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- > Be Anon, walking home with a box of pizza under your arm
- > It was a long day of work at the store, but now you have the entire evening to relax
- > As you turn on to your home street, you spy a wooden table piled high with pizza boxes
- > Behind it is one of those aliens, colored like a Lisa Frank folder
- > As you approach, the alien catches sight of you and waves a hoof
- > You wave back, a little uneasy
- > The news is kinda contradictory about them
- > At first, CNN and the like praised them for having a matriarchal society, but once more mares came over and started talking Twitter erupted in feminist outrage about internalized misogyny, and the major networks soon followed
- > Meanwhile Fox ran daily segments on how the alien culture was infiltrating the polyamorous and academic communities
- > They said that herding is unsustainable for humans, as it is predicated upon unequal gender ratios
- > "Hi! Wanna find your true love?"
- > You blink, finding yourself just a few feet from the table
- > The alien mare is smiling up at you
- > You glance at the pizza boxes on the table
- "Is it you or something?"
- > She shakes her head
- > "Definitely or something, I already have a husband. No, I am here to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime! For the low cost of a slice of peetzer, I will divine just who you are meant for!"
- > ...
- > This is dumb
- > Aliens are dumb
- > Maybe she's trying to do some mail order bride thing?
- > Or just scamming passersby for pizza?
- > You know what, you can respect the hustle
- > It's only one slice, after all
- > You retrieve a slice pizza from your box and hand it to her
- > She opens one of the boxes and levitates your slice inside, a pale blue aura moving everything
- > It's kind of neat to see "magic" in person
- > The alien hums, swaying back and forth
- > Her eyes shine with that same pale blue light, and her wings extend and tremble
- > It reminds you of a bird's mating dance, but that can't be it, can it?
- > Abruptly, she stops glowing and moving
- > She starts making dial up noises, then printer noises
- > From thin air, two pieces of paper appear on the table
- > They seem to be some sort of registration form?
- > Name, occupation, hobbies, etc
- > On one, the picture is of a "Sarah McNair", a slightly pudgy but cute redhead in a hoodie
- > The other is of a mare named "Moondancer" with butter yellow fur, glasses, and a comfy looking sweater
- > Cute enough, you guess
- "So, are these from a dating website or something?"
- > The alien rolls her eyes
- > "Of course not. It's love magic, pure and simple."
- > You decide not to call her on the obvious lie
- > Looking back at the papers, you can't find any sort of contact information
- "So, what's the point of having these if there isn't any way for me to get in contact with them?"
- > The alien takes a crystal ball out of nowhere and thunks it down on the table
- > "Scrype calling costs an additional slice of pizza, but is guaranteed to cross dimensions and reach all parties at a time that is convenient to them!"
- > You look blankly at the mare
- > She grins, hooves waving mystically around the crystal ball
- > Fuck it
- > You give her another slice
- > The crystal ball begins to glow, and the alien makes beep and boop noises
- > Abruptly, the ball projects two windows into the air in front of you, one showing Sarah brushing her teeth, wearing pink pajamas, the other showing Moondancer brushing her mane
- > You honestly didn't expect it to work
- "Uh, hi?"
- > Sarah squeaks, dropping her toothbrush and spitting out the toothpaste
- > Moondancer's eyes go wide
- > "Is this Scrype matchmaking?"
- > You scratch your cheek
- "I guess?"
- > Moondancer starts hyperventilating
- > You raise your eyebrows
- "Uh, no pressure. Pretty sure this is a pizza scam or something."
- > Sarah wipes her mouth and tilts her head
- > "Pizza scam?"
- "Yeah, the alien that set this up is doing everything in exchange for pizza."
- > Moondancer gasps
- > "Princess Cadence! Thank you, your majesty!"
- > Sarah seems just as confused as you are
- > Meanwhile Princess Cadance(?) nods graciously
- > "You are quite welcome, my little pony."
- > Sarah clears her throat
- > "So, ah, what's going on here?"
- > You shrug
- "Ostensibly, we are all soulmates or something. I'm pretty sure this is just the pony equivalent to a dating site."
- > Sarah frowns
- > "But I didn't sign up for anything? I mean, I'm not objecting, you are pretty handsome, and oh gosh I should just stop talking."
- > She covers her face with her hands, but you can still see her blush around the edges
- > You grin
- "You're pretty cute too, so maybe they're on to something. What do you think, Moondancer?"
- > The mare swallows nervously
- > "My body is ready. I mean, uh, as Alpha mare, I will treasure you both, you and your long, hot foalchasing legs."
- > You blink at her
- "Foalchasing legs?"
- > Moondancer begins to blush
- > "Yes."
- > Cadance coughs
- > "If you would like to continue the call in private, I will be glad to sell you the scryping crystal for the rest of your pizza, Anon."
- > You glance at your pizza, then at the cute, easily flustered girl and pony
- "Half of my pizza."
- > Cadance makes a whining sound, then hangs her head in defeat
- > "Fine, half of your pizza."
- > As you walk away with your new crystal ball, you look over the papers
- "So, uh, how does an anime night sound? I need to catch up on this season."
- > Sarah grins
- > "I'm down for that."
- > Moondancer rubs her chin
- > "Can we start with interspecies reviewers? For some reason, I can't get that on the horsenet."
- > You shrug
- > "Fine by me, I haven't seen it."
- > Sarah blushes
- > "Should we watch the censored version or..."
- > You raise your eyebrows
- "Uh, whichever you are-"
- > "Uncensored! I mean, if you have it. And don't mind."
- > Moondancer grins nervously
- > Sarah turns nearly as red as her hair
- > "I do have the uncensored version, so, yeah. I guess we're doing this."
- > You had your doubts about that pizza pony, but maybe she was right
- > You will just have to find out
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