<Atari> yoo
<Shade|Stuff> Uh...Sorry, fell asleep. xD
<Atari> damn nigga
<Shade|Stuff> xDDD So, Sup?
<Atari> nah i was just gonna tell you that im not talking or supporting rie in anything anymore
<Shade|Stuff> .o. ...Why? o-o
<Atari> cause what she did to me yesterday was down right fucked up
<Shade|Stuff> o.o What was it?
<Atari> she told jacky alot of shit that me and her were just gonna keep between us....
<Shade|Stuff> ...like? .o.
<Atari> lol just things and almost caused me and jacky to break up after she said she wasnt gonna say anything and i told her to forget it
<Shade|Stuff> Um, I gotta go for pracs right now . I'll be back in an hour or two later and we'll talk bout this, kay? ^_^
<Atari> kk
<Shade|Stuff> Adios. ^_^
<Shade|Practice> uh, actually, go on. >_> Got a call from Dan. I have 20 minutes. =o
<Atari> lmao
<Atari> just basically not talking to rie anymore
<Shade|Practice> Well, I understand. =/ Things /are/ a bit shaky for the original crew of Lev, maybe we just need time to get over this.
<Atari> nah im done with her because she did me dirty
<Shade|Practice> Dude, what /did/ she do to shake u up this much? >_>
<Atari> ask her yourself when she gets on
<Shade|Practice> She's a nice person. >_> Why would she do anything that bad. >:
<Atari> she was jealous
<Atari> i dont fuck with people that are like that
<Shade|Practice> .-. How can she be jealous? >_>;
<Shade|Practice> <_> Geez, feeling completely lost here. >_>
<Atari> shes jealous that jacky puts me first as her bf and rie second
<Atari> even though she knew rie first
<Shade|Practice> ...-. /Thats/ Why you guys are fighting? >_>; Seems a pretty small reason, no offense. .__. I mean, it's not like there's some life/death situation in which Jackie's bound to choose you over Rie. .-.
<Daystar> talk to rie yourself she called me a manipulating lier and said i like to take advantage of woman....
<Daystar> that was the last straw for me
<Shade|Practice> =/ This has gotten /so/ messed up. >_> *Sigh*
<Daystar> its ok i would rather drop her as a friend then deal with her because if we continue to talk im gonna tear her a new asshole and i wont be light about it i will be the devil himself
<Shade|Practice> I'll have to talk to you both in person. I can't let my old friends break apart. .__. It's time I move in and get serious. >_>
<Daystar> its not gonna work with me and her
<Shade|Practice> You're not breaking apart on my watch. =| I need to get the whole story. .__<
<Shade|Practice> Anyways brb
<Daystar> kk
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Atari is Daystar@lucid-B5DBFCE7.nycmny.fios.verizon.net * Daystar
Atari is a registered nick
Atari on %#Pokemon_Vortex %#Vortex_Trade ~#Leviathan
Atari using talon.lucidchat.net LucidChat - Talon server - NJ US
Atari End of /WHOIS list.
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<Shade|Practice> Ugh... That wasn't fun. .-.
<Atari> LOL
<Shade|Practice> So, what exactly started this trouble between you guys? I mean, I haven't been on in a while, I guess I'm out of what's been happening.
<Shade> I mean, what exactly started this conflict between you guys? You used to be best friends. =/
<Atari> basically i told rie my feelings for her she wigged out and then we said that we didnt want to hurt jacky so i told her to forget everything....but instead she put me on blast and told jacky i had something to tell her and that she was doing it as a friend....rie has lost her fucking mind and i dont wanna deal with her shit anymore
<Shade> O>O;
<Atari> im alway the nice guy....always tolerate everyones shit but little do people kno is that i have more demons then satan himself.....i just dont show it. and if rie wants to be a bitch then let her be one cause every dog has her day
<Shade> Rie's a girl, plus, she wants Jackie to be happy. She wants yours and Jackie's relationship to be true, and honest. I mean, if I were dating her right now...Well, I'd never develop feelings for any other girl, much less tell them about it. ;-; Doesn't help that she's the best friend of the girl you're dating. She wants Jackie to be happy, when she himself is going through /so/ much in life...
