Thread 65: Stories 16-30

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 >AJ
"Sunset"
~~~

"Hey, Applejack? I have a question."

>Iffin' it involves how much fire would be needed ta' destroy all this paperwork, Twi ain't done calculatin' yet. Something about 'exponential growth'.

"Right. More... why do I never see you use magic?"

>Ah'm holdin' a dang pen right now.

"Not just basic levitation, but... in general."

>Magic's magic, sugar cube.

"What!? Don't be ridiculous! There's all kind of magic in the world! With your stores unique to Alicorns, you'd have access to some ponies only dream of!"

>Yay. Don't care, all Ah' need is mah' pen-holder and some hard work.

"That's insane! You have the powers of a literal god in your hooves-"

>Been a loooong time since ponies though alicorns were a god, Sunset. We ain't even close, turns out.

"-and you're just squandering this power!?"

>Ah' ain't squanderin' it, Ah'm usin' it ta' fill out paperwork. That's way more useful than some fancy light shows.

"FANCY LIGHT SHOWS!?"

>...That it?

"I juh-you can't- but all that maguh-... WHAT!?"

>Sounds like that's it. Glad Ah' could clear that up for you.

"...WHAT!?"

>Have a good one.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
Caps are spoken by Luna
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm gonna introduce my spin off show!
Crowd cheers

"I'm the pretty one. <3"

'I'm the grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one! Say hello to my new show, the Perspective!

"Yay I love the View!"

>No no this is the Perspective. It's completely original and starts with a P!

'Why am I the grumpy one?'

>'cause you're such a ball of grumpy wumpyness nowadays!

'Hey!'

>Our first news for today is...whoops, we're not going to have enough time to get to it, so I guess that's it! This is going to be a super awesome show girls!

"'But-'"

SPONSERED BY ALOE AND LOTUS' DAY SPA. COME BY AND LET YOUR WORRIES MELT.

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>???

Its getting worse. Before it used to be rather easy to hide, now its begun to lose consistency, happening at odd times. The little one would have seen it if Shining Armor had not called her the moment just before.

>"I'm running out of time"

A break through. He knew now what he had to do.

>"To counter darkness one needs light... but light can not outshine the dark... there must be balance... there must be..."

And there it sat, in one of the most ancient tomes. A living, crystalline construct, in the shape of a tree.

>"Harmony."

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 >AJ
"Sunset"
'Rarity'
-Primrose-

"Applejack? Question."

>Ah swear ta Faust, if this is about the changeling clone idea again-

"What? No, that was a joke...mostly. No my question is...where'd the robot go?"

>...

AJ's head snaps over to the corner that is decidedly minus one Primrose.

>What in tarnation? Did the damn thing just wander off?

"Well according to Spike it's possible it was here to spy on us in the first place."

>Welp, if our new captain wants to prove himself, I can think of harder challenges than tracking down a clanky bucket of bolts-

'Oh there's no need, darling.'

Rarity steps through the door, smiling like the proverbial cat that ate the canary, following behind her is...

-Good Afternoon Princess Desginate: Applejack, This Unit Has Been Ordered To Deliver A Ration Of Apple Cider Cake.-

>No.

'Yes.'

"D-did you..."

'Well no, I had a little help from Twilight, but considering we're giving the guard a chance before the robots I decided it wouldn't do to have him just lazing about on standby.'

"So you bolted a lazy susan to its back?"

-This Unit Has Been Programmed With Every Princesses Individual Preferred Dietary Schedule. This Unit Aims To Achieve 100% Efficiency In Ration Delivery.-

'And this is before I figure out how to add in a vacuum.'

"Isn't this running counter to what Coltsly intended when she gave it to us?"

'Darling she said for us to use it, she never said what to use it for.'

-This Unit Looks Forward To Additional Cider Attachment.-

Looking contemplative, Applejack floats the plate of Cider Cake over to her desk and takes a bit.

-Is The Taste To Princess Designate: Applejack's Liking?-

>...tastes like progress, Primrose, tastes like progress.

-...This Unit Does Not Understand How A Concept Can Possess A Taste- -

>'sa joke, ya dumb robot.

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>Pommel
"Guards"
~~

>...This is really it?

He knew the numbers had been bad.

He knew the levels had been low.

...But this was a bit much.

No more than forty. He couldn't even count more than forty. About Forty guards, for all of Equestria.

And very, very few of them looked sure.

