Forged Destiny [Book 9: Ch. 19]

We had once chance. Assuming this worked. If we went in now, Salem would turn her Grimm around and kill us. They needed to be engaged with the defenders first, and the sound of combat would help mask our approach. Blake was already scouting ahead, watching from a more advantageous position. I trusted her to get that close and not be seen. And if she needed to run, she could block one of Salem's attacks with a throwing dagger.

"Did you ever think it would be like this?"

"Huh." I looked back to Ruby. She was no longer struggling to get out my grip. "What do you mean?"

"Being a Hero." Her eyes were calm but there was a waver to her bottom lip. She was rigid and bundled up, muscles tensed and ready to explode into action. I was little better. "When you decided to sneak in," she continued. "Did you think it would be like this?"

"Vale under siege and the world in the balance? No, I didn't."

"I think… I think I did…" Ruby stared at the battle. "I always knew I might not be a Hero Class, especially with my Stats. Mom was a Hero, though. I wanted to be just like her, even if I didn't know what that meant. I always knew I might get killed doing it."

"Yeah." I sighed. "I felt that as well. The fear. What if I'm not good enough and die? I was never fast enough to hit my opponents. I always had to have Blake save me…"

"I was too fast but couldn't hurt anything. Yang looked after me, and you made me a scythe I could use in a fight. Without that… I would have died so long ago. Back in that Dungeon, or after. I'd have never made it through Atlas and Mistral."

"You saved us too," I said. "We all worked together."

"I know. It's just… What if it happens again now? What if I'm not good enough?"

Her tone quivered and I turned to look at her properly, finally seeing the tears in her eyes. She was shaking badly, enough so that her scythe rattled on the floor. With the speed at which she could move it was more a constant vibration.

"Before, it was just being afraid that I'd die," she said. "After, I was afraid Yang might get pulled down with me. What if I messed up and she tried to save me, then got hurt in the process? And when the Guild was formed, I had to worry about them as well!" Her voice cracked. "I was always one hit away from death. How could anyone trust me to have their back if I'd be killed that easily?"

"You weren't. Ruby, it didn't happen. You're still here."

"And now this," she whispered, eyes not on me but the walls of Beacon. "If I can hit her, I can kill her. Beacon is saved. Vale is saved. Remnant is saved."

I could see where it was going but for the life of me didn't know how to stop her.

"But if I'm not good enough…"

Everyone died.

Everyone.

I'd not thought of the pressure she might be feeling – not when I could so easily rely on my Resilience to force my own down. Ruby had no such barrier and with everything placed on her shoulders, would make or break the Kingdom. No, the world itself. We could buy her an opening, but she was the only one who could really drive the blade home.

"What if I miss?"

"You won't."

Tears ran down her cheeks. "But what if I do!"

I put Crocea Mors down and sat, reaching out to wrap my hands around her shoulders and pull her into my chest. My skin tingled, the ruined breastplate abandoned and my body still healing. Even so, I rubbed her back, letting her sob onto my shoulder. I could tell her I believed in her until the cows came home, but it wouldn't do a thing for the doubt she felt.

There was no faulting it. This was too much pressure to be on one person's shoulders.

Ruby was right to be afraid. If she failed, countless people would die, many of whom she loved. That wasn't fair but it was the reality we were facing, and she was smart enough to know that even if I lied to her and said otherwise. I didn't try.

"I was an idiot. Looking back, I can't say Salem was wrong to think I'd die. I mean, I wasn't just a Blacksmith, but I was so far below the average level for Beacon that I had no right being in the First Quest, let alone coming out alive. I nearly didn't…"

Ruby sniffled and continued to cry into my shoulder but I knew she was listening. Her hands found my back, dingers digging in and scrunching up my bloody tunic, holding onto it for dear life.

"Did you know I nearly died to Canis? Canis, the very first Grimm I ever saw. What a joke. It nearly tore my throat out then and there, and the only reason I lived at all was because I let it nearly bite my arm off just so I could land a good hit. I wasn't just bad, I was useless. And when a Beowolf spawned. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if it was Salem who made it – but if it wasn't for Blake stepping in to save my sorry ass, I'd be dead. If it wasn't for Pyrrha, Nora and Ren coming to help me fight it after, I'd have been dead again. But I was in Beacon. I'd made it."

I let my chin rest on her shoulder, my cheek against hers.

