(FR) John M.

>Day 381 in Equestria
>You are anon
>Before you magically poofed to this land of pastel ponies you were a cop
>But life wasn’t so grand
>Chain smoker, borderline alcoholic, rocky marriage
>So you could consider the sudden relocation as not entirely bad
>You still drank a lot, and whenever you could get your hands on tobacco you smoked
>But you weren’t romantically attracted to anything here
> So relationship wise you didn’t have any problems
>Almost…
>Everyday was the same damn routine
>Wake up, shit, shower, and try to shave
>These razors were not made for man, as they always left stubble that formed into a five a clock shadow in an hour
>But like fucking clockwork, every day at 8, there SHE was
>For some reason this yellow miniature horse was obsessed with you
>And she somehow got it into her little head that if she found out what turned you on then you would love her
>So every morning she was on your front step asking
>”Anon? Are socks your fetish?”
>”Are maid costumes your fetish?”
>”Are threesomes your fetish?”
>Goddamnit

>Today was no different
>You swung the door open and shouted
“Listen you damn-“
>She was not alone this time, the purple one was with her
“Oh… hey…”
>”Anon!” Purplemagic spoke first
>”I thought that since you’re such great friends with Fluttershy you should have this!”
>She levitates over a fancy invitation of some sort
>~Formal Invitation to the Canterlot Wedding~
“Who’s getting married?”
>”My brother, Shining Armor! ..but for some reason the wedding was pushed back to Hearth's Warming Eve…”
>You pull Twilight aside and whispered to her
“Look, I think it’s cute that you’re trying to help your friend a bit, but I’m not interested in her”
>Her face turns serious
>”You look! She has been all over you for the last couple of months.  Just do this and be her date to the wedding. It’s the least you can give her”
>Before you can make a counter argument you feel an aura of magic surround you
>And start to heat up
“Okay okay”
>You stand up straight
“Fluttershy, would you be my date to the Canterlot wedding?”

>Be at the Canterlot wedding
>During the lead up Twilight was freaking out about that tall pink alicorn
>Oh well, she’s currently missing her brother and Cadence saying their vows
>*SLAM*
>Or not, as she quickly burst through the back doors
>…
>Along with another Cadence looking worse for wear
>What the fuck is going on here?!
>After some confusion, shouting, and magic blasts you see it
>A black bug pony disguised as Cadence had just blasted Celestia
>And her army of smaller bug ponies were swarming Canterlot
>When she spoke, it was… somewhat intoxicating
>”And now I am more powerful than CELESTIA!”
>She then turned her gaze to the mane six
>”And don’t think I don’t know about you, elements of harmony”
>With a green flash several of the changelings appeared next to them
>…Holding machine guns, grenades, and what one looked like was carrying C4
>What the fuck?
>”I have to thank a certain somep0ny for pointing out the power of the elements”
>Her gaze then turned to you
>”And what exactly are you? Hmm?”
>She levitated you out of the crowd by your neck
“ACK!”
>”No matter, just another husk to drain”
>But then with a yellow blur you were pushed out of her grasp and through a stained glass window

>As you came too you saw yourself on the ground outside
>With Flutters on your chest
>”I’m sorry. I couldn’t let her hurt you”
“Well… Thanks I guess”
>But before you had time to go any further a trio of armed changelings flew down to meet you
>You dived behind a stone bench, dragging Banana shush with you
>As the first bug rounded the corner to bear his machine gun you threw your overcoat at it, temporarily blinding it
>Then you grabbed its body and held it to your chest as a human shield as your other hand grabbed its weapon
>The two others opened fire, chipping stone, dirt, black chitin, and a few drops of your blood
>But your aim was better, even while one handed, as you mowed the two down
>After the action you looked at the damage
>The snowy ground was littered with pot marks, green globs of blood, and an occasional drop of red
>And Flutters was shaking on the ground in a fetal position
>You looked up, seeing cheeselegs stare at you from out of the broken window

>Fluttershy snapped to it as you two went running across the city
>Dodging bullets
>Grenades exploding
>And for some reason the changelings had German names
>This was…
>Weird?
>You even managed to outwit a group of them by strapping some of that C4 to a chair and throwing it down an alley at them
>At one point Flutters was taken at gunpoint to try and get you to drop your guns
>You did, and then laughed your ass off
>In the confusion you shot them with another pistol you had picked up and continued on your way
>The plan was to get the elements and somehow use them to defeat the bugs
>But there was one problem
>Changelings were swarming around the building that housed the elements
>Some of them had ponies at gun point
>Hostages
“Alright, this looks bad. I say you cause a distraction. There’s a large sandwich board over there. Just write ‘I hate hornheads’ on it and fly around”
>”Umm… Anon…”
“And then I I’ll go in through that vent over there”
>”Anon… I have a confession”
“And when I get in I’ll take out those sentries”
>”I sort of told Chrysalis how to do this”
>You stared at her
“Can you repeat what you just said?”

>”I told her about the elements and how she should stop us”
“..WHAT?! WHY?”
>”Its… just that… I thought…”
>Oh shit she’s starting to cry
>With a sigh you realize that getting angry at her won’t make things better
>You grab her and give a slight hug
>”Anon…”
>Her eyes meet yours…
>As she pulls you in for a passionate kiss
>You allow it to happen
>”Anon… in case we don’t make it out, can you just answer one thing for me?”
“What?”
>”Is Die Hard your fetish?”
>You stare at her for a moment
>Then ejected a magazine and loaded another with a clank
“Yippee ki-yay motherfucker”
>The both of you charged into the room
>Knowing damn well that when this was all over, you’d be
>Fucking Fluttershy