"Hurry up! We've got places to be!"

"I'm doing suffleboard today!"

"I've got personal time with my fitness trainer!"

"Oh, getting in shape?"

"...nope."

"BRO HOOF!"

"BAM!"

Still, he took his place atop the podium overlooking them all, and slowly, he began to speak.

>...So, some of you may not know me, most of you do. To those I've met before, you know I wasn't always the top of my class, or the fittest specimen, or even the bravest fellow. I wasn't anything special. And yet, somehow, I ended up Captain of the guard.

He slumped his shoulders ever so slightly, a low sigh escaping him.

>And I think we all know... I didn't really deserve the position. I liked to think you guys were inspired by my stupid act of charging Chitania alone, or that you were just so impressed with my devotion that I would fight my way back to Equestria after months just so that I could resume being a guard, and figured I would be devoted enough to do the job right. Part of me hoped my adventures even spread some stories that got shared, and you thought 'yeah, that guy deserves to be captain'.... but we all know it didn't. You guys just wanted someone who wouldn't argue, wouldn't fight, none of that. Same old same old, same as it ever was.

His voice, while not going lower, felt... less with what followed next.

>That's not an option anymore. That's not how it is going to be, and we don't have a choice. It was bad before, really bad... and now... it might change permanently, and we'll all be out of a job.

"WHAT!?"

A chorus of likeminded chants joined him in a panic.

>It's true. Right now, the princesses have decided.. enough is enough. We might very well be replaced in the near future... by machines. Robotic, cold, unfeeling automatons who will follow the law... and that's it. Unfeeling, unloving, uncaring things that go off of preprogrammed numbers and commands, not anything in here.

Slowly, his head bowed.

>...What happened to us? Didn't we all at one point have the same dream? Didn't we all, be it when we were kids or teens or just coming out of school or even just the day we signed up have the same dream? Protect. Protect those that need us. Be the ones there for them to give them a helping hoof when they need it. Family, friends, countrymen and strangers, none were any different. We wanted to be heroes. But look at us! We're not heroes! We're not even guards! We're lazy, unmotivated, sorry sods who get steamrolled everytime something bad happens!

He began to speak louder, bolder, more powerfully.

>When I was in that room, a part of me didn't want to fight for this. A part of me wanted to let them just take the machines and let them handle it! Because ponies need to be safe! They need to be protected! Every life down there matters! That cart that gets knocked over in a chase belongs to someone who spent his whole day picking that fruit, that purse snatched carries money that mare worked hard to earn, that bar fight breaks stuff that someone worked hard to build, that lost little child belongs to someone who loves them more than anything! They need someone to be there for them, to appreciate just what it is that is lost when something bad comes their way, and if they worst happens... someone who will fight till the end to see justice done right. We didn't do any of that. We let them suffer, be in pain, be forgotten... and it's all our fault. A part of me didn't want to fight, because I wasn't sure... if we deserved a chance to be that.

They looked on, gobsmacked, ashamed and utterly stunned by his words.

>...But we do deserve a chance to be that.

Slowly, the breath started to return to them, and he began speaking again.

>We don't have the magical gems of instant win or whatever the hell they used to solve their problems today, we don't have super-weapons built into us to stop any threat, we're not superheroes... and we shouldn't be. Superheroes are not there for the everyday. Superheroes are there to fight the villain, that's it. But sometimes there is no villain, sometimes it's just two ponies who love each other but got into a bad fight. Sometimes its just a kid who needed some way to let the world knows he exists, and he can't figure out any other way to speak up. Sometimes it's just someone who made a bad call... and a lot paid for it. That's why we deserve a chance. A robot doesn't know that. It knows if you committed a crime, or not. It sees numbers... not ponies.

He beat his heart, right on the metal atop his chest to give a satisfying, loud 'clang' that rang throughout the hall.

>We're not here to fight evil, we're here to find justice, and protect them from evil. We're here to be the shields on the ground no matter what rains on them, and the hooves that will pick them up when it has passed. We're here... to save Equestria, and not from the super being threat of the day, but... itself.

