POKEMON ULTRA SUN: THE LACK OF STORY GIVES GLORY!

Chapter 1 ----
*I get up from bed because my meowth clawed my head, Grumbling as I put on my stockings, skirt, and Shirt on; Mom is just outside the door*
Mom: "So, Rachel, Are you excited to meet some alolan pokemon?"
Rachel: "I would be excited if this fricken meowth didn't claw my face!"
*I punt the meowth*
Rachel: "Sick of your shit, Garfield"
*the meowth then punts my growlithe*
Garfield: "Yeah, you heard the Ten year old; Sick of your shit, Odie!"
*growlithe whines and pants*
Mom: "...Do I have to get out the belt, missy?"
*I blow a raspberry at mom and I jump out the window, crashing into a trashcan*
Mom: "Oh real mature, run away from your life problems!"
Mom: "You're Ten years old, stop being such a immature brat! You're why your father left!"
Rachel: "But but... You said he left because he blew the popsicle stand and by gangbanged by mankeys with dildos!"
Mom: "You know what! I'm done arguing with my brat of a daughter! Get out of my sight!"
Rachel: "Fiiiine, I will... Buttmunch!"
*I get out of the trashcan and I walk away to route 1*
Mom: "You were a mistake, yaaaa hear that? A MISTAKE!!!"
*Mom slams the window, shattering the glass in it*
Mom: "Come on! I haven't even paid the child support...!"
*Mom goes to her room and slaps herself with a banana, questioning her life*

---

*I walk to Route 1*
Rachel: "Oh damn, tall grass!"
*looks around*
Rachel: "I have an ideaaaaaaaa!"
*I run back home, then I go into the garage and take a cordless lawnmower, then I go back to Route 1 with a devious look on my face*
Rachel: "Feck ya bloody rats and bugs! I don't got time to be buttfucked by ravid yungoos!"
*A yungoos appears and grows at me*
Rachel: "Oooof course, right on cue"
*Kukui jumps from the bottom of the cliff up to me and so he quite literally flexed to scare off the yungoos, it works and the yungoos questions his mascuinity; The yungoos flees*
Kukui: "You're Rachel, right?! I saw the bad n' rad Yungoos attack you! Are you OK?"
*I stare at Kukui, completely deadpan in my face*
Rachel: "Dude, how do you know my name?"
Rachel: "...Wait, were you watching me?! Fricken creep, you are! Go away and take your rock hard showoff abs with ya!"
Kukui: "No no! We talked online earlier, remember? You know!
*I pull out a rape whistle*
Kukui: "Stop stop stop! I don't wanna get arrested for pedophilia again! I've already had four little girls cry out RAPE!!! Please... Be gentle...!"
*I sigh, putting away the rape whistle*
Rachel: "I thought you were just a creepy dude asking for my info, I don't even know why I gave you my name! Give me a reason not to press charges on you"
Kukui: "I- If I give you a pokemon, will you drop it?"
Rachel: "Ehehe, I'm listening"
*Kukui drops his brief case, revealing the three starter pokemon*
Kukui: "Why don't you go ahead and choose the one you'd like to keep as your partner, cousin?"
Rachel: "First off, I ain't your *cousin*, jackoff!"
Rachel: "Who says I can't just take all of these pokemon and order them to attack you now?"
*Kukui sweats a little*
Kukui: "Uhhhhh, because you love me...? Ok, Please don't hurt me!"
*I kick Kukui in the crotch and laugh"
Rachel: "I'll take Popplio, because IT was a good movie and Clowns make you a penny a wise!"
Kukui: "A pun a day makes the crowd groan away!" "Time to meet the Island Kahuna, please don't call our Kahuna fat; He's sensitive about that, alright?"
*I start groan from not going to the bathroom for 3 days*
Rachel: "My ass needs emptying! You know where a toilet is, jackoff? I know you have to be familiar with toilets because look at you, you jackoff every night! I can see it in you, your wife must be just sickened by your *naughty habits*"
*Kukui is simply taken aback by my foul-mouth and blatant disrespect*
Kukui: "Don't bring my wife in this, missy! You are a nasty girl with a mouth that needs washing, Woo! I don't know why I say woo, but woo!"
*I turn to him, clearly getting impatient*
Rachel: "Ooooooh, you wanna know how nasty I can be? My mouth is reserved for telling off dumbasses and sucking dick!"
*I whisper to myself: "Curse my bloody virginity...!"
Rachel: "And I can see you already have a wife who puts up with your "habits" enough!
Kukui: "You know, Bad words are not befitting of a young girl like yourself"
Rachel: "Bad words? You wanna hear some reaaaal bad words? I'll tell you them! Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, aaaaaaand tits!"
*I blow a raspberry at him, then I start mocking Kukui*
Rachel: "Hey look at me! I'm Uncle Cockkui! I like to fuck myself in the shower every night! Nyah nyah nyah NYAH!"
*I just look at Kukui with a smug look on my face*
Kukui: "...... Let's just go..."
*I run away from Kukui, For I am done with his shit*
Kukui: "Hey, where are you going!"
Rachel: "Bite me, Reggie! My body is NOT ready to get rocked by you todaaay!"
*goes higher up Route 1*
Kukui: "Uhhhhh, who's Reggie? Is he famous?"
*Kukui ponders in the tall grass*

