Tsukihi Undo

The following is a summarized translation of Tsukihi Undo, the third arc of Orokamonogatari.
It's not meant to serve as a full translation and only has the excerpts necessary for covering the events of the arc for those interested before Vertical eventually publishes the novel in English.

Report on the observation of the Shide no Tori, known as Araragi Tsukihi.
Filed by: Ononoki Yotsugi.
That is, me. Yay, Peace Peace.
Almost half a year has passed since I started to observe the eternal oddity, Shide no Tori, now temporarily residing in the guise of Araragi Tsukihi. To date, nothing suspicious has been noticed neither in the target itself nor its behavior.
Of course, the target of my observation is exclusively Araragi Tsukihi and no one else... Although as for there being changes, you can say she often changes her hairstyle, but trying to look for any deep meaning in this is in vain.

Devil-brother is kind to me because he's a lolicon. This morning, while I was fulfilling my observational duties, he secretly entrusted me with a can of ice cream. But what this meant, what it didn't - it doesn't bother me a bit. However, it's possible that he doesn't show such kindness at all because I am an oddity in the guise of a little girl, and all his courtesy grows from the fact that I'm someone created from a human corpse. Although personally to me it seems that it’s better to be a lolicon than a necrophile.

If someone asked me if there was a tendency for corpses to eat ice cream regularly, then I'd give them both of the two answers (yes or no). But I don't eat at all eat it for the purpose of cryopreservation, and no this doesn't mean corpses are drawn to frozen food. It's just that devil-brother is worried that the summer was very hot this year, so he said he'd constantly supply me with ice cream. Who does he take me for?
As for the feeling of hunger, I probably don't feel that either.
However, for an oddity in the guise of a person who imitates the behavior of people, in other words, for someone like me, it's very important to eat and sleep.
If I cease imitating people, I'll lose my human appearance.
And sweets do serve to relieves stress. By carefully studying people's behavior, I realized that experiencing stress and getting rid of it is an integral part of life that needs to be emulated. Nevertheless, since no one knows when my undercover investigation will end, I shouldn't overstrain and I must even rest from time to time. Therefore, right now, with great pleasure I was eating ice cream in the room of the target of my observation, Araragi Tsukiki, sat on her bed.
By the way, I settled in the house of the Araragi family in the month of February this year. At that time Araragi Tsukihi shared this room with her older sister, Araragi Karen. But in April, after Araragi Karen went to high school, my target began to live in this room alone.
Araragi Karen, unlike Araragi Tsukihi, had some kind of 'animal intuition' thanks to which she almost guessed a couple times that in fact I was no plush toy (it seems she even noticed something strange in her younger sister)
Previously when both sisters shared the room and devil-brother also secretly gave me ice cream I couldn't afford to be carefree as I am now, licking the lid.
And at that moment, while the corpse (that is, I) reveled in its thoughts, Araragi Tsukihi returned to the room.

-"Ahhh! Just when I was feeling too lazy to go to school, turned around halfway and came home, I see that my plushie is eating ice cream?!"
Araragi Tsukihi was frightened, but despite that managed to explain the situation in a simple and understandable way. This seems to be something she does a lot.
So she was too lazy to go to school, and returned home. What kind of a schoolgirl behaves like that? But whatever one may say, my negligence is to blame. Although I'm a specialist, I've lost my vigilance.
But she didn't panic.
I pretended to be a corpse... that is, a plushie, threw away the can of ice cream and, completely relaxing my body, fell back on the bed.
-"No, it's too late to pretend to be a doll! I saw you move just now! You were licking the lid of an ice cream can! With such pleasure too! It's smeared all over your cheeks, and you're still holding the spoon in your hand! You’ll stain my whole blanket with sticky cream!"

She came close to me, but I continued to ignore her. I’m a plushie, so I can't hear and I can’t talk.
A corpse that can move is pretending to be dead... It'd seem like I were having an identity crisis. I hope the darkness doesn't appear because of a small prank...
She even checked my pupils, but this was useless anyway, because my eyes are dead.
Although I'm a corpse, I feel depressed.

-"Hey, say something! I saw you! How long are you gonna pretend to be a stuffed toy?! Are you trying to hide your true identity and continue secretly living at the expense of someone else's family?! You parasite!"
Who are you to say that ?!
I almost took offense aloud in the manner of devil-brother. I really wanted to try on the role of a tsukkomi, but I couldn't afford that luxury.
Araragi Tsukihi, leaning her head in doubt, walked away with a dejected gait. Not to say I convinced her, but maybe this was enough to hush up the incident and forget about it?
Although it’s too early for hasty conclusions, to predict the behavior of this middle-school girl is simply impossible.

