a year.'

>Both of thee are off, tis my solem duty to say. They are asking me, an exotic creature of love, to perform in their peasantry shows like some kind of common harlot... I've turned them down, obviously.

'Duh.'

[TRIXIE DOES NOT SHAKE HER MONEYMAKER FOR MONEY! She IS the moneymaker! All of it!]

"So, wait, you've ALL been getting mail asking you to poledance for money!?"

'Was that not clear, Mayor Mare my dear?'

[Obviously, look at Trixie! She's irresistible! She doesn't know how they managed to hold themselves back, to be honest.]

>At this point, I'm pretty sure they just mail it out to everyone interesting who came into town.

"...I never got one..."

>Er, are thou saying thou would-

"NO! I'm pretty sure that would completely sink my political career in a second! But, you know..."

>...Trixie? I wish to keep the feelings of one of mine closest friends in tact, would thine lack of filter be put to good use?

[Marey, Marey, Marey, it's not you, it's just... wellllll, Zecora is a zebra, and there's like next to none of them around these parts. Twenty Nine is a changeling, pretty much made for this kind of stuff, and Trixie is Trixie, one of the most daring, beautiful, amazing, stunning and alluring mares of all time nuff said. You're just... wellllll...]

"..."

'Damage quite done. Quite a painful one.'

"..."

>...A-hem... Marey?

"Mmmmnmmm."

>One who hide a uniqueness and interesting nature is oft times more of interest than those who flaunt it. For with the latter, tis a discovery of the ways in which thine amazing side is revealed, and needs not to be shoved in the face of those who wish all to know of it. Those that discover this side are the lucky ones. Those that never believe that side could exist... they are the unfortunate.

"..."

'...'

[...]

"...heh... thanks."

>Unneeded.

"...But I could totally pole dance better than you guys."

'HAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!'

[T-TRIXIE CANNOT BREAAAATH!]

"I so could!"

[PFFT! TRIXIE HAS ACTUALLY-]

>'"...'"

[...A-hem, Trixie has actually studied performance, thank you!]

>Ha! Thou art crowing like hens, yet thou cannot see thine presence be filled with the one for royal desires?

"Pfft! I so could!"

'I have danced with princesses, I have danced with Queens. Your skills, however great you think they are, could not succeed, they lack the means.'

"Oh, you think so?'

'In the matter of rocking to and fro, to be perfectly blunt I know so.'

"Oh, that is it. I'll put up with you thinking you've got the moves in your DREAMS, but none of you three can match me when I break it out."

[BRING IT YOU OLD POLITICIAN!]

"OLD!?"

>Ladies, please... none of you are on the level, such as myself, to be speaking of this.

"IT'S OONNNNNN!"

'Step back, sit down, and get ready for the quake. There is a reason they hound me to see my striped hide shake!'

[A thousand eye would weep in joy, a trillion calls of pleasure so great! Thou looks upon I, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, and knows not that she is great in ALL things. Her alluring desire could not be contained! REJOICE, FOR THOU ART GRANTED A SHOW THOU DOES NOT DESERVE!]

>I wrote that!... I mean... uh...

"..."

>Blast, that's hard to come up with on the spot... uh... IT'S ONNNNNNN!

"..."

'...*slow clap*...'

>Shut up and HIT IT!

'LET'S DO THIS!'

"DANCE BITCHES!"

~IT'S RAINING MARES! HALLELUIAH!~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
~~~~~

>Miss Mayor? I've got a request for a zoning permit to....................... this office is fucking weird.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"PD"
~~~

>So this was... good? We WANTED them to begin converging on each other?

"You wanted the fire and ice lords to end at the same time, this ensures it has to happen."

>Well, yes, we see that, but we are also quite... unsettled.

"Oh come on! That one team finally stopped killing NPCs! Their kill rate is down to zero now... somehow! I know, you would think that one of them turning into some kind of supervillain wouldn't do that, but I'm starting to think this is some kind of reverse psychology thing."

>We too are a bit confused, but while we are happy as to that development, our Sister's niece has gone quite mad with power.

"Don't you mean your niece?"

>If we are related to her, we are related to Shining Armor, and we would rather die.

"..."

>...

"...M'kay. But, not to worry, this is all going according to plan...mwa-"

>DON'T!

"..."

>...Do NOT.

"..."

>We are serious, after witnessing thee we are terrified of the thought of ever even using a calculator again.

"...Fair enough. Can I think it?"

>Can we stop it?

"...I'mma think my evil laugh... mwahaha."