<Shade> That's why I was telling you to give her a break, I mean, she might be a little depressed right now, but she wasn't always like this, was she? She was once a fun person to hang out with, always helping people and stuff. For me, I remember those days, I cherish them, I hope that one day she'll be out of this mess. It doesn't matter if she broke me or anything, I want her to be happy, not just because I love her, but also because she's one of the best and truest friends I ever had. And you should believe that too, hope for a better future...It's what keeps friendship going during hard times.
<Shade> I myself, am a pretty composed guy. I can be an asshole duringone ofmy A/S  fits,but other than that, i control the demon inside me, and so far I've managed to succeed.
<Shade> But that's exactly it. You gotta show tolerance towards Rie. She has to take care of her life, as well as Jackie's,
<Shade> as
<Shade> well as trying not to fuck up others.
<Atari> [20:25] <Infected> Oh. Yes. I wanted to do one last thing for her as a friend. Cos she's put you past me, and we had a fall out. She deserves to know. And it's up to you to tell her. Although if you wont, I will. Which is better Chris?
<Atari> [20:25] <Infected> And Im not doing this cos I hate you, or her.
<Atari> [20:25] <Daystarvirus> Reall your not doin this to spite any of us? and are you jealous that she put me first?
<Atari> [20:26] <Infected> No, Im doing this cos I still love her. And yes, now that you mention it, I am. So?
<Atari> [20:26] <Infected> Dont I have some right to be?
<Atari> [20:27] <Daystarvirus> you wanna be like that right now when im too high to explain anything?
<Atari> [20:28] <Infected> My jealousy however has nothing to do with me telling her you have something to tell her.
<Atari> [20:28] <Daystarvirus> thats bullshit
<Atari> [20:31] <Infected> Dont make excuses, grow a backbone and be the man you're letting everyone understand you are. ffs.
<Atari> [20:58] <Daystarvirus> Marie i never thought someone like you would sink as low as this after i always helped you with shit, its ok because i dont even have to say karma is a bitch cause im talking to her and it will most likely cost me jacky. but the fact that you went this far because you were jealous of her putting me first? its ok
<Atari> [21:00] <Infected> LOL. You think that's the reason i did this? Jealousy? For real lolol. You arent even listening to me, or yourself xD
<Atari> [21:01] <Daystarvirus> then explain rie
<Atari> [21:01] <Daystarvirus> cause you caught me when i wasnt sober enough
<Atari> [21:01] <Infected> And seriously. I told her everything, since YOU didnt honestly have the guts to say what you told me. Liked me? Gimme a break. You'd be married a thousand times if you married every person you've LIKED.
<Atari> [21:01] <Infected> thats no my fault you werent sober
<Atari> [21:02] <Daystarvirus> yea you told her everything? you want me to show her our convos?
<Atari> [21:03] <Infected> I wouldve, but couldnt find them. So yeah go ahead and do it. Why couldnt you be honest with her Chris? Why lie?
<Atari> [21:04] <Infected> Im not what you thought I was? Well, likewise.
<Atari> [21:04] <Daystarvirus> Likewise?
<Atari> [21:06] <Infected> Likewise. I'd have never thought you were this.... lying, manipulating kind. You turn all the words upside down, and all the facts into something else, turning shit that has nothing to do with the issue back at me, well... try to
<Atari> [21:06] <Daystarvirus> LOL
<Atari> [21:06] <Infected> My thoughts exactly.
<Atari> [21:06] <Daystarvirus> lying maniplulating
<Atari> [21:07] <Infected> that's what you're doing right now, arent you? trying to manipulate Jackie into feeling sorry for you by saying to put me before you.
<Atari> [21:07] <Infected> collecting sympathy votes.
