Ah, hello. Didn't hear you come in. I'm Cave Johnson, and I'm here to talk to you about the opportunity of a lifetime. If you're like a lot of people out there, you probably hate your life. Your boring, mind-numbing, science-less life. Feeling worthless. That's okay. But it's time to buck up! Because I might have just what you're looking for.

Of course I'm talking about becoming an Aperture Science Test Subject. And I'm talking about contributing a small bit to science. Did you know Aperture Science has been innovating since 1945? That's more than 5 decades of quality science. One of the largest innovators in the country, with more than fifteen thousand subjects covering over 20 tests per hour.

And since we plan to keep on growing, there are no limits to our wildest dreams. As an Aperture Test Subject, you might be testing by yourself, but you won't be there by yourself. Aperture will be watching you every step of the way. In remote facilities. Able to see, not interact, lest we interfere with the tests. During your time at Aperture your skills can blossom... into something useful.

But that's not all. Aperture also offers grief counciling, and will provide some cake at the conclusion of your testing efforts, and a multiverse funding plan that plays off our multi-universe testing campaign.

"Aperture Science, buh bu du bu bum"

You'll make commissions for every test you survive and every innovation you stumble into. Test Subjects have the potential for unlimited earnings, provided that your definition of unlimited is sixty bucks. Your room will have views of luxurious destinations, like Hawaii. With Aperture, you'll be a tool of the science community. Someone we can trust to help us help you help us all.

So what do you say? Are you ready to enjoy the freedom of working for science where you can make us a lot of money and a leader in innovation? If so, then you're ready to join us at Aperture Science. It's not just the opportunity of a lifetime: it's the opportunity of your lifetime.

Cave Johnson. We're done here.