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- 1
- 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,128
- 30 seconds and counting.
- 2
- 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,004
- Power transfer is complete.
- 3
- 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,540
- We're on internal power
- with the launch vehicle at this time.
- 4
- 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,740
- T minus 20 seconds and counting.
- 5
- 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,020
- All the second-stage tanks
- now pressurised.
- 6
- 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,851
- T minus 15 seconds.
- Guidance is internal.
- 7
- 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,689
- 12, 11, 10, 9...
- 8
- 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,004
- Ignition sequence starts.
- 9
- 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:37,527
- 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,
- 10
- 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,363
- zero. All engines running.
- 11
- 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,282
- Lift off! We have a lift off.
- 12
- 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,568
- And so in 1972,
- 13
- 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,522
- the Atlas Centaur rocket
- blasted off from our planet,
- 14
- 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,100
- a 4-stage rocket
- that launched a probe
- 15
- 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,248
- way out into the blackness of space.
- 16
- 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,980
- The probe would use
- the energy from the sun
- 17
- 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:01,180
- and the gravitational pull
- of our neighbouring planets
- 18
- 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,770
- to cross our solar system.
- 19
- 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,220
- That momentum would then carry it on
- 20
- 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,687
- into the farthest reaches
- of the universe.
- 21
- 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,401
- The mission, to find intelligent life
- similar to ours
- 22
- 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,128
- out there in deep space.
- 23
- 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,020
- The probe carried a tablet
- which had inscribed on it
- 24
- 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,620
- the image of us humans,
- a man and a woman,
- 25
- 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,404
- and a map to locate us in the universe.
- 26
- 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,843
- Stage 4 disconnects and our probe
- is fired on its long journey.
- 27
- 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,562
- The world wished it bon voyage
- 28
- 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,740
- and may it find a friend out there
- 29
- 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,524
- in deep space.
- 30
- 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,603
- Thank you so much. Thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- 31
- 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,805
- Hey! Thank you very much. Thank you.
- 32
- 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,480
- Thank you, nice to see you.
- 33
- 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,140
- Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
- 34
- 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,740
- When I interviewed Neil Clarke
- for The Book Programme,
- 35
- 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,410
- I knew he was extraordinary.
- 36
- 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,260
- Now, with the publication
- of his brilliant novel,
- 37
- 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,220
- reviewers agree he's joined the ranks
- 38
- 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:43,980
- of Britain's immortals.
- 39
- 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,570
- Ladies and gentlemen, Neil Clarke.
- 40
- 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,811
- Um, so I suppose I wanted to start off
- by asking you
- 41
- 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,780
- how did you manage such amazing
- insight into the soul of modern man
- 42
- 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,531
- and how do you know
- what men and women really want,
- 43
- 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:07,047
- just really the whole relationship
- between humanity and the cosmos?
- 44
- 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,250
- Yeah, well, I think
- I probably achieved that
- 45
- 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,006
- by looking into my own soul, Catherine.
- 46
- 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,780
- Um, I studied its flaws,
- 47
- 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,406
- its potential, its urgent needs.
- 48
- 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,806
- I listened to its cries for help...
- 49
- 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:26,209
- ...and its yelps of anguish
- and, um, I...
- 50
- 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,220
- I spent 5 long years
- 51
- 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,980
- in a book which I hoped would throw open
- the doors of human perception
- 52
- 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,926
- and allow us to be engulfed
- in a sense of our own futility.
- 53
- 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,100
- Sorry about this, it's...
- 54
- 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,522
- Get off! Down!
- 55
- 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,411
- Ah!
- 56
- 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,890
- Oh, God.
- 57
- 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,206
- Go watch TV.
- 58
- 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,130
- Your dog is barking.
- 59
- 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,448
- My dog was barking
- because you rang the doorbell.
- 60
- 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,288
- I rang the doorbell
- because your dog was barking.
- 61
- 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,580
- Your lease says no pets.
- 62
- 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,887
- Well, he is a guide dog.
- 63
- 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,380
- You're not blind.
- 64
- 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,051
- I prefer the term
- "optically challenged".
- 65
- 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,020
- You're not optically challenged, either.
- 66
- 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,220
- Fiona, you live, like, 3 floors up.
- I mean, I don't...
- 67
- 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:27,820
- If you don't control your bloody dog,
- 68
- 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,288
- I am going to get it sent
- to Battersea Dogs Home. Right?
- 69
- 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,366
- - Hmm?
- - All right.
- 70
- 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,569
- Come on, Dennis,
- let's go and evacuate your bowels.
- 71
- 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,241
- Come on, Dennis.
- 72
- 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,740
- Come on.
- 73
- 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,205
- - Hi, Neil.
- - Hi, Catherine.
- 74
- 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,648
- Hey, it's funny,
- I was just dreaming about you.
- 75
- 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,340
- Really?
- 76
- 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,647
- Yeah, you were presenting me
- with an award for my novel.
- 77
- 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,206
- Oh, did you deserve it?
- 78
- 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,609
- Well, I was proud but humble.
- 79
- 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,323
- Have you finished it,
- actually, in real life?
- 80
- 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,060
- Absolutely, almost, yeah.
- 81
- 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,460
- Cos last spring you were on chapter...
- 82
- 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,860
- Yeah, I've renumbered them.
- In fact, I've removed them.
- 83
- 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,020
- - Oh.
- - Yeah.
- 84
- 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,646
- I find the whole concept of chapters
- just gets in the way so...
- 85
- 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,641
- Yeah. Yeah, no, I can see that.
- 86
- 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,649
- I want reading it to be like being
- sucked into a giant vortex, you know.
- 87
- 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,444
- - Like going on Facebook.
- - Like Facebook, yeah.
- 88
- 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,806
- That's a good one.
- 89
- 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,780
- "Like being sucked into a giant vortex."
- 90
- 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,521
- Dennis, why do you let me
- say things like this, hey?
- 91
- 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:40,806
- Come on.
- 92
- 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,405
- Hmm. Mmm?
- 93
- 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,610
- Ah.
- 94
- 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,860
- - Come on, Ray. It's only 20 quid.
- - No, I can't, Neil.
- 95
- 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,166
- - Yeah, but it can't lose.
- - No.
- 96
- 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,967
- Look, I guarantee you
- a 50% return on your money
- 97
- 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,411
- before the end of classes today.
- 98
- 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,060
- So when do you make your move on
- Miss Booker Prize downstairs, then?
- 99
- 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:36,340
- Oh, I don't. Turns out she's a bit
- literal-minded, no foresight.
- 100
- 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,966
- Whereas me,
- I can see for miles into the future.
- 101
- 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,500
- A man needs a woman, Neil.
- 102
- 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,220
- - I've got Dennis.
- - Dennis is male.
- 103
- 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,049
- And he's a dog,
- in case you hadn't noticed.
- 104
- 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,180
- Yeah, well, I don't want
- to complicate my life.
- 105
- 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,566
- This is a tenner!
- 106
- 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:55,846
- Walk!
- 107
- 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,726
- Accessing representative
- images of earthlings.
- 108
- 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,100
- Communication will be carried on in
- the language of the species to be judged.
- 109
- 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,850
- I'm sorry, I'm not understanding.
- 110
- 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:48,820
- Ah.
- 111
- 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,844
- - Is that better, Kylie?
- - Understanding you now, Sharon.
- 112
- 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,500
- By the power invested in me by the
- Intergalactic Council of Superior Species,
- 113
- 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,580
- I hereby pronounce
- a destruction order on the planet Earth.
- 114
- 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,890
- With great respect, Sharon,
- we should not pronounce a destruction order
- 115
- 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,522
- before we've given these earthlings
- a chance to prove themselves.
- 116
- 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,460
- They've penetrated
- intergalactic space.
- 117
- 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,641
- Maureen is right.
- 118
- 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,004
- They're clearly not a superior species.
- 119
- 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,330
- Look at the way they copulate.
- 120
- 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,260
- If these earthlings
- 121
- 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,410
- can convince us that they are superior
- beings, then they may join our society.
- 122
- 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,409
- If they cannot, we must eliminate them,
- 123
- 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,060
- for the moral well-being of the entire
- Intergalactic Community.
- 124
- 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,060
- Thank you for explaining it
- to me, Sharon.
- 125
- 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,321
- Not at all, Miss Barker.
- 126
- 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,780
- No, Grant, I don't want to talk to you.
- 127
- 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,700
- No, I don't want to see you, either.
- 128
- 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,121
- We had a great time
- last summer but it's over.
- 129
- 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,931
- What part of over do you not understand?
- 130
- 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,690
- Thank you for calling. Goodbye.
- 131
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,966
- These questions of yours
- make it sound as if I thought
- 132
- 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,380
- this bloody author
- can string two words together.
- 133
- 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,060
- But he can. It's a wonderful book.
- 134
- 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,130
- Darling, didn't you read the memo?
- We're doing a demolition job.
- 135
- 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,820
- But it's the best thing he's ever written.
- Everyone says so.
- 136
- 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,321
- That's why we have to pee on it
- from a great height.
- 137
- 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:13,450
- I want 10 new questions,
- please, before noon.
- 138
- 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,282
- Don't you know? She never reads
- the books. She hates books.
- 139
- 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,340
- Why is she presenting
- a book programme, then?
- 140
- 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,965
- I spy trouble. Just...
- 141
- 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,140
- Look, Catherine,
- you may despise her ego,
- 142
- 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,720
- but that's what people tune in to see.
- 143
- 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,844
- Not books, not authors, God forbid,
- 144
- 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,929
- but Fenella's rampant, pulsating,
- sexually arousing ego.
- 145
- 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,448
- No, I think people watch because
- it's a book programme and they love books.
- 146
- 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,140
- Books are finished.
- 147
- 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,700
- Our job is to provide scandal, gossip
- and character assassination,
- 148
- 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,326
- with a thin veneer
- of literary respectability.
- 149
- 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,380
- Oh, so we're not just selling out, then?
- We've sold out?
- 150
- 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,527
- Exactly.
- 151
- 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,484
- For God's sake, smile.
- 152
- 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,089
- It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?
- 153
- 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,487
- What?
- 154
- 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,620
- The price of pickles. Don't even
- look at the marinated herring.
- 155
- 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,245
- Honestly, you'd be suicidal.
- 156
- 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,566
- I didn't want them, anyway.
- 157
- 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,041
- Thanks.
- 158
- 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:51,120
- Um, I also offer support and counselling
- on dips, dried fruit and pasta sauces.
- 159
- 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,330
- She's gone.
- 160
- 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,451
- - The usual test, Sharon?
- - The usual test, Kylie.
- 161
- 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,486
- One earthling will be chosen randomly,
- 162
- 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,082
- as defined by the Intergalactic
- Manual of Good and Evil.
- 163
- 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,004
- Page 56, paragraph B.
- 164
- 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,569
- Uh, page 56, paragraph D.
- 165
- 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,010
- Uh, right.
- 166
- 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:24,247
- To prove that they understand
- the difference between good and evil.
- 167
- 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,300
- How will they prove it?
- 168
- 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,529
- They will be given the power
- that all superior beings have.
- 169
- 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,570
- The earthling will be capable
- of doing absolutely anything.
- 170
- 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,441
- What if he uses his power for evil?
