Kamisama ni natta Hi fanfiction: The Red Fish

ENDING: The Red Fish (after episode 6)


A light summer breeze caresses the grassy plains, while the sun slowly keeps descending towards the tinged horizon. The refreshing air is filled with the essence of summer - birds singing in the distance, children laughing while playing at the riverside, the muffled bass from a nearby karaoke bar. Things you can witness everywhere, just ordinary things.
Along a grassy hill, Hina and Youta are lying on a picnic blanket with a cute pattern of weirdly-sized tanukis. Silently, not moving at all, both just stare into the now orangish sky, where the clouds gently keep moving and the first stars start to appear beyond the veil of the night.
A single cicada cries, another one joins its cry. If not for Hina’s outfit, this could be a scene from one of those summer animes, where the summer slowly comes to an end.

“Hey, Youta.”, Hina breaks the silence, while she gazes upon the cloud drifting above her. It maybe resembles a sheep, or maybe a fish?
“You know, tomorrow is the day.”
“The day? Ah, you mean the end of the world?”, Youta replies with a small smile on his face, while he looks at the same cloud as Hina. Wait, doesn’t it look a little bit like a Hina?, he thinks to himself. His smile widens.
“Yeah. It will be the ultimate ending of all life in this universe.”, Hina plainly announces. She doesn’t move one inch, the arms still folded behind her head.
Youta’s shy laugh causes some nearby birds to fly away, towards the glowing sky and clouds. He silently sends an apology for scaring them, then sits up and turns to Hina, her side face illuminated by the evening sun.
“Hey, Hina. You were always saying that, weren’t you? That the world would end, once those thirty days have passed. Do you really think that our entire universe will just be gone like that? At point midnight, poof?”

Hina nods, still staring at the sky. She probably doesn’t notice the Youta’s smile at all.
“Correct. But I don’t think it will end, I know it. All life, all existence, even you, Izanami and everyone we spent this summer together with. They all will be no more.”
Youta scratches his face, tries to come up with a reasonable answer, then falls back onto the soft blanket, a short sigh escaping him.
“Even if today were the last day in my life, I would be happy since I got to spend it with you, Hina. You know, thank you. Really. Thanks for cheering me up and pushing me all summer long. I would have really ended up doing nothing this summer, except worrying about my future, my stupid crush on Izanami and my entry exams next month. Although, I still worry about them.”
Another one of Youta’s laughs reverberates through the grassy plain around them.

On Hina’s round face, her stiff appearance breaks up slightly and sheds light onto a gentle smile on her own.
“As expected from you, Youta. You still don’t get it, huh? But as a god, I’m thankful for your gratitude and will treasure it, for sure.”
“So, Hina. What happens? I mean, tomorrow, when everything is supposed to be over. Will there be a meteor, an alien invasion, Godzilla rising? What will it look like?”
“You really are keen on knowing? Ignorance is bliss, you know.”
“Obviously! Tell me.”, Youta motivates her. Hina can’t help but be infected by this stupid behavior of this boy, laughter is contagious for sure.
“I hope it’s at least going to be something cool, like something they would show in an Sci-Fi movie. What about … hmm … a secret organization tries to invoke the ancestral goddess Gaia, which erases humanity and returns the world to a prior world, where there were no humans?”, Youta jokingly proposes.

Hina’s mimic grows hard again.
“It shall not be a Sci-Fi movie. In fact, it will be the end. Just the end.”
“Just the end? But still, how?”
Slowly losing her temper, Hina grinds her teeth and turns to Youta, slamming the blanket with her hand on each word.
“The e-n-d! Just the end! Within the moment itself! It will just be the end of everything, including the cosmos and the firmaments! Nothing more, nothing less! E-n-d!”
Youta shares a compassionate smile, almost pitiful.
“You know, Hina, sometimes I believe you have watched too many Chuuni anime… but if you say so, then it might actually be true. We humans can not imagine something like that, right? If the world ends tomorrow in an instant, we might not even notice it. In the same way, as we can’t imagine what the creation of the universe may have looked like.”
The prior angry Hina shows a triumphant grin, self-sufficiently pointing at her robe and flicking her flowing hair.
“We humans? I’m a god, did thou forget! It’s certain that everything is proceeding towards an ending. I can assure you, you won’t notice it. At least not, if everything happens according to my predictions.”

