Various Anon Dad Writings

Jan 25th, 2016
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  1. Theses are collaboration works between various writers.
  3. >Be Anon, the community dad
  4. >None of these ponies are related to you, but everypony calls you "Dad" or "Daddy."
  5. >It all started when Scootaloo accidentally called you Dad.
  6. >You laughed and ruffled her hair, not thinking much of it.
  7. >Then her two friends started calling you Dad.
  8. >Then the rest of the foals.
  9. >Then the whole town followed.
  10. >Even ponies older than you called you Dad.
  11. >Basically, you are the go-to person for all Dad related needs.
  12. >Somepony scrapped their knee and need a kiss for their booboos? They come crying to you.
  13. >Need an argument settled? They trust your judgement better than the actual judge.
  14. >You even give the occasional Dad joke.
  15. >You don't have a job, since you are a full time Dad, but everypony gives you what you need when you go shopping, along with a hug.
  16. >You are sitting on your porch, stitching up Big Mac's doll after Winona used it as a chew toy.
  17. >"Er... Hey there."
  18. >You look up and see Rainbow Dash, looking a bit nervous for some reason.
  19. "How's it going, Rainbow?"
  20. >"Okay... Still awesome, you know?"
  21. "Heh heh, you sure are. Anything you need?"
  22. >"Well, no. I just... Wanted to show you something is all."
  23. >She comes closer and hands you a hoof drawn picture of both you and her.
  24. >You were holding her hoof and the words "Dady iz Awesum" were written above the two of you.
  25. >You look back up at her and she was blushing like mad.
  26. >"I was bored, you know? And I thought it would be a good thank you since you got that spider out of my mane yesterday."
  27. "Thanks Rainbow, this is really good! I think this deserves a place on the fridge."
  28. >"R-really?"
  29. "Yup! You're a very talented mare."
  30. >She flies into your lap and gives you a hug.
  31. >"Thanks, Daddy" You hear her whisper.
  32. >She quickly pecks your cheek and goes flying off.
  33. >You go into your kitchen where your fridge is buried in other drawings made by your other children.
  34. >Just another day being a Dad.
  37. >Be Night Light, father of the newest princess.
  38. >Better known to your family as Twily.
  39. >You and your wife, Velvet, decided that it was high time that we should take a moment to visit your little filly.
  40. >You two had just gotten off the train and your daughter was talking your ear off about all her adventures since we saw her at her coronation two years ago.
  41. >She was in the middle of a story about fruit bats when a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane interrupts.
  42. >"Twilight, you got to come to the town square, now!"
  43. >>"What!? What's going on?"
  44. >"Dad's giving piggy back rides! We gotta go before a line starts!"
  45. >>"*gasp!* We have no time to lose, then! I'll teleport us!"
  46. >Then in a flash, they were gone.
  47. >You turn your head and saw your wife was just as confused as you are.
  48. >With nothing else to do, the two of you walk towards the market to find your daughter.
  50. >You're Anon and your back hurts.
  51. >You were helping a foal get her kite unstuck from a tree by lifting her up on your shoulders.
  52. >Next thing you know, half the town showed up whining for a turn.
  53. >Which brings you to the present, you carrying around the Princess of Friendship on your shoulders while you run around.
  54. >"Whee!! It's like I'm flying!"
  55. "Twilight, you know you can fly for real, right?"
  56. >"Less talking, more running! Come on, Daddy, I want to go faster!"
  57. >Holy crap these ponies are going to kill you.
  58. >You're already exhausted and you've only carried four, including little miss princess.
  59. >Please, someone stop the ride...
  60. >>"Hey! Stop right now, you big monkey!"
  61. >Oh thank you-wait, was that an insult?
  62. >You look over and see an angry blue stallion with an amused off-white mare that looked like a palate swap of the pony on your shoulders
  63. >>"Well!? Are you going to put my filly down or does my wife have to blast you to do it?"
  64. "Your filly?"
  65. >>"Yeah! That's my daughter you're holding!"
  66. >You grab the pony and hold her so that she was facing you.
  67. >Of course, she was looking at everywhere except you, looking exactly like a child who got caught.
  68. "Twilight, look at me."
  69. >Her ears flattened as her eyes focused on you.
  70. "Twilight, you told me your dad died in a train wreck."
  71. >>"She what!?!"
  72. >You actually figured that she still had a dad.
  73. >Especially since that was everyone's reason why they wanted you to be their dad.
  76. >Be Anonymous
  77. >Or Nonny McPhee as you liked to be called.
  78. >But most ponies called you Dad or some variation thereof.
  79. >Be Equestria's immortal human babysitter.
  80. "Starlight."
  81. >The mare in front of you cringed, as did all of the ponies watching.
  82. >They all know what happens when I break out The Look I perfected over hundreds of years.
  83. "Why would you do something like this? Stealing ponies' cutie marks so they're all 'equal'. I taught you better than that."
  84. >Her ears flattened against the side of her head.
  85. >Good. That means she knows what she did was wrong.
  86. >"But Daddy! I just wanted to make every pony equal!" she replies weakly.