He pointed outwards, to what they did not know, but they followed him all the same.

>They're waiting for that to come. If we cannot deliver this in one month's time, if we cannot show them that we are that shield, that we will find that justice, then they will move on, and be right to. They will leave us behind... as they should.

His hoof slammed down, hard and powerful enough to make them all jump.

>But the reason I told them no is that I believe they are wrong! We can be that shield! We can be that force that Equestria deserves! The dream did not die in you, I know it didn't! I believe it didn't!

His voice grew, louder and louder.

>It's still there, smoldering, waiting, ready to catch fire and show them just what an inferno we can be! I've seen you all stand against robots, monster and horrors, and you're still here! You're still here because that part of you won't let you leave, won't let you quit! One tiny part of you remains that says 'This is my homes, and I will protect it'! Find that fire! Find that part of you, and use it! Give it power! And protect it... we shall! We can do this! We are not obsolete! We are not for show! We are the EQUESTRIAN GUARD!

He expected them to cheer when he said that, to rally and be emboldened.

But instead... they just stared.

>...She gave me a specific order. Refill the ranks this month to acceptable levels, and then we could go from there. Numbers first, the rest second... no. I'm not going to do that. For the next two weeks, any who remain in this establishment are going to fight, to train, to work our asses off until we can barely stand. We need to prove we deserve to be here first, and then worry if we've got numbers. Because if we can't whip ourselves into shape in that time... than it doesn't matter how many there are, we'll always just be decoration. I believe in us. We can be so much... more. So, so much more. But I understand if right now, you feel that this is just too much, and you don't believe anymore. I understand. If you leave now, you get the same benefits of whoever left after the invasion, no judgement, no nothing. If you want to just go and live like... them, you can. I won't blame you.

He waited, and waited.

One got up.

Then two, than three, finally ten.

Ten ponies all turned around, and left.

But he didn't look to them, to those who were there no more.

Instead, he focused only... on who remained.

Those who remained no matter how long... and waited at the ready.

"...so, uh... when do we get started?"

It was not the powerful call to action he had wanted, or expected.

...But it was enough.

>We already have.

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>Applejack
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

Alone once more, and it felt so odd.

There had been none waiting to talk to them today, no line stretching around half of Canterlot to pester them with questions or needs, nothing like that.

As such, Twilight had declared she was going to help Sunset get more acquainted with today's technology and taken Spike in tow. Dash had declared she was going to talk with her Wonderbolt's about... something. Rarity had said she was 'assisting a friend' and left. Fluttersy and Pinkie Pie had said they needed to 'go talk to someone' and... that was pretty much it. With her alone once more, she cold continue her work as she had before. Though, she admitted... it wasn't so bad.

Just knowing that, at any moment, she could just give a quick call and have a whole horde of friends would rush over to help her fill out something is... nice. Well, it was just plain nice, it was just plain something she liked. She wasn't a complicated mare, and sure as the apples of her farm are juicy did she like that. It just made her feel... nice.

Which is why, of course, she felt no surprise when the universe decided she was just having way too good a day, and rained on her parade the same way it always seemed to.

Whenever she was feeling too happy, the universe just rang up the Queen bitch herself. That seemed to sort the problem out.

So tired of this, she didn't even react when she saw those first forming of green flame, or when that fire swirled into a fire hurricane and revealed its summoner to her.

>Iffin' yer' here ta' complain bout me shootin' ya' down, save it. Ya' ain't touchin' mah army and ya' ain't gettin' yer' way, simple as that.

The glare was every bit as hot as the fire that had been in the room not a moment ago, a fierce power of more than just magical might within them.

Applejack could not care less.

She just set her paper down, and met that glare head on.