“So how do they look like? Your predictions, I mean. Are they like dreams?”
Hina stares at another cloud, which is drifting right above them. She ponders what shape it might be, while she thinks about how to explain it to Youta.
“Like dreams? No, I don’t think so. Are you hungry right now?”
“Huh? Hungry? Hmm, maybe just a little bit. But don’t dodge my question now!”
“I shall not. How are you aware that you are just a little bit hungry right now?”
Youta’s eyebrows furrow.
“What’s up with that weird question? I know I’m hungry because my stomach tells me, right? What else should it be?”
Hina heaves a heavy sigh, followed by a facepalm.
“Thou are a thoroughly lousy human being. You really don’t get the meaning of my words, do you...? How did I end up by your side again…”
Youta flashes an impish grin, while leaning forward to the lying Hina.
“Maybe... because you fell for me, Hina?”
Hina blushes and pushes him away.
“You filthy mongrel! Anyway, you simply “know” that you’re hungry, right? There is no doubt and you are not questioning your own senses, because you know for certain that this, what you’re feeling, is the truth, correct? If I told you “You’re not hungry”, but in reality you are really hungry, you obviously wouldn’t doubt your own perception and would instead doubt my statement. It*s identical with mine predictions - I know that they will occur, right after this day, and this is certainly-”
She takes a breather, searching for the right words.
“It’s divine sense!”

“Well, I can’t argue with that… So you’re like one of those cows who can magically sense rain, hours before it starts to rain? But instead, you can sense the end of the world days before it ends… You really are a weird girl…”
Hina stands up, faces Youta and stamps her foot on the ground while seething. For such a small girl, Hina certainly has quite some power when she is angry. Kinda scary, Youta thinks.
“Not a cow! Not a girl! A god!!!”
Still, Youta got the reaction he was hoping for. He rolls off the blanket, sits down in the warm grass and takes a look at the still trembling Hina in front of him. Her outfit really makes her stand out in this scenery, Youta wonders. How can she wear something like this in public? She has more balls than I do...
“Ok I got it, yes, yes.... So, how about tonight? Shall we watch the ominous end of the world together? It's supposed to be àt midnight today, right? Even if there’s no end, we might be able to see the summer triangle tonight, the weather forecast said that there will barely any clouds.”
Youta starts rolling up the blanket, although Hina is still sitting on top of it.

“You really believe the predictions of the weather lady, but doubt my divine ones?”
She rolls her eyes, but then is met by Youta’s stare, since he reaches the part of the blanket that Hina is actively blocking right now. Hina does not move an inch.
“Anyway, shouldn’t you humans spend their last precious moments of their lives with their family? It always was like that, if I recall. They always are at each other's side, till the utter end.”
Youta answers with a simple smile, then tries to roll up the blanket again, although it still does not move. Or rather, Hina does not. Instead, she is just staring at his eyes point-blank range, like a puppy, waiting for his answer.
“Nah, I think I’m fine as long as I’m with you. Side by a side with a god, you will protect me from this world end, won’t you? Pretty please!”

To Youta’s surprise, Hina starts blushing. “Youta…”
Rewinding what he just said, Youta can’t help but blush on his own, turning away from Hina and scratching his head. “Yikes, that was even too cheesy for my taste…”
A couple of moments pass, then Hina suddenly rises and to Youta’s surprise, folds the rest of the blanket that she had just occupied. With a big smile that melts Youta’s heart in an instant, she presses the neatly folded blanket against him and leaves him astonished.
“Okay,”, she declares, stemming her hands into her sides, while facing the last visible moments of the sun.
“Let us spectate the end of the world. Together. Tonight, be here around thirty minutes prior to midnight, understood? But please bid your family goodbye first, they deserve it. I cannot spend tonight here with you if you don’t do that. So please promise me, okay?”

