story

It’s 6’o clock in the morning and the chickens are clucking loudly.I wake up, alarmed, sweating, in my barrack tent.  I frantically begin to aim my pistol all over the place. I had that bad dream again, where a group of Bosniaks were attacking me, and one of them choking me, and I couldn’t move. A group of cowardly foolish people, hiding behind others, like that NATO organization. Republica Sprska was a very strong nation. My  platoon was strong, and I was loyal to the 1st Krajina Corps. I sigh deeply,  placing my gun back under my pillow. I attempt to go back to sleep, closing my eyes slowly. Then, I hear an alarm, and sound of explosions, rapid bang bangs and crackle. I jump up, grab my armored helmet, placing it on my head. I place on my armor, grabbing my rifle, shoving my pistol in my holster, immediately running out of the tent.  I look around, scared and confused. I examine the outdoors, seeing many trees. It’s a sunny day out in the deep green forests of Banja Luka. I blink a couple times, my eyes re-adjust because of the bright sun. The trees are dark green, Our camp is quite large and  It feels like mid April. Bosnia had nice weather at this time, I feel the sun on my neck.  My captain is yelling at me, I shift my gaze to him, running to him, looking around frantically. I yell “What is happening?” in my native language, Serbian. None of us knew English, or very minimal English. The captain yells in my face, as he ducks for cover.“We are under attack, Milić!” “Enemy troops are shooting!” More of our troops surround us, as the crackle of gun fire is heard. We are being shot at. Our crew returns fire, as I peek, scared for my life, going back down. I see muzzles flashing I look at the captain, shouting in distress. I do not know why I was scared, I was never scared. This was quite unusual for someone like me, as I have been serving in the  Republika Srpska. I tried to peek cover and shoot one of the shooters, but I just didn’t have the courage to. I froze, I couldn’t do it. I’ve never done it before. During my time thinking, my captain was howling at me and nearby friendly soldiers. I hear a large blast cut off him as he shouts, my ears are ringing intensely. Yells and yelps are heard, as I look around frantically, trying to make out the situation at hand. It was probably a Bosniak fighter, screaming for his life, or one of our soldiers. The muzzle flashes stop, and the crackle dissapears. My platoon had finished off most of the attacking force, successfully, but some retreated. I took a deep sigh, as my captain barked orders in Serbian, telling us to set up a defensive perimeter. I do as I am told, standing up from cover, pivoting, going to the end of the camp to set up the perimeter. I hear a voice bark behind me, and I turn around. ”Ay Vlado, captain tell me to go with you!” Alexsander speaked with a heavy Serbian accent, in broken English. I look at the person that has said this, and it turns out to be one of my friends from my platoon, ALEKSANDAR Petrović. He was a young boy, around 14, two years younger than me. He had brown hair, hazelnut eyes, but had a baby looking face. He was dressed in army camoflauge clothing, sporting black boots, with a beret on his head. The beret had the flag of our wonderful country He was in this war the same reason as me, pleasing our fathers and seeking honor by serving. Alexsander shot a confused look at me, squeaking “Why so glum looking, Vlado? It was just some mortars, not like you got injured.” As Aleksander dug in his combat pants, pulling out a cigarette, he said once again “Want a cigarette?” I take the cigarette, placing it in my mouth replying “Thanks.” “Got a light?” Aleksander reaches in his pocket, pulling out a lighter, putting it to my cigarette, lighting it, putting it away afterwards. I take a quick puff on my cigarette, looking around the perimeter. As I’m looking at Alex, I hear the concrete crackle. I look to my right, and a large figure is attempting to sneak past us. In an alarming voice, Aleksander shouts, raising his rifle at the figure “GET ON GROUND!” I immediately drop my cigarette, raising my rifle as well. The figure appears to be a man, average sized, with a white oversized shirt, dirt marks all over his clothing and face. He screams at us, “DON’T SHOOT!”