<Shade> That's exactly what, she's trying to be good and help Jackie. She still loves her, and I know she always will. She has to go through so much in her life too... Do you know how fucked up her life is? <_>
<Atari> I dont care anymore
<Atari> she is not my problem anymore im done
<Shade> *Sigh* I never expected you to be like this, Chris...
<Atari> Nobody does
<Atari> nobody knows the real me the me that i hide everyday because of the shit it will cause
<Shade> It's not that... I've gone through a pretty shitty life too, half of what even Rie doesn't know... The thing's changed me...But I always mask it up... I didn't know you were too weak to hide yours..
<Atari> ive always been cheerful and ive always helped others but for her to take the depression out on me was way outta line which is why i dont trust people because if this was the case i would have told jacky myself but i told Marie to forget everything that was said and she said "OK".....SHADE im sick and tired of hiding it 4 years of straight bullshit and now im finally at peace with myself and i
<Atari> dont need people like Rie to make her fucking depression contagious
<Shade> 4 years
<Shade> HAH.
<Shade> ...
<Shade> Me, I've gone through bullshit my whole fucking messed up life...
<Shade> I've never ever managed to have a happy life..
<Shade> Since birth,
<Shade> I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, and ADHD
<Shade> My father's a fucking businessman, he wanders the world.
<Shade> We had to move to a thousand schools during my fucked up childhood
<Shade> Do you know how effing hard it is to fit into a group with ADHD And asperger syndrome every 6 months or so?
<Shade> I had to leave my friends every half a year
<Shade> I managed to fit in everytime, but the sheer pain of Losing them
<Shade> It broke me apart, I tried distanting myself,
<Shade> and a group of fucked up children dumped me down a sewer. Because they thought I was 'weird'
<Shade> I had to live 2 days in that hell hole without food and fresh water,
<Shade> fending for myself,
<Shade> Trying to keep the bugs off me when I slept
<Shade> I was taken out of there,
<Shade> and was blamed for falling down on purpose
<Shade> to grab attention
<Shade> I was a kid of 9 years old.
<Shade> Do you know what that kinda thing can do to a person?
<Shade> I had to remain a social outcast for 2 more years
<Shade> Hiding from society
<Shade> Living as an Emo
<Shade> But then finally, when I moved here...
<Shade> I found friends... Good ones, in rl and on irc,
<Shade> Friends who stuck by me, ignored my past, didn't want to hear any of it
<Shade> That's why I value friendship so much. I want to protect the bonds I've made with people
<Shade> and
<Shade> the bonds they've made with each other..
<Shade> This was just a fragment of my life.. My love life, my family life, my whole social life, I just can't say anything about it..
<Shade> I've held myself together my whole life,
<Shade> Trying to go through it
<Shade> Waiting for the end.
<Shade> Yet, I always hold my posture.
<Shade> I never give in to the hatred that's been building up inside me
<Shade> since i was a fucking 5 year old.
<Shade> And I've held on, to this day...
<Shade> I've literally lived the life of a dog part of my life... And you expect me to let my friends break apart now?
<Atari> dude everyone has a hard life and thinks theres is worse then somebody elses....im not saying mine is utter terror ok but you try having asthma gasping for air trying to breath and feeling like your dieing every single time it happens....have anger issues that you cant explain...being diagnosed with anxiety,depression,schizoprenia,and having ADD i kno wtf its like do you kno what its like to
<Atari> alway have needles in you? always on a breathing machine praying to see another day? you know homany times i can honestly say i know "GOD" no you dont because your not me you arent living my life...did you doctor ever tell you that the way you are now on so many medications you will have diabetes by the time your 22-23? im on a steroid that weakens bone mass,makes me heavy and gain weight,makes
<Atari> everything else worse while it makes my asthma better and now i have to get surgery that involves them cracking every rib to get to my lungs so they can see if they can improve my asthma? Sammy you all think you have it hard and i probably do too but you need to understand that i cant even LEAVE MY HOUSE without having an asthma attack im stuck home all the time for the past 3 months and have
<Atari> barely even gone out.....
