Living With Colgate ii: Checkup

>"Aaannnie... Anooon.."
>You open your eyes to a dark room.
>What the hell time is it?
>"Annie, wake up!"
>The glowing red numbers on your bedside clock say 4:55 am.
>God dammit.
>"Oh, you're awake!" Colgate switches on the lamp, "Good moorning, Annie! I made you breakfast in bed!"
>She stands next to your bed, levitating a tray piled high with your favorite breakfast foods: a large omelette du fromage with a stack of toast, sliced fruit on the side, and a cup of steaming hot coffee.
>"Ask me why!" She squeaks.
"Why?"
>"I'm glad you asked! Well... look, I know living with me isn't always easy. I'm fussy... kinda... I..."
"You don't understand boundaries.."
>"Yeah! So, I wanted to do something nice. To show my appreciation for you!"
>The tray floats over your bed and settles on your lap. Colgate looks at you expectantly.
"Well... thanks. Really. Actually, this is nice."
>Her smile lights up the room.
>"I'm glad! I hope this is a good start to your Monday."
>You grab a piece of toast.
"It's Tuesday."
>Her face suddenly goes blank. "Tuesday?.. Oh no."
>You pause with the toast halfway to your mouth.
>"Anon! I scheduled a dentist appointment for you today! Get up!"
>Before you can object, she grabs your nightshirt and tugs you out of bed, causing the tray on your lap to flip and dump your breakfast and hot coffee all over you and your sheets.

>"Anon, hurry! Brush faster!"
>Colgate dances on her hooves impatiently, watching you fumble with the toothpaste in front of the bathroom mirror.
>Your plans of doing nothing all day have been foiled. You'll have to reschedule.
>"We have to be at the dentist's office in three hours!"
"That's more than enough time for me to have eaten."
>She commandeers your toothbrush and forces it into your mouth.
>"I'm sorry about breakfast. I'll make it up to you. I'll make you lunch in bed! I just really really don't want to be late for the dentist."
>You stand by helplessly until she's finished brushing, then rinse out your mouth.
"Three hours is not a short amount of time."
>"Maybe not, but the earlier we go, the longer we can spend in the waiting room."
"That's stupid. How could we- HEY! No! I can floss myself."
>You take the razor thin string out of her hooves.
>She could do some real damage with this.

-

>A short while later, the two of you are seated in the waiting room of the dental clinic.
>Although they aren't open yet, the receptionist took pity when she saw you standing outside in the dark and she let you inside.
>Colgate kicks her legs excitedly and looks around at all the art hanging on the walls.
>They're not the typical dentistry-themed cartoons you'd expect of a family dentist, with smiling molars reminding you to floss.
>They look more like vintage propaganda posters.
>'Mistakes lead to tooth aches'
>'Are YOU doing all you can?'
>'Help stamp out the gingivitis'
>You're starting to have second thoughts about this.
"Colgate. I don't know if I can deal with this today.. mentally."
>"Mentally.”
"Yeah. You know, after this morning I just need a break. All of these antics.. It can be a real challenge to deal with."
>"Challenge? Oh..." her ears lay flat. "It's my fault."
"No! It's not-"
>"I should have told you about the appointment. And I shouldn't have spilled hot coffee on you. I can be a terrible friend. And a worse roommate. I realize that. That's why I was trying to do something nice for a change, but I screwed it up!"
>She buries her face in her hooves.
"No, you're a great friend! I mean it. And I really enjoy living with you! I'm just having an extra challenging day today, that's all."
>Colgate blinks and smiles warmly. "Well, I still want to make it up to you! I'll go easy on you this week! Let you sleep in. Cook for you. Would that help you get over your mental challenges?"
"I... uh. Yes, that would be nice. But…”
>”Anything you want!”
“Could we skip this appointment and go home?”
>You smile. She raises an eyebrow.
>"Wait, you're not scared of the dentist, are you?"
"What? That's crazy. What reason could I possibly have to be scared?"
>"Colgate! My favorite patient!"
>From across the room, a tall unicorn stallion with a lazy eye approaches.
>Colgate beams. "Anon, this is my dentist, Oral-B."


