Mint julip chapter 1

>Day ow my fucking head in...  Where the hell am I.
Last thing I remember was some portal and falling.
I guess that explains the head trauma.
>As you get to your feet you immediately fall back over.
Guess I should regain my bearings before I get up.
>As your vision slowly returns to you, there is a noise coming from a distance away.
>It's definitely a voice, but who could it be?  You wonder.
>You scramble over to a nearby bush to hide from possible danger.
>This is no good,  with your head injury it's almost impossible to coordinate yourself.
>The voice draws nearer and you can tell it belongs to a female.
>Wait a moment that doesn't sound like sneakers hitting pavement.
>As it approaches you can barely make out its shape, but it's small and...  Yellow?
What in the world?
>It seems to have heard you an finches back in fear.
>Unknown stranger: Ummm hello there... P-p-please don't eat me, I taste horrible.
>At least it isn't any harm to you.
>You rise from the bush and the figure flies away before you could get a good look at it.
>Just as fast as you got up you fell back down.
Must be an inner ear problem.
> you crawl and creep your way to where the yellow thing went.
>20 minutes later a small group of what appears to be ponies charges at you.  You can see the yellow one lagging behind the rest.
>Realizing the threat of this situation you attempt to run as fast as you can away.
>After sprinting 10 feet you end up like the guy from QWOP.
Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck!
>Before you can make it another foot,  the blue one catches up to you and performs a flying dragon kick into your left side while shouting; LEAVE FLUTTERSHY ALONE YOU BIG FREAK.
>If you didn't need medical attention before,  you sure do now.
>Everything starts to fade,  the world turning black before you.
>An unrecognized voice shouts as you black out from the pain.
>Indistinct pony: Hey I think he's coming to.
Ughhh wha happened?
>Opening your eyes you see a curtain hanging from the ceiling, an open window to your right,  and to your left is a a yellow pegasus with a woried look and a light green unicorn who seems overjoyed.
Oh oh jeez my head.
>You go to reach for your cranium only to find that your arms are restrained.
Hey what gives?
>"we didn't want you to injure yourself further."
What do you mean "injure myself "?
>"Well you're lucky that Fluttershy brought you here before anything serious happened. "
THE BLUE ONE KICKED ME FOR FUCKS SAKE!
>"Careful human, you wouldn't want to bang your head up any worse than it is now.
Fair enough.  Now can I please be untied?
>"Sure,  I can't wait to see what you can do with those hands of yours human.
The names Anon by the way.
>"My name is Lyra,  and this is fluttershy (Lyra gestures to the pegasi.)
>Fluttershy blushing at your gaze,  says;I-I'm so sorry for rainbow dash kicking you,  she can be so hot headed at times.
Fine,  but I don't want to hear the apology from you.  Make rainbow dash do it.
>As your hands are unbound, you notice Lyra staring at them.
Is something wrong?
>"Oh nothing,  human. Just admiring your hands there. Us ponies aren't lucky enough to have sophisticated thambs like you".
You mean thumbs?
>"Yeah, thumbs. Thats right. "
Oh and my name is Anon by the way. You don't have to call me human.
>"Oh,  okay Mr. Anon,  Umm...  This is gonna sound crazy but I have a favor to ask."
>Lyra is blushing slightly as she asks.
>"Could you um,  maybe pat me on the head with those hands?"
>This strikes you as a strange request, but seeing as you did receive medical treatment you feel obliged to comply.
>As you extend your arm towards the spring green mare you hear an "EEP" come from Fluttershy, causing you to halt.
Is there something wrong?
>F:"Um I-I-I w-would like to be petted too."
>L:"Me first."
>F:"Oh alright, I'll go last."
Hey,  I have two hands, one of you go to my other side and I can multitask.
>The yellow mare floats over to your right hand and you begin scratching them behind the ear and fussing up their manes.
>Just then,  the blue bitch that nearly killed you comes trotting in the door.
>"Hey fluttershy,  is the monkey awake ye-"
>She cuts herself off when she sees you have your hand in fluttershy's mane
>The cyan mare quickly changes to attack mode and she stomps at the ground like a bull ready to charge at a Matador.
