Thread 25: Stories 91-105

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>Chitania
"Store Pony"
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>WHAT THE FUCK!?

"Yeah, just got the shipment in. You looking for the one with the memory foam ass? Sorry, those sold out ten minutes ago."

>I thought you said you just got them?

"Yep, bout eleven minutes ago."

>...This looks nothing like Titania.

"Yeah, that variant kind of sucks, she looks better on the card."

>Who the hell is "Thuntainia"?

"Ehh, card says she's a long lost sister, but they're probably going to retcon that in the comic."

>What the hell!?

"Oh, yeah, issue 1 is coming out in a month or two. These guys work fast."

>...WHY DOES THIS TOY MAKE SENSUAL MOANS!?

"They're supposed to be roars, I think."

>THE FUCK THEY ARE!

"Hey lady, I get enough 'corrupting my kids' stuff from parents as it is for 'pushing violence', I don't need to add more to that pile."

>I... I'm more confused than angry... I'm plenty angry, bu the confusion is just... just growing so much.

"You think that's bad? Her arch enemy is Luminous Shield from the Power Ponies spin off. And, get this, there are plans for them to start DATING."

>...

"...There is smoke coming out of your ear.... are you-"

~~~~

[...Did ya'll just hear screamin'?]

{It's probably nothing.}

[...Ah' still hear it.]

{Ignore it and it will go away.}

[...this is why so much stuff is yer'-]

{I KNOW!}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Mane-Iac
"DT"
'Spike'
[42]
{77}
~~~~~

*RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA*

>AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~!

"WHYYYYYY!?"

'She had excellent references!'

[MAJESTY ORDERED ME TO GIVE HER A FIVE STAR REVIEW!]

{She seemed nice in the interview!}

"SHE HAS ALLL THE GUNS! ALL OF THEM! AT THE SAME TIME!"

'H-heh, live and learn, right?'

"[{...}]"

'...R-right?'

>AAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHH


*RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was quiet in the castle, only the echoes of Pommel's hoofsteps and the sound of wind whistling through passageways met his ears as he wandered. It was day, a bright and shining day, the sky a cloudless sea of beautiful blue. But there was no one around, no guards, no members of royalty, no changelings, no one at all.

"Hello?" Pommel called, "Anyone there?"

He' d had a dream, a strange strange dream, of a great and terrible beast, of being stranded on an island, adrift at sea, shanghaied by pirates. He remembered...he remembered the monolithic changeling queen that had helped and hindered him as she pleased, the massive terrifying eel, the dark blue pegasus mare with her ears leaden down with earrings and her mane hidden beneath a crimson bandanna, the light brown unicorn with the wild mane and the wilder psyche, the blatantly enigmatic doctor, the scarred and gruff captain...

He remembered the minotaur.

He remembered falling off the side of a city built upon a turtle shell.

"...what a dream."

He kept walking, looking around, trying to find someone, anyone that could tell him that his dream was a dream and he hadn't just done such a stupid thing. The castle was pristine, despite its emptiness, the same stark white beauty that he remembered it having.

"What. A. DREAM."

He was running now, head jerking to look in every door, every window, desperate for a confirmation of life. The throne room, the Gun Club Headquarters, all the offices, the ballroom, all empty, all quiet. His search finally came to a close in the garden, leaving him huffing and panting as he sat on the ground, looking down at the blades of grass.

"Am I...am I dead?"

"No, you're not."

The voice made Pommel turn, and there he was, the old scratched up changeling with the glint of ambition in his eye, smiling at Pommel like a friend so very longlost.

"Oh, 32, thank Faust I found you," Pommel sighed, "I thought this was some kind of purgatory."

"It is not, dear Pommel, of that I can assure you," 32 put a hoof on his shoulder.

"Do you know where everyone is? I gotta tell you about this dream, I've been hav...ing..." Pommel looked down and blinked.