Youta hugs the blanket and lowers his body, so that he and Hina can look straight into each other's eyes. They hold eye contact for a couple of seconds, Youta smiling gently. The last sun rays tickle his nose and force him to close his eyes, making him aware of the warm feeling on his skin again.
“Okay, Hina. I promise. Shall we go back for dinner first? Today is my sister’s special dinner menu, Karaage! It’s not often that she is on dinner duty, and her Karaage is really, really delicious! Let’s go back home together, Hina.”
Hina’s expression darkens slightly, a melancholic smile on her lips. Youta believes that he caught the glimpse of a tear in the corner of her eyes, but before he can be certain, Hina herself turns and stares at the diminishing sunlight. Her illuminated robe gives the impression of a real god, shining with a brim halo.
“Thank you, Youta. But, let me be here just a little longer. Go back home for now, we’ll meet up tonight again, anyway. I’ll be fine.” Her voice starts trembling slightly.

Youta tries to catch a second glimpse at her face, but he does not want to force it. Hina is, after all, capable of handling herself alone, even though she is just a child. She has proven this on countless occasions, and Youta knew all too well that she was more capable than he ever was in his entire life so far.
“Okay Hina, then just stay here and don’t follow any strange men, okay? And if strange men follow you, run straight home, got it? If you may feel hungry at some point, just come back home, we’ll be there for you, Hina. I’ll leave some Karaage for you… if Dad doesn’t end up secretly eating all of the leftovers again, like he did last time.”


The summer wind grows stronger another time, making Hina’s hair and robe wave in unison with the grass and the trees upon the hill. A serene scene, which reminds Youta of one of those old, European paintings depicting gods and supernatural scenes from old Greek tales. He is sure that the artist took their inspirations from those ordinary, but somehow surreal everyday encounters, as he did with Hina. Although Hina is a real God, huh.
Against the blinding sunlight, Youta sees Hina just nodding once, silently. He knows that this is enough of an answer, and that she has settled her mind already, so he slowly trots down the hill, while Hina keeps on staring at the sun, sky and clouds, which chase Youta on his way to home.

-----------------

“Hina, do you like Matcha-flavored chocolate cookies? I bought some cookies at the Konbini.”
Youta holds a plastic bag in the direction of Hina, but she gazes mind-absent at the sky, in the same way that she did earlier in the evening. By now, the entire night firmament was sparkling, only a few thin slices of clouds were gliding through the warm summer night. The weather lady was right after all, Youta thought.
Youta tried to find the summer triangle on the way to the hill, where he promised to meet up with Hina, but he wasn’t skillful enough to find it among all the other shining sparks. Maybe he should have looked up the exact position prior on an app, so he could have been able to show her the legendary constellation.
“Hey, Hina, are you listening?”
Youta once again shakes the plastic bag in front of Hina’s face, its rustling sounds mixes with the wind. In addition, a small gulp escaped the bag - it was the Key Café Late that caught his eye earlier in the store. When the cute cashier girl asked him if he wanted to buy anything else, he got flustered, blushed and on a quick whim bought the sweet coffee drink right next to the shelf. The sugary flavor should be fitting for Hina, Youta thought at that time. Even though she wants to drink black coffee like a grown-up, she’s still a kid inside. She’ll like it, for sure.