Araragi Tsukihi didn't keep me waiting and returned to the room. In her hands she was holding a metal bowl for some reason.
Without time to really think about why she brought the bowl here, Araragi Tsukihi immediately poured its contents on me. I couldn't dodge because I was pretending to be a plushie.
I then realized what it was, smelling a pungent smell.
Feeling a viscous substance on my skin.
I can’t believe it! She went and poured a full bowl of vegetable oil on me!
Since I'm a corpse, in fact I have no feelings. You can beat and kick me but that won’t get any reaction from me.
Therefore I'd say I could deceive even a specialist... However if she sets me on fire, things'll be bad.
I’m still a corpse, and if I get set ablaze fire will cleanse this dead body after which my soul may even enter Nirvana.
Why did this amateur for no reason choose almost the only possible way that'd force me to act?
And generally, would a normal person start a fire in their room, just to make sure their doll isn't alive?
Even an oddity wouldn't do that.
-"Ten, nine, eight, seven..."
She began to count.
I won't deny a burning match only increased the tension prevailing in the room.
Both a burning match and a countdown are nothing more than a ploy. She expects me to break down under her threats.
No modern teenage girl would burn her own home... So the right choice would be to pretend to be a plushie till the end.
Everything is fine. If I were a regular person, I certainly wouldn't've been able to remain calm while being negotiated with in such a frightening manner.
-"Six, five..."
...But she’s absolutely calm, and her serenity causes the most real fear, because it’s impossible to tell whether she's bluffing or not. Right now, Araragi Tsukihi is just overflowing with bluffs.
Hey wait, is she serious?
"Four... Ku ku, ku ku ku."
Wait a second?
What's so funny?
Is that a villainous laugh?
-"Three... Heh heh heh heh."
You can't do it like that! No matter what she thinks, she doesn't have a single means to extinguish the fire at hand. Then it might be too late.
Maybe in the pocket of her skirt where she pulled the match from lies something else? What if she hid some small container like a syringe in her school uniform? The water in it would be just enough to extinguish the little flame of a match.
Clearly, this is what she intended.
I almost got caught.
I'm not a human. So don't think your tricks will work on me...
-"Two... Ah, hot!"
And at that moment, when I had unraveled her plan, Araragi Tsukihi threw away the match because it reached the ends of her fingers and burned her.
The fire didn't wait for the countdown to end.
Apparently, modern middle-school girls aren't aware of the well-known fact that matches eventually burn out over time. So I didn't find out if she had stored any fire extinguishing means somewhere in the pocket of her uniform.

Araragi Tsukihi threw the match away but the danger still remained, since the air is filled with vapor from the oil, and due to the capillary effect it's absorbed into the fabric therefore, if it falls, for example, on the carpet, everything would go south.
I quickly picked up the can of ice cream, which still had something left, and jumped from the bed.
I masterfully caught the match with a jar in the air, as if I'd caught a dragonfly with a butterfly net. Melted ice cream extinguished the fire, as I'd hoped.
-"I... I knew it! I knew my plushie was moving! My eye's weren't deceiving me! Wait it's moving? Scary! Ahhhh!

--Chapter break--

-"Huh, oh oh?! So, you, Ononoki-chan, a magical girl-fighter for justice, who came to this world with the goal of destroying the unclean (seeping here from another dimension), freed from your body (since only the soul can cross the curtain between worlds), and therefore, to fight in our world, you moved into my doll?!"
Apparently, Araragi Tsukihi was fine with my story.
It was a desperate attempt to give at least some explanation, after I couldn't come up with anything convincing.
Gaen-san said to make sure that neither Araragi Tsukihi nor the rest of her family (apart from devil-brother) reveal my true identity.
Therefore, it's fine to impersonate another person so it's not revealed that I’m actually an assistant specialist and oddity, thanks to which I can somehow save my position? I see.
I see that this is the only way to at least save face.
Nevertheless, if I pretended to be some kind of spirit that could possess things, I'd probably be attacked by 'the darkness', therefore I'd introduce myself as a magical girl.
Initially I didn’t have any knowledge on the subject of 'other dimensions' or 'soul transfer', so I thought that it'd be best to take the favorite anime of devil-brother as a basis, the Pretty Cure series, which is just the right setting teeming with similar terms. This turned out to be quite enough to fascinate Araragi Tsukihi.
-"Well? So what's this 'unclean' you came to destroy?
"Um... It's very hard to describe in a word"
I haven't worked out my story to such detail.
I'm not creative enough to live up to her expectations, the height of which can be judged by how excited she is and how lively her voice is.
-"I'm fine with that! If you can’t put it in one word, say at least a hundred! For the first time in her life, Tsukihi-chan is ready to sincerely listen!"
And before that you never listened to what other people were telling you?... How did spend these fifteen years? It's starting to seem to me that something's wrong with this family, since they leave her behavior unsupervised.
"... This is an evil creature that, without knowing it, negatively affects everything that surrounds it. Where the unclean comes, misfortunes happen, as if it attracts them. I must end it before the city is enveloped in disaster."
-"Ha-ha. What an evil spirit!"