- 171
- 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,660
- The Earth will be eliminated.
- 172
- 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,300
- But if he uses it for good?
- 173
- 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,220
- Then we welcome them
- to the Intergalactic Community.
- 174
- 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,560
- Are we ready, gentlemen?
- 175
- 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,131
- Commencing random
- selection of earthlings.
- 176
- 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:51,811
- Processing...
- 177
- 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,401
- Processing...
- 178
- 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,640
- Earthling.
- 179
- 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,440
- Jolly good!
- 180
- 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,060
- Wait!
- 181
- 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,400
- Selected.
- 182
- 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:08,740
- The earthling has ten days to prove
- he can use absolute power for good
- 183
- 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,002
- rather than for evil.
- 184
- 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,281
- God.
- 185
- 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:31,961
- Fuck you!
- 186
- 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:47,260
- All they want me to do is help them
- sneer at people who write wonderful books.
- 187
- 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,728
- Well, my producer just wants me
- to dig up dirt on Amenhotep III.
- 188
- 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,180
- I keep telling them he had a kind nature
- 189
- 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,406
- and lovely hands.
- 190
- 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,460
- I would have loved to spend
- an evening with Amenhotep III.
- 191
- 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,940
- Yeah, except he's been dead
- 4,000 years, Rosie,
- 192
- 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,725
- and he'd spend all day long
- talking about embalming.
- 193
- 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,780
- Well, find me a good one
- that's still breathing.
- 194
- 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,820
- Tell me about it.
- 195
- 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,340
- What about Grant?
- 196
- 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,860
- Oh, well, Colonel Grant
- turned out to have issues.
- 197
- 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,770
- - Issues?
- - Yeah, like being clinically insane.
- 198
- 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,580
- Shame.
- 199
- 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,140
- Maybe that's overstating it.
- 200
- 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,290
- Uh, just obsessive, possessive
- and pathologically jealous.
- 201
- 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,206
- What about him upstairs?
- 202
- 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,260
- Oh, he tried to cheer me up
- in the supermarket.
- 203
- 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,940
- Oh, so he's gay?
- 204
- 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,201
- What?
- 205
- 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,168
- Well, he's sympathetic,
- interested, available.
- 206
- 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,611
- - That's the way life works.
- - No, he's not gay.
- 207
- 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,168
- He's... very likeable.
- 208
- 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,003
- Mr. Clarke.
- 209
- 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,201
- Hi.
- 210
- 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,100
- This is the 12th time
- you've been late this month, Mr. Clarke.
- 211
- 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,620
- Yeah, I got knocked off my bike.
- 212
- 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:24,203
- Yesterday you had food poisoning.
- Friday you thought it was Saturday.
- 213
- 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,220
- Monday you forgot
- to put your clock forward.
- 214
- 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,367
- Oh, everybody does that.
- 215
- 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:32,460
- Week last Wednesday it seems you had
- an appointment with the Dalai Lama.
- 216
- 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,130
- Yeah, I showed you the picture.
- 217
- 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,684
- That had Michael Jackson in it as well.
- 218
- 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:39,691
- Well, he's a great man.
- 219
- 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,011
- Great enough to appear in photographs
- when he's dead.
- 220
- 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,329
- You, Mr. Clarke,
- are totally irresponsible,
- 221
- 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,410
- you are idle and you are feckless.
- 222
- 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,006
- Feckless?
- 223
- 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,568
- Yes, you are without feck.
- 224
- 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,444
- If I could replace you, I would.
- 225
- 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,340
- Yeah, well, so would I.
- 226
- 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,364
- I just don't have anybody
- to replace me with.
- 227
- 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,524
- You a big skier?
- 228
- 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,166
- Well, I've had my moments.
- 229
- 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,360
- Hello, gorgeous.
- 230
- 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,081
- How about cocktails for two
- this evening? Go halves?
- 231
- 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,300
- Drop dead, Ray.
- 232
- 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,404
- All right. Think about it
- and get back to me.
- 233
- 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:50,561
- Knob.
- 234
- 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,641
- - Neil?
- - Yeah.
- 235
- 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:54,780
- If you could do anything,
- what would you do?
- 236
- 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:59,180
- Hello, Neil, love.
- Tinned mouse or fricassee of war victim?
- 237
- 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,700
- I will have the roast headmaster,
- please, Mrs. B.
- 238
- 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,131
- You are a one.
- 239
- 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,620
- - There you go.
- - Thank you.
- 240
- 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,486
- Uh, I'll have the casserole,
- please, Mrs. B.
- 241
- 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,928
- You'll enjoy that, Mr. Ray.
- As long as you don't eat it.
- 242
- 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,660
- No, I mean, if you could
- make anything you want happen,
- 243
- 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,180
- what would it be?
- 244
- 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,250
- I would make Dennis regurgitate
- my notes from chapter 3.
- 245
- 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,764
- If you could make
- something impossible happen.
- 246
- 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,690
- Intact.
- 247
- 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,004
- What if you could make someone
- worship the ground you walked on?
- 248
- 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,940
- What, even if she thought
- you were a little shit?
- 249
- 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,100
- Come on, Ray.
- 250
- 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,567
- That would be taking an unfair advantage
- of an innocent girl.
- 251
- 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:57,340
- Okay, but suppose
- there was one thing you could do
- 252
- 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,124
- that would change your life
- for the better?
- 253
- 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,966
- Oh, that's easy. I would make
- alien spaceships destroy 10C.
- 254
- 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,525
- That sounded like it was in the school.
- 255
- 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:15,720
- Out of the way! Out of the way!
- 256
- 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,340
- Stand back, stand back.
- Stand back, stand back.
- 257
- 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,646
- Now, just stay calm.
- 258
- 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,171
- Oh, my God!
- 259
- 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,606
- Who was that?
- 260
- 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:35,760
- It was the Salubrious Gat
- of Galaxy G946 WOT.
- 261
- 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,850
- Gat, what do you think you're doing?
- 262
- 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,445
- Just practising, Sharon.
- 263
- 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,209
- We haven't done the judicial review yet.
- We may not want to destroy this species.
- 264
- 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,860
- Who are you kidding?
- 265
- 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:53,649
- 445,349,722 new alien
- species encountered.
- 266
- 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,380
- Number granted membership
- 267
- 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,290
- of the Intergalactic Community
- of Superior Beings?
- 268
- 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,681
- Zero.
- 269
- 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,486
- We have high standards.
- 270
- 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,125
- You know you're going to wipe them out.
- 271
- 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,163
- It all depends on the earthling.
- 272
- 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,683
- And signs of a recovery
- seem as far away as ever.
- 273
- 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,940
- Hey.
- 274
- 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,121
- Hello, Dennis.
- 275
- 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,847
- Oh, Dennis. Couldn't you have waited?
- 276
- 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,100
- We can now go live
- to our reporter Brenda Emmanus
- 277
- 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,770
- at the scene of the incident.
- 278
- 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,050
- It was here
- at Kinbrook Comprehensive School
- 279
- 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,410
- that an explosion killed 38 pupils.
- 280
- 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,500
- A police spokesman said they
- could not rule out a terrorist attack
- 281
- 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,329
- but say there were no connections
- with reports
- 282
- 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,260
- of a UFO sighting in the area.
- 283
- 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,805
- The head teacher, Mr Robert...
- 284
- 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,444
- Oh, sure, Dennis,
- it was an alien spaceship.
- 285
- 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,780
- What are you talking about?
- 286
- 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,020
- If I could make an alien
- spaceship destroy 10C,
- 287
- 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,460
- then I wouldn't be farting around
- with this, would I?
- 288
- 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,900
- I'd just say,
- 289
- 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,650
- "Dog mess, clean yourself up."
- 290
- 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,611
- See?
- 291
- 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:43,481
- It's just shock.
- 292
- 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,089
- It's just post-hallucination shock.
- That's all it is.
- 293
- 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,820
- I mean, it couldn't have been
- an alien spaceship, Dennis, could it?
- 294
- 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,163
- I mean, it just, I mean, it couldn't have.
- 295
- 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:00,641
- Oh, my God.
- 296
- 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,406
- That's my notes.
- 297
- 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,080
- Ah, damn it!
- 298
- 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,165
- Whisky, go back in the bottle.
- 299
- 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,480
- See? You see? There's nothing.
- It's nothing.
- 300
- 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,940
- There was nothing. It's nothing.
- 301
- 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,530
- Whisky, go back in the bottle.
- 302
- 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:39,926
- Oh, my God.
- 303
- 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,330
- I have to wave my hand.
- 304
- 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,609
- Whisky, exchange yourself
- for another bottle, a single malt.
- 305
- 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,844
- Hey, come back!
- 306
- 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,326
- Door, open quick.
- 307
- 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,411
- Not that quick.
- 308
- 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,450
- I didn't mean go back to the shop
- to get exchanged!
- 309
- 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:39,681
- It's closed.
- 310
- 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,128
- Oh, shit.
- 311
- 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,260
- - Gotcha!
- - Help me, Dennis!
- 312
- 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:54,646
- - Priority.
- - Help me!
- 313
- 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,131
- Shh, Dennis, be quiet.
- 314
- 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,521
- Oh, shit.
- 315
- 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,369
- All right, laddie. You're nicked.
- 316
- 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,524
- Me be at home having dinner with Dennis.
- 317
- 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,881
- Oh, yuck! Chumzy!
- 318
- 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,487
- You say one word about this, Constable,
- you'll be on community relations.
- 319
- 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,930
- Oh, my God. 10C!
- 320
- 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,082
- Uh, let everyone
- who died be alive again.
- 321
- 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,120
- Oh, God.
- 322
- 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,487
- Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
- No, I meant everybody in 10C be alive again!
- 323
- 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,324
- Obviously. Not everyone who's died ever.
- Are you crazy?
- 324
- 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:46,940
- Shit. Shit.
- 325
- 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,580
- And everybody who died in
- the bomb blast that is alive again,
- 326
- 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:50,966
- be completely uninjured.
- 327
- 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,051
- Oh, shit, shit, shit!
- 328
- 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,563
- Uh, okay, me feel better.
- 329
- 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,206
- Oh, that's better.
- 330
- 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,140
- Me have a really good idea
- about what to do next.
- 331
- 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,401
- Oh, that's a good idea.
- 332
- 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,060
- Um, let the explosion
- never have happened.
- 333
- 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,164
- No, I mean, if you could make
- anything you wanted happen,
- 334
- 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,043
- what would it be?
- 335
- 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,241
- I'm sorry, what?
- 336
- 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,683
- If you could do anything,
- what would you do?
- 337
- 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,220
- That's very weird.
- I think I just dreamt that I could.
- 338
- 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:20,367
- What?
- 339
- 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,260
- Do anything. I dreamt that I could just wave
- my hand and say such-and-such
- 340
- 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:24,486
- and it would happen.
- 341
- 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:25,900
- So what did you do?
- 342
- 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,843
- I made alien spaceships destroy 10C.
- 343
- 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,081
- Good thinking.
- 344
- 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,046
- I would make Dorothy Pringle
- worship the ground I walked on.
- 345
- 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,166
- You wouldn't be so cruel.
- 346
- 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,900
- Hello and welcome to Book News,
- 347
- 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,924
- the show where you get to know
- what books are coming to you
- 348
- 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,849
- and authors get what's coming to them.