His prior tries to invoke a conversation with the silent Hina shattered, Youta sighs and lets the grocery bag fall next to him into the grass. He forgot to bring the blanket this time, but even though the pure soil is slightly rough, he can feel the warmth that is still saved up in the grass.
Suddenly, Hina whispers.
“There it is.”
The sudden sound of Hina’s voice startles Youta.
“What? Already? Isn’t it in 5 minutes?” He tries to glance a peek at his watch, but in the dark night, he can not really make out the correct time.
Once again, Hina whispers. Even weaker, this time. A dampened voice, filled with anxiety.
“There it is.”
Youta starts to panic, he looks around, looks at Hina, then looks at the sky, where something seems to have fixed Hina’s attention. What is she seeing right now, in the middle of the dark?
“What? Where? I can’t see anything! Hina, what’s wrong?”
“It is coming. The end.”
“Hina! What! I thought that was a farce!? Tell me, it was a joke! Tell me you’re joking!”
Not answering, Hina starts to cry.
A single tear, then another one, then a constant stream flows down her cheek and onto her robe, where her small hand is clasping it tightly. It looks like she wants to rip out the robe and her heart with her tiny palm, because even in the weak moonlight, Youta can make out Hina`s trembling body, while she is welling up.
“Wait”, Hina gasps. “This… this…”
“Hina! What’s up? Do you feel sick? Shall I call-”
Hina suddenly turns to Youta, her wet eyes mirroring the stars above and mixing with her colorful iris into a moving kaleidoscope, entrapping the summer night.
“Youta, no… I, I don’t want-”
“Don’t want what, Hina?”
From afar, another sound has divided itself from the cicada cries. A high pitched shrill, almost too low to be heard, grows stronger and stronger, filling up the night and reverberating inside Youta’s body. It is almost painful and is only getting worse, but at this moment, he doesn’t care. With teary eyes on his own, he holds Hina with both of his arms, almost as binding her down to the earth, so that her body can't escape.
Her eyelids close, pushing aside the last tears caught inside her eye. The moment seems to freeze, time seems to slow down, comes to a standstill.
Nothing moves anymore. Not the tears, not the sound, not the stars. Everything has come to an end. Youta’s unmoving face portrays a bizarre expression of desperation, and if the situation wouldn’t be so grave, Hina would be laughing at his face, like she always did. Ridicule him, have fun with him, laugh with him.
But instead, she only stands there, Youta’s arms still on her shoulder.
Hina’s mouth shapes a single word, then two. Almost inaudible, she exhales them with the last breath remaining inside her.
“Youta...Sorry…”


-------------------

Black. Black? No, it is not black. It is nothing. Nothing. Emptiness. Nothingness, where there is nothing. Or is everything simply missing? Hina does not know why the thought enters her mind, or what she would do with that realization, but it is simply there.
From beyond the black boundary of this world, something creeps inside - she can feel it. Is it the shrill sound from earlier? At first, Hina thinks so, but slowly, the noise seems to slow down and transforms into a pattern. She can not make out what it is supposed to be, but despite the sound becoming slower and calmer, her heart is still racing. It is a very unpleasant feeling.

The sounds turned into a rhythmic beep-beep, that seems to repeat itself, slowly, but constantly. In addition, Hina becomes able to make out voices, hectic voices, saying and yelling loud words, but she can not make out the words, not yet, their shape is still missing. It is just loud, roaring inside her mind.
A small light starts to shine, very, very far away in the dark. It is so tiny, yet Hina is blinded by that light so much, she has to close her eyes again. But do you even have eyes right now? She does not care, but the light is simply so bright, she has to do something. A rough sound escapes her throat. But do you even have a throat right now? The appearing thoughts make her sick, she feels like vomiting. But do you even have a stomach-

“She’s awake. Hey, call the doctor, now, fast! Hina is awake!”

A voice guides Hina back to her body. She can feel it again, a small, feeble body, that was lying and hurting everywhere. Not only her head, but her entire existence feels like pain. A pain that she completely forgot about those past thirty days.


“Hina, can you hear me? Do you hear my voice?”

Hina nods, slowly, very slowly. It hurts. Every movement she does, her body is screaming, and all she knows is the urge, the urge to escape. Escape, once more. Somewhere, to a place far away. To that summer.

“That’s good, Hina. It must be very hard for you right now, but please hang on, just a little bit. The Doctor is going to be here soon, so take it easy, okay?

Hina carefully lets her head slide to the one side of the pillow from where she can see the white room she is in right now. The movement hurts, but she has to, she wants to know. Everything is white, completely different to the pitch-blacked void before. But one thing is different, it’s cold. So cold. Even though she is covered by a blanket and wears a white gown, it’s so cold. Nothing compared to the warmth she was engulfed in before.
The room is decorated with machines, cables, monitors, beeping and moving interfaces. No pictures, no other persons, no music, no color. Everything is sterile, clean, and so perfect, it makes Hina feel sick, even sicker.
The only thing that catches Hina’s eyes is a small table with a weirdly out-of-place monitor right next to her bed, with a controller attached to it. It looks like a bad joke compared to the big machinery right next to it, but Hina remembers this.
It is a precious feeling.
A pile of games, DVDs and manga is accumulated right besides the monitor, a rather huge pile. Hina remembers the titles, but once she tries to remember more, the headache returns again. Hina can feel a warmth among these, a small candle in this coldness.
A small sigh escapes her mouth, and her eye wanders to the window, where a single white and majestic cloud floats by the window, underneath a shining blue sky. A summer sky. Hina feels like crying.

