Clever Telling / Sabrina Hawthorne - False Allegations of Abuse
- The date of this writing is May 9th, 2021. My name is Sabrina; you probably knew me as Clever Telling. This document contains mention of sexual assault, verbal and mental abuse, gaslighting, and ableism.
- If you’ve received this document from me, it means I want you to know the truth. It also means that I trust you to send this to other people who might care. I don’t want to know if this will ever reach the eyes of Bucky Grant, and if you try to inform me of any detail about his life, his opintions, his statements, or his platform, you will be blocked.
- From roughly December of 2019 through September of 2020, I lived with Bucky Grant and hir partner, Rye. For the majority of that period, Bucky, with the complicity of hir partner, abused and gaslit me.
- I won’t go into details for obvious reasons, but over the course of that roughly 10-month period, Bucky became erratic, angry, impulsive, and increasingly prone to lying about things to justify hir behavior, which involved invading my personal space, controlling what I did or didn’t do in a given day, attempting to control what I ate, and at least one time (that I remember) sexually assaulting me while he thought I was asleep. He also regularly brought along hir partner to physically threaten me. Since Rye never spoke on the topic, I can only speculate on how they felt.
- If you have been in contact with hir bentween August of 2020 and the present, I have no doubt he will have told you of the violent and unforgivable things I did while living with hir. These are almost entirely lies.
- What isn’t a lie is that for the vast majority of my time living with Bucky, I didn’t pay rent. This is true. I will make no excuses. I know the various reasons, internal and external, why this happened. Regardless, it was wrong of me, as I had made and agreement with Bucky that I would pay my share, and I didn’t. I don’t, however, think that justifies the gaslighting and abuse I endured at hir hands.
- It’s worth noting that Bucky knew, as you all do now as well, that I was abused by my parents during adolescence, and my father in particular was impulsive, angry, transphobic, and controlling. I am still in contact with my parents, and we are making efforts to repair our relationship. I bring this up, though, because in October of 2020, when I was moving out, my father came to help haul my things to my next place of living. While he was helping me haul my things into his pickup truck, Bucky sat in the living room and tried several times to talk my father into acting violent or abusive towards me. He specifically used the information I had given him about the nature of my abuse in an attempt to convince my father to shout at, hit, or abandon me. It was an explicit and open attempt to incite abuse against me, from someone he knew full well as someone who had abused me before.
- I bring up gaslighting because it is notably heinous in this case – anyone reading this who knows me know that I have a bad memory, due both to my Attention Deficit Disorder and being a survivor of previous psychological trauma. My memory is infamously bad, to the point that I often forget easy details about the lives of my best friends until I’m reminded. This means that if a person were, say, to start accusing me of threatening them with violence, the only certainty I would have in the falsehood of that statement is that I don’t think of myself as someone who would do that sort of thing. This made the latter half of my time living with Bucky especially scary. He and hir partner were the only people I could talk to, and even if Bucky was in the mood to not shout at me and call me a pedophile, I could never trust what he would claim.
- This is also the reason I’ve waited so long to write and release this document. Frankly, for months after I got away, I wasn’t entirely sure of what went down in that house. It took a lot of time, effort, and introspection to piece together the majority of what went down – when the abuse began, specific points in time where it escalated, and the details of exactly what he did to me.
- I’m not going to try to provide evidence of any kind for the claims I make in this document, ever. This is for two reasons. The first is that I have no wish to engage with anyone who might want to “prove” the situation one way or the other. I know what I went through. Either you believe me or you don’t. The second is that, given that the nature of my abuse was almost entirely psychological, and the single time it became physical was at once over half a year ago and many hundred showers ago, I have no evidence to provide. Neither, doubtless, does Bucky. I don’t want to know or engage with that conversation anyway.
- I’m releasing this document for a single reason – because in cutting Bucky out of my life, I also lost a number of good friends, most of whom I haven’t since heard from. This is to be expected – after all, Bucky and I had built a small platform together, which was how we met and maintained contact with these mutual friends, so once I left that platform, I left those people as well.
- That also means I left those people to hear only Bucky’s side of the story. This I cannot abide. I’ve made my peace with the fact that many people I once called friend have been convinced that I was the abuser in Bucky and my relationship. I don’t begrudge those people. I certainly haven’t spoken up Since. But I also know, at least somewhat, what went down in that house. I know what I was put through, no matter the justifications Bucky has or will make for hir actions. And I know that the people I knew during that period were good people who can recognize a situation for what it is.
- If you’ve read this entire document, thank you. If we knew each other during that period and you’re at all interested in reconnecting, then you probably have a way to contact me. If you’re still in contact with Bucky in any way, if you have any interest in litigating the veracity of my statement, or if you have information regarding what he has said on the topic, don’t bother. I cut hir off as completely as I could, and have no wish to ever be reminded of hir again. I’ve also left the fandom space we shared, as well as the last of my social media, for good.
- However if you’ve read this and realize what it means, and you’re interested in keeping contact, feel free to get ahold of me on discord.
- - Sabrina.
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