Water, slow but constant was beggining to flow up from the ground, through stone and soil, licking at Pommel's hooves. Dread grew across Pommel's face as he slowly looked up into 32's eyes, which had taken on a consoling softness.

"I-" Pommel began, but was cut off as the changeling embraced him.

"My friend, this is the dream, and you must wake up," 32 said calmly, "We're waiting for you, all of us."

The water continued to rise, coming up to Pommel's midsection.

"Wake up..."

To his neck...

"Wake...up..."

His eyes...

"WAKE UP!"

-------------

Pommel shout of panic came out as an explosion of bubbles from his mouth, he tasted salt water on his tongue, his nostrils burned, his body ached, and there was the matter of him being twisted up with a giant semi-conscious minotaur. Even knocked out it seemed Brahmos could manage a death grip that Pommel's squirming and thrashing could not dislodge. Closing his eyes, Pommel exerted as much strength as he could, trying to reach out with his magic to pull away the massive bull's arms.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the arms came apart, Pommel weakly pushing away the monstrous minotaur with his hooves, a tinge of annoyance hitting him as one hoof hooked around Brahmos' belt. He shook himself, trying once more to be dislodged from the hulking pirate.

Then Brahmos' eyes opened.

Pommel mentally screamed as his effort redoubled, trying to stab through the belt with his horn. He managed to feel it hook on something before a punch, not as hindered by the water as one would think, slammed into his jaw sending him spiraling away. It wasn't exactly how he'd intended to be freed from the burly bull's grasp, but he wasn't about to question it. Desperately attempting to use the momentum he began flailing his limbs in a doggy paddle towards the surface, hoping to high hell what he'd hooked on his horn wasn't important. Judging by the sudden massive gout of enraged bubbles that exploded below him, its absence had been discovered. Pommel paddled like a madman, fighting every impulse to look below him at what he could only imagine was the marble white minotaur closing in on him.

Above, high above, the sun beamed through the crystal clear surface. He had to get there, he had to escape, he had to get home, to all of his friends. He paddled and swam until his muscles screamed for respite and then continued all the same, even if there was no true escape waiting for him on the surface, he could at least TRY to make it to land.

His head broke the surface, grateful breaths snatching at air that had never tasted so sweet. He kicked to keep himself from sinking once more, trying to see the closest bit of land he could maneuver himself towards. Below the water was beginning to darken, the shadow of one pissed off minotaur rocketing up to seal Pommel's fate, closing in for the kill. Pommel closed his eyes, diverting every bit of energy he could towards escape, he had to swim, he had to get away, he had to-

Fly?

The feeling of the wind beneath his body made him open his eyes in shock, in time to see the water rushing by as he slowly gained altitude.

"What...?" Pommel's brain was taking a few moments to register what his eyes were seeing.

"We gotta quit meetin' like this, Pommy me lad, it isn't seemly," The voice that spoke into his ear was a welcome relief.

"Can't really say I disagree, Jackie," Pommel said, letting out a breath as Daw banked left and had them approaching the Widow's Regret, "Do all the visits to Tortoiga go like this?"

"About one in five!" Daw replied with a laugh, "Brace yerself, we're coming in for a landing!"

Pommel braced himself, slamming into the deck as Daw landed beside him, prompting a loud triumphant cheer from the crew. Pommel stumbled to his feet, finding himself grabbed up into a hug by Rat.

"Ya made it, lad! I can't hardly believe it!" The tan unicorn laughed, "Ya went cliff divin' with the devil himself and ya came out smellin' like roses!"

"It may look it but trust me, doesn't feel like it," Pommel groaned.

"You handled yourself ably, boy," Captain Evergreen strode forth, giving Pommel a nod, "You have my gratitude."

"Thanks, sir...any chance that gratitude could count towards my debt?"

Evergreen laughed, "Not on your life."

"Damn it, come on-"

"Lad...ya got something hanging on your horn," Daw raised an eyebrow.

"Huh? Oh yeah, this thing," Pommel's horn glowed, levitating what he'd found.