Finally, the doctor came, and he talked to Hina. He talked, for a long time, about a lot of different things. What she does remember, what she does not remember, what is up with her and her body.
And finally, what happened the past thirty days, during which Hina was comatose.

The memory comes back to Hina. Her old life.
Hina always wanted to be one thing - normal. There was a certain beauty in an ordinary life, that everyone seemed to be living, except her. Not only her classmates around her, but also all the characters in the stories, tales and fantasies that she was constantly engulfed in - they were basically living a normal life.
But Hina’s life was different. From a young age on, she was surrounded by doctors and medical researchers. She was suffering from a rare disease, that often left her bedridden for days, not being able to go out, play outside or spend the time like an ordinary young girl is supposed to do.
The doctors never found out what exactly she was suffering from, or what they could to stop the illness. But for them, it seemed to be more interesting this way - they all wanted her to take more tests. More examinations. More controlled stays at the local hospital. Hina felt like one of those guinea pigs, that she saw in the animal show on TV. They looked kinda cute and Hina would have loved to have one as a pet, but in reality, she became a pet of all the doctors, and her owners were not very gentle with her.


In the beginning, she cried a lot. She did not understand what was happening to her, why she was receiving scary injections, why she had to spend the nights away from her family in an unknown, white place with unknown, white people, or why she was not allowed to go to school for weeks, even though that was her only wish.
Hina was caught between both worlds, and she felt like a stranger in both. At school, she got weird looks from her classmates, as they once again ridiculed her for always being absent, never participating in any sport event, or not talking to anyone. Hina felt very lonely at this time, and she just wanted to have a friend to spend time with, but all her tries at creating bonds with new people were doomed to fail. Nobody wants to spend time with a weird girl who is always sick and has no time to play. In the end, she was always alone. She was just living in order to exist, for the sake of existing.
Even at home, Hina feared that her parents were secretly hoping that she had to be transported to a far away clinic for extended periods, so that they would no longer be responsible for their daughter’s care. This might not have been the truth, but Hina never was able to get rid of that fear. The constant fights behind closed doors, the drained looks and forced smiles on their faces whenever they faced Hina and tried to cheer her up, and the growing disinterest in her feelings. Hina noticed it.
Her only friend that she ever cared about - and that ever probably cared about her - was a small red fish in a small aquarium that she secretly bought once at a pet shop. It was treasure to her, because that little creature inside the tank needed her for survival, and she also needed its existence to get through the day.
She gave him the name “Youta”.
A bright name for a bright fish, which brightened her days whenever all the troubles of her life were about to crush her again. Many nights, she feel asleep right next to the aquarium, next to Youta. It was one of the few sunrays on those dark days.
The doctor continued talking, and he talked about the incident she had a school. She suffered a stroke out of nowhere, in the middle of the class. Hina remembers the pain inside her chest, the feeling of dread, and how she slided down from her chair and dropped onto the ground like a dead fish. Her memories end there, but the doctor talked about how they had to force Hina’s body into an artificial coma, in order to protect her body and allow her mind to recover from the stroke.
The doctor prescribed her a new medication for regenerative purposes, which as a side effect, also enhances brain activity in the comatose patients, so that they can recover at a faster pace. It might cause the patient to have vivid and excessive dreams, which are on the verge of lucid dreams. A positive side effect on the psyche, as the Doctor phrased it.
So far, Hina just let the Doctor talk, while she sat there silently and just kept listening. Some of the stories that the doctor talked about matched with her fragmented memory, which was slowly returning, some were still different. But when he talked about the dreams, Hina internally shut down. Her gaze wandered outside the window, onto the white cloud again.
Hina remembers. She remembers her dream, like it is one of her own memories. No, that’s wrong. It is her memory. Waking up from that dream felt like dying and being resurrected in a bad parallel universe. Although in reality, it was vice versa.
Tears start to well up in her eyes, when she remembers the days she spent there. With Youta, with Izanami, with the stupid little sister, the wholesome parents and everyone else. Bright days, full of color. Days that she has never witnessed before. Ordinary days during summer holidays, that she always wanted to have, with friends that she always wanted to have, not in a crowded city like here in Tokyo, but in a calm, rural place, where she always wanted to travel to.
“Hina, are you listening?”, the Doctor inquires when he notices her faraway gaze.
“Yes, yes. I’m sorry. I just remembered.”
The Doctor smiles and looks at the patient documents he has spread upon his desk.
“That’s good. It might still be confusing at first, but that is to be expected. The recovery from the stroke is almost done, the medication worked astonishingly well. I’m happily surprised that you got better in just a single month, we expected it to take way longer. Anyway, you will soon be back to your old life, and all your memories should return soon, too.”
Hina responds to the motivational smile of the Doctor with a plain, emotionless stare right into his eyes.
“My old life, huh…”, she whispers, then turns towards the door, heading back to her room.