- 349
- 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,820
- What's the truth
- under publishers' blurbs?
- 350
- 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,820
- Why do writers' photographs always
- show them looking ten years younger?
- 351
- 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,500
- You've come to the right place
- to find out.
- 352
- 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,420
- Our first guest tonight
- is Mortimer Stanley,
- 353
- 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,889
- whose latest novel is entitled
- What You See With Your Eyes Open.
- 354
- 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,140
- Mortimer, your last novel
- was published nearly 10 years ago.
- 355
- 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:14,564
- It got what they call "mixed reviews"
- and sold fewer than 3,000 copies.
- 356
- 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,660
- What possessed you to write another one?
- 357
- 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,728
- Well, my wife was dying.
- 358
- 00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:21,620
- You were estranged, weren't you?
- 359
- 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:25,770
- Well, yes, but on her deathbed,
- she urged me to write another book.
- 360
- 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,340
- Knowing that she would never
- have to read it?
- 361
- 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,487
- Well...
- 362
- 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,380
- Fenella's complaining that you didn't
- tell her about his shoplifting conviction.
- 363
- 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,860
- Well, he was 14, James.
- It's got nothing to do with his book.
- 364
- 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,724
- Well, neither has the show, Cath.
- 365
- 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,083
- Listen, what upsets Fenella about you
- is your integrity.
- 366
- 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,968
- But me, I quite like it.
- 367
- 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,540
- Play your cards right,
- you could get your own office
- 368
- 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,060
- with a bigger desk and a view.
- 369
- 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,961
- Um...
- 370
- 00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,603
- Sorry. Excuse me one second.
- 371
- 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,524
- Mind you, you've gotta play
- your cards right.
- 372
- 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,180
- What the hell are you doing here?
- 373
- 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,601
- - Don't I get a kiss?
- - Please go away.
- 374
- 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,331
- That wouldn't be fair to you, Cath.
- 375
- 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:13,161
- This is a wonderful opportunity
- for you to get to know the real me.
- 376
- 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,850
- Well... I'm calling security.
- 377
- 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,420
- No, not just the charming,
- high-flying military strategist.
- 378
- 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,420
- Hello, security?
- 379
- 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,329
- Not the inventor of extreme
- rendition, either.
- 380
- 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,488
- Yes, I've got an intruder in room 405.
- 381
- 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,491
- Or the mastermind behind
- warrantless domestic surveillance.
- 382
- 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,443
- Just a humble officer who adores you.
- 383
- 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,644
- Okay, Grant, I appreciate
- that you like me...
- 384
- 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,885
- Like? Like? What do you think,
- I'm one of these cardboard cut-outs?
- 385
- 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:45,205
- Like? No. No, no, no. Adulate. Worship.
- 386
- 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,841
- Okay, well, I don't adulate
- or worship you.
- 387
- 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:50,731
- I don't even really like you.
- 388
- 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,725
- So that's why I'm asking you
- to just go away and leave me alone.
- 389
- 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:58,369
- - So there's some hope?
- - No, no, no. There's no hope.
- 390
- 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,651
- Cath, I came all the way to England
- to see you.
- 391
- 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:03,524
- Doesn't that show you
- how much I care about you?
- 392
- 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,140
- No, it shows me that you're obsessed.
- Obsession's not a quality that I admire.
- 393
- 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:08,480
- Really?
- 394
- 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,322
- I think the lady wants you
- to go, Colonel.
- 395
- 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,209
- You work for the BBC, don't you?
- 396
- 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,206
- I do.
- 397
- 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,246
- You know who ultimately controls
- the British Broadcasting Corporation?
- 398
- 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,300
- A little guy that used to work
- down the hall from me
- 399
- 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,402
- at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
- 400
- 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,048
- And he did it in his spare time.
- 401
- 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,770
- I'll catch you later, honey.
- 402
- 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:51,364
- It was a party. I was doing
- a documentary. I was drunk.
- 403
- 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,251
- Judging me.
- 404
- 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,050
- Oh, God.
- 405
- 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:19,460
- Let 10C become a model class,
- kind and considerate.
- 406
- 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,800
- Oh, and eager to learn.
- 407
- 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,607
- - Good afternoon, 10C.
- - Good afternoon, Mr. Clarke.
- 408
- 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,322
- Um, could you all turn to page 73,
- please, and read the entire chapter?
- 409
- 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,488
- - What, the whole chapter?
- - Yes.
- 410
- 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,967
- - Oh, good.
- - How exciting!
- 411
- 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,844
- He's letting us read the whole chapter!
- 412
- 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,527
- - Great.
- - Well, you get on with it, then.
- 413
- 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,371
- Let the headmaster
- be nice to me for a change.
- 414
- 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,691
- And what you did
- with the guitar quite beggars belief.
- 415
- 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,380
- That is not how Kumbaya goes.
- 416
- 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,860
- Neil. So good to see you!
- 417
- 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,009
- I love what you're wearing.
- It really does, it's just a great ensemble.
- 418
- 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,900
- So similar to what you
- were wearing before.
- 419
- 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,100
- But your laissez-faire attitude
- to work is a great counterpoint
- 420
- 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,780
- to my by-the-book approach.
- 421
- 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:37,086
- Great having you on the staff, Neil.
- 422
- 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,260
- - Thank you.
- - Right.
- 423
- 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,407
- Yeah!
- 424
- 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,980
- He must love you an awful lot
- to fly across the Atlantic.
- 425
- 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,321
- No, he just can't bear losing anything.
- 426
- 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,850
- As far as Grant's concerned,
- I'm just a piece of lost property
- 427
- 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,980
- he wants to retrieve
- and put back on his mantelpiece.
- 428
- 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,321
- He was really scary. Crazy.
- 429
- 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,100
- I had a boyfriend like that once.
- 430
- 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,900
- The sort who wouldn't
- take no for an answer.
- 431
- 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,500
- Did you? What happened?
- 432
- 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,170
- I married him.
- 433
- 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,980
- Mr. Eriksson, you know the romance
- languages, French, Italian...
- 434
- 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,844
- Yes, Miss Pringle, I teach them.
- 435
- 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,844
- Well, I was wondering
- how they got their name?
- 436
- 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:16,527
- - It's to do with Rome, ancient Rome.
- - It's from the Latin.
- 437
- 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,820
- So it's just a coincidence
- that they sound so romantic?
- 438
- 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,571
- Actually, I'm thinking
- of switching to economics.
- 439
- 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,251
- Oh.
- 440
- 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,045
- He is...
- 441
- 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,282
- Let Miss Pringle worship Ray.
- 442
- 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,804
- Ray.
- 443
- 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,088
- I can do abso-fucking-lutely anything.
- 444
- 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:07,966
- Yeah.
- 445
- 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,083
- Me be President of the United States.
- 446
- 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:18,446
- Hmm.
- 447
- 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:20,081
- That's funny.
- 448
- 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,005
- Me be President of the United States.
- 449
- 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,580
- - Thank God we found you, sir.
- - Sorry?
- 450
- 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,125
- We've been looking for you everywhere.
- 451
- 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:27,380
- Oh, my God!
- 452
- 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,642
- Help! Help! Guns! They're shooting!
- 453
- 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,847
- Move, move, move! Move!
- 454
- 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,340
- I am sorry about that, Mr. President.
- 455
- 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:44,540
- Now, here are the briefing papers
- for Syria, the deficit,
- 456
- 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,530
- Israel and the Middle East,
- China, global warming,
- 457
- 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:50,849
- unemployment
- and the Arctic Wildlife Reserve.
- 458
- 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,260
- They're shooting!
- 459
- 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,806
- Me be my old self at home!
- 460
- 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,882
- I can do anything.
- 461
- 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,963
- Okay, but what do I really want?
- 462
- 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,289
- Give me a really big dick.
- 463
- 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:20,966
- Ouch!
- 464
- 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,808
- Ouch, not that big, obviously!
- 465
- 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,402
- Just... Dick, return to the old size.
- 466
- 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,140
- Oh!
- 467
- 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:37,366
- Okay, um... Let me have a penis
- that women find exciting.
- 468
- 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,249
- Yeah, it's good, yeah.
- Can I have it in white?
- 469
- 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:44,725
- Right, okay, um...
- 470
- 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:47,684
- Let me have a really great body.
- 471
- 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:50,366
- Wow.
- 472
- 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:53,207
- No.
- 473
- 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,729
- Um, no, look, no, look,
- give me the body of a great man.
- 474
- 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,206
- What the fuck? Not Albert Einstein.
- 475
- 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,362
- Let me have the great body of a man.
- 476
- 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,204
- Me be able to see
- Catherine from downstairs, now.
- 477
- 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:30,460
- Shit.
- 478
- 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,565
- Let me not be able to see her.
- 479
- 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,809
- No, I don't mean me go blind.
- 480
- 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:39,768
- Let me be able to see
- but floor be as it was.
- 481
- 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:49,006
- Uh, Catherine from downstairs,
- forget what just happened.
- 482
- 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:58,620
- Move out of the way.
- 483
- 00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,609
- Thank you. Quiet, please. Quietly.
- 484
- 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,527
- - Um, Ray?
- - Hmm?
- 485
- 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,900
- You know earlier on we were talking
- about being able to do anything?
- 486
- 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,968
- - Oh, yeah.
- - Yeah, well, um...
- 487
- 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:27,330
- This is going to sound kind of stupid
- but suddenly I can.
- 488
- 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,330
- - Can what?
- - Do anything.
- 489
- 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:31,646
- Just make things happen.
- 490
- 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,367
- Things that shouldn't happen,
- I just wave my hand and they do.
- 491
- 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:38,166
- You feeling okay?
- 492
- 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:40,849
- Yeah, um, just look.
- 493
- 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,126
- You, tell us who you were.
- 494
- 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,564
- You'll never believe this
- but I was a conjuror!
- 495
- 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,487
- I went by the name of The Great Alfredo.
- 496
- 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,289
- Real name was Reg Hoskins.
- 497
- 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,540
- I did variety, clubs,
- private parties, the lot.
- 498
- 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,369
- What is this?
- 3D projection or something, right?
- 499
- 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,900
- Course, it's all gone now.
- 500
- 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,365
- - I blame the wogs.
- - Hey!
- 501
- 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,483
- All that black minstrel stuff.
- 502
- 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,206
- Once they started allowing that...
- 503
- 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,540
- That's not me,
- that's what I'm saying. It's...
- 504
- 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,460
- Jews took over the business.
- It was never the same again.
- 505
- 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,164
- Just go and jump out the window.
- 506
- 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,529
- Right-o. Watch this.
- 507
- 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,207
- What...
- 508
- 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,251
- - How did you do that?
- - I don't know.
- 509
- 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,220
- I could swear it was
- the skeleton talking.
- 510
- 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,891
- - Yeah, it was.
- - Okay.
- 511
- 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:41,566
- Let me see you do another one.
- 512
- 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:43,525
- Well, what? I can't think of anything.
- 513
- 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:47,526
- Oh, come on.
- You know, how about some flowers?
- 514
- 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,340
- Bunch of flowers in my hand.
- 515
- 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:54,081
- It's pathetic.
- How about room be covered in flowers?