"What is it?" Daw tilted her head.

"I'm not sure," Pommel examined the object, a small black cylinder attached to a string.

"I'll tell ya what it is," Rat grinned, "It's our ticket to fortune! Remember what that rotten bastard Snipe said before you cold-cocked him? They'd found something that would make them all rich, what are the odds this is that?"

"You really think-" Pommel was cut off as a pair of hooves quickly popped the top off of the cylinder and began shaking out what was inside.

"It belongs to the Equestrian Academic Society," Doc, who had walked up in the meantime, grumbled, "They use these to preserve important documents, if that brute was willing to kill a few scholars and their escorts for it, then it has to be worth...something..."

Out of the tube came a rolled up piece of parchment, yellowed with age. Doc narrowed his eyes, flattening the paper out.

"It's...a map..." Doc mummered, "These pictographs look to be...Coltec in origin...give me a moment, I'll try to figure out what they mean."

"Ha! Ya hear that lad! A map!" Rat beamed at Pommel, "Maps mean treasure, treasure means money, and money means we'll all be rich!"

"An' what, pray tell, would a bunch of academic types be doing with a treasure map?" Daw countered, "It don't make sense for them to be gadding about by their lonesome. Equestria knows these waters are dangerous."

"It may indeed just be a sea chart," Evergreen looked over at Doc, "Scholars are known to prize knowledge, even if it's outdated."

"Well for my sake I hope it IS treasure, I don't want to get sold to a camel...again, what the hell is a ca-"

"A city," Doc interrupted Pommel's reply, "This is a map to some kind of city in the middle of the ocean. There...might be some artifacts of a valuable nature, to be sure, though last I checked the Coltec's weren't in as high a demand amongst collectors as other civili...za...tions..."

"Doc? You okay?" Pommel looked down to where Doc was now staring at the map, which had begun to glimmer in the sunlight.

Speicfically, the city had begun to glimmer, a shine that was unmistakable to everyone that could see it. Pommel held it up with his magic, and its shine became visible to the entire crew.

"Doc...does this mean what I think it means?" Evergreen looked at the shocked elderly earth pony.

Rat smiled, Daw's jaw dropped, hope began to rekindle in Pommel's bones.

"Gold," Doc said finally, "This map...is to a city of Gold."

All was silent.

And then the cheer that went up would make Pommel swear he'd gone deaf.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Head Cook”
‘Arana’
_________

“Enough is enough! I can’t work like this! None of us can!”

>So okay, here Ah am caught betwixt an overdue maintenance bill and a petition letter from Ponyville to get the Cakes to move back to town an’ y’all jus’ gonna bust in mah office like ya own it? Apparently y’all done forgot yerselves. Gimme one good reason why Ah shouldn’t buck yer’ ass through the wall.

“I make the majority of your apple cider cakes. Just the way you like them, too. That delicious apple glaze? Me.”

>...Remind me to give y’all a raise in the near future.

“Praise the apples!”

>Now, yer’ problem? An’ quickly, before Ah forget how yer’ treats keep me sane.

“You’ve gotta put a leash on that crazy female Changeling you’ve got running around here, the big one with the fat ass.”

>Er, Chrysalis…?

“Yeah, that one. She keeps sneaking into the kitchen with that other mare who cackles like she was some kinda comic book villain!”

>…

“They nick food, leave utensils everywhere, drink straight out the carton, don’t put the damn milk back, stand over us and watch us cook, they have this weird fixation with honey that I’m pretty sure borderlines on the erotic more than half the time, they’re constantly playing ‘keep away’ with our spatulas, the big-assed Changeling is always sexually harassing us with these fetish-fueled fantasies she has about Shining Armor, the laughing one just won’t shut the fuck up, but all that's minuscule… because what I really hate-”

>Oh here we go.

“-is how fucking cute they look together when they legitimately try to help us. They fuck up constantly, get covered in all sorts of flour and pancake batter, but they always laugh about it.”