Hina falls back into her bed and stares at the white ceiling. From outside, the noises of the city enter the room. Honking cars, human voices, rattling trains. So hectic, chaotic.
Now Hina remembers everything. She remembers and understands the world she was a visitor in, those past thirty days. Once more, she closes her eyes and lets her spirit wander, to those summer days which seem so far away.

-------------------------------

The first thing that Hina remembers was the warmth of the sun on her face and the soft feeling of grass underneath her fingertips.
Caressing the grass and rough soil underneath her, while taking a deep breath and feeling the fresh air filled with the smell of nature and liberty. Hina smiled. Completely relaxed, she spread her arms and legs on the warm ground and mimicked a snow angel, in the middle of the summer meadow somewhere. She always wanted to do that, and even though there was no snow, it still felt amazing.
Enjoying the moment, Hina did not care about why she was here. Actually, once she tried to remember, she could not recall where she was, how she got here and what she was doing here in the first place.
Hina looked down upon her body. She was expecting to wear the white patient gown as always, but to much surprise, she was covered in a robe. A robe? It looked like one of those robes that she saw nuns wearing on TV. If she remembered correctly, it was some kind of musical, and she had a lot fun watching it.
She touched her pink hair, which was unusually fluent and soft today, and noticed that she was also wearing a headdress. How weird I must look right now, she thought to herself. Hina always wanted to dress up in a bold costume once for halloween or on other occasions like a school play, but never was able to participate in such events due to her frequent hospital visits. The idea of being somebody else except Hina, not worrying about the present troubles of her life and just slipping into a different role for once and enjoying the present time - it was one of the wishes which Hina held most dear to her heart.


With an unusual light feeling and warmth inside her body, Hina got up, stretched and decided to follow a nearby footpath in order to find out more about this place she was in.
She walked among the path for a couple of minutes and really enjoyed the calm and serene nature that was sprawling all around her. It was a new experience for her, and just wandering around, she felt like she was a visitor in paradise itself.

The first other human signs she noticed were voices. Voices of boys that mixed with the singing of the birds. As she kept on following the path, she saw their origin: two high-school students playing basketball in a small, caged stadium, surrounded by thick trees. They were completely focused in their game, concentrated, but at the same time, having fun, throwing the ball around and trash talking each other.
Hina stared at the scene for a while and thought. This playful innocence, the pure fun, running around underneath the summer sun, not caring about anything. Wasn’t this the thing that she always wanted to do? Just have fun for once, spending some free time with friends and creating precious summer memories like that, that will become eternal treasures for the rest of her life? She felt the immense urge to have as much fun as they did, but why? Why was she so sad, seeing them like this? It was almost physically hurting.
Hina decided. One step forward. Then another one.
This was it. This was her chance. Such an opportunity had to be used.
Another small step. One of the boys noticed her and turned around, looking at her suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. The other one, a guy with long, blond hair, stopped too, holding the basketball underneath his arm and turned towards her.
Hina coughs once, then stops walking. Slowly, she points at herself, grinning like a madman, and boasting with all the power she has in her voice:
“We are a god!”

And thus, the thirty days of an unforgettable summer holiday started.

-------------------

Today is Hina’s last day at the hospital. The nurses are all happy to see her finally being able to return to her old life, but Hina is not sure. She could not forget about the time she spent with Youta and everyone, those surreal bright days. The current life still feels like a dream, compared to that time.
She changes into her usual school uniform, a plain girl’s uniform, and stares into the mirror. The girl in the mirror stares back, a pale face, weak stature, and roughly shaped pink hair. But one thing has changed, Hina believes - there is a spark inside her iris. A beautiful, iridescent glitter of color and energy. Has it always been there?, Hina wonders. She forces a smile into the mirror, and a kinda cute smile answers back. Back to my old life, huh.

She should come home straight away and then go to school for a later lesson, her parents told her per phone. Hina was not very talkative during the conversation, but she imagined that she could hear some sort of relief in the voices of her parents. She was not unsure if she was looking forward to meeting them again, but she wanted to. Hina wanted to try, once again. Talking with them seriously, about all the troubles and problems that were consuming her all this time. She wanted to live, not exist, for once.

But instead of taking the straight train home, Hina decides differently.
Standing on the platform, waiting among the mass of monochrome-colored salarymen in the middle of the thriving and bustling Tokyo train station, Hina looks a little bit lost. Not minding the swarm of humans surrounding her, she puts on her headphones and enters the train.
Hina leans against the window right next to the door, and stares at the blue sky above her. It’s blue, and it’s warm. It’s really summer.
The people in the train are all focused on their own small lives - staring at their phones, reading novels, or listening to music, like Hina does. If she were in a rural place right now with no other persons around her, she would sing loudly, like she always did when she was alone at the karaoke boxes. But since Hina is not a good singer, instead she just voices the lyrics of a new song that her favourite band released during those thirty days, when she was the God in another world. A beautiful melody, which she hums cautiously.

...tooku, tooku, chisaku natte iku-...

In the middle of the city, Hina leaves the train and ends up in another crowd of people, again. Like a fish in the middle of a strong surge, she does not resist and just follows the flow. She does not know where she wants to go or where she is headed, but she is certain that she still has to collect some thoughts, before she can return to her family. And to her old life.
A big, shining advertisement board catches her interest. It does not particularly stand out amidst all the other, blinking boards and buildings. But for some reason, Hina has to get closer.
It’s SeaLife, a gigantic aquarium. According to the description, there is a new exotic fish exhibition, just opening these days. Hina stares at the board a while, then forces her way against the crowd’s movement, closer to the gigantic glass wall, behind which a big, blue pool of water is resting.
Some exotic fish are swimming in circles and can be seen from the outside. Slowly, elegantly, they move along, not minding all the passengers passing by. Hina takes a step forward, and puts her hand against the glass wall. It’s a cool touch, a pleasant contrast to the radiating heat of the inner city. Within the reflection of the glass wall, a single white cloud appears in the wavering reflection of the aquarium. A short wave of nostalgia hits Hina, and she feels a tear forcing its way outside. She quickly wipes it away and takes a look back at the aquarium, then, after short hesitation, turns away and heads towards the next train station, towards home.
Just seconds later after she walked away, something appears inside the aquarium. First barely visible, it grows bigger as it moves to the glass wall. It’s a fish. A small, red fish. Unlike the other fish, it just hovers at the place where Hina’s hand was resting seconds ago. It lingers there, almost like being magnetically attracted to the spot, where Hina disappeared again in the crowd.

Once again, Hina boards the train. She closes the eyes, takes a deep breath, and to her surprise, she can feel it. The summer breeze, the smell of trees, the bird songs in her ear, and even more, the warmth. The warmth which was radiating like a rainbow throughout those days, it was still there. It was always there. Among the grey world she grew up in, the color was never gone. She just forgot to notice it.

The train door closes, the announcer speaks his usual sentence. With a low rumble, the train starts moving. Hina is facing the window again, looking at the blue sky. The single white cloud is gone, but for sure, it is just hidden behind one of the skyscrapers. It is not gone, just barely visible. It will come back, for sure.


I still remember everyone’s voices, their laughters and cries.
It was a summer full of warmth, happiness and all the things that bring colors into life.
Even though this summer I spent wasn’t real, the summer in my heart was real.

Thank you, Youta.