---

*meanwhile, I "try" to get affection from my Popplio, shoving food in its mouth*
Rachel: "Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, love me, love me, love me! YOU WILL RESPECT MAH AUTHORATA!
*Popplio gets stuffed from all the food, then a lass that's nearby looks at me funny and goes up to me*
Lass: "Calm down! You're way too hard on your pokemon!"
*I turn to the lass with an annoyed look*
Rachel: "So you wanna judge how I get things done?"
*Because I'm impatient, I grab the lass and I lift her skirt over her head, showing off her panties, then I punt her ass to the ground*
Rachel: "Don't fuck with me, stay out of my fricken way! I hope Cockkui humps you dry!"
*I keep walking, then Kukui shows up and stares at the Lass's ass*
Kukui: "Mmm, you free for dinner tonight babe?"
*The lass just groans in agony as Kukui pervs on the Lass*
*Hau runs over*
Hau: "Oh hi, new friend!"
*Hau holds out his hand, I just turn around and fart in his face*
Rachel: "Hahaha, look at your face! Priceless!
*Hau looks at me, still smiling because Hau literally is unable to make any other face but the dumbass smiley face*
Hau: "Umm... Nice to meet you...? Wow, you're a rude girl, aren't you?"
*I just laugh*
Rachel: "Butt seriously, where's the bathroom? I need to empty this load! ...Don't give me that look, I just need to take a dirty dump!"
Hau: "I wanna battle you!
*Hau just ignores my question*
*Then I start hurting to hold it in, I just push him to the ground because he is unhelpful and run to the village pokemon center/StaryuBucks because its gonna smeeeell*
Rachel: "I'll fricken shove you in this toilet for this! You are so useless!"
*I finally make it to the pokemon center and I go to the bathroom to the right and take a dirty dump, everyone smells it and runs away screaming, I then leave the bathroom; Pleased*
Rachel: "Daaaaaaamn, that felt goooooood!"
*I walk out the door, and I see Hau right outside staring at me*
Hau: "Ok, pleaaaase be my opponent in our first pokemon battle! I'll do anything!"
Rachel: "No! Go fuck yourself, shit-stain!"
Hau: "Please?"
Rachel: "NO!"
*Hau slowly turns around*
Hau: ".....Pleaaaaas---"
Rachel: "Shut up!"
*Hau goes back in his fetal position*
Hau: "I will do absolutely anything!"
*I smirk as I look at him*
Rachel: "How about you get on fours like a dog and lick my feet?"
*I'm sitting on a rock, lifting my foot up to his face*
*the universal fourth wall narrator out of nowhere talks to me*
Narrator: "You can't move the plot unless you fight Hau..."
Rachel: "Fiiiiiiine, fourth wall dicktator..."
*I send out my Popplio*
Rachel: "Hau, because a voice told me so, Fight me!"
*Hau jumps up and smiles again like a dumbass*
Hau: "Yay! Go Litten!"
Hau: "Litten! Use scra---"
*I cut him off*
Rachel: "Fuck you! You don't get a turn! Popplio, use Water gun!"
*Popplio nukes his Litten with a critical hit water gun, blasting Litten against the rock wall behind Hau*
Hau: "That's not fair!"
Rachel: "Of course it's not fair, I'm a winner and you're a looooooser!"
Hau: "Meanie!"
Rachel: "Neeeeeveeaaaah!"
*Hau walks off because plot*
Hala: "And the winner of the Tourney is... Rachel!"
*Hau turns around and sees Hala*
Hau: "Wait what? There was a tourney going on?"
Hala: "Yes, and Rachel has won; So she gets to go on the trials of Alola!"
Hau: "I-I-I hate you!"
*Hau runs away crying*
Hala: "...Who are you again?"
Rachel: "Now, give me that Z crystal thing you said you'd give me now!"
*Hala gives me the Z-ring*
Hala: "...Who are you again, I think I have gone senile..."
*Hala falls on his face to the ground, moaning for no reason*
Rachel: "Well, that just happened"