"Now I have to go to battle. Don't worry, as soon as I do my duty my soul will automatically be called back to its native dimension. This corpse... That is, this doll will go back to how it was and return to your room."
I had to invent a story for my needs since I've no right to leave my observation post. I didn't expect I'd get into such a situation. Well, at least I've avoided the worst possible scenario.
Be that as it may, in order to strengthen the image of a real magical girl, I was going to fly out of the room through the window. I decided to show Araragi Tsukihi myself flying through the sky (although it only looks like it, I’ll just be jumping).
"Alright I'm going now. Pray for my victory. In the name of saving this world and the people you love."
Here my vague knowledge was already lacking. Continuing to play the role of the magical girl, I bent my knees and...
"Unlimited..."
I already began saying the name of my ability when Araragi Tsukihi grabbed my knees, objecting with a sweet voice:
-"Hey wait a minute!"
Seriously?
It’s clear that I’m about to fly off. Even if you don’t know what the Unlimited Rulebook technique looks like, you have to understand how dangerous it is to be grabbing my legs in that situation?
Fortunately, she grabbed me a moment before I began to inflate my body, so nothing terrible happened, but if she'd done it a little later I would've smashed the whole second floor of the Araragi family's house.
-"Ku ku, did you really think Tsukihi-chan would remain on the sidelines after everything she's learned from you?! I couldn't allow such an evil spirit to be in my world! I'll help you!"
"Huh"
-"Let's fight it together!"
"Huh?"
What's with this sharp turn of events?
Is the story still going on?
Wasn't this a short story?

"No, I have no right to drag the inhabitants of this world into our affairs...
I was seized with a slight panic due to the unexpected development of events, and my speech became more like that of a samurai wandering a foreign land than the speech of a magical girl who arrived from another world, but Araragi Tsukihi can't be reasoned with any words.
She's never listened to what other people were telling her, and things weren't any different now. Although I’m not a person, I’m an oddity.
"... Therefore I'm obliged to do this work myself."
"Don't say that! This is about my world! What do you mean to get involved in your affairs? They've become my affairs now!"
Her words made it sound like the whole world belonged to her alone.
"You possessed my doll, that must be fate! It’s too late anyway, I’ve already decided! I'll show you there's also defenders of justice in this world! Moreover, I'm the very embodiment of justice! Eh hehe heh!"

After getting doused with vegetable oil, the only remaining thing to do was to accept that I had made a mistake. Since this volume is titled "Stupid Tale" I was sure a comedy in the way of stupid girls making a mess awaited us.

It’s too late to admit now, but devil-brother perfectly resolves such situations... Although I forget every time he was mostly lucky that his mistakes led to success. Among the acquaintances of Araragi Tsukihi there was still one who had not yet entered the stage.
And I'll ask her for help.

"Basically, if you don't help I'll kill you, Sengoku Nadeko."
-"Uh... Huhh?!"
She fell off her chair, not in an attempt to escape (such behavior was typical of her in the past), but simply out of surprise.
A minute earlier, I left Araragi Tsukihi’s room and arrived at Sengoku Nadeko’s home straight to her room (she lives nearby).
Looking at the table, I saw there was a lined sheet for manga.
Oh yeah, she seems to be striving to become a mangaka.
It's difficult to judge by one page whether it's good or not, but I can say for sure that she's drawing a banal shoujo manga. Honestly, I’m not interested in this.
Meanwhile, Araragi Tsukihi went back to school... More precisely, it was I who forced her to go. Trying to surely get her out of the house, I used the argument that's absolutely necessary to expel the unclean, and that a person who calls herself the personification of justice should go to school as expected. Surprisingly, it wasn't difficult for me to convince her, to which she answered with sincere joy in her voice: -"Good! Then I'll see you after class!" and went to school.