. I see him quickly position  his hand to his waist band of his loose pants, and I pull the trigger down, emptying the rifle. I watch the man have a surprised expression on his face, as he slowly staggers, falling to the ground. Alexsander has a blank expression on his face. There is an alarmed look on Alexsanders face, turning into a blank expression. I am surprised by my actions, feeling happy, having an adrenaline rush. I knew what was going to happen when I joined the army. Maybe I would feel worse later. The man knew what was going to happen if he didn’t comply. I felt better thinking that he was the bad guy. Maybe if I didn’t shoot him he would of blown us up, or worse, the camp. Alexsander and I watched the life less man on the floor. Soldiers from our platoon came, looking at us and the body, back and forth. One soldier said while his gaze was on the corpse, with a deep voice“Probably a  scum bag Bosniak Err, who killed him?” Feeling a huge sense of pride and confidence in myself, I raised my hand. He smiled at me, approaching me closely. “Don’t worry. You did good, you know that? Good job…” He looks at my name tag, before returning his gaze to my eyes. “Vlado.” He patted my shoulder once more, before pivoting, barking at the soldiers that arrived with him in Serbian “Get this cleaned up!” I assumed he was some kind of high ranking soldier or something. I didn’t really care, anyways. All I could think about was the kill. As I stood there thinking, the soldiers were carrying the corpse off somewhere. Now I started to think more about that person I’ve just killed. I still had the feeling of honor and pride, but… what if that terrorist had a family? He was a brother, sister, father, uncle, or maybe had those himself. Probably. Alexsander quickly interrupted my thoughts by shouting at me “Hellooooo? Stop daydreaming. You need to be alert, man.” “Also, good job. I haven’t killed anything yet, believe it or not. It feels great, doesn’t it?” I tossed him a smile, locking my eyes with his, as I replied. “Yes… it does. That terrorist rat bag deserved it.” I always thought the Bosniaks were the real terrorists. Muslims were up to no good, anyways. I always felt like they were stupid beings that believed in a stupid cause. That is what my commanders told me anyways. I didn’t think about this matter too much, I just did as I told. After all, following that idea seemed like the best, because if I did my own thing,  I’d probably be like the idiot I just shot. A couple soldiers, the same ones, returned, beckoning at us. One of the soldiers barked, pointing at the opposite end of the camp “We will take over here. They need you on the other side. Go patrol.” We listened to him, slowly walking to the other side of the camp, arriving at the opposite gate. There were four exits and entrances in the camp, one straight, right, left, and at the back of the camp. We were the only ones there, untill a few other soldiers arrived, helping us guard the exit. The alarm stage was raised, due to the Bosniak I had just shot. All of our soldiers were paranoid, going from lax security to high security. I looked up, and around. Men were positioning themselves in towers, performing sniper duty. There were our soldiers leading prisoners. There was this center caged up area, where prisoners were taken to. The prisoners could range from Bosniak terrorists to traitors that collaborated with enemy forces. Most of these people dissapeared every couple days, and I was not aware of their exact fate. I knew it wasn’t a good place they were going to, because once a traitor, always a traitor, and once you were found out, you weren’t exactly going to a pretty place.  They were going somewhere far away, most likely the destination was their deaths, or torture. They never came back to the camp. I’ve been at this camp for a couple months, knowing it inside and out, but this was one mystery I could never uncover. Maybe it was best I didn’t know. Alexsander was quite oblivious to things like this, barely paying attention to small details like I did. Alexsander and I were posted at the perimeter, guarding, for a long period of time. I struggled staying up. It was now night. The sky glimmered with stars, and I heard crickets. Spotlights go on, and I see my own shadow. I look down at it. I see the outline of my rifle on my hip and I stand, with a strong posture. I look around, Alexsander is sleeping peacefully, his back on the wall, sitting down on the rocky surface mixed with grass. He looked younger while he slept, like a ten year old boy. I’m surprised he slept this peacefully. I whistled at him, moving my combat boot in the rocks, making a sound. I