- 516
- 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:56,886
- Come on, Ray.
- 517
- 00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:00,180
- Ray. Think of something
- more imaginative.
- 518
- 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:05,647
- Bloody hell, Palmer.
- Did you just throw this out the window?
- 519
- 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,260
- Neil. Did you throw this out the window?
- 520
- 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:09,620
- That's very funny.
- 521
- 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:11,802
- What are you doing here?
- Go on, get on home. I'll cover for you.
- 522
- 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:14,646
- Oh, my God.
- 523
- 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:20,087
- This is the best sandwich
- I've ever tasted.
- 524
- 00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:21,881
- Told you.
- 525
- 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:24,447
- You know what? We could own a racehorse.
- 526
- 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,660
- Ray, we could own
- every racehorse in the world.
- 527
- 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:29,921
- No shit.
- 528
- 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,531
- - We win every time?
- - They're all ours.
- 529
- 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,820
- Let's forget about the horses.
- 530
- 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,900
- We could have anything, Neil.
- 531
- 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,571
- Wealth, fame. Women.
- 532
- 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,820
- We could make any woman
- fall in love with us.
- 533
- 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,526
- Neil, any woman we want.
- 534
- 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,844
- Goodnight, Catherine. See you later.
- 535
- 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,124
- Jump in, babe.
- 536
- 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,607
- Kerb crawling is illegal
- in this country, Grant.
- 537
- 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,580
- That doesn't really apply to people
- with my security clearance.
- 538
- 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:13,205
- Besides, how else
- are you going to get home?
- 539
- 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:14,930
- On the Tube. Go away.
- 540
- 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,540
- The London Underground is worse than
- anything we ever did in Guantanamo.
- 541
- 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,260
- - You don't deserve that.
- - No, I don't deserve this, either.
- 542
- 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,011
- - Please, leave me alone.
- - Okay, okay, I get it.
- 543
- 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,531
- But you gotta let me down gently, huh?
- 544
- 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,321
- What does that mean?
- 545
- 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:29,971
- Well, there's somebody else, right?
- 546
- 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,442
- No, Grant, that's not
- what this is about.
- 547
- 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:33,727
- It's...
- 548
- 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,330
- You and I are not compatible.
- 549
- 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,124
- So, we could grab some coffee,
- sit and talk.
- 550
- 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:43,529
- What would that even achieve?
- There's nothing to talk about.
- 551
- 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,201
- Except for the luxury apartment
- I rented for us.
- 552
- 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:48,845
- It's got a view of St. Paul's Cathedral.
- 553
- 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:52,811
- Oh, my God. Go home, Grant.
- 554
- 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,324
- - Here's the key.
- - I don't want it.
- 555
- 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,140
- And when I get you up there,
- 556
- 00:39:57,240 --> 00:40:00,164
- you're going to think you died
- and went to heaven.
- 557
- 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,260
- - Fuck Grant.
- - Oh, yeah, fuck Grant.
- 558
- 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:41,691
- Fuck Grant.
- 559
- 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:49,006
- Fuck James Cleverill.
- 560
- 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,569
- Fuck all TV producers.
- 561
- 00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:58,921
- Especially ones that say
- you can sleep with them.
- 562
- 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:00,940
- But if I play my cards right.
- 563
- 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,249
- Why do I always end up
- with the control freaks?
- 564
- 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:15,845
- - Or gays.
- - Yeah.
- 565
- 00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,608
- - Who?
- - Him upstairs.
- 566
- 00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:20,850
- Oh, honey, he's not gay.
- 567
- 00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,366
- He's attractive. He's kind.
- 568
- 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,445
- Well, then, fuck him.
- 569
- 00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:29,564
- - No, he's nice.
- - No, I don't mean fuck him.
- 570
- 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,240
- I mean fuck him.
- 571
- 00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,288
- - You mean fuck him?
- - Yeah.
- 572
- 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,928
- - What, right now?
- - No, not now.
- 573
- 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,330
- You've got to let me do
- your make-up first.
- 574
- 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,691
- Malfunction.
- Galactic power failure.
- 575
- 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,020
- Bother, we'll have to suspend the test.
- 576
- 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,441
- - What?
- - This is on the blink, Sharon.
- 577
- 00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:02,287
- The earthling won't have galactic power
- until I get it working again.
- 578
- 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:03,680
- Botheration!
- 579
- 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,681
- I thought our galactic powers
- meant we could do anything?
- 580
- 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,700
- Catherine from downstairs,
- be madly in love with me.
- 581
- 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,206
- That was quick.
- 582
- 00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:24,085
- - Hi.
- - Hi.
- 583
- 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,567
- - Um, you're not gay, are you?
- - No, no.
- 584
- 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:38,483
- - Let's go to bed.
- - Okay.
- 585
- 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:44,851
- Oh, shit!
- 586
- 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,331
- Ow, my leg!
- 587
- 00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,320
- Got it.
- 588
- 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:58,567
- Galactic power
- now returning to earthling.
- 589
- 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,411
- Weather, be like it is in Los Angeles.
- 590
- 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:38,769
- I didn't mean be like it is
- in Los Angeles right this moment.
- 591
- 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,420
- It's the middle of the night,
- for crying out loud.
- 592
- 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,820
- Weather, be like it usually is
- 593
- 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,207
- in Los Angeles during the day.
- 594
- 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,369
- So pedantic.
- 595
- 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,201
- All right.
- 596
- 00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,449
- Clothes, get dressed on me.
- 597
- 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:05,765
- And smarten yourselves up.
- 598
- 00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:07,647
- Better.
- 599
- 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,445
- Miss Pringle, this really...
- 600
- 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:35,840
- has to stop.
- 601
- 00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:39,369
- - Oh, Lord.
- - Oh, Lord.
- 602
- 00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:46,922
- Yeah.
- 603
- 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,282
- Ah. Okay.
- 604
- 00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,020
- That was a very interesting... Ow! Ow!
- 605
- 00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:54,770
- Could you just stop that, please?
- 606
- 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,282
- You, stop tapping.
- Let's just have a break, shall we? Just...
- 607
- 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:01,368
- Right, what's next?
- 608
- 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,380
- Ooh.
- 609
- 00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,051
- This one's in German. Wow.
- 610
- 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,489
- Let me be able to understand German.
- 611
- 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,180
- What are you talking about, Dennis?
- 612
- 00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,124
- Look, just shut up, okay? I can handle this.
- 613
- 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,220
- She's not going to ask me to marry her.
- 614
- 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,700
- Or have my children, okay?
- 615
- 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,849
- Dennis, what are you talking about?
- 616
- 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:35,163
- That's a good idea, actually.
- What are you talking about?
- 617
- 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:36,540
- Dennis, be able to talk.
- 618
- 00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:37,926
- Biscuits.
- 619
- 00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:41,900
- - What?
- - Biscuits.
- 620
- 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,526
- Maybe if I make her fall in love with me
- like a little bit, you know,
- 621
- 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:46,051
- so she doesn't want to marry me
- 622
- 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:47,400
- - but she would have sex on a regular...
- - Biscuits.
- 623
- 00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,491
- - For crying out loud, they're in the cupboard.
- - What are?
- 624
- 00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,660
- Biscuits. Red biscuits, black biscuits.
- 625
- 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,740
- - Nothing else matters.
- - Is that all you think about?
- 626
- 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,580
- Yes, yes! Biscuits.
- 627
- 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,287
- All right, Dennis,
- become a rational, thinking creature.
- 628
- 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,844
- Look, I just can't concentrate on anything
- until I've had one of those biscuits.
- 629
- 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,900
- I know it's crazy but that's how it is.
- I guess I'm kind of hooked on them.
- 630
- 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,780
- So please give me just one biscuit,
- 631
- 00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,531
- then I'll be able to think
- about something else.
- 632
- 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:16,340
- That makes sense.
- 633
- 00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,820
- Oh, oh, oh! He's getting the biscuits!
- He's getting them! This is it!
- 634
- 00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:19,967
- Yeah!
- 635
- 00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,180
- He's got them.
- 636
- 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:27,568
- He's got them. He's going to throw one.
- Get ready, get ready. Here it comes.
- 637
- 00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:29,768
- Ah! Mmm. Mmm.
- 638
- 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:36,083
- God, it must be terrible being a dog.
- I never realised you had so many cravings.
- 639
- 00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,660
- - It's no worse than you and that bitch.
- - What bitch?
- 640
- 00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,922
- The bitch you were shagging last night.
- 641
- 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:45,300
- Oh, my God. She's not a bitch, okay?
- She's a lovely human female.
- 642
- 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,540
- And we weren't just shagging.
- 643
- 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,180
- Right. Come to think of it, I wouldn't
- mind shagging your leg right now.
- 644
- 00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:51,442
- A little leg dance, huh?
- Just above the sock.
- 645
- 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,289
- - Ah...
- - How about it? Come on, Daddy.
- 646
- 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,244
- I thought I turned you into
- a rational, thinking creature.
- 647
- 00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,807
- Rational, thinking creatures
- still have desires.
- 648
- 00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:00,900
- Oh, well,
- we can soon deal with that.
- 649
- 00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,240
- No!
- 650
- 00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,620
- - No, no, don't take my desires away from me.
- - Why not?
- 651
- 00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:09,167
- They're what makes my life worth living.
- Biscuits, shagging.
- 652
- 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,567
- I don't think I like your conversation.
- 653
- 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,490
- But I worship you, master.
- I love you so much.
- 654
- 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,140
- - I can't bear displeasing you.
- - I... I know.
- 655
- 00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,810
- - My whole world collapses...
- - I know. Yes. I love you.
- 656
- 00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:18,860
- ...when you're cross with me.
- 657
- 00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:20,166
- Look, maybe it was better
- when you didn't talk.
- 658
- 00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,483
- Oh, no, don't take away my power of speech
- now that I can think rationally.
- 659
- 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:24,965
- That would be so cruel.
- 660
- 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:27,805
- - I heard the bell. Somebody at the door.
- - Okay, no...
- 661
- 00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:29,740
- - The bell! Hey! The bell!
- - No, no. Dennis. Dennis, good dog.
- 662
- 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:30,860
- - Hello, the bell!
- - Dennis... Dennis.
- 663
- 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,086
- - Hey, hey, somebody.
- - Just... Just quiet.
- 664
- 00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,340
- There it goes again.
- Hey, hey, somebody at the door.
- 665
- 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,169
- Oh, no, have I done
- something wrong again?
- 666
- 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,248
- No, just... Just be quiet.
- Do you understand me?
- 667
- 00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,140
- Yes. Yes, anything to stop you
- being angry with me.
- 668
- 00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:43,810
- The bell! There it goes again!
- 669
- 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,020
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- 670
- 00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,180
- Dennis, listen.
- Just listen, listen, listen, listen.
- 671
- 00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,169
- Be quiet. That is an order.
- 672
- 00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,380
- Right. Quiet.
- 673
- 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,290
- I like obeying orders,
- especially your orders.
- 674
- 00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,165
- Good. Well, then, shut the fuck up.
- 675
- 00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,700
- Right, right.
- Shut the fuck up. Yeah, right.
- 676
- 00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,281
- Good boy.
- 677
- 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:14,808
- Oh, God, I made her do it. I made her
- do it... I... okay.