First of all, I thought of the former Kiss-Shot... The Oddity Slayer, Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade, now known as Oshino Shinobu.
The golden-haired girl.
Even if the former Kiss-Shot in her current form no longer looks like a demon, she still has the ability to materialize objects, with the help of which she could create a statue of a monster.
The problem is that we're in a bad relationship, but if I behave kindly, and this vampire suddenly shows kindness, maybe then she'll listen to one small request from her opponent? This idea seemed viable to me.
But, thinking for a moment, I eventually decided not to ask her for help. The fact is that this vampire has a close and trusting relationship with devil-brother, so if she tells him about my situation, it'll be bad.
If this incident makes him realize I'm now observing his little sister, not the most pleasant development of events awaits me. In view of his sister complex, he'll try to protect her, and because of his Lolita complex, I may also get the brunt of it.
I was seriously planning to tell her that there are monsters not visible to the eyes of stupid people, and play a one-man show in front of her, when it suddenly dawned on me to turn to Sengoku Nadeko.
The childhood friend of Araragi Tsukihi, for whom a snake once clung to, which a serpent once possessed... Thanks to this girl, who has experienced the influence of oddities, my task has been simplified.
In addition, Sengoku Nadeko was one of the few people involved in oddity incidents who broke all relations with Araragi Koyomi. You could even say that she was the most suitable candidate for dealing with this urgent problem.
-"No... you're definitely not a magical girl, am I right? Are you a... An oily spirit or something?
Uh oh.
I came here in the same clothes, because they managed to dry, but the strong smell of vegetable oil didn't disappear

I persistently demanded help, telling her that I was in trouble hiding in the house of the Araragi family to keep an eye on Araragi Koyomi and Oshino Shinobu (firmly insisting that this is the only purpose of my stay in their house) when his younger sister, Araragi Tsukihi, almost revealed my true identity.
After I named these two pseudo-vampires, as expected she had mixed feelings. However Sengoku Nadeko was not so pained to hear about them as I had hoped (It turns out that I was mistaken with the choice of strategy, trying to put pressure on her psychologically and weaken her).

-"Alright, alright. I'll help."
It seemed that difficult negotiations awaited me, but Sengoku Nadeko surprisingly easily made a promise.
For that matter, the fact that Sengoku Nadeko constantly mutilated devil-brother every time he climbed to the top of the mountain was the indirect reason for my moving into the house of the Araragi family. I felt somewhat humiliated, if only because I was going to insincerely beg for help from her, instead of appealing to her conscience, remembering everything that she'd done.
"Well, for the sake of Tsukihi-chan..." added Sengoku Nadeko.
Oh, how cute.
Others considered her a cute girl, but nothing more. On this basis, of course, Sengoku Nadeko's complexes mature. It was they who became the cause of last year's incidents. I can’t say that I don’t understand what she experienced then. To be in full view all the time, getting nervous from prying eyes...
The only thing she heard from others was praise for how cute she was.

She promised to help me for the sake of Tsukihi-chan, but it’s still not clear what's going on in her head... I hope she isn't thinking about how to put what's happening in the plot of her manga?
Araragi Koyomi and Sengoku Nadeko belong to the category of people who became oddities and at the same time managed to maintain their usual human way of life. In my opinion they both unconsciously seek support from others.
But don't count on me. When the time comes to kill you, I will do it.

I glanced toward Sengoku Nadeko as she stood up to her full height and experienced a strange surprise; I had to lift my head to see her face.
Has she grown up?
If this were a manga I'd say that the perspective is broken on the panel and there are inconsistencies with the background... She was much smaller when she was sitting in the temple and in the form of a god... She looked like a little fragile girl...
Ah... Clearly, she's a living person.
"But what could be needed of me? I’m not the Serpent God anymore... Can I somehow save Tsukihi-chan?"
"Save?"
-"Also, I recently haven't gone out much, so I can get sunburned if I stay outside for too long..."
Sengoku Nadeko is rather weak for a person who assured me she'd help at all costs.

"But another oddity is still residing in you, isn't it?"
-"...Seriously?"
Sengoku Nadeko bowed her head in bewilderment.
She forgot? Or did she not realize the presence at all?
So, Kaiki-onii-chan did everything at the highest level. Justifying his title as a con-man.
"Slug"
-"Huh?"
"Slug Tofu. To remove the Snake God that had settled inside you, Kaiki Deishuu took advantage of this oddity. Now I need it.

As a matter of fact, a certain semblance of an oddity named Slug Tofu has long left Sengoku Nadeko. This oddity doesn't really have much power and doesn't last long.
In order for this middle school girl to understand the slippery slope she took, the fraudster used a fake oddity as a palliative, the origin of which, meanwhile, remained unknown.
By the time Nadeko, who had descended from the mountain, was discharged from the hospital, her body was supposed to have almost completely gotten rid of the Slug Tofu. However, in the same way, traces of its stay should have remained.
Traces.
Or the residual effect, to put it more clearly.
Complications after such a meeting are inevitable; Araragi Karen, having experienced the influence of the Wreathe Fire Bee similarly continues to bear the burden left after this oddity.

