Thread 11: Stories 46-60

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>So, to recap, that pain happened and I am fairly certain I can blame you.

"Oh, that is just RACIST!"

>...

"... I mean, yeah, I may have forced her to watch those shows so I could get a second opinion, but what were the odds she was going to..."

>...

"...Right, surprisingly high... I REGRET NOTHING!"

>On a completely unrelated note, and I cannot believe I even need to bring this up at all, you have yet to stand.

"Is this an issue?"

>Yes. Your gigantic ass on my chest is an issue. It is a 'pressing' issue, you might say. This is both a play on words and a literal description of events. You are pressing me into this crater I left in my wake.

"But I fixed you!"

>While I do appreciate the spinal repair, you are damaging it right back with pure ass power. Get off.

"Uh..."

Her eyes flickered over again, where Two and Spike were sitting happily on the veranda... completely oblivious to the other Spike and Changeling sitting just a biiit around the corner.

"I'm good."

>...You're good.

"Yep."

>...

"..."

>...I'm good.
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>77
"Cheerlie"
~~~~~
Despite the chaos around them, two neros continued to fiddle, or in this case, sit peacefully at a table sharing drink, while Rome slowly burns around them

>And then... She went under the waters and I was alone...

Cheerlie seemed on the verge of tears

"All that... because your queen wanted to prank you?"

>It's... Alright, she does care, she really does.

"Well if she didn't, I would have to raise hell on her... Literally. You shouldn't- No one should ever have to go through that."

>Me? What about you? Why do the demons torment you? Is it because they cannot resist such a pretty face?

"Oh, you charmer. Honestly, I don't know. I think the school was built on an ancient Buffalo Burial Ground, seems up Mayor Mare's alley."

>Would you like me to... visit her?

"My knight in chitin armor. But no thanks, if anything, Spike and 29 have helped her get back on track."

After several moments...

"77... May I, see under your eye patch?"

>Haha, of course. There's not much to look at though, and not much for me to look with.

He pulled back his eye patch revealing an empty socket, where once his right eye had been, the damage around it suggested it had been blinded then rotted away to uselessness

>I'm sorry, not a pleasant sight, is it?

Instead of answerng, Cheerlie leans in and kisses his eyelid

"It doesn't hurt, does it?"

>Not anymore...

"Do you want to find some place more...

>Private? Lets.

The two set their drinks aside and began looking for a private place in the castle
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>Applejack
"Discord"
'???'
~~~~

>Ah' know yer' here.

It's a shame she refused to turn around, the fireworks show when he materialized was A-class.

"Is it excited enough for you dearie?"

>So ya'll are the reason Shiny got a fresh coat o' paint?

"Hmm? Oh no, no no no, your more feathered guests are to blame for that one. I was merely standing by, watching it. It's fun being able to see more 'standard' chaos. Just regular stuff I have no part in. Like Shining Armor being punched through the ceiling."

>...What?

"Long story, sweetums. All you need to concern yourself with is the knowledge that you ponies are every bit, if not more, chaotic than I am. You just hide it a little better."

>Hrm...

"...Oh fine!"

*SNAP!*

What few sober guests there were quickly double checked their various drinks and found that yes, they were still non-alcoholic. Perhaps a gas leak? Maybe Queen Chrysalis was subjecting them all to mind control?

...Well, how the fuck do YOU explain the unicycle riding three headed hippos that suddenly swung in on what looked like Spider web, sang an immaculate chorus, and then rolled backwards out the window?

"Better?"

The door leading to the hall suddenly slammed open.

'WAS THAT THE-'

"Just missed them, I'm afraid."

'MeDAMN it Discord! I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL NIGHT FOR THE HIPPOS!'

"Oh shoot, and I just sent them beyond time and space! You really should have spoken up sooner."

'...Applejack, go down to the Tree of Harmony, and-'

>No.

'WORK WITH ME ON THIS!'
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"PotatoJack"
>RainboltBlue/Spike
'???'
~~~~~
Potatojack seems to be modeling before "Spike" paying special, annoyed attention to her gut

"Mm mphmph mph mm, mph phm mm mm mph?"

>... I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea what you really say half the time...

"Mmmmmhp!"

>Yeah, you've put on weight, at least you're not Princess Rarity. I mean even after we drained he- I mean the changelings drained her- I mean, holy crap.

"Mm mph mph!"

>But if you're trying to compete with her or Applejack, well, your plot's well on the way to attracting 56.

Spike/Blue smacks and rubs Potato's rump

'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!'

"Mph?!"

>... Oh... Crap... Uhhh... Green, that's you, ri-

'No...'

>... Oh...

out into the more crowded ballroom, a screaming spike shifted into their true, changeling form before crashing onto a table with the cake

'I am sooo sorry about that, PJ-'

Spike turns in time to see an angry PJ strapping on her Three-Dimensional Maneuvering Gear

'...That's the cue of the gentleman hero to exit, BYE!'
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>Cadence
"18"
~~~

>Was decking all those ponies really necessary?

