Taako Magic 10

Justin: Alright, I’m gonna cast a different spell on this stupid ass slime, it’s called “Disintegrate”.

Griffin: Oh shit.

Justin: [laughing] Fuck you. It, uh, there’s this thin green ray that springs from my pointing finger, um, but I’m gonna have it come out of my butt, ‘cause that’s how I do.

Clint: Nice.

Griffin: Oh, interesting.

Justin: Yeah, it’s a different thing so it looks like a laser fart and the target, uh– well, listen; it’s gotta make a dexterity saving throw.

Griffin: Oh, that’s not this thing’s jam. I do wanna ask, um, you’re using your butt and not the umbrastaff right? ‘Cause if you use the umbrastaff you get the spell bonus.

Justin: I’m holding the umbrastaff with my butt.

Griffin: Channeling it!

[Griffin and Travis laugh]

Clint: It’s like a fraternity hazing!

Travis: I loved when they recast Taako as Adam Sandler. I really appreciated that, it was good.

[Clint and Justin laugh]

Justin: And everybody’s bustin’ up, that’s the other thing about it. Everybody’s lolling.

Travis: Even the bear loves it!

Justin: [laughing] They’re loving it!

Griffin: That’s a big 7.

Justin: Okay, that’s not gonna pass.

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: So now you’re gonna take 10d6 damage.

Griffin: Oh my god.

[Clint and Travis simultaneously go “whoa”, Clint laughs]

Justin: Uhh.

Clint: That’s the one with six.
Justin: Thanks, papa, I don’t have a six in there.

Griffin: How do you not have a six, it comes with every board game.

Justin: My daughter-

Griffin: Eats them for power?

Justin:- plays with them. I got it, got it. [Dice rolling] Uhh, let’s see 5… Dad, count this for me.

Travis: You say it, I got it.

[Dice rolling]

...

[Dice rolling continues]

...

Travis: 27.

Griffin: Alright, um, wow, that was a huge, huge hit on this thing.

Justin: And then I, and then I, sorry, I add 40 to that.

Griffin: What?

Justin: Yeah!

Griffin: No, is it 10d6 plus 4?

Justin: No, sir. Uh, no sir, that’s 10d6 plus 40, um, damage.

Griffin: Wait. Really?

Justin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Travis: It’s called “Disintegrate”, Griffin!

Justin: It’s called “Disintegrate”, it’s not called like “Loving Caress from a New Lover”! [Clint chuckles]

Travis: Though it is now!

Griffin: Jesus.

Justin: Oh, if it kills it, it disintegrates and I’m gonna need to hear that.

Griffin: Uh, so you didn’t quite, Jesus, you really swept the legs out from - that’s a sixth level spell, right? Like, you’re burning the big guns.

Justin: Yeah, I burned a sixth level spell, I wasn’t gonna fuck around.

Clint: Yeah!

Griffin: Okay, yeah, you uh, you. Okay. Here’s what this did: because this is a multiplying regenerating poisonous slime, uh, you - I swear you almost took it completely down with this one attack. But you, blasted it with the ray, and some of it did get disintegrated off, some of its slime evaporated into the air. And right when that happened, it split in two and became two smaller slimes. But the beam I guess also hit one of those smaller slimes and disintegrated it as well and it kept refracting like that around the room hitting smaller parts of the slime as it splits off. And so the only things that’s left now are three like pretty small, like up to your knees sized, uh, poisonous regenerating slimes.

-Ep. 53, The Suffering Game, 6:12