>The moment Twilight Sparkle emerges, we are sending her off to be examined.

"Mwah ahaaaa

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

"Hee hee hee! I get why Chrysalis likes this so much now!"

>...that may be the single most utterly terrifying thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth.

"Oh hush, it's fun!"

>Fun. Making your ice minions headbutt each other for your amusement, this is fun.

"It is!"

>And occasionally making them try to paint your likeness, even though most of them don't have limbs, this is fun too.

"It's the effort that makes it special."

>And, finally, making me, 18 and 42 dance in these... 'outfits', this is fun to you?

"That's the best part!"

>...Honeyloveybunches?

"Yeah?"

>I think you might be going a liiiiiitttle crazy with power.

"Oh, posh, that's just silly!"

>...

"Silly I say. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to cast a spell to make one of them have three heads."

>Whyyyy?

"I want to see which one wins and gets to be the prime head!"

>...You're not Chrysalis, right? This isn't secretly Chrysalis disguised as my wife.

"Oh, sweetie... Chrysalis isn't even on my level."

>...I feel I need to retract my first statement on this, and reiterate it here. That is very much the most terrifying thing you've ever said.

"Oh, pish posh. Now DANCE!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >PD
"Luna"
~~~~~

>...

"So... so which one is the evil one again?"

>Well, one of them is proclaiming themselves a supervillain and making giant doom machines, but otherwise isn't physically injuring in any way shape or form anybody of any kind, and the worst he does is lock them up in what seems to be a dungeon made to escape from specifically and or putting them in death traps so slow they would die of starvation before being singed were they too not easily escapable. On the other hoof, one is proclaiming themselves a benevolent god-princess of the land but is making her subjects go through horrible things for her amusement and may or may not be sexually assaulting her husband as per laws according to at least several countries.

"Sooooo-"

>So this is goddamn amazing and this may have ended up way better than expected.

"..."

>Beep boop.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sunset
"Spitfire"
~~~~~

>I take it we're slightly lost.

"Look, you try memorizing where everyone's office in this damn place is. Forty Two has her own damn office! FORTY TWO! I don't even know what the deal with her is, and she has an office, so forgive me if I get a little mixed around which office belongs to Cadence and which one belongs to her fucking husband, because apparently that's not the same office!"

>You don't need to yell.

"You know what the worst part it? I just guessed.They both get stupidly high stacks of paperwork given to them everyday, so following that guy was a fifty fifty shot that the paperwork would end up with Cadence. Look at this! Look at these fucking papers."

>Yeah...

Slowly, the yellow mare began to circle the stallions desk, careful not to touch it, nor the massively high stacks on top of it.

>He does have an awful lot, doesn't he? Does he do all of this? It seems like an awful lot for him to do all by himself. I was gone before his promotion, but from what I heard he wasn't exactly...

"Yeah, he wasn't. Neither of us were, not really. But he's turned that all around, and this shit right here? Every day. I swear to god, I don't know how he does it, that Queen comes in here every day and bugs him... heh."

>Tell me you didn't just laugh at that.

"I stand by it."

>But don't you think that is a little weird that a married stallion-

"Hey! Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! Dragchute pulled and we are screeching to a halt right there on that. What did I say? I thought I was clear when we started this, but I'm re-iterating it, I don't want to know, I will immediately forget about it information regarding it is discovered, and on the off chance I get the idea you are trying to make info like that public, I will hold you down and beat the knowledge of that event out of you. Savvy? Where he sticks what and into who is between him, Cadence, and whoever has the hole he's aiming for, done and done. I do NOT want to know."

>...Fair enough. Not really interested myself, just musing. Even if I did discover evidence to that, I wouldn't care, it wouldn't help me in what I want to do. Best case scenario, I'd try to help them cover it, up... feel like I owe them that much, at least.

"Good."

>So, I take it the rumors you earned this position through those means are-

"Punching commencing in three..."

>Never said I believed them, just that those are the rumors swirling around the swill trough.

"Well, allow me to put that to rest. No, I did not earn this position by spreading my hind legs and getting some hoofprint tattoos on my back, nor did I have to do it by having my namesake quenched, to put it that way. Me and Shiny used to be really, really tight back in the day-and I'm not saying a word about how close that's none of anyone's business-and he just decided to give me a second chance after I punted him at supersonic speeds. Why? I dunno, I guess he's crazy, but...."

She tried to hide it, that much was obvious, but there was no way. Just plain no way to do it.