"They were trying to cop Shiny feels. I am the only one who gets to cop Shiny feels!"

>...

"...Present company excluded, I mean. Well, mostly. You still apparently have to be sloshed to get intimate with him."

>In public!

"...How are you so vanilla?"

>What? Shiny says I'm more strawberry sherbert. Don't know what that is, but he likes it.

"HAH! Oh, Caddy. Every day I thank my lucky roll of the dice that you guys didn't put up a shield for me like you did 29. I'd go crazy without you ponies."

>...I'm not drunk, right? Crissy de-drunked me?

"I guess? I'm still feeling a little light headed myself. Why?"

>I swear I just saw three different Spikes.

"Yeaah, still probably drunk. I only see tw- oh, no I see, over there.."

>...

"...We can't tell Shiny."

>Why?

"Because this will be WAY more hilarious when he finds out on his own."

>You little scamp!... I totally agree.

"HAH!"

>...Hey, 18?"

"Hm?"

>I'm glad I let you stay too.

"Daww, hug me you sherbert flavored shilly!"

>I Shink da' noh drunk shpell ish wearin' off.

"TOO LATE! HUGSH!"

>HUUUGH!
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>Flim
"Flam"
~~~~~
"Hey, brother, I've been thinking..."

>Doesn't that hurt?

"With this massive hangover, yes. But more importantly, since that Cheese fellow left, I came to a realization..."

>Which is?

"That was a hell of a great party."

>... You know it really was. We need to remember to send ma a thank you card.

"Glad you agree, think this sticky stuff has lost enough strength you can pull me off the ceiling now?"

>Well, worth a shot.
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>Soarin'
"Spitfire"
'???'
[???]
~~~

>I'm just saying, it's got to be a LITTLE fun, right?

"Ugh, you are so pathetic sometimes."

>I like the term 'optimist.'

"I like the term 'delusional.'"

>Look, we both know this stuff is boring, but at least try to have a little...

"..."

'Good evening! How are you two doing?'

>Fine your... majesty.

"You don't have to be nice to her."

>I'm trying to be a little respectful, at least.

'And I appreciate it. So! Having fun at the Gala so far?'

"Dunno, we just arrived. We were supposed to be at a bar here, but this pathetic sack of feathers felt bad for not helping Rainbow Dash."

>Just kind of seemed like a dick move is all.

'Well, always good to stick up for the leader, I say. Gotta respect the chain of command.'

"Yeah, I could see why you would say that."

>...Soooo....

"...Oh for fucks sake, why are you sitting on that gu- is that the Prince?"

[MNPHMPHOMNO!]

'.....nooooooo....'

"Oh, okay."

>Really?

"Not my business. If you want to fight the super Queen who shot Celestia in the face, you go right ahead."

>See, this is why you got fired.

"Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of all the WHAA! WHAAAA! I HIDE MY INSECURITIES LIKE A GLOWSTICK IN A NIGHTCLUB!"

[MY MANPH MEHAEH.]

"Let's just go in and have some fun, okay?"

>Oh... alright. But I'm going straight to Princess Celestia with this!

'....PFFTHAHAHAHAAHAH!'

>...Wow.

"Emasculating, isn't it?"

>Little bit.

'AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!'
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>Cadance
"Chrysalis"
'???'
_______

>This... is this really happening? Am I seeing correctly?

"Vogue questions get vogue responses!"

>...the word is vague, Chrysalis.

"And periwinkle blue is not number seven!"

'Nnnph GMMH!'

>You're sitting on my husband.

"Indeedy do I am, yes."

>More specifically... on his face.

"Welllll, actually, if we wanna get pronoun about it-"

>Precise.

"-I plopped down on his chest but it's just my thunderous ass is so massive, it kinda enveloped his muzzle riiiight up in there."

>...

'KENSH HMP!'

>So, okay, two things then. One, why're you sitting on his face, and two, when you give me that reason, give me another why I shouldn't fill you with so much love that you combust.

"Because, believe it or not, I'm doing this to help both him!"

>How so?

"...you'll just have to trust me."

>When you're sitting on my husbands face....