>Well? Gonna complain, call me dumb fer' passin' up such an 'amazin' opportunity? Gonna do yer' friggen 'silver tongue' talk? Save it. Equestria's gonna look after itself, Ah'm sure of it. We don't need you, specifically. Maybe if a few o' yer' guys wanna see iffin' they can join us, we'll consider it so long as they know how ta' follow along. But ya'll ain't gonna get no say in it iffin' they do, fair warnin'.

Her eyes practically flashed with... something. Not quite anger, but not quite not anger either.

>Well? That it? Ah' get what'cha needed gone out the way already? Good. Ya'll can see yer'self out right now, Ah'm done.

But she didn't. She didn't leave, or move, or even twitch. She just remained there, still as a statue.

>...Yer' startin' ta' annoy me.

"Where is Twelve."

The voice, a low growl more than it was a question, took her completely off guard. She knew she would be a little angry, but she sounded positively feral.

>Come again?

"Where... is... Twelve."

Eyes fluttered for a second as she put the pieces together, and realized she was talking about, of course, the changeling. Those numbers could be so confusing sometimes.

>He ain't been with you?

The fire in that glare told her, no. No he had not.

>Huh. Guessin' Redheart's still givin' him trouble down in Ponyville 'bout gettin' Screwloose loose.

"Screwloose?"

>Mental patient he's been lookin' after. Might'a had ta' stay down in Ponyville fer' a couple days ta' make sure she ain't gonna snap, Ah' signed the order ta' let 'er inta' his custody a while ago.

"You put a mental patient in the care of one of my changelings without my permission?"

>One, it's his choice, not yours. Two, she ain't just any mental patient, ya' idjit. She's onna the smartest gals around, or so Ah've heard. More ta' the point... she ain't all bad. Iffin' she can just use that dang mind while sane for a bit, she'd be a real help.

"Sounds great for you. And what does that have to do with my changelings?"

She scoffed, rolling her eyes openly at the Queen, uncaring to the way it intensified her glare.

>Always about you, ain't it. See, this shit is why he was just gonna give up without a fight, cause o' you puttin' it in his head iffin' it ain't fer' you, it ain't worth doin'.

"Oh? And why didn't he give up?"

There was no reason for her to feel pride, a part of her knew. It was Twelves choice and his passion that allowed him to succeed, nothing she did, but some selfish part of her couldn't help it.

>Ah' told him ta' keep fightin'. Fella' finally found a job, and hey, it worked out great fer' Twenty Nine... not that ya'll would know.

"I have kept track of both of them, that is why I am here.”

She watched the Queen bristle, and felt now might be a good time to bring up a... concern niggling at her.

>Yeah... ya' do seem the type ta' watch 'em pretty close, don't you?

Her hooves thoughtfully began to tap together, a move that offset even the normally stoic Queen. Well, stoic when she wanted to be, cackling when she didn't want to be.

>Ya'll got a problem with certain changelings actions?

"...And just what is that supposed to mean?"

>It means Ah'm not very tolerant o' royal folk who start makin' their subjects feel... threatened when they don't do as they're told, Chrysalis.

Instantly, with the memory still fresh in her mind, Applejack thought to Twenty Nine, at how despondent he looked. At how he seemed like he was walking to the guillotine, simply resigned to the idea it would happen.

Now, she knew Twenty Nine, and she knew he was a pathetic, wormy little thing who wouldn't be able to do anything too destructive or harmful, but he certainly seemed the type to... disobey. Disobey certain rules he felt just did not fit with whatever little thing he was doing. Considering how Chrysalis tended to make demands... it was likely he had not acted 'according to plan', and she had seen how something like that went down with Ten, and it wasn't pretty.

Even then, Ten was someone Chrysalis liked and had served her fairly well. She knew the Queen had no such use for a mayoral aide who she could barely keep track of... and she just plain didn't like him. From what she had heard, she didn't even know he wasn't dead for a long time.

But while Applejack's mind was locked in firmly on her recent meeting, Chrysalis's went... elsewhere. To another, unrelated individual... that needed dealt with.

"Oh? And just why is it you think you have any say in what happens in my hive?"

>Last Ah' checked, ya'll were still livin' here.

"Last I checked, that was because of a chaos being who I could not fight and a lack of available dungeon space. Necessity, not mercy. I remained and did not fight under the agreement my Hive remained under my command."

She scoffed again, turning away from the Queen with a dismissive glance.