-"And how are we going to extract this oddity? You need to do something like... well a ritual, right?
Should I change into a school swimsuit?"
I don’t know where she got this idea of ​​performing rituals, but Sengoku Nadeko spoke partly with knowledge of the matter. If you think about it, this is the second time in about six months that she's being relieved of an oddity. What else is there to say, the girl’s life is full of strange events.
"We'll skip this step... We don't have much time."
Oddly enough, the strong bonds of friendship seem to still bind Sengoku Nadeko and Araragi Tsukihi, so if she came to realize that I hid in the house of the Araragi family in order to kill her friend, we'll have a fundamental disagreement.
So, I stood next to Sengoku Nadeko, deciding to keep quiet about it, and then took one clean lined sheet for manga from the shelf of her writing desk.
"Be that as it may, only one small formality is required... Now, can you draw something here?"
-"Huh? Draw?"
"Are you good at drawing? Then draw me a slug on this sheet. A slippery and smooth one, should be simple, right?"
-"N-no, it's very difficult to portray! Even more so because it's smooth and slippery!"
It seems that my request slightly embarrassed Sengoku Nadeko. Apparently drawing primitive organisms, contrary to what I thought, is more difficult.
-"Besides, why do you need to draw a manga where the main character is a slug? This of course is a fresh idea but..."
"No need to draw a slug manga, just a sketch is fine. I could draw it myself, but the effect will be much stronger if you draw it. This small formality will allow me to slip the Slug Tofu onto the paper, the remains of which are preserved in your body."
-"Will it be something like that paper talisman where the Serpent God was embodied?"
Well, maybe.

"Have you ever submitted applications for any publisher? It seems a lot of of published mangaka say that they tried as teenagers.
-"Hm? Ah yes, in general it’s not necessary to draw with pens. Among professional mangaka many people lament. They say, how much can you use these ink remnants of the past?"
In response, I received an answer completely taken out of context.
She's probably too focused on drawing, so she doesn't delve into my words.
-"I think this is unlikely to be associated with the advent of digital technology... Still, good equipment requires a lot of investment... Uh, what were you asking me about?"
"On cooperation with magazines. By the way, there's authors who bypass publishers, and every year there are more and more of them. Are you by any chance not that kind of person?"
-"Ah no. I don't hang at companies like that."
"Don't hang"?
-"I tried to write for a magazine, but so far there's no response. And it seems the result won't be worth the wait. I also published work on the internet under a pseudonym, but the reviews were, as it were, unpleasant..."
"Hmmm..."
She talks about this quite frankly. Nevertheless, contacting the publisher is one thing, but publishing the work on the internet... For a reclusive girl lacking in communication skills, this, in my opinion, is big progress.
"But you do have a computer. What other big investments were you talking about?"
-"Ah, that's not the point. A netbook is enough to just go online. But for work, I think... You'd need a system much more expensive than a regular desktop PC with powerful gaming hardware... However, so far I’m not ready to seriously switch to digital..."
"...?"
I stopped understanding what she was talking about.

Fortunately, Sengoku Nadeko seemed to be finishing up drawing the slug, so I decided to close the topic I'd raised myself
"Well, we all have it tough from time to time."
-"Yeah, that's right" agreed Sengoku Nadeko, put down her pen and reached for a screentone sheet.
Are you also going to shade it?!
I had a feeling she didn't want to leave anything unfinished, right down to the shading and background.

Choosing the location for the decisive battle between the magical girl-fighter for justice and the slug monster fell on the well known Shirohebi park... Yes I agree, it wasn't the most original of ideads, but I didn't know of any other suitable place.
In terms of large open space, the North Shirahebi Shrine would also be suitable, but the god there is on good terms with devil-brother, so there's a risk my actions might get reported.
I don’t think it’s necessary, but just in case I’ll make a barrier so no one interferes with us.
If I show to Araragi Tsukihi how I put a barrier around our 'scene' it should partially satisfy her curiosity.
"... You brought what I asked you to?"
-"Brought it, I took it from the kitchen. We had several so I took two, for you and me. Actually why do we need salt anyway, Ononoki-chan?" She asked, pulling out two small salt shakers.
"According to my information, the monster is hiding somewhere around here. He's afraid of salt, so could you sprinkle a couple places with it?"
Of course the monster is affected by salt not because he's an evil spirit...
But because it's a slug.
If you sprinkle a slug with salt it absorbs all its mucus, without which it dries up and dies..
"So, I'll go over by the swing, while you go check the sandbox."
-"Ah ha ha I'll throw salt in the sandbox, just like a sumo wrestler!"
She looked quite happy and immediately went to the sandbox with a slide for children in it.
Araragi Tsukihi's actions are impossible to predict. She could've resisted for no apparent reason, saying that she'd go near the swing herself. So when she obeyed the order, I sighed with relief.