"But that wasn't the end of it. I sucked in combat and was dragging everyone down. Just being in didn't change the fact I only made it because everyone carried my ass. I think that was most obvious at the Dungeon, when you nearly died because I fucked up."

Ruby tried to pull her head back to argue. I locked a hand onto it and pulled her back into me.

"You probably think it was your fault, but it wasn't. Not really. Pyrrha asked me if I could tank and I thought I could. It'd be easy, I thought. I'm useless with Dexterity and couldn't hit shit, but I could stand there and be beaten up – that's easy. Turns out it wasn't. I couldn't keep the Grimm's attention and you nearly died for it. Another failure – and this time I knew it was because I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough because of my Class, and you nearly paid the price for it. I never tanked again."

"That wasn't the last time I failed, though. Viktor died in Atlas to save me. He literally gave his life to protect me from Merlot." And he'd known it. I could still remember him cursing me as he did, knowing he would die and hating us for putting him in that situation, but still following through to save our lives. "And we wouldn't have been there if I hadn't trusted Roman. Sure, he had Charisma, but my Resilience was high enough to stop it. Truth is, I trusted him because he appealed to my being Labour Caste. I was prejudiced and trusted him because of that."

I'd tried to be better after and liked to think I was. Labour and Hero Caste – the only difference was the Skills you earned and the distribution of Stats. Either could lie. Either could betray the other.

"I failed in Mistral as well, being saved by Cinder. I failed in the war and killed a soldier, breaking the treaty." I heard Ruby gasp. "Blake saved me there, breaking the treaty herself and killing our own soldiers to protect me from punishment. And how did I repay her? By sneaking off and destroying the siege towers in Mistral's camp. She risked everything for me and that was how I repaid her. And that's to say nothing of me lying all this time and never telling anyone. When it came out in Vacuo." I sighed and shook my head. "I deserved everyone's scorn."

"No," Ruby cried. "You didn't."

"I did." I rubbed her back until her words dissolve into meaningless tears. "And you know what, that's fine. Because despite all that, despite all the failure and all the stupid mistakes, I'm still here." I smiled and rocked her in my arms. "We're still here."

Gently, I drew her head back so that we were face to face. I pushed my forehead against hers, forcing her to look me in the eye. Hers were red and wet from crying while mine glowed faintly, still in some small way under the influence of my Resilience.

"If you fail…"

Ruby tensed.

"Then we'll find another way."

Her breath hitched. Her entire face contorted – pain, grief, relief.

"That's what we've always done, and it's what we'll keep doing. The Guild has pretty much bent over backward to pick up the slack after all my failures. I think we can afford to do it for the first you'll ever make." I smiled for her. "That's what it means to be in a Guild, right? And as long as we keep learning from our mistakes, we'll make it through."

I wasn't sure how much my words helped. They sounded so much better in my head than they had in real life, not least of all because what I wanted to impart was that I trusted her and that she wouldn't fail. But that didn't feel right. I had no idea what was to come and telling Ruby she wouldn't fail when she was clearly worried about just that didn't feel right. There was a very good chance this wouldn't work. That didn't mean we'd give up.

Ruby wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck again. This time, the tears were lesser. She snorted and snuffled instead, wiping away her fear in my neck. "M'sorry."

"For what?" I asked. "Being human?"

She giggled. "For getting your neck wet…"

"Ha." I squeezed her tight. "Apology accepted. You feeling any better?"

"Not really." She drew back with a fragile smile. "But I'll do my best. That's all I can do, right? And if it doesn't work… we'll just have to find another way."

"Exactly."

Ruby smiled nervously. "Jaune…?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell Blake."

"Tell her wh-"

Ruby's lips slammed against mine. Her arms wrapped and linked behind my head, tongue pushing into my mouth before I could even realise what was happening. I fell with a startled gasp, landing flat on my back with the small Reaper on top, pinning me down. Ruby f*sted her hands in my collar and closed her eyes, kissing me harder than anyone ever had before.

When she drew back, I was too shocked to move. My lips were red and sore.

"There," she said, gasping and red but also strangely satisfied. The flicker of colour in my eyes had been blown away – not even my Resilience being able to stand up to that. "That was my biggest mistake," she said. "Sitting back and doing nothing. Letting Blake get everything."

"W-Wha…?"

"That's why I'm not going to sit back anymore." Ruby sat on my stomach, legs on either side of me. "We both have to live through this so I can fight for what I want. Blake does too, so she can tell me how much a mistake this was."

—Forged Destiny [Book 9: Ch. 19]