Breathe

Esei begins to follow you.

You portal to Pavilion.
Esei follows you ether.
This room has not been mapped.
A lush, mossy pavilion.                                (#PAVILION_1)
Lit by squat, green-speckled lanterns, spiralling stone pathways wind their way up a hill to this shaded pavilion surrounded by lush verdure. Four sturdy posts and a flat canopy carved from black cherrywood form the heart of this shelter where they stand upon flattened, smooth cobblestones. Flowering crossvines snake their way from the rafters down the tall, sturdy poles, their blossoms bursting with tangerine colour, lacing the air with the faintest spice of kafe. Healthy sprouts shoot up between some gaps in the rocks underfoot, while green moss creeps over their edges. More moss grows outside the pavilion itself, carpeting the naked earth and circling a shallow, rocky basin containing a quietly-giggling fountain in its perfect centre. You see a sign here instructing you to use the PORTAL command to enter the aetherplex system.
You see a single exit leading in.

Esei exhales slowly, allowing a long fluid breath to creep from her lungs.

You have emoted: Lief slings her lute over her shoulder, and likewise tucks her pen away as she leads the way toward the pavilion shelter.

You cease wielding a fragrant lute of hardwood maple in your left hand.

You cease wielding a mechanical fountain pen in your right hand.

Esei ceases to wield an athame dagger in her left hand.

You have emoted: Bobbing here, Lief offers Esei a briefly apologetic look. "I've been meaning to furnish it with some seating, but I hope you're all right standing or sitting on the ground?"

Esei follows you, quietly observing the vines as she slides her athame away. "I am alright with standing," she says demurely. "You had questions?"

You have emoted: "I did," Lief says with a bob of her antlered head, "but you wanted to talk first. Did you have something you'd like to ask or say before I do?"

She is a graceful elfen wyrden demigoddess. She has pale, freckled skin. Her face has softer, rounder features, giving her the appearance of a young woman. Her hair, which hangs to the middle of her back and red-orange in color, is half done-up in braids, giving her a fierce look and flaunting her pointed ears. Her lips rest in a natural upward curve, though they are often twisted into thoughtful frowns. Her nose is straight with a little quirk at the tip, edged by laugh lines. Her large, angled, almond-shaped eyes are so dark one can hardly tell their true color, much less discern the pupil. She is easily six feet tall with broad shoulders and a lithe, slim figure, making her look rather masculine.

She is wearing:
a platinum commune ring
a woven belt of ravenwood bark
a black diamond ring of the eventide
black leather bracers
a fur-lined mantle of frost
a supple leather scabbard tied closely on the right side of the belt
a black scarf of wool
thick leather footwrap-style boots
Ebon Prayer Beads of the Silent Lord
a charm bracelet of dark idols
a dark suit of glimmering onyx fullplate
a cloak of crow feathers.

Esei stares at you for a long moment, her eyes glittering like hard onyx. Then, she mutely shakes her head.

You have emoted: Lief's wings lower her to the mossy-edged stones within the pavilion, chin lifting to thoughtfully study Esei's face. "My question is about fair Gloriana," she finally says, her hands clasping together. "You are marked by the Pools of Remembrance. I would be curious to know if you'd seen anything of her, and what you think of her now, given how you've been changing as a member of the Glomdoring."

"Gloriana," Esei sighs, rubbing the bracelet on her wrist, dancing over the charms. "It was beautiful, yes, but in the way I may find the Serenwilde beautiful. It was weaker than the Glomdoring," she says and closes her eyes. "Different, certainly. It has been quite some time now, since I've seen the pools, and memory fades quickly. It was not as sharp, nor as grand. When I saw it through the pools, it felt odd to me."

You have emoted: Lief tilts her antlered head to the side. She listens, but she's practically bursting with the question when she asks it, where she senses Esei has said her piece. "Power? Why does power matter?"

Esei's lips slowly stretch into a smile. "In every way, dearest Phrase," she says, almost gently. "It matters in every way. Our tah'vrai is to spread the glory of the Wyrd and despite its name, the Gloriana was not glorious." Her eyes open again, exposing that void-black once again. "To refine oneself, you must let go of the past - yes, you can learn much from it, but there is a point where you must stop holding onto something you cannot change. In our case, that is the Gloriana."

You have emoted: Lief's face falls with quiet disappointment as she listens to Esei, her head shaking slightly. "But..." she protests, her fingers weaving through one another. "But - the squirrel cannot overpower the wolf. The squirrel is objectively weaker, but it has other strengths, and it is important to the whole. I don't..." She makes a vexed sound, trailing off.

You think to yourself: Refinement? Bettering oneself isn't bad, but...we aren't *tools*. We're alive.