But why send Araragi Tsukihi to the sandbox?
That's where I buried the slug drawn by Sengoku Nadeko.
She herself has to discover a 'spirit from another dimension'. She already saw me raise the barrier, and if she becomes an eyewitness to the appearance of a monster from the sand, which she herself will sprinkle with salt, this feeling of involvement should be enough for her to feel satisfied. Then when the Slug Tofu crawls out I'll simply sweep it away (even before Araragi Tsukihi has time to do anything).
After defeating the monster, the soul of the magical girl-fighter for justice will return to its dimension, and the plushie of Araragi Tsukihi, so to speak, will return to as it was.
The story turned out to be decent, considering I made it up as I went.
Once I destroy the slug that'll spectacularly appear on our scene, rising from the sand, the plan can be considered successfully completed.

No matter how lucky people are in life, if they're born in a rich family, blessed by nature with appearance, they, as well as those less fortunate, are dissatisfied with something. Not because they're simply greedy for an even better life, but because without worries and discontent, a person doesn't feel alive.
Man longs to find the meaning of life.
Looking for difficulties to overcome.
...
Well...
No matter how believable my thoughts may look, I still can't comprehend this feeling, because I've long been dead.
Concepts like the meaning of life remain a mystery to me. These words find no response within me. They're empty.
... But what about Araragi Tsukihi?
This immortal oddity, the Shide no Tori, flying from person to person, transplanting from one to another. This phoenix is probably ​​the only oddity in the world that will endlessly live with people until the human race disappears.
Once I was also alive.
I really was human once, although not a single memory of those times remains in my brain. Nevertheless, I'm aware of what it means to be alive and what it means to be dead.
I know that life is fleeting and that death is absolute nothing.
Devil-brother knows this too.
As does the former Kiss-Shot understand the difference between life and death.
And then what is the Shide no Tori?
She simply exists, for her there's nothing but the present. How would she define herself: alive or dead?
-"A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!"
While thinking in vain about meaningless things, I heard the distant cry of Araragi Tsukihi and, noting to myself that she had a beautiful voice (the only beautiful thing about her), I looked in that direction.

I'd hoped that the monster would grow to the size of a minibus, but it seems to reach the dimensions of a multi-story building? Why did this Slug Tofu turn out so huge? The answer is obvious.
It's all about Sengoku Nadeko's drawing skills.
Out of my naivety, I asked her to draw a slug, but I forgot that I turned not only to an inexperienced artist, but also to a girl who for some time was in the form of a god.  It’s sad to admit, but this was my next mistake.
When the image became three-dimensional, the slug turned out to be comparatively huge, not only because the perspective was skewed in the composition (instead of the traditional drawing, Sengoku Nadeko used the manga drawing technique, and even made a background) but also because she endowed her pen with an unimaginable force. Yes, until she achieved results she'd always do her best. In the future she could make a real mangaka.
Or even a specialist.

Now I'm thinking it might've been better to have used the Wreathe Fire Bee from Araragi Karen, but what's done is done. So all that remains is to be content with Kaiki-onii-chan's slug, right?
Of course it's gigantic, but only that.
I don’t even have to get my hands dirty... A single finger is enough.
"... Rulebook."
I pierced the Slug Tofu with my fingertip, poking it right in the center, like skewering a marshmallow... I stuck my enlarged and swollen index finger into the slug.
It didn't show any serious resistance, and its remains scattered in all directions.
The slug was torn to pieces and scattered throughout the park. Everything went smoothly, despite unforeseen circumstances.
-"Thanks. With your help, I was able to destroy the monster" I thanked Araragi Tsukihi. She was frozen on the spot and just watched pieces of the destroyed slug pouring onto the ground in heavy rain.
This morning I wasn't very lucky. Rather, I continued to make one mistake after another all day, but my greatest blunder is that I hurried with the decision that everything was over and lost focus of the situation. concentration.
"Ononoki-chan! Behind you!"
Hearing her, I reflexively (despite the fact I'm dead) turned around, but I didn't have even a second to react.
Behind me stood a giant slug.
Fully restored.
It really, really was unhurt.