No way to hide her nostrils flaring out, her eyes going wide and cutting over to the desk, and then a hasty attempt to cover it all up. Sunset noticed it all, no matter how much Spitfire tried to hide it.

>...

"..."

>...I have to ask.

"No you don't."

>I just... I can't, not after that, I have to know.

"You don't want to."

>Probably not, I'm probably going to regret it, but I have to know.

"...You cannot breath a word of this."

>There is every chance that I am going to mindwipe myself at some point regardless, this seems like a good excuse.

"Not a word."

>Not a word it is.

"I'm serious, not. A. word."

>...Just... just get it over with.

"...His desk smells like ass."

>...

"Specifically, not pony ass."

>...

"And this is the kind of smell that you only get from rubbing it in, hard."

>...

"...And it's on the papers."

>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"..."


>...I honestly don't know what's worse, and I would like an opinion from your side. Which is worse, that this is so obvious to you... or that you know that, to such a specific degree? I'm not sure how exactly one gets... that good, and I'm not sure I want to know.

"...Olfactory and taste sensations are very closely linked, and there is a reason I now get a bitter taste in my mouth when I hear the words 'dirty laundry'.... and also that maid costumed scare the fuck out of me."

>...

"..."

>...For the love of Celestia, and I only say this because I care, tell me that this isn't related to your current occupation. I know what you said, but I have to know, I HAVE to.

"Only in the sense it is a reason why I am not currently in Equestrian employ."

>...D-Dash?

"Dash."

>You uh... you do know that-

"Long, long, loooong since past the point where I can do anything or care to do anything about it, and hence a reason why, if you breath a word of what that desk smells like, I will find a way to make you extra undead and it will look like an accident. The worst thing I've been put through since I got here is that I have to deal with ponies who don't know what wings do or which way is up, and I'm keeping it that way."

>...N-noted.

"..."

>...You uh... wanna talk about-

"Cadence's desk? I believe that's where we were headed."

>Oh... oh yeah, let's uh... let's get to it.

"Shouldn't be too hard to find, only two giant streams of paperwork in this place, just have to follow the other one."

>After you?

"...Not a word, Sunset."

>...

"Not. A. Word."

>...Gonna need two jugs of brainbleach for this one.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
'???'
{???}
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Really Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content barely doesn't matter and writers forget to sleep!

"You never seem to stop."

>Since we have our Discord as our summon, we should gather the rest of my friends to form a party like an actual rpg game!

"The same friends that the cardboard doppelgängers are attempting to take over?"

>...okay different plan!

~Back on the set~
>...Join the Pink Pony Club as we discuss things on our segment...THE PERSPECTIVE!!!
Crowd cheers.

'I'm the pretty one. <3'

{I'm the grumpy one...}

>And I'm the crazy one! We're skipping the rest because, congrats! You're a part of my 4 member party now as we go off on an adventure to stop my cardboard copy from escaping the non-canon dream world!
http://www.myinstants.com/search/?name=social+link
Pinkie has establish a new social link. The Fool Arcana.

'Should...should I be scared?'

{...Don't you have your own friends to-}

>There's a unique cannon in it for you~

{Okay, well tell me where I need to point my guns.}

'Aunt Luna is joining us too?'

"First of all, don't call me that. Second, we must go deeper into the dream world if we wish to find her, which means we will likely encounter nightmarish creatures conjured by our imaginations and you will see things you wish you didn't-"

>Too much exposition. Start button. Skip. Adventure now!

"*sighs*"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~

>I have several questions.

"Well, first I heard some of them were afraid of the fire monsters, so I had to fix that."

>With fire.

"Gotta face your fears, Shiny! But then some of them were afraid of being maimed, so I had to show them that there are worse things than being maimed."

>Such as being crippled.

"No worries now! But theeeen some of them were afraid of being on the front lines, so, wellllllll...."

>...

"Not afraid of that anymore! I think I've solved all of them!"

>Pretty sure they're still afraid of one more thing.

"Oh, really? What's that?"

>...