>Don't matter. Fair warnin', iffin' one of your guys comes ta' me, you best be ready ta' fight if ya' want yer' "Word" ta' pass. Ain't gonna let someone get hurt just cause they didn't listen ta' ya'. Fair warnin' again, Ah've got a lot o' folks who'd pick me over you. You got some issue with 'em, send 'em ta' me. Ah'll take 'em off yer' hooves. That whole 'all powerful Queen' crud ain't flyin' here.

She had never, in her entire life, been as insulted as she had right there.

The mere idea that Applejack thought her laws, her word, could be completely tossed aside, that she could be utterly left with nothing to say and would be quickly and easily defeated if she even tried to change it, the mere idea... it boiled in her veins. She thought her weak. A joke. Something to be tossed aside.

...She could barely even see straight through the haze of green rage.

>Iffin' ya' don't like it, Ah' suggest ya' pack up already and head out.

There was very, very little holding her back right there, only the niggling feeling that this was some kind of trap, a trick that would come back and bite her hard if she moved locked her in place even as the bile started to churn in her stomach like a boiling pot.

Even still, she could not keep the images from her head, the song calling out for her to gut this arrogant little pony and string her up, to wipe her mind clean and leave her a drooling, stupid mess. She wanted it... she craved it.

But she held back.

"...You have no idea who you are dealing with, little pony."

Even Applejack could not keep a stern face in the wake of that tone. Even she, normally unflappable as she was, felt an icy chill race down her spine.

"The mere idea you, of all creatures, have even the slightest say in the life or deaths of my subjects is so comical I want to laugh until I vomit. That you would even kid yourself with the thought you could protect a single life from my wrath should it be brought down is not even worthy of mockery. You do not even deserve my words calling you a pathetic joke for something that utterly laughable."

Two hooves laid upon her desk, mockingly and slowly carving deep gashes in the wood with the tips of her hooves, the Queen's eyes never leaving Applejack's own, daring her to speak or to strike at her. But she would not, she just remained, stock still and unnerved.

"I am here because it is convenient. I do not owe you anything, my subjects owe you nothing, and I am their QUEEN. You are just the one who kept pestering them for a name. Tell me, for as many you call loyal to you, how many of my hive would choose you before me?"

Silence. Utter silence.

"I thought so. Minds, body and magic are my power, but my Hive are the harbingers of my word. You, little pony... are nothing in comparison. You can hide nothing from me."

Coldly, she narrowed in, until Applejack could feel her hot breath upon her snout.

"Not even in your mind."

>Ah'... Ah'm serious, Chrysalis, if you start somethin' Ah' won't hold back, we ain't gonna let you do as ya' want with them.

The fire was raging too hot, to burning to put it out now. She had a want, no, a need to prove her might, that her word was absolute, that nothing could slip from her grasp if she did not choose it.

"Let me?... Even after all this time, you have learned nothing. Even after all this, you still do not understand. I am QUEEN CHRYSALIS, little pony... and to the hive... my word is law."

The fire returned, intensifying hotter and hotter than ever before, enough to leave scorch marks on her desk. Cast in the glowing green light, fangs of pearly white were perfectly visible, held in a stunning grin.

"And you cannot stop me."

>Y-ya'... ya' really willin' ta' start a war over this?

The smile left her face.
She did not answer.
She did not smile.
She simply... left.
With only a few words to mark her exit.

"My word... is law. And I will prove it to you."

And thus, she was gone, leaving behind only a breathless, shocked Applejack alone in her room. A minute past. Another.. and another. Smoothly, she got up from her chair, and slowly walked to the door.

She barely made it past the threshold before she broke off in a full sprint.

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NC

>MUAHAHAHAH! NOW DO YOU SEE I CAN BREAK THE NO-KILL RULES

"Hi I'm Shining Armour, I want to say, you're a dumbass Chrysalis. I'm leaving now"

>Pfffft, as if I care

"Bye!"

>...

>....Huh....what is this sensation of my heart and all my vital organs dropping out of my stomach?

>....Oh right, no love [is kill]

"And that kids, is why you never conduct a land war against Asia"

"....Huh? Oh right, I mean, never focus your love source on a single guy, see ya round kids!"

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>Dash
"FS"
~~~