>…

“It’s a real pain in our asses, always having to fix their mistakes and teach them the proper way to prepare the dishes they want to make. Did you know that big-assed Changeling has been trying to make this one really complicated apple-centric dish for the past four months now? She won’t accept help on it either, wants to do it by herself, so my crew and I have to deal with all the fires, the melted forks, dropped plates- and you know what she does at the end of every day? She fails. Then laughs with that weird mare, says “Welp, that was fun! See you guys tomorrow!” and strolls right on out without lifting a single broom or rag to the mess left behind.”

>…An’ ya came to me ‘bout this instead a’ kickin’ her out on yer’ own becaaaaaause why again?

“Because she’s making that dish for you.”

>…

“And, as a cook, I have an unspoken obligation to help someone with genuine interest in the culinary realm. I can’t in good conscience give her the hoof. She’s enthusiastic, she has great energy… she’s just a bloody fuck-up. But she’s trying, and that’s enough for now. I just had to vent before I jammed a whisk up her ass.”

>…

“And, well, that’s all, really. Thanks for listening, Princess. I’ll have the inventory list on your desk tomorrow as usual, take care. You too, Arana.”

Where Applejack had been stunned by the fact that Chrysalis had been secretly cooking a dish around her favorite fruit, she now blinked, glancing up at the Spiderling in the corner, then to the head cook.

>How… how d’ya know ‘bout Ara’ here?

“You kidding? You're telling me you haven’t noticed the lack of a uniform bill this month? Arana made us an entirely new set. For free.”

‘You guys make those delicious circular things!’

“Doughnuts, Arana.”

‘Those!’

>She… she does? An’ y’all ain’t freaked out by her, uh… her appearance?

“Nothing could be worse than some of the things we’ve seen Princess Cadance and the big-assed Changeling bring to life in the oven. Seriously. Though there was that one time one of the cooks shirts blew up with him in it….”

>…say what?

‘Yeeeeah, uh, I forgot to take the bomb weave outta that one….’