<Atari> and now im waiting for my SSI because im basically disabled....cant work....dropped out of school....no meaning to my life at all at this point except for jacky and once those checks start coming it im getting on the first plane to finland so i can be with jacky and get the fuck away from my family
<Atari> im fucking done....now people will get half/half of me the realy me and the masked me....no exception to anybody but jacky at this given point in time
<Shade> I've locked myself up in my room for 5 months... Never went out, never did anything... I'm not saying you've not had it rough, and I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be angry... I have ADHD, makes it hard to concentrate and stuff, makes me extremely hyperactive, to the point that if I ever had a serious seizure, which my Doc says I will in time, I could go so mad, my body won't be able to handle it, and my nervous system will fail.
<Shade>  I'm literally *like* you, I could die any moment, just waiting for it to end... I can't get too broken, if I get too emotional, it increases my chances of having a seizure. I've gotta be happy all the time, and the only way for me to live is to never show weakness and never get any sort of major upset... I could literally die in a dream, if that dream gets too much for me. I wouldn't know it, I couldn't control it... It's just the way it happens...
<Shade> The only way for me not to have a seizure is to have a normal life, with normal friends, normal troubles...
<Shade> and
<Shade> That would never ever be able to happen.
<Atari> i cant even get sleep anymore because of the terrible asthma attacks i get at night, been diagnosed with sleep apnea,gastroenteritis,i have 2 ulcers in my stomach from my meds,im allergic to all 5 food groups,trees,pollen,dogs,cats,dust,mold everything
<Shade> And I know exactly how that feels, trust me. I've always told Rie I don't sleep much because I don't want to and shit, but it's always the dreams... I could never sleep soundly in my life, because every night... Docs are still diagnosting me why it happens, but every night, well, I have a whole flashback of my life, leaving out the good parts... I literally have to go through my fucked up life every time I fall asleep, so I never do, or at least, try not to.
<Shade> Today, I had a nap of about 4 hours,
<Shade> which is
<Shade> the only four hours I've had in 5 days...
<Atari> after all this rie made me remember everything....that happened in my past and for that i never wish it on anyone but Rie can go fuck herself im done with her bullshit and im done with helping people who dont deserve it....i could care less if she was going blind or has diabetes because if anyone should be depressed right now its me....my aunts cancer came back,my uncle has stomach cancer,my
<Atari> grandmother cant even remember WHO THE FUCK I AM my fucking grandmother cant remember me!!!!!! my family doesnt get along anymore like we use too....i pray every night that my asthma just catches me quickly in my sleep
<Shade> Don't get me started on families... I just can't tell you about mine.. All I can say is, try to be a little nice to her, she's going through shit in her life too, and believe me, it's a hundred times worse than ours...
<Atari> not my problem
<Atari> anymore
<Atari> i already promised jacky that i wouldnt talk to her anymore and im sticking to it
<Atari> the gang has changed
<Shade> I don't know what got into you, Chris, I just really wish you'd go back to who you were. I wish we all could be together again...Just do me a favor, and you use mIRC, right? Just, go through the logs once, just once, and remember what we used to be. I'm not asking for anything else, if you wish, don't talk to Rie, but just go through them once.
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Atari is Daystar@lucid-B5DBFCE7.nycmny.fios.verizon.net * Daystar
Atari is a registered nick
Atari on %#Pokemon_Vortex %#Vortex_Trade ~#Leviathan
Atari using talon.lucidchat.net LucidChat - Talon server - NJ US
Atari End of /WHOIS list.
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<Atari> no
<Shade> ...
<Atari> i dont want memories she screwed me in the most fucked up way possible theres no way im gonna forgive her for that
<Shade> I meant the happy times. Do you diagree that we had them, before all this started?
<Atari> it was fun while it lasted