- 678
- 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,060
- - Hi.
- - Hey.
- 679
- 00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,004
- - Can I come in?
- - Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course.
- 680
- 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:27,100
- - So, look, um, about last night...
- - Yes.
- 681
- 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,380
- - Is this a bad time?
- - No, no. No, no.
- 682
- 00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,380
- Okay. Um, I just...
- I don't want you to think
- 683
- 00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,740
- that I, um, do that sort
- of thing all the time
- 684
- 00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,380
- because... Because I don't.
- 685
- 00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:40,300
- - Um... I was slightly drunk.
- - Yeah, well, I mean, naturally.
- 686
- 00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,260
- Otherwise we probably wouldn't have
- done the thing with the...
- 687
- 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:43,940
- - No, no, no, that's not what I mean.
- - ...beard trimmer.
- 688
- 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:48,045
- I mean, I like you. I, um, I've always
- really enjoyed talking to you.
- 689
- 00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:51,562
- I just... I probably wouldn't have jumped
- on you like that if I hadn't...
- 690
- 00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:56,041
- - Been pissed as a newt?
- - Well, sort of.
- 691
- 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,900
- Yeah, okay. Well, then, let's just forget it.
- It never... It never happened.
- 692
- 00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,809
- No, no, no, that's not
- what I'm saying, Neil.
- 693
- 00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,522
- Oh, well, um, what did you want, then?
- 694
- 00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:05,690
- Shag her, Neil!
- 695
- 00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:07,644
- That's Dennis.
- 696
- 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,140
- - Dennis?
- - Yeah. He is a plumber.
- 697
- 00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:15,050
- Um, I'm having a few problems
- with my waterworks. My water pipes.
- 698
- 00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:16,366
- Shag her, Neil!
- 699
- 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:20,491
- I'd better get him the shagger.
- It's a special wrench that plumbers use.
- 700
- 00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:25,340
- I thought I told you to shut up.
- 701
- 00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,602
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm really sorry, sorry.
- 702
- 00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:29,340
- You're supposed to be
- a rational, thinking creature.
- 703
- 00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:32,284
- Sorry, sorry. Can't help myself. Sorry.
- Oh, dear. I wanna shag your leg.
- 704
- 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,448
- Shh. It's not a great time,
- to be honest.
- 705
- 00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:35,980
- Maybe later, if you behave.
- 706
- 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:37,140
- Oh...
- 707
- 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:41,620
- Oh... Couldn't... Couldn't find the shagger,
- so he just went with the old decoupler.
- 708
- 00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:43,300
- I love you, Neil!
- 709
- 00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:45,528
- Shut up, Dennis!
- 710
- 00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:47,980
- It's odd, isn't it,
- shouting at the plumber like that?
- 711
- 00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:51,460
- But, uh, the fact is he's my brother.
- The plumber is my brother.
- 712
- 00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:53,961
- Say you love me, Neil.
- 713
- 00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:55,180
- And we're very close.
- 714
- 00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,408
- - God, Rosie was right.
- - Rosie?
- 715
- 00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,966
- Please can I shag your leg?
- 716
- 00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,205
- Jesus, Neil, how could you?
- The next morning!
- 717
- 00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:04,726
- What? I...
- 718
- 00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:08,380
- - Why do I always end up with creeps?
- - I'm not a creep!
- 719
- 00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,484
- There was a cat, Neil!
- Neil! Hey, you, cat!
- 720
- 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,380
- Stay out of my garden, go on!
- Neil, it's a ginger tom!
- 721
- 00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,220
- Dennis, be a dumb animal again
- for 5 minutes.
- 722
- 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,340
- So she thinks I'm gay.
- 723
- 00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,820
- I mean, so what, you know?
- 724
- 00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:29,129
- I mean, it means that she won't want to
- marry me or have my kids.
- 725
- 00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,282
- Bingo. Problem solved.
- 726
- 00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:34,645
- Thank you, Dennis.
- 727
- 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,126
- Catherine!
- 728
- 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,604
- Catherine!
- 729
- 00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,167
- Um, me be on the bus.
- 730
- 00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:57,924
- Ah! I don't mean on the bus.
- I mean in the bus.
- 731
- 00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:03,648
- Not in the engine.
- In the passenger accommodation!
- 732
- 00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:07,330
- Ow!
- 733
- 00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:11,641
- Hey!
- 734
- 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:13,647
- Catherine!
- 735
- 00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:25,484
- Catherine!
- 736
- 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,330
- Catherine!
- 737
- 00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:28,780
- Whoa.
- 738
- 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,900
- - Ray.
- - You've gotta stop Miss Pringle.
- 739
- 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,731
- She's... She's set up shrines
- all over the school.
- 740
- 00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:35,171
- There's even a website.
- 741
- 00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:36,740
- Look, you wanted her
- to worship you, okay?
- 742
- 00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,842
- - Not like this.
- - Ray, I don't have time for this.
- 743
- 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:40,849
- Wait, wait, wait.
- You haven't lost the powers, have you?
- 744
- 00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,201
- - No, I haven't lost the powers. Ray.
- - You have. You've lost the...
- 745
- 00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,300
- - I haven't lost the powers.
- - Do the thing.
- 746
- 00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:45,890
- Ray, become a duck.
- 747
- 00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:53,920
- Ray. Ray, stop it. Ray, stop it.
- Ray, stop it. Ray, become a sausage.
- 748
- 00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:58,200
- - I haven't lost the powers, Ray, okay? This is...
- - Where is he, Neil?
- 749
- 00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:01,047
- Oh. That's his car.
- 750
- 00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:04,780
- Oh. Behold the car of Ray!
- 751
- 00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:11,100
- - Catherine, can we talk?
- - No.
- 752
- 00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:12,611
- But I love you.
- 753
- 00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:14,460
- You also love Dennis, apparently.
- 754
- 00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,927
- - Did you take that off there?
- - Uh, no, this is mine.
- 755
- 00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:18,405
- - Yours?
- - Yeah.
- 756
- 00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:20,140
- Look, you've got it all wrong
- about Dennis.
- 757
- 00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:23,860
- I've nothing whatsoever against Dennis.
- You love him, he loves you.
- 758
- 00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,042
- I'm happy for both of you.
- Just don't bring me into it.
- 759
- 00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:28,340
- Yeah, no, but there's something I need
- to tell you about Dennis.
- 760
- 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,460
- You are going to have to pay for that
- now that you've touched it.
- 761
- 00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:32,140
- - It's mine!
- - No, it isn't.
- 762
- 00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:33,620
- Look, I heard what you
- said to each other, Neil.
- 763
- 00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:35,980
- Yeah, look. There's something crucial
- about Dennis you don't know.
- 764
- 00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:37,081
- - Hey!
- - He's not a man.
- 765
- 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:38,361
- I don't want to hear this, Neil.
- 766
- 00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:39,820
- I know, but I'm just saying,
- he's not a man.
- 767
- 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:41,763
- Ow! Ah! Hell's tits!
- 768
- 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,220
- - You pervert!
- - Ow!
- 769
- 00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:44,740
- You come in here and steal our stuff?
- 770
- 00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:45,820
- I told you, that's not your sausage.
- 771
- 00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:48,140
- - It is my sausage. Give it back.
- - Get off. Be careful, be careful.
- 772
- 00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:49,740
- - Just let go!
- - Oh, God!
- 773
- 00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:52,411
- - Give me 80p.
- - Fine.
- 774
- 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,980
- - I'll just get your change.
- - No, it's... Never mind. It's...
- 775
- 00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,340
- Well, no, cos it's 4.20 euro.
- 776
- 00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,442
- - Keep it.
- - It's too much for a tip.
- 777
- 00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,450
- - Have it your way.
- - I should think so, too. Jesus.
- 778
- 00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,285
- Feck. Sausage, become Ray.
- 779
- 00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:12,403
- Jesus, Neil. Have you any idea
- how vulnerable a sausage feels?
- 780
- 00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:13,886
- There he is!
- 781
- 00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:16,930
- I'm off!
- 782
- 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,761
- - Leave me alone, you nutters!
- - Ray! Ray!
- 783
- 00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,400
- Here you go. You must have been hungry.
- 784
- 00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:28,808
- It's clear he has no idea of doing
- any good whatsoever.
- 785
- 00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:32,940
- Why can't we just get on
- with the destruction?
- 786
- 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,100
- Because there are rules, Maureen.
- 787
- 00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:37,020
- We must follow galactic procedure.
- 788
- 00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:41,808
- Rules didn't stop you from eating
- the inhabitants of G4378, Janet!
- 789
- 00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,082
- They were delicious.
- Very crunchy, as I recall...
- 790
- 00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:51,649
- - Surprise, surprise!
- - Oh, my God!
- 791
- 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,808
- - No!
- - Wait. Wait, wait. Catherine!
- 792
- 00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:56,401
- You're crazy, do you know that?
- 793
- 00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,080
- Crazy in love, darlin'.
- 794
- 00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:01,060
- Get out of my flat, Grant.
- 795
- 00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:02,650
- Well, I can't because
- you've locked the door now, babe.
- 796
- 00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,540
- Well, then, get out the way you got in.
- 797
- 00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,849
- Oh, honey, come on, now.
- That ain't nice!
- 798
- 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,169
- Just get out, Grant.
- I never want to see you again!
- 799
- 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:12,900
- Get out of my life!
- 800
- 00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:14,650
- Get out!
- 801
- 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:17,220
- Come on, now, open the door.
- 802
- 00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,800
- Sorry. Sorry about the noise.
- 803
- 00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,340
- At least it wasn't barking.
- 804
- 00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,260
- Feck off. Not you.
- 805
- 00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:25,860
- - Walk out the front door, okay?
- - Honey!
- 806
- 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,860
- Then sneak in the back.
- Make your way up to my place. No moves.
- 807
- 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,420
- - No, no, no funny business.
- - Come on. Let the love shine through.
- 808
- 00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,820
- You can just stay out of his way
- 809
- 00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:33,843
- - and I will make you dinner.
- - Love me!
- 810
- 00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:36,209
- - I hate doors!
- - All right.
- 811
- 00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:37,740
- But invite Dennis.
- We'll behave like grown-ups.
- 812
- 00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:39,524
- - Catherine?
- - Okay.
- 813
- 00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,369
- - Catherine, come back.
- - I'm leaving!
- 814
- 00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:45,644
- Okay. I'm coming!
- Hold on. Wait for me, now.
- 815
- 00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:49,780
- She's coming to dinner!
- 816
- 00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:52,260
- This episode looks at doggy fantasies.
- 817
- 00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,700
- Whoa. Hey! It was just about to start.
- 818
- 00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:56,860
- She's coming to dinner.
- 819
- 00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,260
- - Who?
- - Catherine.
- 820
- 00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:01,044
- Oh, the bitch.
- 821
- 00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:04,881
- Don't call her that, all right?
- I don't want you chipping in, either, okay?
- 822
- 00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,843
- Just pretend to be a dumb animal again.
- 823
- 00:55:07,240 --> 00:55:08,571
- Me? A dumb animal?
- 824
- 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,643
- Yeah, well, you know
- how to pretend, don't you?
- 825
- 00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,140
- It's just... It's called acting.