>…

“Anyway, best get back to my station before all hell breaks loose again. Celestia help me….”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
^Celestia^
~2~
-Mane-Iac-
[42]
{18}
~~~~~~~

>Now then, when eating at a foreign dignitaries residence, it is always important to...?

"Keep an eye on every exit, make sure to use your disguise magic to hide the fact you have a full blast charged and ready to fire, keep an eye on to your left and use your wings to gauge possible attacks from behind."

'What!? No! No no no! You're supposed to observe their customs!'

^Though what she said is rather smart, depending on the situation. It's always unwise to start and international incident, but it's even more unwise not to finish what someone else started.^

'AUNTIE CELESTIA!^

~Are we gettin' marchmalley brownies for dessert?~

>Yes, Two, but for desert. That comes last.

-FOOOOLISH LUMINOUS SHIELD! It is far better to taste the flavor of GREATNESS first, and revel in the CHAOS of eating desert before all others!-

[Why on earth is she here? Does she even eat?]

>Chrysalis doesn't do that thing with the innuendo when she's around.

-...The what?-

{It means to be deceptive or facetious in a specific sense.}

-Ohhh...-

"Don't fry my friend's brain, 18. Her comic isn't exactly aimed at intellectuals."

{Which is why you enjoy it so?}

"MANEY! BACKSMACKATTACK!"

SMACK!

{OW!}

>No fighting at the table!

-No... fighting? But all things can be solved with fighting! It's how we supers say hello half the time!-

^It's true, issues fourteen and twenty four all started like that.^

>...What?

^What? I can't like comics? I was there when they started printing the things, I find them quite fun.^

'Huh.'

^Though, I have to say, this reboot has really-^

>'"SHHHHHH!"'

^...Sorry?^

'Ixnay on the omicskay while aneymay is in the room!'

~HEE HEE! Caddy's saying funny words!~

[I have no idea what anyone is going on about.]

{You think I do? Who has time to read that stuff.}

"Queens who know how to delegate."

{AKA, Queens who never do any work.}

"MANEY! TABLEFLIP!"

FLING!

>...Should have seen that coming.

^You really should have.^

"Well, with that out of the way... who wants dessert?"

>No-

~YAAAAYYY~

>...Low blow, Chrysalis.

"I use my manipulation well, you have to give me that. "

-I TOO WISH TO PARTAKE IN THE MAAAAAADNESS OF THE GRAND MARCHMALLEY BROWNIE! YES!-

"Try to say no to that face, I dare you."

>...

'...You sent this here.'

^You see my face? Not a single regret. Better you than me.^

-COME, DUO! COME AND LET US TAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY OURS!-

~WHEEEEEE~

CRASH!

^Not... A... regret...^
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Suckerpunch
"41"

The changeling and the pegasus sit under the stars in Canterlot garden, a few bottles of booze between them as they look up at the night sky.

>Ya...ya wanna know wush great?

"What?"

>Thish...thish righ' here! Jush two besh buddiesh jush...jush...

"Gettin' hammered?"

>Eeeeeexactly! Jush two besh friendsh gettin' hammered!

"Wooow...we're BESH friendsh?"

>Yup! An' I'll fight anyone who saysh we ain't!

"What if I shaid it?"

>Then I fight ya!

"But we fight all the time!"

>...harder than ushual!

"I'd win~!"

>Would not!

"Would too~! I'll fight hardererer than you!"

>Wanna bet?

"Nope!"

>...why not?

41 hugs Suckerpunch.

"'cuz you're my besht friend!"

>...thanksh, Buggy.

"No problem, Speedbag."

>...

"...what?"

>That'sh totally my coushin'sh name!

"No fuggen way!"

>It'sh true!

"Poniesh are weird namersh!"

>I know, right?

"Thish...Imma need another drink..."

>I got it!

"No I do!"

They both reach for another bottle, the same bottle-

CLONK!

They flop onto their backs, knocked out for once not in combat. When they wake up, it'll be a hell of a time figuring out whether it's the hangover or the head trauma that's making their craniums sore.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"Brain"
~~~~~~

>BRAIN! STATUS REPORT!

"You got shot in the face."

>WELL DONE!... WHY!?

"Because you froze mid-punch. You had him on the ropes for a while, but then you froze. Why did you freeze?"

>YOU TELL ME, BRAIN!

"...Accessing... file not found."

>File not found!? The hell does that mean!?

"You either took a shot to the head so hard you have mild amnesia, or you're suppressing it. If you want, I can access what happened up till that point-"

>It's fine, just don't let it happen again!

"Hey, I'm not the one in control of involuntary muscle control. It's in the name, even. Involuntary. You're the one doing it."

>Well, I still feel like you should make the effort. As a vital link in my combat capabilities, you shoulder a lot of responsibility here. I look forward to your continued assistance in this matter.

"...I'm going to look it up."

>THE HELL YOU ARE!

*PUNCH!*

"...Body? You okay? I heard a crunch... are you... body? Ahhhh... shit..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"Spike"
'77'
~~~~

>So, has anyone noticed 42 is acting really, really weird?

"Nope."

'Have no idea what you mean.'

[THE HELL YOU ARE!]

*PUNCH!*

>...Yeah, you're right, it's probably in my head.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"29"
~~~~~

>No, Thorax, I do not want to go over the surrender terms again, they are stupid and you are stupid for... who the hell?

The other changeling that had just wandered into his sight paid him no mind, instead briskly walking by his cell, and further down the hallway.

Eventually, he heard what sounded like stone moving, and a bright flash went off not so far away, followed by a loud "GAH!" and several well spoken curses.

The sound of soft, prissy footsteps and a lot of grumbling slowly drew near.

>Well, hello there-

"GAH!"

The free changeling nearly dropped the tiny, hoof-made doll he was carrying in shock. Curious, he didn't have that when he walked by the first time...

>"...Who the hell are you?"

