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Ponk Time

Feb 10th, 2018
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  1. >"So how do hyoo-mans use the bathroom, Nonners? Do you poop out of those weird wigglers?"
  2. "Nope. I use these wigglers to pick up things, not poop. My pooping bits are the same as yours."
  3. >Pinkie, lying in your lap as she was, let out a gasp
  4. >"You use my butt to poop?!" she asked, her bright blue eyes widening
  5. "Yep," you said as you ran a hand through her jungle of a mane. "Every hyoo-man does."
  6. >Pinkie's back legs kick ever so slightly as your fingertips dig into her fur
  7. >"So THAT'S why I poop so much," she murmured
  8. >Be Anon
  9. >It had been a weird couple of weeks
  10. >For one, you had found yourself in some weird land with a bunch of tiny talking horses
  11. >Horses that were very, very nervous about having a big green two-legged SOB walking around amongst them
  12. >All ponies except this pink little minx draped over you
  13. >You had no idea why Pinkie had taken such a liking to you
  14. >She said that her friends were being a bunch of little colts, being scared of "a big, weird looking stallion"
  15. >Still, whatever the reason, you appreciated the friend
  16. >Having horses running away the moment they saw you wasn't the best feeling in the world...
  17. >"Non-non?" Pinkie said, bringing you out of your thoughts
  18. "Yeah, Pank?"
  19. >"How do hyoo-mans have babies?"
  20. >You cocked your head to the side, thinking over her question
  21. "We boop each other a bunch of times," you said, booping the mare's nose.
  22. >"Really?" Pinkie asked
  23. "No, of course not, silly," you said, tucking a bit of her mane behind her ear. "A man has to blow air into a woman's mouth for ten minutes. After that the woman has to sit upside down until a baby burst out of her belly."
  24. >Pinkie blinked owlishly
  25. >"...Nonners, I don't think I want to have your babies."
  26. >You gave the silly creature's ear a scratch
  27. >Pinkie let out a pleased hum, her eyes becoming half-lidded
  28. >She rolled around in your lap, stretching out like a cat
  29. "Don't worry, Ponk. I wouldn't want to have my babies either."
  30.  
  31. >Out of the corner of your eye, you could see ponies eyeing you
  32. >Over the last few days, they seemed less scared than before
  33. >Sure, stallions kept their curious foals close at hoof, and they always have you a wide berth, but many looked curious
  34. >Pinkie suddenly sat up in your lap, giving you a mouthful of her mane
  35. >She leaned toward your neck
  36. >"You hyoo-mans are weird," she said, giving you a sniff.
  37. "At least I don't walk around naked," you countered
  38. >"Hey, what's wrong with walking around naked?!"
  39. "Nothing, if you're a dork."
  40. >Pinkie gasped
  41. >"I'm not a dork! YOU'RE a dork!"
  42. "Nuh-uh."
  43. >"Ah-uh!"
  44. >Giving your cheek a nuzzle, Pinkie leaned against you
  45. >You lazily wrapped an arm around her
  46. >Pinkie's fur was slightly coarse, just like the horses back home
  47. >The little mare was wonderfully soft and warm, so that more than made up for it
  48. >With each breath you took, you could almost taste sugar in the air
  49. >Pinkie looked up at you, her muzzle scrunched up
  50. >"Nonners, why do you smell like salt?" she asked
  51. "Because I sweat the stuff," you replied
  52. >"Huh..." Pinkie said, leaning up and giving your chin a lick with her cartoonishly long tongue
  53. "Hey," you said, flicking her muzzle. "I'm not a popsicle."
  54. >"Pinkie Pie!"
  55. >Both you and Pinkie looked up to see a white unicorn striding toward you, her brow furrowed and her mouth set into a disapproving line
  56. >"Hiya, Rarity!" Pinkie chirped, giving the mare a wave
  57. >"Don't you "Hiya Rarity!" me, Pinkamena!" the unicorn said, puffing her chest out. "You should know better than licking a stallion like that, especially in public!"
  58. >"Nonner's not a stallion," Pinkie correctly pointed out, wrapping a hoof around your neck. "He's a hyoo-man."
  59. >"I don't care WHAT Anonymous is," the unicorn said. "He's a male and should be treated as such!"
  60. >Pinkie stuck out her lower lip, pressing herself into the crook of your arm
  61. >"But he sweats salt!" she whined
  62.  
  63. >That seemed to get the unicorn in a tizzy
  64. >Her nose scrunched to dangerous levels, and she took a few steps closer
  65. >Closer than any little horse had been to you other than Ponk
  66. >Right within arm's length
  67. >"I don't care if he sweats CARAMEL! Now, I know that you were raised better than that, Pinkie, so you--"
  68. >Ponies, though they weren't very large by any stretch of the imagination, but they sure were a lot heavier than they looked
  69. >Still, you nevertheless managed to bend down and pick up the grumpy horse in front of you without much of a fuss
  70. >"Ohmyword!"
  71. >The unicorn is as tense as a board as you set her in your lap, right next to Pinkie
  72. >You gave her a smile, ignoring her look of absolute terror
  73. >"I-I... S-Sir, if you could please..." she began, her eyes widening as you slowly leaned down toward her neck
  74. >This Rarity sat there, frozen as you wrapped an arm around her, holding her firmly in place
  75. >With that done, you placed your lips on her neck
  76. >And blew
  77. >Rarity instantly broke out of her stupor as you raspberred her
  78. >"L-Let go of me you ruffian!"
  79. >She started to squirm, pawing at your head
  80. >This only prompted you to take a deep breath and blow even harder
  81. >"You're in his range, Rarity," Pinkie yelled. "He's taking you to the bottom of the sea! Duck and weave, sis!"
  82. >Rarity heard absolutely none of this
  83. >Ponies were apparently extremely ticklish
  84. >Rarity was no exception it seemed, because despite her best efforts she began laughing hysterically
  85. >"Hahahahaha! Let me go! Let me g-go or I'll--Hahahaha!"
  86. >Her laughter immediately turned into panicked squeals as you reached down to pinch a black little teat
  87. >You couldn't help but grin
  88. >Pinkie had nearly headbutted a cloud when you did this to her...
  89. >Pinkie, watching as her friend began to thrash, red-faced and embarrassed and laughing her horn off
  90. >"Don't let him blow into your mouth, Rarity!" she said. "Babies will come out of your tummy!"
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