narrow my eyes, annoyed, snapping at him. “Get up, you idiot. What if enemy come?” Alexsanders eyes shot right open, him standing up. He shot me a reply, “Sorry. Just tired.” I relaxed my face, exhaling. “Yeah, me too.” I hear footsteps with the sound of rocks mixed in, as I see three soldiers arrive. One of them beckons us over, opening his mouth to talk. “You’ve been relieved. Go sleep. We are taking over your position.” Alexsander and I nodded, walking past the soldiers as they set up a perimeter. We walked back to our tent, as he and I were in the same barrack. I took off my combat gear, placing it down to the side, next to my bed. I collapsed onto the bed, feeling lifeless and tired. Alexsander was in his bed, blanket over him. The tent was dark. I say, dryly in Serbian combined with broken English “Sleep as much as you can, friend. “We will probably have big task to do tommorow.” I shut my eyes slowly, relaxing my body, pulling the covers over my body. I slept peacefully that night, but I contemplated my mission. What really was my job? I didn’t understand the war I was fighting for. I guess it wasn’t important. My family was poor, and maybe fighting in this war will make me rich. At least, that’s what the captains said. Becoming rich. I guess that sounds like a good reason, money is important. I woke up at the same time I usually do, 6 ‘o’ clock in the morning. I opened up my eyes, hearing the sound of birds chirping together. I sat up on the bed, then standing up, stretching my body out. I walked out of the tent, eyes a bit strained because of the light. It was a calm morning, I saw troops marching, snipers posted up on towers, and soldiers walking casually, talking. I looked back in the tent, Alexsander was still sleeping, snoring obnoxiously loud. I approached his bed, smirking while placing my hand on his nose, plugging it for a few seconds. Alexsanders eyes burst wide open, and I took my hands off, laughing while talking in Serbian. “Idiot, gettup! The look on your face!” Alexsander angrily replied to my statement “I’ll get you for that!” I smirked at his remark. A soldier came into our tent barrack, fully dressed in his uniform and combat gear. I recognized him as Goran Savic. I knew he was one of the high ranking officers stationed at this camp. He pointed at me, barking at me in a deep strong voice. “You! You are coming with my platoon.” The officer quickly glanced at my name tag, then locking eyes with me. “Get dressed in combat gear we’re going to the city to do some work.” My eyes widened after his remark, and I felt happy. I haven’t been out to the city yet, as I was a guard for the camp. Everyone at the camp loved going to the city. I never knew why, but I was sure to find out now. I immediately replied “Yes, yes I’ll be out in a minute.” The officer also barked at Alexsander “You too. Err…Milić” He looked Alexsander up and down, glancing at his name tag. “And you can come too, Petrović.” He then looked at the both of us, simultaneously. The officer pivoted, walking out of the small barrack tent. I immediately threw on my light combat gear, grabbing my rifle and handgun, slinging the rifle on my chest, handgun in my holster. Alexsander threw on his combat gear as well, following me outside the tent. We saw soldiers accompany the officer, and the officer ordered at us, gesturing us to come.“Follow.” The soldiers accompanying the officer marched with him, and we followed. One of the soldiers whispered in my ear in our native language. “First time going to the city?” I whispered back “Yeah. Never been. I was just a guard before this.” He then snickered with a smirk afterwards, whispering,“Well, you’ll like it.” We approached the truck, the model and make being a FAP 2026. It was large in size, having a green body. There was a wooden outer fence on the back of the truck, with seats, for soldiers to sit. It was a used model. Our group stepped into the back of the truck, sitting down. I unslinged my rifle, holding it next to my foot. Alexsander sat beside me, in silence. The truck began to drive off. I maintained a blank expression, but inside, I was very happy. Instead of being bored at the camp, I’d finally do something more useful for my country. I felt pride and confidence, even more than before. Fighting on the front lines for my country. The truck came to a halt, and our group quickly jumped off the truck. We arrived in the city area. I looked around the scene quickly. I looked around, down, up, most