>You look down at her.
>”I have to warn you, Annie, he's a little crazy about dental hygiene.”
>The dentist sidles up in front of her. "Colgate, I hope you've been brushing and flossing regularly?"
>He already knows the answer.
>She nods enthusiastically. "Once in the morning, once in the evening, and twice after every meal."
>"Very good. And you're here for a checkup?"
>"Not me today! This is my friend."
>He follows her gesture and finally fixes his good eye on you. "By golly! -What- are you?"
"I'm Anonymous. Nice to meet you."
>He's not really listening, his focus is on your mouth.
>"If you don't mind, Anonymous.."
>He pries your jaw open to look at your teeth right there in the waiting room, and you do mind.
>"Unbelievable! Thirty-two teeth."
"Is that a lot?"
>"No! A healthy male of your age should have at least forty."
"That's as many as four tens."
>"Quickly! Step into my office at once. I want to have a good look at you."

>He leads you into a very dark room and has you sit in a dentist chair.
>You're feeling very apprehensive.
>"Every year in Equestria, twenty-three TONS of enamel are lost to tooth decay."
"Look, mister Oral-B-"
>"Call me Oral." He fastens your arms to the chair with leather straps.
"I'd rather not."
>He switches on a bright light over your face, blinding you.
>His tone is suddenly very intense.
>"How many times do you brush your teeth in one day?"
"Two- no, three-"
>"Have you ever had a cavity?"
"No-not that I can remember!"
>"Have you ever played with your anal cavity?"
"Y-no!"
>"Hmm. I'm pleased to see that you've been taking care of your teeth. Good dental hygiene seems to be getting rarer and rarer.”
>He begins pacing around the chair, coming in and out of view. You breathe a little easier now he's shifted focus.
>”It wasn't always this way, of course! For thousands of years, ponies have valued bright and healthy smiles. It's only recently, with the advent of mass produced desserts and confectionaries, that society has degenerated to this point. I trust your friend has told you all about Equestria's dark oral history."
>You struggle against your restraints.
"What are you talking about?"
>"A thousand years ago, Anonymous, an army of sugar demons crawled out of the earth. They could harness the dark magic properties of ordinary table sugar to extract ponies' life energy out through their teeth. In the end, their reign of terror was put to an end by some ponies with exceptionally clean teeth. The demons' magic was powerless against them, you see."
"Is that true?"
>If you keep him distracted, maybe you can make a mad dash for the exit.
>"Of course, Anonymous! That's why I've dedicated my life to dentistry. Haven't you ever wondered why ponies who eat so much sugary food have such clean, white teeth? It's all because I'm here to work on them and encourage their good habits with free toothbrushes. But sugar demons aside, brushing is also important to prevent the buildup of little bugs on our teeth!"
"You mean like bacteria?"
>"No! I mean tiny microphones! The princesses put them in the water supply and listen in on our conversations! Damn them!"
>You tug on the leather straps, but they are simply too tight for you to escape.
>You can only hope he'll let you go free.
"So how do my teeth look?"
>"They're absolutely perfect, Anonymous. Your friend has clearly had a good influence on you. Now hold still while I gas you."
>He looks over a selection of sharp metal instruments.
"Are you going to stick your dentist tools in my mouth now?"
>He picks up a spinning power tool.
>"You know the drill."

>About an hour later, you step outside the building with Colgate, relatively unharmed.
>Who could have guessed a pony with no depth perception could be so precise?
>"So, how did it go?" Colgate asks.
"He said my teeth were perfect then he froze my mouth and drugged me. I... I feel funny. Is it gonna be like this forever?"
>"Oh! Annie! You forgot your free toothbrush on the way out. I'll be right back, then we can go home and relax. Don't go anywhere!"
>Colgate runs inside just as Fluttershy comes around the corner with a shopping bag.
>"Oh... hi, Anon."
>Your head spins.
"I know you! You're the yellow one."
>Fluttershy doesn't know how to respond.
>She shuffles her hooves awkwardly.
>You drool on your shirt.
>"Oh don't mind Anon!" says Colgate, coming back with the toothbrush. "He's mentally challenged today!"