Esei nods slowly to your point. "However," she says gently. "The squirrel is only one of many in any Forest. Many creatures could fill that niche,... or the squirrel can adapt and eventually evolve." Esei's smile does not waver as she continues. "It can adapt to the strength of the wolf, whether this is a new hiding tactic, or speed." She presses her hand to her chest, looking thoughtful.

You have emoted: "Are you saying Gloriana lacked this? Gloriana lacked the squirrel and the wolf?" Lief looks utterly bewildered as she stares at Esei. "I don't understand why you say Gloriana was weak."

Esei sighs. "It is... difficult to explain," she says. "Especially since you have since expressed your... lack of understanding, in a way." A smile curls against her lips. "Without the chains of a cyclical Nature, the Wyrd manages to evolve past that. Though... it may be best to simply show you."

You have emoted: Lief shakes her head again, more firmly. "I understand when something is difficult to explain," she says to Esei. "Sometimes you lack the words for the experience. Sometimes you lack the understanding of where the other person is coming from, and so you're uncertain of how best to reach them. These things I understand." She disentangles her hands and holds one up, bells upon a charm bracelet of prismatic crystal orchids chiming. "It's not a failing to not understand what you mean, and to ask questions. It's not a failing to be true to my own self if I can eventually suss out the answers. Your offer to show me sounds *extremely* ominous."

Esei simply lifts a brow. "I did not mean for it to sound that ominous," she says. "I genuinely only mean to show you the Forest as I do." She offers you one of her hands, staring with dark eyes. "I will not press or search. Merely show. If you would let me."

You have emoted: Lief's fingers curl in midair, and then they lower back to her lap, her grey-eyed gaze studying Esei's hand, her brow knit with a surge of concern and, beneath that, a glimmer of distrust. "I don't want to have any images planted in my mind," she says. "I don't want anything planted in any part of me."

Esei shakes her head. "No such thing will occur," she tries to assure. "Simply showing. Sights, sounds, smells. I will simply be a conduit, as I always am. It should not even hurt you."

You have emoted: "But that sounds like..." Lief trails off, peering up at Esei once more. "What if you painted a picture for me instead? I have been meaning to set up an easel out here anyway. I can acquire the materials."

Esei frowns thoughtfully. "Perhaps," she murmurs. "Though it would not convey certain things." Esei stares off at a point in the distance. "I cannot convey the Shadowbeat quite as well through that medium..." she trails off, still staring, mulling over her thoughts.

Esei takes a paint palette from a lavender cashmere satchel.

Cutting wood into sturdy boards, Esei assembles a frame. She then stretches a cloth over the frame until she holds a perfect canvas, suitable for painting a work of art.

Showing that she understands, Esei nods her head slowly.

You lay out your materials and construct a wooden easel with flower carvings.

You drop a palm sigil.

You drop a wooden easel with flower carvings.

Esei exhales slowly, allowing a long fluid breath to creep from her lungs.

Esei puts a blank canvas into a wooden easel with flower carvings.

Esei exhales slowly, and begins to paint on the canvas. Using liberal amounts of black, with hidden tones of red, blue, green, purple, and yellow. With her focus entirely on the painting itself, Esei seems to not notice the silver-and-black streams coiling off her fingers and down the paintbrush, seeping lovingly into the paint. Her eyes darken as she paints faster, until placing the very last star in the night sky.

Stepping before the easel and canvas, Esei begins to paint with brush and palette in hand, frowning in concentration.

Esei takes a painting of Glory Ever Be from a wooden easel with flower carvings.

Esei gives a painting of Glory Ever Be to you.

You have emoted: As the painting happens, Lief makes a point of watching elsewhere, of stepping lightly to the side, nearer to the moss-ringed fountain nearby. There she lingers, listening to its splash and the sound of paint strokes upon canvas, inhaling the faintly bitter scent of kafe lingering in the air, until Esei's completion draws her attention again. She bows her antlered head gratefully over the painting, then tilts her attention down to study the art itself.

This painting is set in a dark, dim forest. A series of drums line the forest floor, shadows almost visibly writhing over them. Red eyes peer out from the branches, crows suddenly coming aware to the vision of the viewer. A new moon hangs high in the sky above, the stars almost choking in the night sky. Webs crawl between the branches of rosebushes, glinting in the dim light. The black roses glitter, as if made of onyx rather than being flowers. Some areas seem harsh around the edges as if more-than-necessary force had been applied by the painter. The painting almost seems to thrum with a beat in a silent room, as if latent power was infused in the paint, the canvas, the very essence of the painting.
It has 253 months of usefulness left.
It weighs about 37 pounds.
It bears the distinctive mark of Augur Esei of the Ascending Dusk.
It has the following aliases: painting.

