Ike's Ads

THERE'S A NAKED MAN streaking through your town. Your Mayor? Drunk. Your town police? Complicit. Your neighbor? Cheering them on. Get out of that hellhole, and join the Cardiff Community.

YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOG rubs their butt against your MineCar. Your peach tree orchard is burned down. The Mayor is singular in his obsession with your wife. Get out while you can, and move to Cardiff; finally, peace.

You trip+fall into the street and get HIT BY A CAR. You go to the hospital; the bills bankrupt you. Your life is ruined. All because your Mayor is TOO CHEAP to put up streetlights. Move to Cardiff.

CRIME.  MURDER. VIOLENCE. What do all of these things have in common? They're all going on IN YOUR TOWN right now, and your Mayor DOESN'T CARE. Flee the wasteland, and find peace in the Cardiff Community.

The STREETS OUTSIDE are full of FECES because YOUR MAYOR spent the whole town budget on his new boat. Your children are crying from the gas fumes. You need to make a move. Come to Cardiff, and finally find peace.

Do your neighbors stay up until 5am doing TRADITIONAL YODELING and DANCING? Do you LONG for the sweet release of death? Back off that cliff, and move yourself to the Cardiff Community - Peace on the river spawn.

Does your gas station attendant lure travelers into their basement every Wednesday night? Does the town hall have blood stains? Your MAYOR is probably a Cannibal! Get out of there, before you're next; move to Cardiff!

The sirens start to blare; you refused to listen, but the planes are coming. Your Mayor has caused nuclear war with another town and the bombs are on the way. Get out while you can! Move to Cardiff!

A TAXICAB drove straight through your front door. You try to sue, but his BROTHER is the Chief of Police. They harass you over and over again until you're so poor your MineCar is repossessed. Get out NOW. Move to Cardiff!