"Oh, I get it! You think I'm enjoying this? I'm not. Really. He keeps biting my ass, these sharp little nibbles and nips. Nope, not enjoying this one bit."

>Is that why you're subtly but not subtly enough bouncing up and down?

"...earthquake?"

>...

'PRRGH MNGH!'
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>Pinkie
"CS"
~~~~

>Cheesy? I'm worried.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure those chickens aren't loaded."

>Not about that, silly! There's all kinds of funny things happening, and we're not causing it!

"I know, isn't it great?"

>Wait, whaaaat?

"Sure! I mean, it's great when you get to lead the party, and nopony does it better than us, but it's just as good when those ponies decide to have fun on their own, and we get to participate! It's like the world said 'Yeah, you were right, parties are fun!' And decided to start dancing. It's so fun."

>You know, Cheesy McBreezy, I think you're right! But still, you know, I think it's time we started getting just a little more involved.

"Oh?"

>YEP! Let's load up the party cannon and blow these ponies away!

"Literally, mostly or figuratively?"

>YES.

"BRILLIANT!"
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~

>Eh, 'Tia, is that- oh will y'all quit mopin'? So ya missed the hippos! It's not the end of the world!

"Right. Just the end of my entertainment before it even began. Nothing major, yeah. Anyway, as you were saying? What now?"

Applejack pointed a hoof at the giggling pair of party ponies setting up some highly volatile looking equipment up on stage, behind her musically possessed kinfolk.

>Ya see that?

"Do I see wh-... oooh, you mean do I see the big ass cannon up there?"

>Yeah.

"And those fireworks?"

>Uh-huh.

"The sticks of grade-a TNT?"

>Yup.

"Along with a few dozen bricks of C4?"

>All'a that.

Celestia clopped her hooves together looking as joyful as a filly on Christmas morning.

"Why yes! Yes, I do! Oh, bless Pinkie Pie and her new nefarious friend there! They may yet whip this shindig into shape!"

>Or bring down the entire castle in a blaze of fire and charred bodies. That's a bad thing in case there was some confusion.

"Shush your plot before I sic 56 on you, dear."

>...if this goes wrong, it's all yer' fault. Jus' so we're clear.

"I'll order a shirt with those exact words emblazoned on the front, just let me have my fun."
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~Various~
~~~~

>...Ya' know what Ah' just noticed?

"What's that?"

>We ain't had a single fight break out.

"...Wow, that is kind weird when you think about it-"

~YOU'RE WHAT!?~

And just like that, the eyes of the princesses snapped over to the garden. More specifically, the Changeling who looked like he had just been told the bomb would go off if he kept breathing, and the darty eyed and panicing Night Gaurd mare hurriedly shushing him.

~Keep it down you asshole!~

~No, fuck subtly, you're WHAT!?~

~Pregnant, jackass! PREG-A-NANT!~

~B-b-b-b-b-b-~

~You said we weren't compatible! I double checked this with you!~

~We're not! At least, I THOUGHT we weren't! HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK!? I'M MOSTLY BUG!~

~Well apparently you're pony enough to knock me up!~

~...We're SURE it's mine, right?~

~EXCUSE ME!?~

~Hey, not meaning it like that, but you DID do me in a goddamn bathroom on the first date. Just saying.~

~You're the only action I've gotten in half a year! I'm pretty damn sure!~

~...But... why? You're so pretty. Why did you have so much trouble with that?~

~B-because... uh..~

~YOU'RE WHAT!?~

~See what you did!? You attracted the day guys! The day guys suck!~

~Did that darkie seriously get it on with a bug monster?~

~Talk about no standards.~

~And she got PREGNANT!? Oh man, I knew you guys were gross, but EEECH!~

~WHA-~

~THAT'S THE MOTHER OF MY UNBORN SPAWN YOU FUCKERS!~

~Oh yeah? And what are you going to do about-AHHHH! TEETH! VERY SHARP TEEEEEETH!~

~Hey! Get off-AHHH! EYES!~

~NOW WHO'S GROSS!?~

~Alright, break it u-OW!~

~Stay out of this you glittering asshole, I'm going to show this bug monster a lesson!~

~Nobody, but NOBODY punches a crystal Guard and gets away with it!~

~Oh yeah? What're you going to do-~

*CRUNCH!*

~EEEEEEEE~

~Oh it is ON NOW!~

~BRING IT YOU GOLD PLATED FUCKERS!~

>...Should we do somethin'?

"We should... but we won't."

