Old Manor Dungeon Cleanup

══════════════════════════════╡OLD MANOR CLEANUP PROJECT╞══════════════════════════════

Why do we have tooltips on the navigation buttons in dungeons? It's rather redundant. Should these be removed to cut down on screen clutter?


───────────────┤MANOR FIXES├───────────────

Book puzzle.
>You approach the odd bookshelf. Most books are worn beyond all recognition, but you can still make out the names of a few of them from their spines.
This paragraph has two empty lines before itself.

>Found item: Family Talisman!
"Key Item Gained: Family Talisman!"

>You hear a deep, slow beating sound, emanating from below your feet.
Even though the necromancer has been defeated?

>there are a set of curiously pristine pages
"is", not "are".

>A wine rack at the back contains a single unopened bottle.
It says this no matter how many times you drink out of it and even when it's empty. I think there is also a drunk status effect. If that doesn't do or is bound to anything weird it should probably be added to drinking this.

>The bottle is empty. As are you.
This can probably be turned into a tooltip and gray out the button instead. Perhaps the second sentence in it should be a silly mode thing?

>Despite the necromancer’s demise, you can’t help but feel a sense of dread as you go down the shadow-cloaked stairs.
This could use a "still" after "but".

It would be nice to have an intermission description of going down the stairs into the basement for the first time. Something to help set the tone and mood of entering an undead neet's inner sanctum. This would of course come in its own menu with a simple Next button after you click Downstairs.





┌──────────┐
│ Dullahan │
└──────────┘
>The knight approaches you, wielding its enormous scythe. “[name]! Prepare for your RECKONING!”
Wait, how does she know my name at this point?

I understand she is being overly dramatic because she enjoys doing so, but the overusage of both fully capitalizing words and making them bold looks very out of place when compared to the rest of the game. It's not a problem in and of its own, but overusage leads to it losing any and all effect aside from looking odd.

Example menu after beating her for the first time.
╔════════════╤════════════╤════════════╤════════════╤════════════╗
║Wait it Out │  Blowjob   │Cunnilingus │            │            ║
╟────────────┼────────────┼────────────┼────────────┼────────────╢
║            │            │            │            │            ║
╟────────────┼────────────┼────────────┼────────────┼────────────╢
║ Kick Away  │            │            │            │   Leave    ║
╚════════════╧════════════╧════════════╧════════════╧════════════╝
Wait it Out would share its position with Stay depending on how you defeat her.

Make Blowjob and Cunnilingus display but grayed out even if you don't have the correct parts.

Grayed out Blowjob tooltip: "This scene requires you to have a cock."
Grayed out Cunnilingus tooltip: "This scene requires you to have a vagina."

>She blushes even harder as she then averts her gaze,
"then" feels redundant here.

Make the currently displayed button in Talk grayed out.

Her Talk menu could use its own holdover text. It doesn't have to be much or anything interesting, just how you can talk to her or whatever.

In turn, her main menu could use its own text when returning to it from any of her sub-menus. Just a sentence or two of her standing around, sitting down, whatever calls for it.

>You can’t endure against her, however, and you orgasm first,splattering her face with girl-cum.
Missing space.

>This is absolutely forbidden. And you don’t want to know why.”
It's a little odd that she keeps saying this exact same thing like this even if you've gotten really close to her. I can't help but wonder if it could be worded differently after you've known her for a while and progressed through her content.

Blowjob tooltip.
>Blowjob? Can't go wrong with the classics.
The "Blowjob?" feels redundant here as it is both on the button and tooltip header.

>She adds, “Okay, Jack, I shall grant you permission to spend the night with me”, she says, entering her character for a moment.
Comma on the wrong side of the quotation mark.

>You look back at her head and let out a gentle “shhh.”
I think the period comes after the quotation mark here as it's a sound and not a sentence to close off.

>You turn your head to see her face and reply that it’s nothing... My dirty evil dullahan slut.
That second sentence should be in quotation marks, were that not taboo to do. You could change it to "she's your evil dullahan slut, after all."

>You open up a wry smile. “It won’t happen again? Let’s put that to the test, shall we?” you ask, sarcastically.
You tried so hard to avoid player dialogue with the sentence a paragraph before it and above this on the list. What happened?

>Sometimes helping my body with some of its unsavory needs...”
Does this account for not having done it at all before this scene? It speaks of events in the past, so this one doesn't count.

>and hear extremely realistic horse hooves pound on the ground as you both ride into the sunset.
"extremely realistic" reads like one of those old creepypastas from 2010.

>You don’t notice it now, but trying to land hits past the dullahan’s absurdly agile defense has improved your speed.
I'm pretty sure my speed was already maxed at 100. Also, "You don't readily notice it" would work instead.

>I didn’t think I could make someone cum just using my thighs like that.
This has no closing quotation mark.

>“Put me near your face. I want to- you know.”
Drawing it out with ellipsis works better here than an abrupt stop.

>body is now over your body,
"is now over yours." to avoid repetition.

Circe.
>Thank you for helping her like you did, [name]. I’ve learned much, not just of a curse, but of a proud woman that suffered much as well.
If this was done as:
"Thank you for helping her like you did, [name], I’ve learned much. Not just of a curse, but of a proud woman that suffered a great deal as well."
It would solve a comma splice, repetition of "much", and exponentially put more emphasis on her doing it for knowledge first and foremost. Oca will need the final say on the last point, though.