What?  Oh no, oh hell no.
>As Rainbitch Dash begins to leap at you, you instinctively withdraw your arms and use them as shields to block the impending strike.
>just before impact, you can see a green aura holding back the cyan monster by her tail.
>"What?,  Lemme go,  I have to protect Fluttershy from the beast."
>Realizing that you aren't in danger, you begin to explain to rainbow cunt how you woke up in the field not knowing anything about how you got here other than you fell.
>"Yeah, but why did you put your...  Things on Fluttershy and Lyra?"
Because I was told to do so...  By them no less."
>"If you promise to behave,  I'll release my magic."
>"Fine, but if he tries anything funny I'm going to kick your flank and his."
Hey!
>"Ugh, what now?"
Aren't you going to apologize for hurting a poor defenseless creature?
>Fluttershy:"Y-yeah,  apologize Rainbow Dash!"
>Rainbow Dash:*sigh* fine,  I'm sorry for being so awesome at protecting my best friend."
Why cant you be sincere about an apology when you were clearly in the wrong for charging in without knowing what was going on?
>FOR ALL I KNEW, YOU WERE A  SIX FOOT TALL SCALELESS DRAGON WHO WAS GOING TO COOK PONYVILLE WITH ITS FIREBREATH!
Thats insane, the closest ive ever gotten to breathing fire was when i ate 3 habenero peppers on a dare.
> then how do you explain looking so horrifying? Hmmm mr im innocent?
Have you ever fallen head first into a field, dislocated a shoulder, gotten scraped by some fieldstones and had inner ear trauma wreck your sense of balance so when you tried to get help you were shit out of luck? Huh you little witch?
>Well i cant say i haven't been in that position before, that also lead to me discovering my favorite book series. Sorry for jumping off the handle like that Ananimis.
Apology accepted, and for future reference its anonymous, or anon for short.
>Okay but i have to go now. Ive got to move some clouds into formation so it can drizzle and keep the plants watered
[Rainbow dash exits]
So doctors say anything about when i can be released?  And how did she know my name?
F: the hospital wanted a name so we used a card we found in your wallet, dash was the one who picked it up when it fell out of your pocket when we were carrying you to the hospital.
I just saw lyra use magic to restrain rainbow, why wasnt i taken here that way? Why was i lifted?
L: it seems that the portal you fell through left magic residue on you from a being stronger than twilight sparkle. Im not sure but i have 3 guesses whose it is and none would make sense.
Huh?
L: you see magical residue is the energy left over from when a unicorn uses magic. Its very minute and most don't even know it exists. But when theres enough of it on something, anypony else who tries to TK the object will have trouble.
Ooookay? This whole magic thing is new to me, where i come from the only ponies we have dont have wings or horns. They are just ordinary ponies but they are strong and fast for sure.
F:Oh so you maybe came from Apploosa where there are mostly earth ponies.
Uh no. Im from a place called michigan. Sure we had a few ponies but they couldnt speak. They mostly grunted and pulled plows.
L: *squees with excitement* just as i thought the portal was interdimensional and took you from an alternate earth where humans ruled. You just have to tell me all about it.
I will. But continue about that magic residue you were telling me about. We didn't have magic where i came from.
L: okay, basically that was all there is to know about the stuff. Long story short, you were covered in magical residue and the most powerful unicorn I've ever met wasn't strong enough to lift you for more than seven seconds. So yeah. Us unicorns wouldnt be able to stop you if you went rogue.
Don't worry about that, I'm more passive aggressive than i am dangerous. Besides, you can prolly still see where rainbow delivered the blow that put me out of commission.
L: yeah that marks not gonna go away for a while.
Anyways you saud they couldnt lift me with magic so how did i get here? No offense but neither of you look strong enough to lift me and carry me from the middle of nowhere to the hospital.
F: well applejack went to get her cart and i helped push it because it was my fault rainbow dash hurt you and helping strange animals get better is my specialty.
Huh, i guess that makes sense but you weren't there lyra, why are you here?
L: im an anthropology expert specialising in highly evolved prima-
>lyra is cut off by the doctor trotting in the room and announcing you are free to go
Shall we?