>...Get the popcorn.
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>Shining
“Cadance”
‘Chrysalis’
_______

~~~Night Before Gala~~~

>…but the boys!

“Sweetie. Sweetheart. Love of my life and not that red-haired doll. The chance of there being any colts there are slim to none. These types of events are usually for adults.”

>Are you implying that no stallion wants to hit on my darling Two? Is that what you’re implying? Because if you are then let me tell you something right now-

“You’re getting riled up over nothing, dear! And yes, while it’s very hot and intimidating to see you showing such passion that your fur gets all bristly and I wish you’d just throw me on the floor and mount up, believe me when I say our little Two will be fine! Besides, even if something does happen, there’s you, me, Applejack, a whole rainbow of people to help!”

>…I… hold up, hold up, go back a few words, did you say something about-

“Two will be fine, trust me.”

And Shining did trust his wife, more than she perhaps realized, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling of unease coiling around his stomach.

He nodded somberly and Cadance pecked him over the cheek before she left, leaving Shining alone to glance over the snoozing figure of his changeling daughter in a comfortable silence. She was… quite the free-spirited sleeper with her limbs spread out like she was making a snow-angel. Her right back leg would kick occasionally and every time it did Shining offered the snoozing princess a soft smile.

>It’s funny, how I said I’d never act like my father… and now look at me. That full one-eighty, ha. If I’m overacting now, it’s going to be a callback to tartarus when you start getting asked out to dates and whatnot, Two.

His heart sank at the very thought and as he reached over to pull the covers up, gently tucking her in, he started to sing.

>Come stop your crying it will be alright… just take my hand, hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you… I will be here, don’t you cry…~

He ruffled those sun-kissed blonde locks of hers.

>For one so small, you seem so strong… my arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can’t be broken, I will be here, don’t you cry…~

Two smacked her lips, shifting towards Shining and snuggling under his hoof.

>‘Cause you’ll be in my heart, yes you’ll be in my heart. From this day on, now and forever more…~

Unbeknownst to him, the door, previously left ajar, had been pushed open further, revealing the still figures of Cadance, Chrysalis, 18, and 42, all of whom bore looks of utter shock as Shining continued to sing, lost in the motion of stroking his daughters head.

>When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you, but you’ve got to hold on. They’ll see in time… I know… we’ll show them together~.

The sound of a hoof stomping the floor nearly caused Shining to jump out of his skin. Careful not to rouse Two, he whirled around and beheld his eavesdroppers. He would have blushed and felt highly stupid if not for noticing the strange half-lidded stares each of them, even 42, fixed him with.

>Alright, look, I know what I was doing was stupid but… I, uh… what’s that smell?

Chrysalis flipped her mane back, tail swishing almost hypnotically behind her.

‘Hmmm… what smell, Shiny?’

Shining opened his mouth to respond when their looks suddenly made sense, as did the sensual lip licking. As the four females began approaching with quite the menacing gait, he slowly closed his muzzle and pulled from the nightstand a pair of earmuffs that he delicately slid over Two’s ears.

And then he dove out the window.
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>AJ 18
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
[SA]
~~~~

>First off, thanks for the non-drunk recharge. Appreciate it.

"Anytime. Well, not anytime, I'll probably use future opportunities to humiliate you at every possible time I can. Likely will include blackmail."

>...As I was saying, thank you for the recharge, but I'm going to have to side with the pink mare shoving against your side comically on this one.

"Wow. Betrayal much? I feel like a stiletto just slipped right in, and UGHH! Dead."

>Sorry.

'WILL YOU JUST HELP ME!'

[MRNRPHRNUMNU!]

"Well, surely I can't take BOTH of you-"

>You totally could.

"-so I suppose I must relent."

[*GAAAAAAASP!* ALL I SMELL IS YOUR ASS!]

"Nice, ain't it?"

[I WILL NEVER GET THE TASTE OF BUGBUTT OUT OF MY MOUTH!]

>...Just out of curiosity, what does that taste like?"

[...]

'...Well?'

[CADENCE!]

'What? I'm kind of curious.'

"Oooo~! Well, you know, 18 is right on hoof to satisfy ANY curiosities you may have."

>WHAT!?

"...What? I sent you to get some Shiny-lovin', I can just amend that to say you have to get some pink too."

'...Wow. I think I know what ass tastes like now. It tastes like vomit and horror.'

"Fine, jeez! It was just an offer."

>If she's not okay with her husband cheating with me, why the hell would HE be okay with her cheating with me? That makes no sense.

"Yeah, too bad that law only works for guys."

>...Law?

"Hm? Oh, yeah, it's legal for a husband to get some oral action from someone besides his wife, and it's not cheating."

'...'

[...Why would you tell her that?]

