Dom,

I just wanted you to know what I really think.

I've said I want to break up - I never do. It hurts me to say it, I always have a beating heart, butterflies, all that shit, every single time. I convince myself that it's what I want so badly and it's hard to stop. I'm sorry. I'm going to try and stop though, it doesn't help either of us. I'm sorry for hurting you, and pissing you off, and making you think "fuck me, this girl's a massive hypocrite", etc. I'm sorry that I said "I'm done trying". That was awful, because it's you that tries the hardest, not me.

I've said you're not what I expected - I explained this to you on MSN, but you are more. I love being able to see you, kiss you, touch you when I want, smell you, hear you breathing, hear your heart, see you blinking, all that shit. I miss that when I don't have it. Skype's good and stuff but it's not the same. Most of the time I just want to lie on your chest and talk about complete shit with you. Instead I curl up in bed and hug my lion, and wear your jumper. It's not even nearly as good, but it works sometimes. If I'm your personal slut, then you're my personal radiator. I guess it balances out. :3

I was pretty much in awe of you the first time I saw you. I mean obviously I got used to it, but seeing you there in front of me for the first time.. It was amazing, and something I'd gladly experience over and over and over. You still give me butterflies and shaky lips, just like you did the first times I saw you. I think I just fall more and more in love with you the more I know about you.

To the cumslut thing - I will get over it, it's just a bad reaction to the slut thing. Call me it if you want. Making you happy is primarily my aim, it's all I want. So as far as I'm concerned, call me whatever.

I'm sorry I say hurtful things, it's not really in my nature, and I'm sorry I make you believe these things. I do love you, though, more than anything. It's not just because you're my best friend, or the funniest person I've known. Or even because you're interesting, or a complete mentalist. Or 'cause you're completely sexy. :3 It's just because we match. I find it hard to believe you think like me half the time because I never thought I would find someone who agrees with my stupid shit, or even likes it. I'm sorry I say we're not compatible. We are. You're the strongest person I've ever known, and you're always there for me.

I really need you in my life. I don't know if that's a bad thing to admit, but even when you're just under two hours away from me, it still feels weird having you away from me. You've said before we fit like a jigsaw when hugging and that kind of stuff, and I miss that. I miss my jigsaw piece. I miss you being here, all the time. It doesn't go away, it's basically a constant niggly-thought in my head that I push away because otherwise it'd suck to just focus on that. I miss all the good times we have, I miss seeing you smile, I miss seeing you shake your head, I miss seeing you duck your head down when you laugh sometimes. I miss our umph-umph-umphs and our chipmunk faces, and you mimicking my rosey-apple cheek thingy. I miss walking around with you hand-in-hand, and people looking at us. I miss how we can do anything. I miss being ridiculously happy and having you there to cling to.

I love how we took the piss out of Catwoman for the whole way through the ending. I love how my parents put your shirt in my dads wardrobe so I have to keep hunting for it 'cause it's my favourite thing to wear. I love my lion. I love how you won it for me. I love how you text me when I ask you to. I love how you look after me. I love how you always keep me warm. I love how we share a similar taste in music. I love how we've liked each other from basically the very first day. I love how it's been nearly a year and I'm still as excited as I first was to see your MSN name come up. I love how you told me on the first day we wouldn't get bored of each other, and you were right. I love how we're always cuddling up together. I love how you play with my hair, and put it behind my ear. I love how you call me beautiful. I love how we watch stars together, over skype. I love how you went on swings with me. I love how we paid like, £15 to eat in a restaurant because you didn't want to eat at my house. I love how you try teach me to play pool. I love how we were basically fighting over who would hold that cute little snake. I love how you want a pet to have with me. I love how you walk, I love your accent, I love how tall you are, I love your freckles, I love your hands, I love your bigbigbig feet, I love how you like being lame with me.

I love you. I really do. You're my best friend, and I can't wait to see you.