"...what?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Rarity"
'Spike'
[Fluttershy]
{Dash}
(Pinkie)
~~~~~~

>Alright, main party meetin' commencing now.

"Wait, why are we the main party-"

>HUSH!... Now, this here is a problem Ah' feel needs addressed.

"The outfits?"

>The outfits.

"Because I am with you, darling! All of this is so... tacky!"

'It's like some weird blend of supervillain and RPG clothing... I kinda like it.'

[My cloths aren't any different...]

{That's because you told him not to change anything with those eyes... you fucking know which eyes, don't play that game.}

(I LIKE IT!)

>Case in point that it needs ta' change. Now! Ah' am thinkin' hostile takeover with me bein' put in charge afterwards, what do ya' say?

"Slight alteration, me being in charge in order to fix these costumes."

>Ya' don't need ta' be in charge ta' fix costumes.

"Applejack, what exactly happened last time you were put in charge of anything clothing related?"

>...Not great but still practical clothing?

"Terrible clothing that nearly lost me a lot of money, you mean."

>AH' SHOULD-

{Aaaccccttttuuually... why not let Poindexter stay in charge? I mean, he's got a decent track record so far, he's been playing this game since before I was even walking, and he seems pretty on top of it. Maybe we can finally show Shiny up?}

>...But Ah' really wanted ta' be in charge.

{And you think I don't?}

>...Spike?

'I reiterate anything she says and likes.'

>See that? That's why he's loverboy.

'...But he is a better player than me.'

>ON THE COUCH! YER' SLEEPIN' ON THE COUCH!

'What about my basket?'

>...Fer' fucks sake, do ya' still sleep in that thing?

'...........I like my basket..........'

[All in favor of it staying Poindexter?]

{(["Aye!"])}

>RARITY YOU TRAITOR!

"I was on your side until you mentioned that dress being okay. We are enemies now."

(Ayes have it! Now... who wants to help me get my BIFF BAP POW sounds in order?)

>...Ya'll did this.

"No regrets."

'...nothingwrongwithmahbasket...'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Siegfried
"Ignus"
'Vekir'
-Anton-
~Watchdog~
+Cloudwing Herald+

'-Wooooow...-'

>...guys it's a tent.

-It's a very big tent.-

'Vekir has seen many tents in the past five minutes and this is the biggest and the shiniest.'

~Yeah, how do ya make fabric look like gold? They sell their first born to some greasy little magic fucker?~

"Well considering who we're dealing with? Probably."

The five strange ambassadors (and their guards) strode towards the entrance of the splendorous main tent of the Cloudwing encampment, their every step watched by the glaring sentries of the Griffonstone nobility. However, the gryphon that meets them at the flap to the tent is a rather jovial if skinny fellow in quite...loud clothing.

+Ahhh, the illustrious Af Gryphonia dynasty has sent the youngest of both generations to entreat with Lord Cloudwing, how gracious of you to speak with us.+

>I'm sensing sarcasm here.

+Oh we wouldn't dream of insulting you today, sir, why would we when we can just do that when you're out in the muck of poverty?+

"Watch your tongue, you little errand boy."

+Oh do try and hit me, believe me, our house is going to remember every single slight against them once we sit on...the...throne...uhm...+

~Hey buddy, how's it going?~

+Is...is this monstrosity with you?+

'Rude, catbird.'

>Why indeed he is, and I think it goes without saying that-being part machine-he's almost incapable of forgetting slights against him. So how about you let us in to this damned gaudy tent show us to your Lord?

+...very good, sir, come along.+

~Heh, I love being me.~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"18"
'42'
~~

>Okay, so, second opinion here-

"Mad with power."

>Third opinion?

'She is having fun.'

>...

"She's been like this all day."

>Now, normally yes, I would take her side as she is the love of my life and my sunshine and happiness and probably the only reason I didn't go stupidly crazy during the bad times, but I feel like she's lost a bit of... sanity.

"She's making them set each other on fire to get rid of the fear of fire! HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO WORK!?"

>Again, I would normally take her side, but yes, I agree with you Eighteen.

'She is overextending and doing things slightly differently than she normally would, this is true. However, I would like to point out that this is, in fact, a game. Those are not real creatures, they are bits of magic and code into a facsimile of such a nature. While yes, if she ever considered this for real live beings this would require our immediate intervention to remind her of how loving and caring a pure she is deep down, in the case of this particular situation it is more than reasonable to allow her to cut loose in a safe environment when none would get hurt or be otherwise negatively effected.'

>..Wow...

"You just find her sexy all dominant like this."

'NGH.'

>...

".."

'...N-no I dooooooon't....'

"...You didn't think about it before I mentioned it, did you?"

'...'

"And now you can't stop thinking about it, can you?"

'...'

"..."

'I need to go back to dancing now.'

>...

"...So-"

>Dancing it is!

"Not going to address that?"

>I... honestly have no idea what that meant, so no.

"Me either..."

>...Stop looking at my ass.

"NEVER!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________