>...So, about that rabbit-

"Yes, it's Angel Bunny."

>Huh. Wondered what happened to him.

"He staged a coup back at the cabin, created a revolt and an entire army to march on ponyville with the intention of turning it into a Marexist state and instilling their ideals, but then they heard a loud bang and got spooked and ran off."

>Ahhhh... so he's in the corner-

"He's in the corner for a time-out, yes. He needs to learn that large scale revolutions of woodland animal creatures for a provably flawed system means he's going to be punished sternly. Fifteen whole minutes, and only one break!"

>Uh huh... why is he green and-

"I hiccuped."

>Ohhhh... well, sounds like you've had a busy day.

"Well it is tuesday."

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>Twilight
"Spitfire"
'Crystal guards'
~~~~

>You... want me to make them more... areodynamic?

"Yes."

>How.... how do you want me to do that?

"Science, obviously!"

>...

"...Please help."

'We're not that bad! I'll have you know I increased my one hundred meter dash time from thirty minutes to twenty five!'

'...Where's Crumbles?'

'He got stuck on the roof again.'

'In the roof or on the roof?'

'On it.'

'...Why doesn't he just fly down?'

'It was that kind of thinking that got him stuck there in the first place!'

>...And you want my help.

"Did I mention no drugs? Kind of a big thing for me, obviously."

>...

"No good? Come on, for you BBBFF's old friend?"

>You threw up on my mom when he brought you to the house that one time.

"ONE TIME! I did that one time!"

>...

"...It was your FATHER I did it twice to!"

>Right...

"...please help."

>Can't really help you without cosmetic surgery.

"Does that count as a performance enhancer?"

>...

"Right, point taken."

'HELP!'

'For fucks sake, Crumbles!'

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NC

>So, Shiny, what did you guys used to do back in the early days?

"...T-training..."

>...

"...Loooottta leg training...."

>...

"...She's very sturdy."

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>AJ
„Sunset“
'Celestia'
~~~~~~

It was in the midst of reading through Captain Bronze Pommel's request for specialized training equipment that Applejack's blonde mane caught on fire. It was a spontaneous thing really. One moment, only the sound of quill against parchment. The next, flames licking over her head and crown.

Oddly, it neither hurt her scalp nor did it singe her already trimmed tresses It was still concerning how it blackened the ceiling above her head with soot.

Sunset chose that moment to look up, her facial expression oddly unchanged despite the absurdity of the sight before her.

“Princess, your head seems to be on fire.”

>Ah can see that fer mahself, Shimmer, thank ya kindly.

Her student remains unmoved, cocking her head sideways quizzically.

“Maybe you should extinguish it with magic?”

>Now, don't be silly. Dun need no fancy shmancy magicks ta put out a fire.

So with the absolute calm of a mare who had seen far worse than spontaneous combustion, she moves over to the bucket of water in the corner in the room just for the occasion that something caught on fire in this paper-laden room.

Taking a deep breath, the alicorn dunks her head down into it.

After she was able to stop her limbs from spasming in response to the electric current that had rushed through her body, causing all of her hairs to stand up and making her look like an orange parasprite with just her horn, wings, tail and legs poking out of the ball of puff, she realizes something was off.

The fact that her mane caught fire seconds after extinguishing it was a good hint at that.

Add the fact that the path back to her chair was now slippery from the ice coating the ground, causing her to faceplant rather comically with her big plot sticking up into the air, shenanigans were now a certain fact.