  87. >You raise an eyebrow at her.
  88. "Every pony except for you? I don't recall your cutie mark being among those in that vault."
  89. >Starlight cringes again, lowering her head in shame.
  90. >"I just wanted to be special to you...."
  91. >You sigh, getting down on one knee so you were eye to eye with her.
  92. "Starlight, you ARE special."
  93. >"But you say that about every pony! How can every pony be special?!"
  94. >You hum.
  95. >"It's simple, really. No two ponies are exactly alike, even identical twins. Trust me, when you're as old as I am you remember those types of things. But you want to know what makes it obvious to me?"
  96. >She nods.
  97. >You point to her flank.
  98. "Your cutie mark. No two cutie marks are the same. Where I come from, we don't have those. It's living proof that every pony is special in their own way."
  99. >Starlight sniffles, "I-I'm sorry."
  100. >You pull her into a hug.
  101. "It's okay. Now I won't lie and say I'm not disappointed, but I still love you no matter what."
  102. >"W-Will you visit me in prison?" she asks.
  103. >You pull away and give her a warm smile.
  104. "Of course, Starlight."
  105. >She smiles weakly at you.
  106. >You sigh and stand up, allowing the Royal Guard to take her away.
  107. >It always broke your heart to see one of your little ponies go to prison, but such is life.
  108. >They make mistakes, and then they learn from them.
  111. >Be Cadance
  112. >*SMACK!*
  113. >"CRYSTALS!"
  114. >*SMACK!*
  115. >"CRYSTALS!"
  116. >Be cringing as Dad has put King Sombra over his knee and started beating him with a belt.
  117. >This sucks...
  118. >YOU were supposed to be the one to stop him.
  119. >But no! Shining had to get all worried and call Dad for help.
  120. >What kind of mare are you if you can't stop one evil stallion?!
  121. >*SMACK!*
  123. >*SMACK!*
  124. "CRYSTALS!"
  125. >You cringed in sympathy.
  126. >You remembered the few times Dad had to use his belt on you. Shit hurt like Tartarus...
  127. >*SMACK!*
  129. >*SMACK!*
  130. >It took a few more swats, but Sombra was reduced to a crying, apologetic mess by the power of Dad's belt.
  131. >"Now what do you have to say for yourself?" Dad asked, still holding his belt for emphasis.
  132. >Sombra cringed, "Sorry, Dad."
  133. >Dad's glare intensified, "Not just to me, but to Cadance and all of the ponies you enslaved. Understand? I DON'T want to have to come back here."
  134. >Sombra nodded rapidly with a terrified expression on his face.
  135. >Dad smiled and patted the stallion on his head.
  136. >"Good boy." he got up and turned towards you with a smile on his face.
  137. >Oh shit.
  138. >"It was wonderful seeing you again, Cadance. I'm sure you'll make a great ruler."
  139. >He walks over and OH WAIT NO!
  140. >*SMOOCH!*
  141. >You blush in embarrassment as you hear Twilight and her friends laughing at you. You could even see Shining trying to restrain a laugh.
  142. "DAD! Not in front of my future subjects!"
  143. >He grinned, "I'm your father. It's my job to embarrass you. It's not like I don't have dirt on everypony else here."
  144. >That got them to shut up quickly.
  147. >Be purplehorse. Be loudly shouting at Celestia.
  148. "But Princess! The elements are on a vacation throughout the world, Discord is with them, I only stayed for a week longer to finish the research... What can we do? We can't just summon them back! It will take too long!"
  149. >"Tis true. The griffon army will be here tomorrow. There is no way we can manage to bring the elements back in time"
  150. >Celestia has a stern look on her face.
  151. >"There is another way."
  152. >You look at your mentor expectedly, waiting for her to proceed.
  153. >She lowers her voice and says one word.
  154. >"Dad."
  155. >Luna gasps shockingly.
  156. >"The Dad?"
  157. >Is the situation this severe?
  158. >"Yes. We have to call upon The Dad."
  159. >Looks like it is... Since even Celestia decided to go for truly extreme measures.
  160. >Are you sure it's wise, Princess?
  161. >"We've been over this, Twilight. Just Celestia. And yes, I feel like the situation is most dire."
  162. >Luna sighs loudly and stands next to Celestia.
  163. >"Sister, with a heavy heart I agree. Even though we might get into trouble as a result."
  164. >This is obviously a very hard decision for both of them.
  165. >Tempering with such powers is always troubling, especially for Celestia - being a figure of authority having to resort to this.
  166. "Say no more! I will handle this!"
  167. >You are the best researcher out there. You are sure you can figure a way to summon The D...
  168. >You gulp audibly, the word stuck in your mouth.
  169. >Determined, you then run away , not listening to the sisters any more.
  170. >It's one of the most important things you had to do in a while. Even though it doesn't sit right with you. It has to be done.
  172. >Some time later
  173. >You stride into the palace, bloodied and battered. But victorious. It was a long day but the griffons are defeated.
  174. >After an urgent study session through a series of time loops you were finally able to reliably cast the spell.
