On Wario

>be me, bonky
>i'm updating my priors on wario
>at one time, i think i loathed wario
>i may not have voiced it
>but my immediate perceptions of him were unfavorable
>i just didn't really act on those immediate perceptions
>i let later perceptions take precedence
>secondary, tertiary observations of his character
>of his hygiene
>of his choice of clothing
>of his attitudes and treatment of others
>now, after the months and years i've known him
>i've come to realize my prejudices
>that this wah-man has a number of hidden virtues
>despite seemingly eschewing virtue entirely
>for instance
>if wario picks a sexual partner
>it can be anybody
>that might seem shallow
>but it's actually as deep as sexuality can get
>anybody, any body
>no matter what color, what beliefs, what ability or what disability
>wario doesn't care
>you don't even have to wipe your ass
>wario will fuck it anyway
>wario has fucked the shit out of us
>literally
>our shit sprayed across his belly and chest
>he didn't care
>and that brings me to another aspect of wario's sexuality
>wario can't rape
>it is not in his nature
>you will simply be drawn into wario's orbit by his magnetic personality
>and then he will fuck you
>you might make the decision to become angry
>you might make the decision to become sad
>you might make the decision to become happy
>but these are all choices
>you don't have to make a choice
>the bedrock of the interaction is neutral
>you're going to get fucked
>and wario is going to fuck you
>the emotional component is really immaterial
>you need not be angry, sad, nor happy
>it does not matter
>the notion of consent is so foreign to the experience as to be completely alien
>you might also think that wario is greedy
>or a usurist
>and certainly pickle horse-man and i are in incalculable debt to wario
>we will never truly pay off wario
>but wario does not care about our debts
>the debts are a smokescreen to the relationships necessary for wario to exist
>if we were not in debt to wario, then he would put us in debt
>if he could not put us in debt, then he is not wario
>most of our value does not lie in our holdings, anyhow
>our value is in our health, in our happiness, in our love, in our connections to one another, in our security
>these are all things wario cares nothing for
>wario just wants gold and jewels
>and lots of sex
>i say we give it to him!