ass

Is this literally a baby's first edited map? These aren’t even on beat! Least you made an effort?! Did you make an effort? I hope so. This is sad. This is just, depressing, this is like - you wake up, your mother promised you’re going to Six Flags, but it’s like, it’s a rainy day, so you’re like, “uhhh can we go to Six Flags anyway? Even though maybe it’ll stop raining?” and, you get your hopes up and, I mean you convince your mom to take you because she’s had too much vodka to think it’s a bad idea. So, way there, it just rains heavier and heavier and heavier, and - by the time you actually do get there, it’s like, it’s not quite a downpour, but it’s more than a drizzle. It’s like, how the fuck are you supposed to go fucking fuck your Six fucking Flags in the rain, and then your mother like parks over at the side of the road and goes to a gas stop and gets a bar of soap just to wash out your mouth with cuz you’re like six years old or something you shouldn’t be using those words. So like, she’s not gonna take you home or anything. So you just sit in the car for another half hour, and you try and wait out the rain. But, the rain keeps raining, because, it’s just one of those days, so, dejected you just kinda go to Six Flags anyway, you’re like, “okay maybe there’s some indoor attractions here, you know, attractions with roofs.” So, you try to go to some attractions with roofs, so most of it’s like gift shops and shit. The worst part is they’re all out of those cool little spinning toys, not fidget spinners but like the ones before that, like you just like, twirl them around with your finger. They’re like, the best thing for a six year old, especially if they’re battery powered and they do the auto spin thing. But no, the last one just got sold to fucking Bobby from down the street, like, he lives next to you and he went to Six Flags too, despite that it was raining and, looks like it was just there to take your fucking spinner toy, and it’s like, ugh, if your mom wasn’t there you’d just punch him right in the gullet. Just, give him a good stomping until all his guts fly out his spleen, which is now outside his body from the stomping but no - before you can get too violent, you just kinda get dragged on to the next attraction and - the one bright thing in your day in this is that you do get one of those delicious soft pretzel things, like those are amazing. So you try and enjoy that in the rain, cuz it like, the rain makes it all soggy is the problem, there’s an outdoor vendor and he’s like, he didn’t actually afford a roof, he’s trying to make ends meet for his wife and kids so, he didn’t actually invest in a roof for his stall. And so all his pretzels are just soggy and who wants to eat a soggy pretzel? So it’s really, it’s not actually the good part of the day. And, you get maybe halfway through your pretzel trying to savor what’s left of its like breaded salty goodness. And eventually you just give up and you’re like, “okay there’s no salvaging this day, let’s go home.” Then your mom complains at you because she spent all this money on tickets, it was like fifteen dollars, she got a sale and it still wasn’t worth the fifteen dollars just to go cuz he bought that dumb pretzel, and the pretzel was like, fifteen dollars on its own because the vendor inflated prices without telling anyone and I don’t know, I guess your mom just assumed that’s normal prices for a pretzel. It’s kinda, it’s kinda too bad really but, cuz you probably could’ve spent that fifteen dollars on popcorn or something and, at least taking the popcorn, the popcorn machine has a fucking lid, it wouldn’t get all wet and soaked like the pretzels. But - so you decide, “maybe this isn’t so bad, let’s just, let’s just get a jacket.” So, you take your jacket and you put it over your head and that’s a kind of a makeshift rain preventer, and so you try and go on a, like some kind of ride with it, it’s like, the ride operator’s like, “are you sure you wanna do this? It’s raining?” You’re like, “yeah, I went to Six Flags, I need my money’s worth, c’mon!” Then, he’s like, “okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Then you go on the roller coaster, it feels fun at first, but that’s before you get, the rain is so fierce, just from the sheer speeds, that it feels like someone’s pissing in your face, and you start crying, let go of your jacket and it falls into the abyss. Like literally the abyss, it’s just a giant gaping hole, underneath the roller coaster because ahsha(?) hadn’t been invented yet. So it’s like, yep, that’s officially, o-fficially, literally the worst day ever. And so your mother finally agrees to take you back home, and then you just kinda, when you’re back home you just crawl up into bed, and then you get even saltier because the rain finally stopped, but it’s too late to go back there now because it’s like, five p.m. or something and the park’s almost closed, so you just resign yourself to your fate, and… well, you go to sleep, and hope for a better day tomorrow. Cuz, and that, my friends, is exactly how playing this goddamn map feels like. Ugh, what a miserable experience, my god.