Esei gives you a brief, cursory glance, remaining silent.

You have emoted: Lief studies a painting of Glory Ever Be for a very long time, quiet with her thoughts and her impressions. Eventually, she looks up again and says softly, "It seems as though you love your home very dearly. I can see this in the painting."

Esei smiles briefly and gives a single incline of her head. "I do," she says quietly. "That is why I would share it with you, dear Phrase."

You have emoted: Lief returns Esei's brief smile, which fades as she glances back down at the painting she holds. She spends another moment in silence, and then she quietly adds, "The atmosphere there must smother, though. It must command all of your attention, all of your senses..."

"Not to me," Esei muses. "Perhaps at the beginning. I knew nothing beyond my own name and muscle memory, after the Portal of Fate was through with me." She touches her neck, as if touching something imaginary and fleeting. "I got used to it, after I realized how familiar I already was with it." Esei glances up, focusing on you. With her other hand, she reaches out once again. "Nothing more than a gaze, a whisper, of what I experience," she promises.

You have emoted: One foot stretches back, bare toes pressed against cold rock as Lief looks up at Esei, startled. "I couldn't breathe in a place like this," she protests. She looks down at the painting again, and then up once more, her brow drawn together. Her fingertips touch over the glowing red eyes, and she murmurs, "Always watched, always studied...as though one misstep, one word uttered wrong, one incorrect question..."

You whisper, "It's no wonder you're concerned about refining yourself like a tool..."

With a soft, sad smile, Esei says, "No, not quite." She carefully approaches on feather-soft steps. "Yes, our Divine are watchful, but that does not mean that They desire to harm us. They simply wish to see us grow, in the Wyrd, in our way, just as your Goddess wishes to see you grow, yes?" She glances down at the painting, gently taking your hand. "I am no more a tool than you are, dearest Phrase," she murmurs, turning your palm up and tracing the lines there.

In a swirl of blue fire, a gentle spirit stag leaps out of the Flame of dae'Seren upon you and prances in a slow circle before fading.

You have emoted: Lief's hand is soft, but her fingers are calloused, worn hard and numb from years upon years playing strings. She peers down at her palm where Esei's fingers trace the lines, uncertain but on guard. "Yes," she says quietly, "My Lady would see us grow and flourish, to flower and bear fruit. To bring our outer selves and our innermost selves into harmony with one another." She looks up at Esei's face again, craning her antlered head. "She wouldn't want to change us to fit some other power, though. She would have us grow as our own selves most true."

Esei smiles softly. "They would ask us the same," she tells you. "While it is true - Nothing matters but the Glomdoring - we are individuals also. We each have our aches and joys, our vices and our secrets. Some to keep, others to tell. Some, even, to show." She pauses, studying your face. "It is a matter of perspective, my Phrase." She presses a soft, brief kiss to your fingertips, before lowering the hand back to the painting.

You have emoted: Lief's ears twitch as she listens, her frown furrowing deeper with confusion and befuddlement at the gesture. When her hand is free, she curls it tighter around the inner edge of the canvas, as though concerned about releasing it again. "That doesn't make sense," she says stubbornly. "If 'nothing matters but', then how does your individuality matter?"

Esei smiles again. "The person matters," she offers. "But not the body. Everything we do is to benefit the Glomdoring and the Wyrd. Even our deaths feed the Forest." She gains a ponderous expression. "The body is but a shell for the being within."

You think to yourself: Outside as within...a shell outside, perhaps a shell within...

You have emoted: Lief's expression turns a touch sad as she shakes her head again. "The roses of Glomdoring get to look so pretty," she says, her voice quiet, "and you are told your own physical form matters not. Why is the rose allowed this consideration, and you are not?"

"Because," Esei begins. "Those roses were created by Lady Viravain. I am nothing but a shard, a spark. A tiny speck in the Forest. Why should I be beautiful, compared to something made by a Goddess?" Her own smile is sad but fleeting. "It is hard to explain. Our strength, our riches, our wisdom are all to further the Glomdoring. Being hurt, and dying, is an opportunity to learn, to improve, to further the Glomdoring. Because nothing matters but the Glomdoring. Not beauty, not ego, not worries."

You have emoted: Lief cants her antlered head again, her sorrowful expression deepening. "You are a piece of Divinity yourself, and you are told you are not worthwhile," she says quietly, her wings slowly flapping, and then humming to lift her and bring her to Esei's eye level. "Esei, have you ever had the opportunity to see yourself for the valuable person you are - for your own sake - not as a means to the Wyrd's ends?"

Esei smiles briefly, eyes twinkling oddly. "Lief, it is I who tells myself these things," she tells you gently. "No one else, nor should they."