- 826
- 00:55:12,240 --> 00:55:14,083
- Oh, you mean like when I'm having
- my tummy tickled?
- 827
- 00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:17,723
- - You love having your tummy tickled.
- - No, I don't.
- 828
- 00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,091
- - What?
- - It's a sham, Neil. All dogs do it.
- 829
- 00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,042
- - Why?
- - Why do humans like tickling dogs' tummies?
- 830
- 00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:26,980
- Because they love
- having their tummies tickled.
- 831
- 00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:31,369
- Uh-uh. Dogs pretend to like it because
- they know human beings like doing it.
- 832
- 00:55:32,240 --> 00:55:37,087
- Well, just pretend to be
- a perfectly ordinary dog, okay?
- 833
- 00:55:37,240 --> 00:55:39,500
- Can't I join in the conversation
- just a little bit?
- 834
- 00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:42,922
- - No.
- - That is so cruel.
- 835
- 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:48,260
- Somebody at the door! Hey! Hey! It's the bell!
- It's the bell! It's the bell! It's the bell!
- 836
- 00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:50,761
- - I know it's the bell, Dennis.
- - Right. No, no, sorry.
- 837
- 00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:54,407
- Just one more peep out of you, okay,
- and the flea collar is going back on again.
- 838
- 00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,020
- Right, right, right.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- 839
- 00:55:58,120 --> 00:55:59,360
- Bark.
- 840
- 00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:01,606
- Woof.
- 841
- 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:03,451
- Do it properly.
- 842
- 00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,969
- Yeah, good. Okay, thank you.
- 843
- 00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:08,525
- Got it.
- 844
- 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:11,100
- - Hi.
- - Has he gone?
- 845
- 00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:12,565
- No, I don't think so.
- 846
- 00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,883
- - Ooh!
- - Dennis, down.
- 847
- 00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,260
- You named him after the plumber,
- then, did you?
- 848
- 00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:19,771
- Uh...
- 849
- 00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:24,244
- Ah. Do you want your tummy tickled?
- 850
- 00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:27,246
- Why do dogs like that so much?
- 851
- 00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,020
- I don't know.
- 852
- 00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,620
- So the producer promises to take me
- out of the general office
- 853
- 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:40,166
- and give me a big desk with a view,
- but he won't.
- 854
- 00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,643
- He's just trying to get me into bed.
- 855
- 00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:47,844
- What did you want to tell me?
- 856
- 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,324
- Uh, just try this first.
- 857
- 00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:03,601
- Mmm.
- 858
- 00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:07,525
- Oh, that's incredible.
- 859
- 00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:13,282
- That's the most wonderful thing
- I've ever tasted in my life.
- 860
- 00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:21,100
- Mmm. I had no idea you were
- such a fantastic cook.
- 861
- 00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:24,841
- I've... I've... It's unlike anything
- I've ever tasted. What is it?
- 862
- 00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:29,360
- I just said, "Let the soup be the most
- amazing thing Catherine has ever tasted,
- 863
- 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,300
- "unlike anything she's tasted before."
- 864
- 00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,780
- - And it is.
- - Really?
- 865
- 00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:41,843
- Really. I can make things happen.
- Anything.
- 866
- 00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:44,940
- That's what I was trying to tell you
- this morning, you know?
- 867
- 00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:47,300
- I wasn't talking to a live-in
- homosexual plumber.
- 868
- 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,050
- I was talking to Dennis.
- 869
- 00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,848
- - The dog?
- - Dennis the dog.
- 870
- 00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:57,408
- - Who answered you back?
- - Yeah, because I made him talk.
- 871
- 00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:01,567
- - Oh.
- - With my powers.
- 872
- 00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:04,605
- Special powers?
- 873
- 00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:08,340
- I mean, what, you...
- You want a bigger desk? You got it.
- 874
- 00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,249
- You want a great view? You got it.
- 875
- 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:15,928
- Um... Neil, how long have you had
- these special powers?
- 876
- 00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:18,340
- Well, they came upon me very suddenly.
- 877
- 00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:21,762
- - Very suddenly?
- - Yeah, I was knocked off my bike.
- 878
- 00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:23,700
- Just ask me to do something, anything.
- 879
- 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:27,088
- - Just, you know...
- - Listen, Neil, it's... It's okay.
- 880
- 00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:29,180
- You can get help with this.
- 881
- 00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,770
- Son of a bitch!
- 882
- 00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:32,121
- Oh!
- 883
- 00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:33,811
- Shit, Grant!
- 884
- 00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,081
- I'm out of here!
- 885
- 00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:37,540
- - There's nobody else, huh?
- - Who is this guy?
- 886
- 00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:39,860
- She didn't tell you? I'm her fiance.
- 887
- 00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,644
- - You're not my fiance, Grant.
- - Oh, yeah?
- 888
- 00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,020
- And you weren't just making out
- with this apology of a man?
- 889
- 00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:45,406
- Stop this.
- 890
- 00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,340
- You know how long you'd last
- on a battlefield, soldier?
- 891
- 00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:48,540
- I'm sorry, Neil.
- 892
- 00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:50,722
- - That long.
- - I'm warning you.
- 893
- 00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,540
- - You're warning me?
- - Yeah, I'm warning you.
- 894
- 00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:55,220
- Who is this guy?
- 895
- 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,243
- - Why don't you suck on this, asshole?
- - Grant!
- 896
- 00:58:57,560 --> 00:59:00,380
- All I have to do is go like this and...
- And say what?
- 897
- 00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:03,802
- - Where did you find this fruitcake?
- - Put that away, Grant.
- 898
- 00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:06,060
- Uh, what can I say?
- Grant, become a fairy?
- 899
- 00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:08,640
- It's Grant, not...
- ...Grant.
- 900
- 00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:10,728
- - Stop it.
- - And you're the goddamn fairy.
- 901
- 00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:12,700
- How about Grant go back
- to where you came from?
- 902
- 00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,201
- - It's Grant.
- - How about kiss my arse, Grant?
- 903
- 00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:16,940
- Neil, don't. He's crazy.
- 904
- 00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:20,620
- How about you say, "Please, Grant,
- don't put a bullet through my brain?"
- 905
- 00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:24,611
- - Grant, stop it!
- - I prefer, "Let all bullets bounce off me."
- 906
- 00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:28,380
- - Go on, shoot me.
- - Oh, my God. You're both crazy.
- 907
- 00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:30,540
- - He doesn't dare.
- - Neil, please, please.
- 908
- 00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:33,220
- Go on, pull the trigger.
- What's the matter, "Grant"?
- 909
- 00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:34,651
- - Shut up.
- - Go on, shoot me.
- 910
- 00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,220
- - Neil, he will.
- - No, he won't.
- 911
- 00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:39,220
- - Yes, I will.
- - No, you won't. Grant, drop the gun.
- 912
- 00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,322
- You little shit!
- 913
- 00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:44,900
- You're idiots, both of you.
- 914
- 00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:46,060
- I wouldn't do this if I were you.
- 915
- 00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:47,161
- "I wouldn't do this if I were you."
- 916
- 00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:48,406
- God, I hate the English.
- 917
- 00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:56,000
- Let Grant's arm break
- if he tries to throttle me.
- 918
- 00:59:56,120 --> 00:59:57,740
- Shut up. It's Grant!
- 919
- 00:59:57,840 --> 00:59:59,683
- Oh!
- 920
- 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,580
- Help! Help! Help!
- 921
- 01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:02,820
- Who the heck was that?
- 922
- 01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:05,002
- Uh, that's Dennis.
- 923
- 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:06,207
- Ow.
- 924
- 01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:14,686
- It's just a dog! English dick.
- 925
- 01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:19,100
- - Ow! Ow... Shit! Shit! What happened?
- - Yeah, yeah.
- 926
- 01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,700
- - Do you want me to make it better?
- - It hurts.
- 927
- 01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:23,484
- Grant's arm be better.
- 928
- 01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:29,211
- Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what is this?
- 929
- 01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,008
- Grant be stuck on the ceiling.
- 930
- 01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:33,565
- Oh, shit!
- 931
- 01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:34,780
- Grant be plastered to the wall.
- 932
- 01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:38,100
- Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk about this.
- 933
- 01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:40,460
- Grant be buried head first
- in the plant pot.
- 934
- 01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:42,050
- What do you mean, potted plant?
- 935
- 01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,882
- Grant be standing in front of me.
- 936
- 01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:54,380
- Yeah. You wanna be nice
- to me, Grant, okay?
- 937
- 01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:55,686
- Maybe I can help you.
- 938
- 01:00:55,920 --> 01:01:00,403
- - You?
- - I could make your life absolutely hell
- 939
- 01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:03,251
- or I could say,
- "Grant be holding a million dollars."
- 940
- 01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:10,049
- Oh, yeah!
- 941
- 01:01:10,160 --> 01:01:12,686
- Or I could say,
- "A million dollars, disappear."
- 942
- 01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:14,601
- Fuck! Come on!
- 943
- 01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:19,447
- I can do anything.
- All I have to do is wave my hand.
- 944
- 01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,681
- - You gotta wave your hand?
- - That's right.
- 945
- 01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,900
- Isn't he great? I love you.
- I love you so much.
- 946
- 01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,367
- - Dennis, keep out of this.
- - But you are great, Neil.
- 947
- 01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,660
- - You can do anything.
- - Dennis, shut up. I'm not...
- 948
- 01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:32,888
- Master! Neil!
- 949
- 01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:44,366
- - Hi. Made your mind up yet?
- - How about tonight?
- 950
- 01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:46,450
- Good girl. 8:00, my place.
- 951
- 01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:48,961
- Yeah. I always pick
- the wrong guy, anyway.
- 952
- 01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:52,448
- Oh, and, uh, I got you a new desk.
- 953
- 01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:29,561
- Hey!
- 954
- 01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:35,060
- Well, it's about time. Now, listen up.
- When I take that gag out of your mouth,
- 955
- 01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:38,323
- you're going to say exactly what's on that
- piece of paper, you understand?
- 956
- 01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:44,123
- The moment you say a word that is not on
- that piece of paper, I kill the dog.
- 957
- 01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:46,650
- Don't let him shoot me, Neil.
- 958
- 01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:48,524
- Understand? Nod if you understand.
- 959
- 01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:57,485
- Okay. Okay. I'm going to take the gag
- out now. Remember, one wrong word
- 960
- 01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:00,689
- and the dog gets it.
- 961
- 01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:09,365
- Okay, read. Item number 1,
- let's go. Come on.
- 962
- 01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,100
- "Item number 1.
- All pasty white Englishmen...
- 963
- 01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:15,044
- "Pasty white Englishmen to get big ears
- and webbed feet?"
- 964
- 01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:21,020
- - Now wave your hand.
- - What?
- 965
- 01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:22,724
- Wave your hand!
- 966
- 01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:24,644
- Oh!
- 967
- 01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:29,687
- Yes! Yes! Oh, it's beautiful.
- 968
- 01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:42,164
- Neil! Neil!
- 969
- 01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:51,571
- Neil?
- 970
- 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:02,885
- Neil?
- 971
- 01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,081
- Oh!
- 972
- 01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:13,441
- You don't worship me, do you?
- 973
- 01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:17,246
- What? Ray. You're Ray.
- 974
- 01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:20,770
- - I can't find Neil.
