Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 1:54:00 PM]:
Mistakes were made. I'll tell you the full story when I'm less emotional.

Christian Tarr, [May 21, 2019 at 1:55:45 PM]:
Ok, we are here for you when youre ready

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:00:26 PM]:
;( oh no you okay hun

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:16:25 PM]:
Yeah

They're kicking me out of the house but I can still go to the day program

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:18:14 PM]:
Which house

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:18:39 PM]:
The sober living place that's the residential part of this program

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:18:53 PM]:
I see

Are you safe? Is someone giving you shit

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:20:30 PM]:
I made people feel unsafe by answering the questions I invited to ask if they had them

And was accused of lying about my body

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:21:07 PM]:
Wtf

Lying how??

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:21:54 PM]:
It was reported that I stated I "lied about having a penis" to get into women's housing

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:22:24 PM]:
WHAT

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:23:53 PM]:
I wasn't perfect but I don't think I've used the word penis once while here?

I answered no when asked about The Surgery tho she may have been referring to that

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:24:43 PM]:
Lying about having a penis meaning... They thought you didn't have one?

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:25:06 PM]:
Did they?????

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:25:15 PM]:
What fucking business is it of theirs

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:25:54 PM]:
Sigh

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:26:15 PM]:
Regardless they said the dealbreaker was my behavior and not my body

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:26:28 PM]:
I don't understand

You answered questions?

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:27:13 PM]:
They referenced how I got super uncomfortable and upset last night after a meeting when they did the Lord's Prayer too

Cause of how AA makes everything all Christian and I have trauma with that shit

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:27:35 PM]:
:/

Wait this was an AA retreat?

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:28:22 PM]:
And their answer is alternately "Just don't pray" and "Your Higher Power can be anything not necessarily anything"

It's a 12 Step that takes mental health ppl

There's so many fucking places that treat addiction only and none that treat mental health only so we jumped on this place

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:29:28 PM]:
:/

I'm sorry

It sounds like you were kicked out for being godless and trans which is bullshit

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:30:57 PM]:
They insist AA isnt religious but I fucken swear whenever I hear Higher Power I just see Jesus with glasses and a fake moustache

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:31:10 PM]:
Yeah exactly

AA sucks
It's not "higher powers" that address these issues, it's real people in flesh and blood

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:33:07 PM]:
I stg whenever I feel vulnerable and closer to my true self someone tries to force some shit on me or sees something totally different

Or just plain gets hurt

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:33:37 PM]:
It sounds like a shit group anyway

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:33:44 PM]:
And it's like do you see now why I got these fucking walls up it's to protect us both

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:34:06 PM]:
I don't see how this is on you

Christian Tarr, [May 21, 2019 at 2:34:07 PM]:
So you didnt make mistakes they're just being shitty bigots

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:34:50 PM]:
It sounds like they just came up w excuses to throw the trans heathen under the bus

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:35:10 PM]:
There's a bit of truth in that

Yeah there was transphobia

But I was shit at responding to it and lashed out

Though I think if a cis person lashed out like I did they'd get a second chance

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:35:58 PM]:
Lashed out how?

Like ppl were asking u about ur dick and you got mad?

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:36:41 PM]:
Yeah, like I invited them to ask cause I didnt want them gossiping about me and thinking I was a freak

And I was doing the work I always feel like i have to do to humanize myself to cis ppl

Cause otherwise I feel like I'm walking on eggshells

But the owner of the place called me the fuck out when he said that shit was a self-fulfilling prophecy

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:38:16 PM]:
What no

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:38:25 PM]:
Mind you that prejudice existed without my help

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:38:49 PM]:
How is it your fault that you wanted to clear the air

This is bullshit

So they just wanted you to walk on eggshells for the cis folk

Thereby suppressing key aspects of yourself, defeating the purpose of the program

Fucking hell

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:40:20 PM]:
Well if you expect the worst of people that's what you're gonna get

I kicked the hornet's nest

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:41:00 PM]:
Yeah but why are there hornets in a mental health group

Samantha W., [May 21, 2019 at 2:42:59 PM]:
They acknowledged I felt unsafe, but I was at fault for how I reacted to feeling unsafe

The people who complained about me unsafe too but they responded differently

Vi Kiel, [May 21, 2019 at 2:46:19 PM]:
No these are different things

You felt unsafe in the most fundamental sense whereas they didn't like uppity trans girl

Isn't there anything queer friendly in that goddamn facility

Like, maybe you were defensive but like, there's a reason for that and they could try to be understanding

Fuck

I hate that they shifted the responsibility of providing you w a safe space onto you

They can't do their fucking job and provide  you a place w/o transphobia but they can blame you for reacting poorly to the transphobia

What the hell kind of mental gymnastics