Idiots guide to Ukraine Conflict

Okay, so I'm going to do my best to try to answer a bunch of questiong about what is going on in the Ukraine right now. (Please note these are not my words, just very good statements from other people closer to the situation)

-Someone please explain the Ukraine situation, doing their best without bias of each side please.

Quickest-possible version:

The Ukrainian president was about to form a tighter association with the European Union, as per certain promises. At the last minute he reverses course and does so with Russia instead. The Ukrainian people, who largely favour Europe over Russia flipped out. Weeks of rioting followed, and the President ordered his police to start killing people in the streets. He was then forced to flee the country and was swiftly impeached by the parlaiment.

Russia does not recognize the legitimacy of the current government, which many feel is because they liked having the old guy in charge because he was willing to be their puppet. They already had - legally - a port in the Crimea region in the southeast of the country, as a result of a long-standing agreement between the two countries. They now seem to be using this military port to stage an invasion of the Crimea region, presumably with the intent of putting their puppet back in power, or possibly claiming Crimea as part of Russia again. This last is made more likely by the fact that Crimea was actually part of Russia until the 1950s, and was gifted to Ukraine when it was part of the USSR. This may be Russia taking back by force what they gave away in good will 60 years ago.

-So if Ukraine is willing to fight for Crimea this could get ugly?

Well it's more complicated than that.
The short answer, obviously, is "yes." No armed conflict with Russia is ever not going to be ugly.
The longer answer is that it's not totally clear that they COULD put up a fight for a couple of reasons.

1) The question of how willing the Ukrainian military as a force would be to obey such an order, coming from a government which is currently in a state of transition is an open one. That could go either way.
2) A lot of Crimeans view themselves as ethnically Russian, and may welcome the Russians with open arms, even if they're a part of the Ukrainian armed forces.

This having been said, the issue of ethnicity doesn't determine everything. My girlfriend lives in Simferopol, where this is happening. She's ethnically Russian, but she's third-generation, and her loyalty is definitely to Ukraine rather than Russia. It's the country she grew up in and she abhors the nation that her family comes from. Whether or not that sort of Ukrainian loyalty is present in other ethnically Russian Crimeans is a big question right now.


-Can someone Explain like I'm 5 why Russia is invading Ukraine right now?

Crimea is majority ethnic russian since stalin kicked out the "native" (not really but it's very complicated) Crimean tatars in the wake of WW2. Khrushchev (the soviet dictator in the 50s) transferred Crimea to the Ukrainian soviet sub-state for a variety of shady reasons (rumor has it he was drunk), and as the soviet union disintegrated in the early 90s the russians allowed it to become part of an independent ukraine. Technically it was in revolt for a few years, until a deal was made where it became an "autonomous republic" within ukraine (the only one of its kind) and the Russian Federation was allowed to keep the Black Sea Fleet in Crimea.

Ethnic russians make up a little under 2/3rds of the crimean population, the rest being almost evenly split between tatars who returned and ukrainians. These russians want Crimea to be a part of russia. Most russians consider it to be a part of russia as well; an occupied territory, so to speak.
And now, to russians, it has become an occupied territory under belligerent and unelected control.
Note: This is the russian point of view, not mine. The Ukrainians have legitimate reasons for wanting the russians out of their shit as well.