- - Isn't he here?
- 975
- 01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:22,340
- He wasn't at school, either.
- 976
- 01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:25,091
- Oh, I left him with my crazy,
- gun-toting ex-boyfriend.
- 977
- 01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,340
- - Neil's got these powers.
- - No, I know, I know.
- 978
- 01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:29,500
- Oh.
- 979
- 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:33,446
- He got Miss Pringle to... To worship me
- and now she's turned me into a religion.
- 980
- 01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:35,962
- - They think I'm immortal.
- - So what?
- 981
- 01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:39,724
- They want me to prove it
- by rising from the dead.
- 982
- 01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:42,771
- We've got to find Neil.
- 983
- 01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:45,610
- Wait.
- 984
- 01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:49,641
- Hey! Hey!
- 985
- 01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:51,645
- What are you doing?
- 986
- 01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:55,925
- No...
- 987
- 01:04:57,040 --> 01:04:58,121
- Got it.
- 988
- 01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:00,300
- - Where's your car?
- - Why?
- 989
- 01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:01,606
- I know where they are.
- 990
- 01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:07,006
- It's just out here. We can... Shit!
- 991
- 01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:08,820
- Lord.
- 992
- 01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:10,445
- Oh, no. Run for it!
- 993
- 01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:14,684
- Get him! Lord!
- 994
- 01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:17,800
- Yeah!
- 995
- 01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:21,089
- This is working beautifully.
- Okay, keep going. Number 3. Let's go.
- 996
- 01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:27,527
- Okay. "3. All British police
- to have pink uniforms."
- 997
- 01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:29,608
- My personal favourite.
- 998
- 01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,764
- Ray!
- 999
- 01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:36,480
- Lord! Come to us!
- 1000
- 01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:40,525
- Ray! Ray!
- 1001
- 01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:47,005
- What's this all about?
- 1002
- 01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:51,043
- Oi!
- 1003
- 01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:52,880
- Take that off!
- 1004
- 01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:02,727
- There he is!
- 1005
- 01:06:33,640 --> 01:06:38,567
- Oh! Oh... Oh, it's beautiful.
- 1006
- 01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:40,340
- I can't believe it. All right, next one.
- 1007
- 01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,100
- Come on, read.
- 1008
- 01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:45,204
- "Let all traffic lights be
- permanently set on green."
- 1009
- 01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:46,765
- Come on. That's just...
- 1010
- 01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:49,326
- Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.
- 1011
- 01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:51,568
- Huh? Do it, do it.
- 1012
- 01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:56,930
- Wait. Now, listen.
- 1013
- 01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:09,050
- All right.
- 1014
- 01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:15,244
- Grant, are you in there?
- 1015
- 01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:19,169
- Skip to the end. Hurry up.
- Just skip to the end!
- 1016
- 01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:24,020
- Skip to the end. Just...
- There. Come on, quick. Read it.
- 1017
- 01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:28,011
- Uh, uh... okay, okay,
- "Item 417, Catherine West..."
- 1018
- 01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:29,367
- - Come on.
- - All right.
- 1019
- 01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:31,980
- Let them go, Grant.
- 1020
- 01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:35,527
- Why should I? Go on, Neil.
- Read the last item.
- 1021
- 01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:41,730
- "Item 417, Catherine West be madly, deeply
- in love with Colonel Grant Kotchev
- 1022
- 01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:44,726
- "and leap on him like a tigress
- begging for sex."
- 1023
- 01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:50,020
- - You bastard.
- - Now, come on, now.
- 1024
- 01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:51,420
- Wave your hand. Come on.
- 1025
- 01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:53,620
- - Neil, don't!
- - Or the dog gets it!
- 1026
- 01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:54,980
- Don't let him shoot me, Neil.
- 1027
- 01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:56,445
- Come on, wave your goddamn hand!
- 1028
- 01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:59,180
- But I don't want to love him, Neil.
- I don't want to go anywhere near him.
- 1029
- 01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:00,850
- I don't wanna die.
- 1030
- 01:08:02,680 --> 01:08:04,250
- Yeah.
- 1031
- 01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:09,700
- Grant, I love you.
- Please, please, let's have sex now.
- 1032
- 01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,165
- Oh, yeah.
- 1033
- 01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:15,380
- Dennis, be free.
- 1034
- 01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:17,060
- I'm free! I'm free!
- 1035
- 01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:18,260
- Please.
- 1036
- 01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:20,220
- Uh, uh,
- 1037
- 01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:21,580
- - Grant become a corgi!
- - What?
- 1038
- 01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:22,966
- Oh, shit.
- 1039
- 01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:24,241
- Do it. Do it, Grant.
- 1040
- 01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:27,004
- Do it, do it!
- 1041
- 01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:28,891
- Me be free.
- 1042
- 01:08:29,680 --> 01:08:32,140
- Yes, yes! Master.
- 1043
- 01:08:32,240 --> 01:08:34,140
- - Yeah.
- - You chose to save me rather than that bitch.
- 1044
- 01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:37,687
- Yeah, don't call her that. Catherine be
- her normal self and not in love with Grant.
- 1045
- 01:08:39,120 --> 01:08:40,167
- Ugh!
- 1046
- 01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:43,768
- And all Grant's wishes be cancelled.
- 1047
- 01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:49,860
- - Ray!
- - Oh, shit.
- 1048
- 01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:51,660
- Oh, no. Get off me!
- 1049
- 01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:52,780
- Neil, stop them!
- 1050
- 01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:55,380
- Lord, show us how to conquer death!
- 1051
- 01:08:55,480 --> 01:08:58,006
- Dorothy Pringle, think about Ray
- the way that you used to.
- 1052
- 01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:04,648
- - What the hell, Ray?
- - It was nothing to do with me.
- 1053
- 01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:07,407
- Get lost, you creep!
- 1054
- 01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:10,245
- - Thank you.
- - Everyone else, forget about Ray.
- 1055
- 01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,491
- Thanks, Neil. Thanks a whole bunch.
- 1056
- 01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:20,300
- Ray, could you take me home, please?
- 1057
- 01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:21,845
- Sure.
- 1058
- 01:09:23,640 --> 01:09:25,881
- I'm... I'm sorry...
- 1059
- 01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:31,529
- Any thoughts?
- 1060
- 01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:36,444
- - Pathetic!
- - He has no concept of good or evil.
- 1061
- 01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:39,161
- Well, the dogs seem all right.
- 1062
- 01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:43,969
- Yes, yes, the dogs are
- all right. It's the people I can't stand.
- 1063
- 01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:09,340
- Oh, hey. Catherine, hi.
- 1064
- 01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:12,489
- Hey, sorry about the other night.
- It was... Can I cook you supper?
- 1065
- 01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:14,980
- - Uh, no, thanks, Neil.
- - I'm doing a whole suckling pig.
- 1066
- 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:17,048
- - No.
- - Hey, what's the matter?
- 1067
- 01:10:17,520 --> 01:10:19,443
- Is it because I made you
- throw yourself at Grant?
- 1068
- 01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:23,764
- No. Look, you did what you had to do.
- It worked. Forgotten.
- 1069
- 01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:25,923
- Well, what is it, then?
- 1070
- 01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:28,761
- Do you know what it feels like
- to be in someone else's power?
- 1071
- 01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:30,370
- To have no will of your own?
- 1072
- 01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:34,526
- Look, I thought that I made you love me.
- 1073
- 01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:37,446
- - What?
- - You know, with my powers.
- 1074
- 01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:40,725
- Oh, my God.
- 1075
- 01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:45,369
- Did I really come home early tonight
- because I wanted to or did you make me?
- 1076
- 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,280
- Have I always lived opposite you
- or have you somehow rearranged things?
- 1077
- 01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:52,140
- - I'm never going to know.
- - Look, I love you.
- 1078
- 01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:55,300
- How could any woman love a man
- who could make her do whatever he wants,
- 1079
- 01:10:55,400 --> 01:10:57,846
- any second, every day, forever?
- 1080
- 01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:02,380
- Look, I'm sorry, Neil, I could never
- love you, not in a million years.
- 1081
- 01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:04,130
- Oh! Catherine...
- 1082
- 01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:13,485
- Sharon, Sharon, terrible news!
- 1083
- 01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:15,540
- This is indeed grave news.
- 1084
- 01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:18,260
- It appears that
- the Salubrious Gat has been
- 1085
- 01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:20,966
- interfering with
- our translation devices.
- 1086
- 01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:22,571
- What's he done, Sharon?
- 1087
- 01:11:22,840 --> 01:11:25,380
- I'm afraid, Janet, that we have been
- calling ourselves
- 1088
- 01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:29,007
- by foolish-sounding earthling names.
- 1089
- 01:11:30,080 --> 01:11:31,844
- Female ones, at that.
- 1090
- 01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:38,780
- It seems that Sharon is particularly favoured
- among female earthlings from Australia.
- 1091
- 01:11:38,880 --> 01:11:40,166
- The shame of it.
- 1092
- 01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:44,160
- Sharon... I mean,
- what should we be calling you?
- 1093
- 01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:48,540
- Call me the Death-Dealing
- Darkness-Bringer.
- 1094
- 01:11:48,640 --> 01:11:50,927
- Yes, oh, Death-Dealer.
- 1095
- 01:11:51,160 --> 01:11:54,767
- Great waffles, master.
- 1096
- 01:11:55,280 --> 01:11:56,740
- Who cares about waffles?
- 1097
- 01:11:56,840 --> 01:12:01,562
- Catherine hates me. Ray hates me.
- Everybody hates me.
- 1098
- 01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:04,167
- I don't hate you and I
- care about waffles.
- 1099
- 01:12:04,480 --> 01:12:06,940
- I think I like them even more
- than biscuits, even red biscuits.
- 1100
- 01:12:07,040 --> 01:12:09,646
- You know what the worse thing is, Dennis?
- This is all my fault.
- 1101
- 01:12:09,760 --> 01:12:10,860
- Mmm-hmm?
- 1102
- 01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:13,660
- You know, I was just thinking
- about myself, what I could get.
- 1103
- 01:12:13,760 --> 01:12:16,900
- - Hmm.
- - And yet with these powers, you know,
- 1104
- 01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:19,367
- I could have solved every
- problem in the world.
- 1105
- 01:12:19,480 --> 01:12:22,900
- - I could have made people happy.
- - You couldn't make Catherine happy.
- 1106
- 01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:27,020
- Yeah, because I wanted her to love me.
- You know, I was being selfish.
- 1107
- 01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:30,169
- I mean, take world hunger,
- you know? Uh...
- 1108
- 01:12:30,400 --> 01:12:32,880
- Let everybody in the world have as much
- food as they want.
- 1109
- 01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:39,887
- I mean, take homelessness. Let everybody
- in the world have somewhere to live.
- 1110
- 01:12:40,080 --> 01:12:42,242
- No, no, no, live in their dream house.
- 1111
- 01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:46,540
- And war, senseless war, over forever.
- 1112
- 01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:49,928
- Let there be no reason for anyone
- to make war on anyone any more.
- 1113
- 01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:51,883
- Yay!
- 1114
- 01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:54,162
- Oh, and reverse global warming.
- 1115
- 01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:56,411
- Has it happened?