>“Definitely. Just you, me, and the night. That’s the only thing that matters to me.”
"That's the only thing" counts for one, singular thing while she lists several. It's especially odd when it's followed up by "You’re not sure why she loves the night so much, but you don’t really mind.". Does she love the night more than you?
"Those are the only things that matter to me."

>“Please stay alive as long as you can, for me.”
I think that comma should be a period.





┌──────────────────┐
│ The Bone Brigade │
└──────────────────┘
Bone Jester.
>You must continue to explore this manor, and uncover the source of these nightmarish terrors!
But I've already beaten the necromancer.

Bone General and things like that are a little odd and on-the-nose. Change these to better fit the game and setting, or at least not be as blatant of references.

>You prepare to fight, but you’re thrown off focus when you see a smaller figure appear next to the armored skeleton. The Bone Courtier has also returned to life!
>Your intuition leads you to check your back, and, as expected, there stands the undead jester, twitching with one of his daggers on hand. The Bone Jester is also back!
It says these two things in the tunnel even if you have not encountered them before. This makes it all the weirder when you fight them in the tunnels before encountering them in their regular locations. The courtier one is fixed now as progressing requires the talisman now.





┌───────────────────┐
│ Lethicite Crystal │
└───────────────────┘
The crystal as a whole is still very problematic lore-wise and still needs to be revisited for revisions.

>​The crystal begins to respond to your teasing. The crystallized souls contained within seem to shiver with the excess pleasure you’re feeding them!
This is rather problematic, as lethicite is no longer a soul.

>The souls contained within will no longer feed the necromancer’s power!
The same goes for this.





┌─────────────┐
│ Necromancer │
└─────────────┘
>The Necromancer, covered in a red cloak, breathes slowly, sure of its impending victory. Around him stands several bone piles, from which skeletons are assembled to attack you.
First he is refered to with "its" and then "him". "stand", not "stands". The comma after piles is redundant. "Around him stand several piles of bones from which[...]" sounds better.

>With the lethicite crystal destroyed, his summoning ability is weakened.
>Necromancer’s Status
>You see it has fainted.
There needs to be an empty line between the crystal message and the Necromancer's status. He is also referred to as "it" again here. Either use "it" or "he" in all cases.

>Horde of Skeletons’s Status
>Units: 1
>You see they are in perfect health.
"they". I don't think the PC can count. "Unit(s):" could be used here or you can cut to the chase and use "Enemy:" and "Enemies:".

>as if it is part of the Abyss itself.
If you capitalize it like this it makes it out as if it's a named and known place to exist, rather than something theoretical.





┌───────┐
│ Abyss │
└───────┘
Telly still consumes the abyssal shard and unlocks the dungeon and I'm still not OK with this or letting go how dumb it is.

>A Nameless Horror seems unimpressed.
Besides the fact that I'm offended it doesn't find me attractive, "a" doesn't sit well here and should be "The".





───────────────┤ALREADY FIXED├───────────────

Some dungeons have Enter and Leave buttons before you actually enter them. Please unify these to all have Leave be in the second button slot next to Enter.

Add a corridor to all the exit tiles of the dungeons currently using the new system. They should all be fine when placed on the south side of it.

The basement tile does not have an arrow pointing upwards.

The Take Dagger option from the Bone Jester puts you in a new menu with only Next in it that is followed by a broken menu of the current tile that only has Drink Wine.

When reading the Journal upstairs, there is a useless Desk button in the bottom-left corner that does absolutely nothing and vanishes when you click on it. The Pages in the library have the same in the form of a useless Pages button and so do the ones in the necromancer's room.

When reading the Journal upstairs, have the current Journal button you're reading grayed out. Do the same for the Pages in the library and the necromancer's room.

When you click on Journal it could do with having an initial text change so it doesn't display the same text as the room it's in. This helps to convey something has changed for the player and adds visual feedback besides the buttons. Something simple like "There is a set of curiously pristine pages on the desk. You could read them if you'd want to."

Reading any of the books from the puzzle gives a Next option that puts you back into the tile's menu instead of the bookshelf.

The Leave button is in the second to last slot instead of the last one. It should also be renamed to "Back".

Unlocking the hidden passage doesn't actually make the tile appear in the mini-map. Not even when you move into it. It only appears when the map is reloaded by going upstairs or something like it.

Picking up the abyssal shard from the Necromancer's tile gives you a Next button that leads to another Next button.

Using the abyssal shard at midnight in the necromancer's room doesn't seem to trigger anything anymore.

Move the nameless horror defeat achievement to be under the "Perk Gained: Revelation." Make sure there is an empty line before and after it so it doesn't touch any of the others.

When you use the abyssal shard it blanks your mini-map and puts you back into the inventory after you press Next. This should just skip the inventory altogether and put you in the abyss with the text you would normally get and the mini-map for it.

I don't think it lets you abandon the abyssal shard if your inventory is full. I click on it but nothing happens. That should probably be changed to not have the shard vanish from the ground if you were to select Abandon.