"Oh no no, my imprisoned comrade. Tis you who needs to reveal unto me thine identity and reason for being betwixt stone and steel."

>Pfft, I think you mistaken, tis' my residence you have walked by, not the other way around. If any should explain themselves for suddenly materializing, it would be you.

"Mine actions have naught to do with you or your current state! Thou are little more than moss on the wall as I travel to achieve my goal!"

>Ah, yes, the proud goal of stealing some filly's dolly, you must be so revered back at the hive. The one from which I have never seen you.

"Me!? I've never seen a changeling like yourself either! As I lived and breathed in that hive, one such as you never... never..."

>...

"..."

>"...OH HOLY SHIT! IT'S YOU!"

"32!?"

>69!?

"Ah... it's actually 29 now..."

>HOLY SHIT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!

"Me!? You were the one in a collapsing cave!"

>Did nobody actually tell you I'm alive!?

"No! Nobody! Nobody mentioned this! I never even speak to anyone from the hive anymore! 42 visited me once or twice, but never mentioned you! Or 77, even! NOBODY SAID YOU WERE ALIVE!"

>Seriously!? No, this gets worse, everyone thinks you're dead too.

"WHAT!?"

>Not even joking, most of the hive thinks you got shot by Shining Armor or something. Nobody I asked knew where you were, or if you still had a head.

"W-well, I mean, sure, I never wrote, but 56 surely should have told them that..."

>...

"...Huh. Okay, yes, he doesn't spend a whole lot of time with the hive either, but... but her Majesty knows I'm not dead!"

>Pfft, not that she would care.

"...Come again?"

>Oh, oh wow, you missed out on a LOT. Did you know I tried to kill her?

"WHAT!?"

>O-oh myAHAHAHHA! Wow. Oh wow. Okay, so, this is a thing. This is happening.

"THINE ROYAL PLOTS SO SWEET, WHAT!?"

>Good lord, are you still on about that?

"AND FOREVER MORE I SHALL BE!"

>It was two royals.

"THREE! IT WAS THREE!"

>Minor nobles don't count.

"DO SO!"

>Really, though. It is nice to see you again. I swear, trying to find someone who can read is hard enough, trying to find one who knows what a classic IS is damn near impossible. What have you been up to?

"Currently? I'm the aide to the mayor of Ponyville."

>Lofty goals.

"...Oh, and I'm also helping the souls of bitter, angry orphans find peace and move on to their afterlife. Takes up most of my free time."

>...O-oh! Is that... that why you have the, uh..

"It was a cherished doll that some street urchin stole from her. She wanted to see it would be kept well before she moved on."

>I see... well, do feel free to visit. I've been excommunicated from the hive, but on the other hoof it seems like you aren't exactly on great standing with them yourself.

"...I suppose, if I have some free time, I can talk about the classics with a fellow lover of the arts."

>Splendid! Have a good rest of the day, '29', and best of luck to you!

"You too. Be well, 32."

Prissily avoiding all of the 'nastier' spots on the floor, the other changeling left.

>...And they said I was nuts.

*Chitter!*

>Bullshit I'm that nuts. Don't even go there.

'...?'

>Don't you take his side. Traitor.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"Jugglejack"
~~~~

"Heeeeyyyy, 42~! I uh..."

>...You got the short straw and have to talk to me, don't you?

"...PLEASE DON'T PUNCH ME!"

>I do more than punch things, you know.

"...You do?"

>Cocking back...

"No please! I can't take a hit, I'm brittle!"

>You don't look very brittle.

"Well, okay, maybe not super brittle. Actarius really likes my juggling, it tastes nice."

>You don't say...

"Well, yeah! I mean, I'm pretty good at it, you want to see?"

>No, for the love of... well, love I guess, no. Do not juggle.

"...I'm pretty goooood...."

>No.

"Fine, why are you acting weird?"

>My old wounds have been hurting me more than usual. Tell the hive I appreciate the concern, but they will pass.

"So... why do you keep screaming? It's mostly gibberish, though."

>...I am mentally preparing myself and sometimes get lost in my own mental battles, it is nothing to be concerned about.

"...Is it because you're in love with Shiny?"

>I HAVE NO ATTRACTION TO SHINING ARMOR OR...

"..."

>...Go hug your damn coltfriend.

"HE'S NOT MY COLTFRIEND!"

>Riiiight.

"Oh, you're one to talk!"

>PUNCH!

*PUNCHED!*

>...Asshole.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
“Sombra”
'Pinkie Pie'
“'Twilight'”

