Tom and himself -- a cautionary tale

Tom watched Sharkboy and Lavagirl, so disgusted by his notalgia's warping of his memories, he grew to hate his younger self. A new invention called the "time phone" allowed people to use time machines to make calls to the past. Any number; any time!

He...decided to give his younger self a piece of his mind...

*ring ring*

"Hello?"
"Hello. This is the principal. Can I speak to Tom please?"
"Okay. (Thomas! It's for you)"
"(Okay mom) ...Hello?"
"Hi, this is you 50 years from now."
"Really!?"
"Yes. I bought a time machine just so I could call _you_ in the past!"
"Wow! What's it like 50 yea-"
"Go fuck yourself, you little asshole" *click*
"W...what?"

Tom later went on to become an engineer and physicist, famous for the invention of the first ever time machine. Shortly thereafter, he became infamous for leading the market in "self-cest" porn.

One day, he was bored, and decided to watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. It was this old movie from his childhood that he never watched because he was always too busy studying, hoping to one day, somehow, fullfill the bizarre request of his future self. Being in the porn indistry, he needed to get away from it sometimes, so he had grown attached to the sweet release of drugs. How they melted away the stress and made him lose control in a world full of the pressures of expectations and public image. In particular, his favorite was pot. He ended up watching the movie after consuming the mother of all spacecakes.

*ring ring*

"Hello?"
"Hey mum, this is--"
"Whoa whoa whoa, what was that just now?"
"N-nothing! This is, uh, the principal. Can I speak to Tom please?"
"Umm, okay? (Thomas! It's for you)"
"(Okay mom) ...Hello?"
"Hi, this is you 20 years from now."
"Whoa! Really?"
"Sure is!"
"What's it like in the future? (mom: future? what are you talking about?)"
"Umm, we have space cars and time machines?" *snicker* "Hey!"
"What?"
"In two years, little dude, you need to watch a movie...called Sharkboy and lavagirl. It's like totally the best movie ever!"
"Sharkboy and Lavagirl...? (mom: What the--honey, can I see the phone please?) (hold on mom)"
"Watch it little bro. And if some douchebag calls you about fucking yourself...don't do it, man!" *click*
"Hello...? Sharkboy and Lavagirl... (mom: THE PHONE) (he hung up)"

*ring ring*

"Hello?"
"Hi, this is you 50 years from now"
"(mom: gimme that phone) Didn't you just call me a minute ag--ACK!"
"What? No! Go fuck yourself"
"DID YOU JUST TELL MY SON TO GO FUCK HIMSELF!?"
"What the--no, mom. It's just a"
"FUCK YOU I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER YOU CREEPY PERVERT"
"ugh...fuck it" *click*

Little Tommy went on to watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl, despite the chagrin of his mother, once again causing his future past-self-hatred in a never-ending stable time loop of self-cest and bad movies.