But wait, slugs aren’t animals like that, right? This isn't some worm from the planaria family with the ability to regenerate any level of damage, right? Although judging solely by appearance, some similarities can be traced.
Actually no, it was extremely unprofessional for me to call this oddity an 'animal'. A slug is slug, but this was a Slug Tofu
And then I felt...
I felt the blow of this slimy monster.
With a blaze of flame bursting from its mouth, like artillery fire.
I'm afraid this is no longer a slug, but a monster, because such unimaginable living creatures don't exist in nature.
I'd dodge this attack if I tried.
But Araragi Tsukihi was standing behind me..
Of course she wouldn't die even if set on fire by a slug, but it'd be bad if she found out about her true nature because of this.
From the very beginning, I was planning on doing something cool, so acting as a wall between the Slug Tofu and Araragi Tsukihi isn't the worst possible solution. But no matter how cool my act may look, fire is enemy No. 1 for me, because I'm a corpse, as I've already mentioned. And besides that I'm all covered in vegetable oil.
Flames instantly swept me from head to toe.
In addition to salt, there are other methods of dealing with slugs, such as the old method of burning incense. It was used back in the days when salt was a real commodity. Maybe it was worth approaching this historically? But what if you had to treat it not as a slug, but as a tofu? Would you fry or cook it (like fried or boiled tofu)...
In this case, this oddity is too incompatible with me and much more terrifying than I expected. Instead of a physical attack, it breathes fire from its mouth. I just can’t get rid of the thought that the Slug Tofu exists as if it was specifically created to destroy me, another oddity.
It's quite possible, given that this artificial oddity is the work of Kaiki... I wouldn't be surprised if this con-man had it in case of emergency, to get rid of me at any time.
Be that as it may, it was impossible to retreat.
After extinguishing the flames with much difficulty and left with burns over my whole body, I turned sharply and looked towards the giant Slug Tofu, but there wasn’t a 'monster from another dimension' there.

Huh? Where was it?
How did the giant slug slip out of my sight?
There's only one possible answer.
It dawned on me right away. Above.
I lifted my head and saw a pale point in the sky above the park. It was a slug that bounced so high it now seemed incredibly small. I don’t know how it managed to make such a powerful leap, but apparently this monster was planning on crushing me in a primitive way with its carcass.
Moreover it's still ablaze. If it immobilizes me and sets me on fire, I’m surely finished.
"I have no right to burn out without completing my work to the end,” I said, and without wasting a minute, prepared to dodge the attack.
Let my actions lead to new errors, better than to sit back, because inaction won't lead to a solution for this problem. In addition, Ononoki Yotsugi is still not so incompetent to make a mistake in dodging an attack from a slug falling from a great height.
I'll famously dodge the blow and launch a counterattack.
Fortunately, I had a plan. To use the salt that Araragi Tsukihi brought. Initially, I didn’t even think about using it, but since my opponent is a slug, the salt should work, despite its gigantic dimensions.

"Ononoki-chan, watch out!"
I was thrown aside by the blow.
While preparing to dodge the slug at the very last moment and counterattack, my eyes were fixed on one point. However, Araragi Tsukiki, the amateur, threw the professional, me, to the side with one blow. Since there's practically no strength in her slender arms, it would've been easy for me to get up right away, but as I was already getting up from the ground I collapsed right back.
In any case, it’s good that I promptly got out of the place where the Slug Tofu fell. It was there that Araragi Tsukihi now stood. She stayed in the same place when she threw me aside.
At the very last moment;
"You fool, don't act heroic to save me!"
I scolded her, but it was too late, since the fleshy carcass of a giant slug crushed the tiny body of Araragi Tsukihi.
Perhaps I shouldn't joke how she's now as flat as a board. I can’t even imagine what a terrifying sight awaits under this giant.

Not knowing that I’m already a corpse...
Not knowing that she herself is immortal...
She sacrificed her life without hesitation...
Just like Araragi Koyomi
Everything is very bad.
Moreover, it simply couldn't be worse.
When she threw me away I dropped the salt shaker, and now my main trump card was buried under the slug along with Araragi Tsukihi.

This isn't a matter of humanity: I couldn't abandon Araragi Tsukihi, which was ground into powder, not for this reason. Humanity is completely uncharacteristic of me, no matter how terrible it may sound. I'm a corpse, and blood hasn't flowed through my veins for a long time. There's the option of asking devil-brother for assistance but I couldn't manage that now.
I've got serious and very deep burns.
Because of them, there's necrosis in most areas of my already dead body. Therefore, it's no longer possible to use the Unlimited Rulebook, a technique which allows to control parts of the body by inflating or stretching them.

I call myself a professional, despite not being able to perform a task as simple as undercover observation. But in the end, the results of my work can't be considered bad. Despite the fact that Araragi Tsukihi is crushed, she won't die.
Even if her remains got scattered in every direction from an explosion and get lost without a trace, she still won't die. Because for her there is no death. Araragi Tsukihi will be reborn.
Despite my mistakes, I didn't lose the target of observation, meaning that as a professional I took the necessary measures to reduce possible risk.
Gaen-san, seeing as how I'm about to be reduced to ash, be sure to do something with this enraged Slug Tofu.
Observing this cold stream of impassive thoughts, I found something very interesting and anecdotal. If I knew how to laugh, I'd certainly be smiling.
I found that I didn't want to die (although I had already been dead) and that I was very scared...
At that very moment...
It collapsed.
I saw with my own eyes how the material embodiment of the Slug Tofu went away without a trace.