- 1116
- 01:13:01,480 --> 01:13:04,580
- The latest nation to
- succumb to the sudden mysterious
- 1117
- 01:13:04,680 --> 01:13:07,780
- exponential growth in world food
- supplies is China,
- 1118
- 01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:11,020
- where the average weight
- is now 300 pounds and rising.
- 1119
- 01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:14,500
- Well, today a party of picnicking
- schoolchildren brought down
- 1120
- 01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:17,860
- a mile-long section
- of the Great Wall of China.
- 1121
- 01:13:17,960 --> 01:13:20,380
- As homelessness
- becomes a thing of the past,
- 1122
- 01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:23,220
- the last undeveloped area
- of the Sahara Desert
- 1123
- 01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:26,660
- has become a gated community
- known as Beau Geste Towers.
- 1124
- 01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:29,340
- Property developers are now
- converging on Antarctica.
- 1125
- 01:13:29,440 --> 01:13:32,649
- - Well, I mean, at least I got rid of war.
- - Whoa, that was a good one.
- 1126
- 01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:34,780
- "Let there be no reason to make war..."
- 1127
- 01:13:34,880 --> 01:13:36,660
- - "To make war on anyone any more."
- - "...on anyone any more."
- 1128
- 01:13:36,760 --> 01:13:38,620
- How could that go wrong?
- 1129
- 01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:42,140
- For no reason at all,
- New Zealand has declared war on Iceland.
- 1130
- 01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:43,480
- Oh, wow. Oh, dear.
- 1131
- 01:13:43,640 --> 01:13:47,540
- Barbados has declared war on Somalia.
- And in a surprise move,
- 1132
- 01:13:47,640 --> 01:13:52,500
- the tiny island of St. Kitts and Nevis has
- declared war on the entire rest of the world.
- 1133
- 01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:55,126
- Our war correspondent says
- he is unavailable for comment
- 1134
- 01:13:55,240 --> 01:13:59,220
- because he's too busy covering all
- the other wars which have just broken out
- 1135
- 01:13:59,320 --> 01:14:01,660
- for no reason at all.
- 1136
- 01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:06,580
- A short time ago, scientists were afraid
- of constantly rising global temperatures.
- 1137
- 01:14:06,680 --> 01:14:08,980
- - But none of them have any explanation...
- - Oh, my God.
- 1138
- 01:14:09,080 --> 01:14:11,020
- - ...for this sudden return...
- - Global warming.
- 1139
- 01:14:11,120 --> 01:14:17,685
- ...not only to the last ice age but to a
- snowball Earth of half a billion years ago.
- 1140
- 01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:23,605
- On the other hand, plans to turn the Antarctic
- into the Captain Scott gated community
- 1141
- 01:14:24,120 --> 01:14:25,580
- - have been put on hold...
- - Shit!
- 1142
- 01:14:25,680 --> 01:14:29,446
- - Shit, shit, shit!
- - Oh, it's not so easy trying to do good, is it?
- 1143
- 01:14:29,560 --> 01:14:31,562
- Yeah, but this is just unfair.
- 1144
- 01:14:32,480 --> 01:14:34,860
- Let everything go back to how it was
- before I started trying to make
- 1145
- 01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:36,564
- everything better for everybody.
- 1146
- 01:14:37,480 --> 01:14:40,140
- Beautiful though
- the Earth looks from space,
- 1147
- 01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:44,980
- we all know how fragile it is, how much
- damage human beings have done to it
- 1148
- 01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:48,641
- and will, it seems,
- continue to do to it.
- 1149
- 01:14:50,600 --> 01:14:54,082
- Absolute power doesn't corrupt.
- It just drives you bloody mad.
- 1150
- 01:15:05,160 --> 01:15:08,323
- - Tell Catherine I love her.
- - Don't do it, master. I love you!
- 1151
- 01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:11,682
- I've made arrangements
- for your biscuits.
- 1152
- 01:15:12,160 --> 01:15:13,740
- You'll never have to worry
- about them again.
- 1153
- 01:15:13,840 --> 01:15:15,500
- You're the kindest master.
- 1154
- 01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,728
- Just shush, okay? I can't concentrate.
- 1155
- 01:15:18,920 --> 01:15:22,925
- - Master, don't you love me?
- - I can't stand it, Dennis.
- 1156
- 01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:25,660
- I just... I can't stand
- the responsibility.
- 1157
- 01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:28,570
- You need to get that into
- your stupid dog brain.
- 1158
- 01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:30,927
- Neil!
- 1159
- 01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:36,329
- I'll save you, master. Here I come!
- 1160
- 01:15:40,200 --> 01:15:44,300
- Oh, wait a second. I can't swim.
- Master, help! Woof!
- 1161
- 01:15:44,400 --> 01:15:48,883
- Help! Help! Oh, dear. Woof! Woof!
- 1162
- 01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:53,891
- Oh, there you are.
- Thank you, master.
- 1163
- 01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:56,009
- Bless you!
- 1164
- 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,922
- You do love me, master.
- 1165
- 01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:02,607
- Of course I love you, Dennis.
- I just don't love myself.
- 1166
- 01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:10,162
- Time's up! Prime
- the Destruction Generator.
- 1167
- 01:16:10,280 --> 01:16:11,460
- - Hang on.
- - What?
- 1168
- 01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:13,660
- We need to check
- if he's passed the test.
- 1169
- 01:16:13,760 --> 01:16:17,900
- - Well, he did start all those wars.
- - That was good.
- 1170
- 01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:21,561
- - But then he stopped them all.
- - But why?
- 1171
- 01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:25,930
- He said he was trying to make things
- better for people.
- 1172
- 01:16:27,120 --> 01:16:29,726
- That's very appalling.
- 1173
- 01:16:30,040 --> 01:16:34,420
- The only good is to destroy.
- The only evil is weakness.
- 1174
- 01:16:34,520 --> 01:16:37,490
- Weakness must be annihilated!
- 1175
- 01:16:38,200 --> 01:16:42,285
- Agreed. Vaporise the earthling
- and his wretched planet.
- 1176
- 01:16:43,320 --> 01:16:44,700
- I told you so.
- 1177
- 01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:47,770
- Reprime the Destruction Generator.
- 1178
- 01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:19,940
- Try her again, Neil. Go on.
- 1179
- 01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:24,500
- - She... She won't have me.
- - Then, give up the powers.
- 1180
- 01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:27,380
- - I can't.
- - Then, give them to me.
- 1181
- 01:17:27,480 --> 01:17:30,768
- You wouldn't have the powers
- but you'd know where they were.
- 1182
- 01:17:31,320 --> 01:17:33,846
- And being a dog,
- all I want to do is follow orders.
- 1183
- 01:17:33,960 --> 01:17:35,724
- I'll do what you tell me to.
- 1184
- 01:17:36,760 --> 01:17:39,525
- - Dennis, you're a genius.
- - Not bad, huh?
- 1185
- 01:17:42,200 --> 01:17:47,047
- Destruction Generator already charged,
- Death-Dealing Darkness-Bringer.
- 1186
- 01:17:49,960 --> 01:17:51,660
- Commencing destruction.
- 1187
- 01:17:57,200 --> 01:18:00,409
- It is a curse that our numerals
- take so long to pronounce.
- 1188
- 01:18:01,040 --> 01:18:03,820
- Uh, yeah, it's like, uh,
- you just wave your hand, like that.
- 1189
- 01:18:03,920 --> 01:18:06,400
- I feel it. Wow!
- 1190
- 01:18:06,560 --> 01:18:10,360
- Yeah. There you go.
- So what's it going to be? Biscuits?
- 1191
- 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:12,780
- But the power made you miserable.
- 1192
- 01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:16,441
- Yeah, but I don't have them any more, do I?
- Look, tree become Eiffel Tower.
- 1193
- 01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:19,206
- See?
- 1194
- 01:18:21,840 --> 01:18:24,127
- What are you thinking, Dennis?
- 1195
- 01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:34,540
- Forgive me, master.
- 1196
- 01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:36,244
- What? Wait, wait.
- What are you going to do?
- 1197
- 01:18:37,840 --> 01:18:40,446
- That's the only short one.
- 1198
- 01:18:42,400 --> 01:18:47,645
- If I have any power, let the source
- of that power be destroyed, forever!
- 1199
- 01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:51,090
- All this marking be suddenly finished
- and neatly stacked up.
- 1200
- 01:19:54,120 --> 01:19:56,043
- Fiona Blackwell, go away.
- 1201
- 01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,642
- Oh, shh, shh. Shush, shush, shush.
- 1202
- 01:20:05,840 --> 01:20:08,002
- Fiona! How lovely to see you.
- 1203
- 01:20:09,920 --> 01:20:12,605
- Hey, great news. I got my sight back.
- 1204
- 01:20:14,160 --> 01:20:16,481
- Hey, I think I hear Catherine.
- 1205
- 01:20:21,480 --> 01:20:22,700
- - Catherine.
- - Hi.
- 1206
- 01:20:22,800 --> 01:20:26,805
- Hey. Um, look. Letters become cucumbers.
- 1207
- 01:20:27,920 --> 01:20:29,968
- Us be on the prow of the Titanic.
- 1208
- 01:20:30,840 --> 01:20:32,126
- I got rid of the powers.
- 1209
- 01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:35,244
- I'm impressed.
- 1210
- 01:20:36,560 --> 01:20:40,565
- Yeah. So I thought maybe
- we could have some dinner sometime?
- 1211
- 01:20:42,440 --> 01:20:45,808
- - Yeah, maybe, yeah.
- - Okay.
- 1212
- 01:20:59,080 --> 01:21:02,527
- - How about tonight?
- - I'll be down in half an hour.
- 1213
- 01:21:09,840 --> 01:21:12,764
- We're going out to dinner.
- I'll bring you both back a doggy bag.
- 1214
- 01:21:13,200 --> 01:21:16,420
- - I suppose I'd better keep my mouth shut.
- - Turn me back, Den.
- 1215
- 01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:19,620
- I can't. I like you as you are.
- Those stubby legs. Look at you.
- 1216
- 01:21:19,720 --> 01:21:23,566
- - I'm not a dog, I'm a man.
- - Hey, nobody's perfect.
- 1217
- 01:22:15,960 --> 01:22:18,260
- This is chewing a biscuit, boss.
- I'll try and give you that right now,
- 1218
- 01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:19,540
- hold one second.
- 1219
- 01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:23,340
- Oh, red biscuit. Great.
- 1220
- 01:22:23,440 --> 01:22:25,841
- No! No!
- 1221
- 01:22:29,440 --> 01:22:30,660
- Oh, got it.
- 1222
- 01:22:30,760 --> 01:22:32,649
- Licking. Licking somebody.
- 1223
- 01:22:34,320 --> 01:22:36,100
- This is like porn. Now a shagging noise.
- 1224
- 01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:41,420
- Oh, look. There's the red bit.
- 1225
- 01:22:43,160 --> 01:22:45,049
- Oh, there, oh, right, oh...
- 1226
- 01:22:46,480 --> 01:22:47,527
- I'm done.
- 1227
- 01:22:47,800 --> 01:22:49,643
- Okay, great.
- 1228
- 01:22:49,760 --> 01:22:52,001
- That's enough chewing biscuits
- for fucking half an hour.
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