Raising her head, her tongue stuck to the ice due to her unintentional kiss to it, she was just about to explode into incoherent screaming about someone fetching her Discord when she saw something out of the corner of her eyes that made thoughts ground to a complete halt.

“Pen-holder and hard work, huh?”

Sunset Shimmer was staring intently at her, face a complete mask of calm, her horn shimmering faintly with the aura of her magic. And noticing Applejack attention upon her, Sunset starts to grin.

„You'll never able to stop me.”

Her pen smacks into horn, telekinetically flung by her supposed student in a final act of defiance.

And even the crack of teleportation wasn't quite sudden enough to muffle the witch-like giggle Sunset voices before disappearing.

And through all that, Applejack's mane was still burning.

~~~ Somewhere else... ~~~

Seated comfortably on a cushion custom-tailored to hold her shapely rump, Celestia takes a single sip of her cup of tea, gazing across Canterlot's topmost spires.

'Beautiful...'

>SSSSSSHIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Another sip, a gentle smile on her muzzle, undisturbed by what could substitute as Chitania's Titan form's mating call. She felt like crying, her whole form shaking in a valiant attempt to contain her laughter.

'So beautiful...'

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>Twilight
"Spike"
'Sunset'
[???]
{???}
~???~
~~~~

>I'm just saying, if we can just figure out the average sparklejoule rating of a standard pony-

"Pffftt"

>WILL YOU STOP LAUGHING EVERY TIME I SAY SPARKLEJOULE!

'HA HA!'

>It's not even that funny of a word! You know what a joule is!

"Yeah, I eat them everyday."

>JOULE, not JEWEL!

'...'

>...FINE! I sort of see where you're coming from on that one. But that doesn't mean-

A loud, frantic knocking began to ring out through the lab.

>...No, yeah, this is obviously going to be great, I can just tell before I open this that I'm going to-

[HUZZAH! Hello Twience Princess!]

>...Oh, Rekulk, hi. And... Sebjek?}

{Yes.}

>Hi.

'Hey! I thought you said you didn't have any robots!... And they sound really racist.'

>They're not robots.

'Oh yeah? Then what-'

With a HISS, Rekulk's helmet pulled back.

'WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?'

[Hallo! I am Rekulk, trader for the Morlocks!]

"They were living in the catacombs under the mountain."

'...HOW!? HOW DID NO ONE KNOW ABOUT THIS!?'

>It's pretty confusing, actually.

{We did not come to surface.}

'But why!?'

[The great fire demon devours our souls and melts our skin.]

'...What!? That's just superstitious nonsense!'

"No, they do melt. Just... sizzle bubble then goo."

'...Retracted.'

>Did you need something?

[Yes, Twience Princess! Our friend... be waiting shortly, she has become entangled again.]

~WHAT THE FUCK AM I WRAPPED IN NOW!?~

{Curtains.}

~HOW!? I'M NOWHERE NEAR THE WALL- Oh, wait, yes I am... I think.~

>Oh shoot! Hold on, Eighty Eight!

'...Her story?'

"Blind because she shot herself in the face... after being the literal puppet for a semi-sentient fungus."

'Ouch.'

One quick de-tangling later...

~Thanks... soooo, actually, this is a good-~

>To the left.

~...~

>Little more... little more... there ya' go champ.

~...As I was saying, this is a good point. I was kind of wondering if I could get some robot eyes or something.~

>You... you want me to rip out your eyes and replace them with bionics? I don't think that's a very good idea, Eighty Eight, it's entirely likely your own will heal after a bit.

~But I want to see now!~

>Look, even if I made them, and I clearly have not worked on augmentations since... a-hem... they would never be as good as your real eyes, the brain just does not work like that.

~Yeah, but I could SEE!~

>Just give it more than... what, a month?

"I have no idea."

>More than the time it takes to heal a mild burn.

~...Damn it...~

'You know, I could-'

SMACK!

>No! Bad Sunset! No pony experimentation! You do NOT want to go down that road!

'It would be changeling experimentation, actuall-'

SMACK!