The Slug Tofu had disappeared, that was a fact.
In its place lay only the crushed remains of Araragi Tsukihi, mixed with soil, which the giant monster had loosened with its heavy carcass. Disgusting sight.
While I was completely confused, unable to realize what had happened, unable to explain this phenomenon, a voice came from the sandbox.
-"You can attack it as much as you like, but the essence isn't three-dimensional. You just had to go for the original."
And when I looked that way...
I saw God.
The God of this city.
I saw a girl with two pigtails and a large backpack on her shoulders. Her name was Hachikuji Mayoi.
In her hand she held an evenly folded lined sheet for manga, dug from sandbox.
Thus, the slug, painted by the future famous mangaka, couldn't be seen... It was closed.
Sealed.
...
I see.
Despite the fact that the slug materialized in three-dimensional space and turned out to be of gigantic proportions, its real body was on a sheet of paper. It turns out that I, even more than Araragi Tsukihi, started believing in the fictional setting of a magical girl-fighter for justice hunting monsters.
Everything turned out so simple... Why didn’t I think of it myself?
Mayoi-onee-chan proudly puffed out her chest seeing how puzzled I was.

"I didn't expect this from you, Ononoki-san. I see you meant to keep something a secret from me, But I'm a God, and this is my city! I keep a close watch on every nook and cranny!"
I think she's exaggerating.
Now I understand that I was mistaken with my choice of scene, because this park is closely connected with the Temple of the Northern White Snake, where they worship the Serpent God.
To erect a barrier was useless.
In order to keep something secret from sister Mayoi you should stay away from the Temple of the Norther White Snake, where she lives, and for that same reason, you should stay away from this park. However, the mistake I made saved me.

Mayoi-onee-chan praised me (did she turn out to be pleased with my work?), promising that she wouldn't tell devil-brother anything about this case, put away the sheet of paper folded several times into her backpack and returned to the mountain.

I thought the slug should be dealt with immediately, tearing it into small pieces, but since Mayoi-onee-chan is a snail god, for her the slug is probably someone like a family member, since snails and slugs are related species...
There's many oddities among her friends, so most likely she adhered to the same policy both in relation to people and in relation to monsters, acting kind to everyone.

I'm surprised Tsukihi tried to save me. Any other specialist in my place would be deeply moved by her self-sacrifice.
But if she hadn't initially doused me with vegetable oil, I wouldn't have flared up with such a strong flame. Whatever you may think, there's only one conclusion to be made; She also had a hand in the grave consequences we experienced both today.
Nevertheless, I didn't send a report on today's incident to Gaen-san, and with good. Not to say I didn’t send anything to cover my own mistakes, lowering me to the level of ordinary people, because I consider myself primarily a high-class professional. But in addition, the Shide no Tori showed an unexpected characteristic today, which made me abandon the previous approach, just waiting for the opportunity to destroy it.

I brought Araragi Tsukihi home and, while she was sleeping, embalmed my burnt body all night, trying to hide the burns with makeup. I then made my way to the room of my target, where I pretended to be a plushie, praying to heaven that this bird, waking up, would consider everything that happened a dream. However the next day, Araragi Tsukihi seemingly completely forgot about the events of yesterday, intead of just mistaking them for dreams.

She behaved as usual, played with me like a typical life-sized plush toy. Although I did experience some inexplicable sensation from her touch, realizing that the events of last night hadn't gone unnoticed.

Last time, when I demolished the upper half Araragi Tsukihi's body, she didn't remember any of it, because she didn't have time to fully realize I had attacked her. But even if that moment was erased from her memories, it only means the information from her short-term memory didn’t have time to settle

However, this time not only information from short-term memory was forgotten, but almost all the events of yesterday... As if someone had cut out uncomfortable memories and set everything up in such a way that Araragi Tsukihi forgot about the magical girl-fighter for justice and the giant slug that crushed her. Just the explanation of 'she forgot everything because of shock at the time of death' doesn't sit right with me.

Since I had a free day, I decided to use it properly so as not to repeat past mistakes, and calmly digest the ice cream left for me. After the target of observation went to school, on her bed I put out a row of five cans of ice cream, which I stealthily pulled out of the refrigerator, and prepared to enjoy every taste, when suddenly...

-"Ahhh! Just when I was too lazy to go to school, turned around halfway and came home, do I see my plushie eating ice cream?!"
Just like yesterday, Araragi Tsukihi was frightened when she returned to her room.

... "Magical Girl-Fighter for Justice - 2".

Someone who'll never learn anything, no matter how many times they make the same mistakes... Okay, that's okay.

Next time I won't make any mistakes.