My demise

So here we are again and again, day after day. I play eroge and jack off to forget about whatever is bringing me down. But what do you do when you realize no amount of VNs will ever save you and anything else you enjoy is just a temporary distraction before whatever is ruining you takes hold again? That feeling when there is no way out and really all you can do is just sit there and cry because you know that even if you did stand up in your locked up situation it would be no use. Much like a prisoner banging on a wall with his fists till they bleed knowing nothing can save him. I also think that even if I do kill myself I will be even more miserable since I'll probably be trapped in the same place for an eternity. It gets pretty bad when thoughts about how not even death can save me cross my mind.