But yeah, right now I'm just struggling.  Girl of my dreams is one of my best friends, and I hers, and she knows I once liked her, but I don't know that she realizes I still do.  Although she isn't dumb she is suuuuper naiive about things like this as she was quite sheltered growing up, and in addition to being sheltered had abusive family.  at TC I was with her basically the whole time, and it was amazing, she even exteneded her trip by 5 days and moved her flight to hang out more, although not just with me, me being there was definitely part of it.

She's been very clear about how much she trusts me which I know is hard for her, and it means the world to me, and I don't wanna mess anything up, but theres just lots of (at least in my mind) mixed signals.  Others say that they think there is probably something between us, but I don't know.  There was one point on the trip where I was supposed to have a date with another girl, it ended up falling through and so i hit up her roommate, and then when I was joking about if I got asked for a booty call, I was told I "couldn't do that" lol, although she quickly backpedaled.

But anyways, one of the people she met up with in LA (multiple times), and she definitely has reservations about; she asked me about him a few times, would tell me she wanted to talk later about it and then wouldn't as well, most prominent example being her asking me "If all of a boys friends are fuck boys, is he a fuckboy?" (to which I said most likely yes).  And there are lots of pics of us together, and she calls me her snorlax and we have matching clothes and pins and keychains etc relating to snorlax, and we're planning on getting matching tattoos.  The main gift I got her at TC (we did exchange presents) was a giant snorlax plush the size of her, and she talked about how she'd basically be sleeping/lying on me.

Anyways this boy from LA, seems like kind of a douchey guy, although that's probably just my own feelings conflating the issue; and is a photographer of mostly asian girls on instagram.  (Oh right she also asked me about stereotypes of photographers??)  and recently she's been reposting his IG stories, one where he just had a pic of two matching shirts without text and she put "twinsies??" on it on hers, and then one where he shared the song Thinking bout you by Frank ocean, and she reshared that one, and it's got me feeling sad.

I don't have any right to like, be upset or think there possibly is something between us, and I feel like an asshole for being sad about it when she's my best friend, but I just am worried for her and like, of course I want things to happen between us, and I've always said if things don't that's okay, as I don't necessarily expect them to, and I don't know if my sadness is because I think she might like this guy, or if just because I think this guys probably an asshole or what.  Anyways that's my story and that was a lot of text off the top of my head :sweat_smile: