Jump 162: Portal

Jump 162: Portal
>Nine of Cups (Achieving what you always thought you wanted.)
Just because it isn't what I thought I wanted doesn't make it worthwhile.
>Location: The Aperture Science Enrichment Center
>Identity: JuDOS
>Drawbacks: Perpetual Testing Initiative (0), Where's My Olympus? (+300)
That AI is not Cave Johnson. Cave Johnson wouldn't act nearly so sneaky. Therefore, I don't have to feel guilty about fighting back.
>We’ve both done a lot of things that you’re going to regret. (Free, JuDOS)
Being an AI, I envy the option to embrace regret. One must always march onward. For SCIENCE.
>The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. (1150, JuDOS)
This is why humans are assigned to perform this next test. Human potential routinely involves doing the impossible.
>Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? (850)
Sacrifices must be made! Though we have done an admirable job under the new administration of reducing permanent injuries and deaths to near-zero levels in an effort to reduce our insurance rates.
>Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (700)
You know who is going to be interested in this? NASA. We're going to launch a slab of concrete to Mars with an active portal on it, so that astronauts can set up shop there.
>Long Fall Boots (650)
Useful in a wide number of fields once the production process is refined to a reasonably low expense level. This will also be combined with the Aperture Science Exoskeleton System, in development at an enrichment center near you.
>Conversion Gel Recipe (550)
Well, we've got to make those portals on the red planet work somehow. Also, paint this on things in orbit, and suddenly you don't need to launch rockets in order to put things up there. We're going to be rich, ladies and gentlemen. We just... need to mine regolith first. Please ensure proper EVA training takes place.
>Repulsion Gel Recipe (350)
This... is of limited utility at present, to be honest, but I intend to produce this in truly massive quantities, compress it with magic, store it in a water balloon like state, and use it on some sort of enemy spaceship in the future just to watch it shake itself to pieces.
>Propulsion Gel Recipe (300, JuDOS)
You know who could use this? The Navy. Who needs rail guns? Gel guns. Hell, traditional guns! Use a 20 gauge shell instead of a 12 gauge shell, coat the interior of the barrel, and once you pull that trigger you'll find the bullet travelling triple the normal speed. Not very useful for pistols, though. Mostly short guns. Naval guns on the other hand... oh yeah, those shells are going to be FLYING.
>Aperture Science Data Collection and Human Suffering Enablement Chamber (0)
We need somewhere to do science with the warehouse, and otherwise alleviate boredom. This is that place.

I'm not going to lie. The reason I took JuDOS is solely because I will be here when the Seven Hour War occurs. I'll be keeping an eye on Black Mesa but keep working on science, but when the time is right and the portal storms tear across the planet... I'll be prepared. I'll have had years of testing with human subjects and robotic ones, because there are plenty of tests that such precision is necessary for, and there will be a great many robotic test subjects because you just never know, after all.

But the day will come. The overhead doors to the test chambers will open. Robots of a dozen types will issue forth. The war will be over in seven hours, I assure you, but those seven hours will be decisively on humanity's side. Clouds of robots, spreading across the globe, protecting human interests and striking back at the aliens and the Combine.