of the buildings were concrete, filled with bullet holes. Windows were smashed in small stores, doors were torn down, and the city was in ruins. I heard bottles clatter around the streets, rolling. The city was in ruins, like it had survived a thousand wars somehow. A few childern were to be seen, in ruined clothes, as they stared at us while we patrolled. As we were marching, we saw a squad of soldiers from our army, in our camouflaged uniform, fully outfitted, marching a group of men, the men with their hands up. We joined the squad. I assumed the men were Bosniaks, as they had the signature weird hats on. We marched to a building. All of us stopped. One of the soldiers barked in Bosnian, something foreign I couldn’t understand. I only knew some English, and Serbian. The captured Bosniaks immediately marched to the wall, and stood, not facing us, facing the brick wall. Our group of soldiers aimed their rifles, and I finally got the picture what was about to happen. Alexsander’s rifle shook a little, my rifle was up. Savic, the officer, yelled. “FIRE!”  We all shot fully automatic at the individuals, emptying our magazines. All of the bodies screamed before dying. The bodies slumped on the wall, blood splattered on the concrete and wall. Tiny chunks of brain matter were found on the ground. The brain matter reminded me of Ajvar, a Serbian Ajvar, which was a Roasted Red Pepper Sauce. It was a really odd thought, and after seeing this, I won’t go back to eating that for a long time. I approached the bodies, and I noticed a tiny head. I had a skeptical look on my face, approaching the bodies to get a better look. My eyes widened. It wasn’t just a group of men that I had just murdered, a small childs body was under the body of a man. I was so oblivious I hadn’t noticed this earlier. I have just killed a child. Alexsander approached me from behind, his arm wrapped around my neck. He had noticed this as well. He was in shock because of this event he had taken part in. I grabbed the childs body, pulling it out from under the bodies. The captain barked at me, “Come on! Hurry up!”. I ignored him, looking at the kid. This kid was around twelve years old, not much younger than Alexsander. I just stared at him for a while, then I bent down, and closed his eyes. I went to the captain, and Alexsander followed. We resumed patrol, but most of the citys population was nowhere to be found, so it was calm for the most part. I began to contemplate my actions while we were on the truck, heading back to the camp. I looked down, drowning in my thoughts. I’ve killed a man, I’ve killed a kid, and maybe some others. And for what? This is what I had to get to achieve respect from my family, especially my father? After a couple hours in the city, we drove back to the camp in the truck. I didn’t know what our objective was in the first place. I wasn’t a soldier, I was a terrorist. I thought the Bosniaks were my enemies, but I think my biggest enemy is myself. I’ve been manipulated by terrorists, to join a false cause. So we were the bad guys. I think I’ve learned from all of this is War is where the young and stupid are decieved by the old and bitter into murdering each other. That’s it. I’ve done some bad things now. And I have just realized all of this?  I was an angry stupid young man just looking for acceptance by my people, and some honor. Alexsander was just like me. A stupid oblivious kid forced into something he didn’t want to be apart of. I’d have to pay for this some day. I knew it. After wandering in my thoughts for a long period of time, we eventually arrived back at the camp. I felt empty inside. It was now night time, as I heard owls hooted, spying on us from their trees. I went back to my tent, taking off my combat gear, taking my rifle off my chest, putting it next to my bed, sitting down. Alexsander walked in, jumping on his bed. Alexsander put the covers over himself, going to sleep, without a word. I sat there for a for a while, in silence. I shut off the lamp, putting the covers over myself. I shut my eyes, breathing slowly. I could not sleep in peace. What kind of monster could, anyways? I deserved this for my actions, not being able to enjoy sleep. Karma will eventually get me one day. There’s a saying in the Bible, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I think I should run away, maybe Bulgaria or Romania. Running away will not excuse my actions, but at least it will help towards the process of forgetting.