pats3a transcript

Welcome back, astro-viewers, to the SS Silver Minnow--home to intrepid explorer Captain Doug Quasar!
As the most advanced ship in the galaxy, the Minnow is packed to the gills with all manner of cutting-edge technology. And also this robot.
[burps]
[phone rings]
Yeah, who is it?
Pat-Tron, it's Captain Doug Quasar. I'm locked out. I need you to open the ship's door.
I'm sorry Doug, I'm afraid I can't do that.
What? Of course you can!
It's an order. I'm the captain.
Ha, I don't think so.
The captain always has his keys with him. And his keys are right here. Okay, gotta go!
Hmm... Maybe the real captain's lost. I better go find him.
Open up, you junky old star-toaster!
[screams]
Uh, nope, no captain here.
[screams]
[yelling]
Not here, either.
[screams] Oof!
Nope!- [yelling]
Uh-uh. Ow!
Oof! Not here.
I'm helping.
Aw, he is a good helper.
Oh, hey there! Today on "The Patrick Show," you'll be watching me watch cartoons.
And now, stay tuned for our six-hour marathon of... "Bowling for Clams!"
Bowling? Boring! I want cartoons.
[stuttering]
[bowling strike sound]
[stutters]
[gasps]
[hisses, growls]
Wow. The remote seems grumpier than usual. I guess it's gone forever.
You could go looking for the remote. You know, find it, bring it back.
Fetch it! Fetch it, boy! You can do it. Go on, go get that remote.
Okay, I'll do it!
Hi, I'm Patrick Star. And we're gonna be searching for the "Remoto Dragon," more commonly knownas the TV remote.
On today's "Lookin' Around For..."
[grunts]
Okay, camera one is good to go.
Ow! [gurgles]
Happy hunting. And remember, don't come home empty-handed. Your entire "Patrick Show" audience is watching!
Huh? Oh...
Oh, don't mind me. I always enjoy a good failure. [chuckles]
Huh.
Whoo! Ooh. [grunts]
Fascinating. These natural sofa formations must have been here for thousands of years. Or at least since Mom reupholstered the couch.
Wow. This place is a gold mine. Oh, I thought I lost this comic!
Cha-ching! Check out all the loose change.
What? Oh, my gosh, my yo-yo! [giggles] I missed you most of all, yo-yo.
[grunts]
[gulps] Oh... Whoa!
[yells]
[gasps]
Must be the end of the river. Maybe we can pick up his trail from here.
Ooh, ooh. Remoto Dragons love to hide deep in cushion jungles just like these.
[snarls] [growls]
Wait, remote! Come back and let me catch you!
[snarls]
[panting] Help, I'm being crushed by two of the biggest, roundest, heaviest things I've ever been crushed by!
Joy! The 168-hour "Mermaid Man" marathon is about to begin! Time to get really, really, extra comfortable.
[growls] [screams]
Ouch... You did it Ouchie, we're safe!
[yells] I was wrong. Tragedy can strike at any moment!
Whoa! Ah!
[whimpers]
Whoa!
[grunts]
Oof! [struggles]
Oh, shrimp! Patrick, I lost the rope. Are you okay? Are you still recording?
Still here and still rolling, sis. I think some sort of sock-a-dactyl took me to its house. [screeches]
[chirping]
Ooh. Looks like it's lunch time.
[gurgles] [burps] Mmm, tastes like argyle.
Ew.
Wait. A sock-a-dactyl? Patrick, I don't think you're in the couch anymore! I think you've broken through to a dresser!
Don't worry, Big Brother, I promise I'll find you!
Cool, you do you. I'm gonna keep looking for the remote. [yawns]
[panting]
He's got to be here somewhere!
[clowns squeaking]
[grunts] Huh?
[humming]
What's going on, sweetie?
Patrick went in the couch after the remote, but now I lost him in a dresser!
[chuckles] That's nice. Is Patrick your imaginary friend?
What? No, he's your son!
[gasps] My imaginary son is in trouble? Then I'm going in after him.
[grunts] [struggles]
This might take a moment. So we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.
[struggles]
Hi, I'm Rube Goldfish, owner of Bikini Bottom Gold Tours, and I wanna take you on a magical trip through your own furniture.
Ooh.
Imagine eight luxurious days seeing your couch, your love seat, even your credenza, like you've never seen them before.
Why, you've never truly experienced Grandma's china hutch until you've spent the night there.
Ooh, looks cozy!
Call the number to book your trip today. It'll be amazing.
[gasps, screams]
Aw, there's no remote here, either.
Tally-ho! Ah!
Now, remember, if you find Patrick, give a shout and tug on the rope.
Oh, no. I ain't going searchin' for a boob who can't find his way out of a chair. I have nappin' to do!
He's your grandson! Besides, it's going to be on TV, which makes it important.
[screams]
Some Remoto Dragons have adapted to urban living, and can now be found in old junk drawers. Like this one. Ooh, looks like a dragon print.
Hey, I was lookin' at that!
[snarls]
Wow, Remoto. You got big.
[growls]
[snarling] [grunting]
[shouts] [snarls]
Huh? The low battery light? No wonder you've been so cranky.
[yells] [growls]
[snarls]
[whimpers]
Batteries! Oh, I hope they're double A.
[growling]
[struggles]
[struggling] [growling]
[gulps]
[snarls]
[barks happily]
[giggles] Aww.
Squidina, I did it! I got the remote. But how do I get out of here?
[struggles]
Don't worry, bro. I sent the whole town into the couch searching for you. We'll have you out in a jiffy!
[struggles]
Yo, pink dude, ya in here?
Breaking news, local stay-at-home son Patrick Star is missing in the couch. Film at 11.
Where's my big boy? I brought you a change of underwear.
I did it! I found him! I found him!
[all yelling] [all shout]
[giggles]
Huh? Hmm?
My boy.
But that's not Patrick, that's Ouchie.
Are you sure?
He has my eyes.
Do you know what this means? Patrick's lost! He's putting on the best show ever and we're not getting any of it!
This is terrible!
Maybe we should send someone in after him.
Patrick, you're safe!
Patrick, I'm safe!
Ooh! And now I can use the remote again.
[all cheer weakly]
My boy. It all worked out.
How disappointing.
[chatter on television]
Hello? Hm? Can anyone hear me? I'm still in here! [banging]
What's going on?
See, this is why you need a remote.
Hey! What's this, bowling? I love bowling! I'll show you amateurs how we used to knock 'em down before the war!
Gimme that ball!
[grunts] [shouts]
Whoo-hoo!
Go, GrandPat!
I love bowling!