~~~~~

“'Well, here we have it, your Pressurized Environmental Non-Implosive Suit.'”

“...”

'… Hehe...'

>It looks fantastic Twily!

“'Thanks, I've put every type of safety feature imaginable on to it. I don't want you going anywhere without proper protection.'”

'...Hehehe...'

“...Ha.”

>I know, any time we did anything rough you'd always made sure I had something on my head.

“'Remember that time we were on the bed and you shouted 'Twily I'm coming!' and we ended up having that accident?'”

>Dad came charging in and he was so mad!

“'Yup and ever since I've always made sure we used protection!'”

“...Ha ha ha!”

'Ha ha ha!'

>Why are those two laughing?

“'I have no idea, anyway I still need to get Pinkie's Pressurized Environmental Non-Implosive Suit ready. Hers seems to be a little bit harder than yours though, If I wasn't so good at handling these kinds of things I'd be worried.'”

>Don't worry about it, you handled mine pretty good, I'm pretty sure you can handle hers.”

“Bwhahahaha!”

'Somby, my sides... I can't find them!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
'42'
~~~
>Hey, 42, you've seemed kind of out-of-it late-

'I DON'T NEED HELP!'

>Maybe not, but I was still wondering if you might wanna go singing Karaoke with 77, DT, and I?

'Oh... Okay, that sounds good, actually. I don't really sing though.'

>Who cares, half the fun is being terrible.

'I also would rather not get drunk.'

>DT's too young and I can't even if I tried. C'mon, stop nitpicking and let's just hang out as friends again, like how we used to when the Gun Club first started.

'... Thanks, Spike, I think I really would like that.'

>Great! Plus, Tiara wants to propose to use some special gauntlet ideas she has for us call 'reactive gauntlets', all I know is that it's gonna involve explosions.

'That... sounds pretty cool, actually.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rarity
"AJ"
~~~
"Not sure if Ah see much tha point o' us usin' guns when given us bein' alicorns an' all."

>Oh, pish posh, these are elegant weapons and can help us defend ourselves when our magic is low, not only that but the aiming, recoil, loading, and maintenance of these arms can keep our magic in practice.

"Ya'll jus' thought they looked stylish, didn'cha?"

>The Thompson Contender still needed a few personal touches from moi, but do not deny even in its base form it is a work of art.

"Well, Ah say Ah'm jus' happy ta have a break an' hang out wit' a friend."

>And I you, Applejack. .... Each bulls eye adds an hour to my date with Spike.

"Surgarcube, ya'll 're worse than Rainbow Das- Each o' mine subtracts an' hour!"

>YOU'RE ON!

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~~

"WHO WRITES THIS STUFF!?"

>Right? I need to write them a thank you letter.

"WHY!?"

>What are you talking about? This is some hard hitting drama.

"Queen Overture just ripped a guy in half! IN HALF!"

>She's grieving.

"From what!?"

>She lost her child in the event comic. Very dramatic.

"What!? They killed off One Note!?"

>Yep. All part of a master plan.

"W-WHAT!?"

>I thought it was very well put together. Flowed nicely.

"Hey, what the... I thought Luminous Shield and Mane-Iac were dating now?"

>The editor had a change of heart, and felt that moving up her series out of it's previously kid friendly nature was too much. He is much happier with Empress Crystasis.

"..."

>...It's because you combine crystal and stasis. Which is her powers.