>...Okay, I know what you're going to say, but hear me out, we are almost NEVER in Canterlot together, and we know what ever drug fueled haze Applejack was in to let this pass has to have worn off, and it won't be around forever. This is the ONE chance we can TOTALLY do this cheating free, and I am perfectly fine with it JUST being o-

[No, 18.]

>DAMN!

"What, you think I didn't offer? A lot?"

'Seriously. Whole train ride here, she wouldn't shut up about it.'

[Made several attempts to get started too. Just to get me 'in the zone'.]

>... Why did Applejack pass this law anyway?

"NO IDEA! And I would like to re-iterate, I had NOTHING to do with it. At all. Zero."

'Well, duh.'

[We don't think you're SO stupid you would get a law this bizarrely specific passed in another country entirely, and completely ignore the one place she is currently staying.]

>Seriously, knowing you, you'd try to make it so any kind of sex with a married stallion was legal.

[Or at least anal, bare minimum, not oral of all things.]

'Even you're not THAT dumb. No, this was likely just a lost bet or a prank or something.'

"...That is totally correct, I'm sure. T-totally... correct."

>You okay?

"Yeah... just... just sad I didn't think of it first for the Empire? Yeah. That seems reasonable."

[...]

"...I'm going to see if there's any punch left."
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>Bat pone
~The brawl~
----------
~YOUR MOTHER IS A WHORE!~
~YOUR FATHER STINKS OF ELDERBERRIES!~
>Guys, can i interrupt for a second?
~ELDERBERRY FARMING IS A PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE JOB YOU ASS~
~RACIST!~
>Guys, i know you're having fun and all but-
~I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE RETARD~
~YOU ABLEST FUCK~
>GUYS!
~WHAT?~
The brawl freezes and the obligatory dust cloud fades revealing a crystal and a day guard trying to break the others leg, a day guard biting his own hoof, a crystal guard restraining a night guard while a day guard is in mid punch, and various other frozen combatants.
>Can i have my changeling back please? We need to talk.
~Ouch.~
~Sucks to be him.~
~Agreed~
~Eeeyup~
~Sorry buddy~
~Good luck man~
A black and slightly bruised blur is tossed out of the frozen pile.
~Alright, where were we?~
~I just called you Ablest, your hoof was just about...there and my head was here.~
~Alright, we good? *ahem* FUCK YOU!~
The brawl resumes, and the semi conscious changeling is dragged towards a quieter part of the gardens.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
-18-
[???]
~Various~
~~~

>Alright, awful smell aside, I will offer you a BEGRUDGING thank you. However, that hug I promised is now null and void, you sitting on my face counts as tender for that transaction.

"...Hug?"

>Yeah. What, did 42 not tell you that part?

"What does 42 have to do with anything?"

>...She didn't come get you to fix me?

"Nah, I was trying to catch a rabbit to put down Celestia's dress."

>Coming back to that in a second... where did she go?

'...Shiny?'

>Yeah?

'How good are you with geometry and math?'

>Decent, but 18's better at it, she's a whiz with numbers.

-Oh stooop... not really. Please, tell me more.-

>Why do you ask?

An eruption of dirt and smoke rose up from a massive impact that went off not two feet to their left.

>...

'...18? At about what angle and velocity did he come from?'

-....Do do doooo, he's about one fifty with the armor, do do dooo, dirt is soft enough one foot deep isn't that bad, do do dooo, angle of his bend would be abooooout... There.-

"My eyes just crossed."

'We're on the case! Crystal Empire Detectives, AWAY!'

As one, they launched into the air.

>...girls? Girls? Can't... I can't fly. Girls? Honey? 18?... Crissy? Come on, this isn't funny, someone come get me. Girls? GIRLS!?... Celestia damn it.

~~~Dunanananaana~~~~~

'WE'VE FOUND THE SOURCE!'

-You think?-

~OH GOD MY LEEEG!~

~WHY IS SHE SO STRONG!?~

~THE FIRE DOES NOTHING! IT DOES NOOOOTHING!~

[You shunsh o' bishes, GET YER' ASH BACK HERR!]

"Wow, she is HAMMERED."

~NO! THAT WOULD BE MY SPINE!~

'Poor thing must have gotten drunk accidentally.'

~YEAH! POOR HER!~

-What kind of cruel monsters would do that?-

~YEAH! WHAT KIND OF CRUEL MONSTERS WOULD HURT SOMEONE LIKE THIS! SO HORRIBLE~

"It's just terrible."

~STOP STANDING THERE AND HELP US YOU ASSHOLES!~

"'-Hell no-'"

~DAMN IIIIIIT~
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