You have emoted: "No," Lief says firmly, her wings carrying her closer to Esei. Her grey eyes pierce Esei, sparks of colour flaring fiercely within. "*Nobody* tells themselves they are worth nothing like that. Someone else told you this, and you've taken it into yourself. You did not just *happen* upon this belief."

Augur Esei of the Ascending Dusk says to you, "Perhaps I just know my place, and currently, that place is not very high. You might be able to say otherwise, but not I."

You have emoted: "Nobody has the power to place yourself so low," Lief says with just as much vehemence, "but you."

Esei stares at you, a frown firm on her face. Then, she sighs, deliberately relaxing her shoulders. "Phrase," she says, "I cannot force you to understand, nor will I." She steps away from you, pressing her hands against the railing of the pavilion. "It is a very complicated matter," she sighs. "But yes. I have seen myself, the parts I hide from most, if not all," she says, glancing back at you. A wry smile pulls across her face. "I know myself as I am now."

Earnestly, you say to Esei, "Only because you are tearing yourself apart within and ripping away pieces of yourself. Your 'place' isn't below other people. You are the only person who can be you, and you...you are..."

Esei tilts her head curiously at you.

You have emoted: Lief trails off, finally drawing back, emotion wetting her eyes - emotion she is quick to wipe with her white kimono sleeve. "You are killing yourself," she whispers.

Esei's lips stretch into a small, sly grin, half-hidden from you. "Am I?" She asks. "How would you know if I was not tearing away weakness, as I am bid to do by my very nature?"

You have emoted: Lief stares at Esei for a long time more, bobbing quietly in the air, her face betraying her crestfallen emotion. She looks down at the painting she holds, then at Esei again, and says quietly, "I'm sorry I cannot give you what it seems you seek. Tearing things from yourself will only lead to emptiness in the end, and I cannot do anything about that if you will do so anyway."

Esei's grin fades into something softer, kinder, rounder. She turns to face you properly, her hands folded behind her back. "Think of it this way," she says. "It is like cutting blighted fruit from an orchard so that the illness does not spread to the rest of the crop. It is carefully removing a torn seam to restitch it. It is removing in order to regrow." Esei extends a hand towards you, black eyes reflecting into nothing but shining nonetheless. "Would you allow me to show you the Wyrd as I see it?"

You have emoted: "You've already shown me," Lief says, gazing down at the painting she holds in all its fierce, oppressive darkness, with its glittering roses and intricate webs. "If you've some trick to show me something more...I trust my own self and mine own eyes."

Esei smiles sadly, a wistful look in her eyes.

Augur Esei of the Ascending Dusk says to you, "As you wish."

You think to yourself: I don't think I'd *want* to see it through the eyes of someone so consumed and overwhelmed in it...

You have emoted: Lief nods gently toward Esei, her gaze lifting again. "Thank you for agreeing to visit me here in my pavilion," she says quietly.

"Of course," Esei says and then steps closer, bringing both hands to cup your unguarded face. "There are worse things than the Wyrd, dearest Phrase," she murmurs, brushing her thumbs across your cheekbones; staring, searching. "Good luck in your Wilde." Then, Esei lets go and steps backward. "Enjoy the painting."

You have emoted: Lief flinches from the familiar touch, her shoulders driving up to her ears, unknitting and relaxing only when she's released from the hold. She releases a held breath, too, and bows her antlered head slightly over the painting, toward Esei.

Argent moonlight pierces the blue glow of the Flame of dae'Seren upon you, enshrouding you momentarily in a silver mantle.

Esei inclines her head politely to you.

You nod your head at Esei.

Augur Esei of the Ascending Dusk asks, "Shall we leave, then?"

You have emoted: Lief gestures toward the portal. "You should be able to on your own, yes?"

A wry smile spreads across Esei's face.

Augur Esei of the Ascending Dusk says, "If you say so."

Skeletal white blossoms flower along the flesh of Esei as her body splits apart into a blizzard of blackthorn petals that leave to the ether.

You have emoted: Lief carefully sets the painting aside, leaning against a wooden easel with flower carvings, before exhaling and finding her way to the pond. She bobs, lowering herself to the mossy rocks and settling down to look into the fountain, into its many meditative ripples.

You think to yourself: She's changed - but she hasn't grown. Not like a flower, not like a tree. Who...would choose to place themselves so low? For 'weakness'?

You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

You think to yourself: ...If my Lady ever needed me to do something, of course I would. But She would let me say no, if I felt I couldn't. Yet She would have me grow. And Esei talks of 'refinement'. Of taking away instead...

You think to yourself: ...Just as He takes...

You have emoted: Lief gazes steadily at the fountain, her fingertips gently adjusting the brooch hidden in her sash.