'POINT! Alright! I get the point!'

>Good!... Was that it?

~I guess.~

[Actually, we are seeking our own quest as well! We seek Zhetri Thul!]

>Down the hall, take a left two times at each juncture, go to the T as the end of the hall and take a right, straight ahead past six doors, a right, past the four statues, one quick left and then you're there, assuming he doesn't move too far.

~...How the fuck are we supposed to remember that-~

{Thank you.}

~...Nevermind then.~

[HURRY MUCHLY! WE MUST CATCH HIM BEFORE TOO LATE!]

HISS!

[AHHHHH!.... RIGHT AFTER REKULK RETURNS HIS SHIELD!]

With a click, from both him and Sebjeck, he grabbed hold of the blind-ling, and they all tear away.

'...how the fuck did you know exactly where he was?'

>His collar isn't an explosive.

'...'

>...I never said it didn't do anything.

"That, uh, that's kind of creepy-"

>HE STABBED YOU!

"Ah. Nevermind then."

>GOOD! Now... where were we? OH! Right! I need to measure the... oh! Yay!

"Yay?"

>My detection crystal is broken!

'...Am I missing something?'

"It means she has to get another one."

'...And?'

>And that means I get to go visit Shiny again! YAY!

'...'

>...What?

'Nothing...'

>Oh, okay... YAY!

With that, she tears away.

'...Uh-'

"WAIT FOR US!"

'Right, that.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>007
~~~

>...She'll understand.

That's what he told himself as he slunk down into the hidden bunker he had been bleeding out in not that long ago.

>She'll understand.

What he repeated to himself as his shaky, drained forelegs pressed the hidden buttons, the ones he had finally learned of long past the point when they could have potentially saved his life, or even better allowed him to get back up and continue fighting.

>She'll understand.

What he said as much to the imaginary debate that rang in his mind as he did to himself as he plucked up all four of the harnesses, all of them that her majesty had collected over all this time.

>She'll understand.

That's what he said...

When he flipped the first switch, and began to drain them dry, repairing all the damage he still had not healed, refilling empty reserves and instilling him with more power than he had been granted even from her Majesty on her best days.

>...She'll understand.

When she saw his accomplishment, she'd understand.

This is what he had to do.

This is what was needed to do.

>...she'll... she'll understand...

That's what he said.

...That's what he believed.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Rarity
"Cadence"
'Celestia'
~~~~

The stunning Crystal Library really was something to behold. While work on updating it's various books was still 'in progress' it nonetheless had an impressive array.

>Oh my! I had forgotten how massive this is. Well, Darling, which way to the land ownership and property codes? I assume they're quite a bit different from Canterlots.

"...Um... u-uh..."

...Perhaps a little too impressive.

'It's not that bad, Cadence, just remember where you've seen the biggest books, they're probably over there.'

"Oh, right. The... the biggest ones... They're in the... big section?"

>...Perhaps we should ask the librarian?

"NO!"

>...

"I mean, n-nooooo. We should definitely not do that."

'Because?'

"Well, it would probably be odd if I suddenly didn't remember where they were... seeing as 'I' have been renting them out and in fact, revising them for months now."

>...Is there anything she doesn't do for you?

"Excuse me for cheering up sick orphans!"

'Didn't she do that too?'

"...Shut up."

>Well, I suppose we'll just have to wander around, and if anyone asks merely tell them you're showing us around without any clear goal.

"I'm sorry..."

'Nothing to worry about, we'll get this. So! Where do we start?'

"Not over there, that's the romance section. It has some amazing books... and some I uh... I only read alone."

>...Maybe we could do a quick stop-

'No.'

>See, this is why we don't hang out, you and I.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Screwloose
"12"

>...

"Screws... are you feeling alright?"

>...Q.....q...

"Kew?"

>QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIINTS QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINTS!

"GAH!"

>CHECK 'EM FAGGOT, FUCKING QUIIIIIIIIIINTS!

"Why me"

"QUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINTS! CHEEEEEEEECK 'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM! QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINTS!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________