"...This has him having sex with Masked Matter-Horn, though."

>...How unfortunate.

"Where are you going?"

>Hm? Just for a walk, nothing special.

"Why... why are you carrying a brick?"

>Balance. Very hard to balance.

"..."

>...Fine, I'll mention that the Solar Super-being deserves some nookie too.

"I thank you."
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>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
~~~~~~~

As expected, Shiny hid the good Bourbon in his study, under fourteen locks, in a safe, and behind four magical wards.

Well, if he didn't want her to have it, he would have tried harder.

"Chrysalis."

The voice that spoke was so ominous that Chrysalis wondered when the bolt of lightning to follow it would strike.

"You said your mother trapped her."

There was an edge to her voice. Something... something was off.

>You will have to clarify, Twilight. I don't understand-

"Chitania."

Hrm. Powerful, commanding, seems Twilight was finally coming into her crown, as one would put it.

Too bad.

>Why, yes. I did say that. Because, you see, that is what happened. My mother faced her in battle, and she was victorious.

"Then who is Variolus?"

Funny, you would think the spark of green flame would make the room warmer, but instead... it just felt colder.

>Where did you learn that name?

"From Chitania."

The Queen's eyes flew open wide.

>Y-you... you've found her?

"Her mind. In a dream."

Silence hung heavy for a long, long time.

>...Twilight, would you like to know why, exactly, Chitania was on that mountain?

Her voice was laced with an almost malicious mirth. There was very little that could disturb Twilight at this point.

Even less that could deter her.

"Yes."

>Are you sure? You might not like what you find. It is quite the unfortunate chapter in you little pony's lives.

"...I'm sure."

Slowly, the Queen's eyes began to narrow.

>Swear to me.

"...I'm sorry?"

>Swear to me that never shall this information leave the two of us, and I shall tell you. Swear to me on the lives of those you love that in confidence you shall keep this. There is much to know, Twilight, little of it good, all of it worth keeping hidden. Swear to me it shall never be used without my permission, and I shall grant you it.

A part of her couldn't help but be insulted.

"Do you really still distrust me so much?"

>Twilight... if I did, I wouldn't even offer.

To her surprise, the lavender mare realized... this was true. She would never come forward with this information to anyone else, save perhaps...

"I swear it."

>I hope you are being honest, for both our sakes. In a sense of fairness, I will be honest with you. In what I am about to tell you, I will omit a single detail. There is something in this I am going to keep to myself. If you have issue with this, I get it. But this one little detail of mine must stay hidden, there is no way around it. That aside, if you agree to keep the rest unknown to the world, stored only in your mind and nowhere else, I will tell you everything else. Do we have a deal?

A black, chitinous hoof hang heavy in the air before her, waiting...

Met.

"Deal."

A wicked smile crossed her face.

>Then, dear Twilight Sparkle, sit back and prepare yourself. You shall be one of four to know. To know.. the tale of the fall of Chitania. Are you ready?

Her neck taut with a stern resolve, she nodded.

>...It all started in that snowy mountain town...

An hour later, Twilight stumbled out of the study, eyes wide and mind racing with what now flooded her brain.

>Drink?

She was not a drinker, that much was certain, but she certainly needed SOMETHING right now. Even if she did end up gagging quite a bit when it proved to be just a touch too strong for her. Well, Chrysalis was amused at least.

>It will never cease to amaze me how squeamish you ponies can be sometimes. Honestly? Chitania's story is far from the worst I know. Perhaps I shall save another one for our next little slumber party. Wouldn't that be fun...

Playfully she ruffled the still numb Alicorn's head.

>...best buddy? Well, if you don't mind, I feel like my lips are a touch loose right now, and I would just love to see if your brother has something to tighten them with. Ta ta~!

How she could be so calm, so chipper, would forever baffle Twilight. But there was no time for that. She slugged down the rest of the drink, and started back towards the portal. She had some information now...

But it was only the start....
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