  175. >Wait a minute, what are these two doing?
  176. >Celestia is shaking in her throne, nibbling her hoof.
  177. >Luna is franticly sweeping the already spotless floor with her tail, loudly murmuring "He's coming, he's coming!"
  178. >Are they still afraid of the griffon king? Well it's time to bring the good knews!
  179. "Celestia! Luna! I have dealt with the problem! The operation was a success and even though we still have to clean half of the city..."
  180. >"What operation? Twilight he is coming! And you say you have already dealt... Wait what did you DO Twilight?"
  181. >"A good question."
  182. >A booming voice pronounces right behind you.
  183. >You quickly turn around to see a bipedal creature almost fill the entire throne room with his presence.
  184. >You haven't felt so tiny and vulnerable in a long time.
  185. >"I come to visit my beautiful daughters and teach a lesson to some Griffons and what do I see? Half of Canterlot is filled with undead hordes breaking into homes and trying to eat ponies. I must say I am inclined to become extremely disappointed right now."
  186. >Wait, daughters?
  187. >Celestia is visually shaking right now.
  188. >"Listen, Dad..."
  189. >Dad?
  190. >Oh... Call upon... So they did not plan to use necromancy after all...
  191. "Um. Whoops?"
  194. >"Hi Dad!" a familiar orange pegasus filly greets as you walk into Ponyville.
  195. "Hey Scootaloo!"
  196. >You grin as you pull her into a quick hug.
  197. "So what's up, sport?"
  198. >"I was wondering... You're everypony in Equestria's dad, right?"
  199. >You chuckle.
  200. "Well not everypony. I certainly wasn't fathering anyone back when I first came to this world."
  201. >She rolls her eyes, "So I was wondering... what were the Princesses like when they were my age?"
  202. >Your eyes light up with glee.
  203. >You absolutely LOVED this part of the job.
  204. >You reach into your traveling bag, pulling out a dusty old photo album.
  205. "Oh Scootaloo, do I have TONS of stories and pictures for you."
  206. >Her eyes light up in excitement.
  209. "Well it’s been unusually quiet for the last two hundred years. I wonder what the kids are up to?"
  211. "LUNA NIGHT SKY. What in the world do you think you are doing?”
  212. >Her eyes go wide and she spins around.
  213. >"N-nothing dad, I was just..."
  214. "I know what you were going to do. Luna, you are grounded."
  215. >"But DAAAAAD!"
  216. >"Don’t you "but Dad" me. Go to your moon and I don’t want to hear a peep out of you for a thousand years. Got it?"
  217. >"Yes sir."
  218. "I am very disappointed in you Lulu. As for you, Celestia."
  219. >The large white mare shrinks down under your gaze.
  220. "You should have seen this coming and paid more attention to your sister. You know you were supposed to look after her."
  221. >"But-"
  222. "I would ground you but we can’t very well leave the ponies without someone to watch over them. So instead I am confiscating your toys."
  223. >"DAD NO!"
  224. "Sorry honey it’s the only way you will learn. Now hand over the Elements of Harmony. You can have them back when your sister is ungrounded."
  225. >She sniffles as the elements fly into your hands.
  228. "Celestia already has a prom date."
  229. >"B-But, I'm so ugl-"
  230. "None of that, young lady. You are not ugly."
  231. >"Sorry, Dad."
  232. "It's fine, sweetie. Look, you need to stop hating yourself for things you can't control. I've been down that road, all it leads to is depression and alcoholism."
  233. >"S-So you're going to be my date?"
  234. "Of course."
  235. >"But what if they laugh at me for being unable to get a date on my own?"
  236. "Then I'll bring up all of the stupid shit they did as foals."
  237. >*hug*
  238. >"... Thanks, Dad. You're the best."
  239. "Heh, and don't you forget it!
  241. >Chrysalis cries and runs away as everyone laughs at her.
  243. >"Wait, Dad! I'm sorr-AH!"
  244. >You grab her and put her over your knee.
  245. >You takes off your belt and start beating her ass with it in front of everyone.
  246. >When your done Celestia is curled up and crying in the middle of the room.
  247. >You glare at every pony else in the room.
  248. "All of you should be ashamed of yourselves!"
  249. >You leave to go find Chrysalis.
  252. >Dad Anon gets old
  253. >Everyone worries
  254. >He has trouble giving piggyback rides
  255. >He breathes heavy after a short run
  256. >He can’t remember like he used to either
  257. >Everyone stops being stupid for a time
  258. >Everyone stops being evil
  259. >The stallions become men and the mares become housewives
  260. >For a short time, all of life works together for a spell to make him young again
  261. >He continues being ‘immortal’
  264. >Your breathing is heavy.
  265. >Each breath you take requires more effort than the last.
  266. >Small droplets land on your chest as the two mares stand over you.
  267. >"Thou shalt recover from this will you not, Anonymous?" Celestia asks, hopefully.
  268. >You open your mouth to speak, but it takes longer than you though for words to escape your lips.
  269. "I don't... think so Celly..."
  270. >"Please Anonymous, you've been with us for so long... we- we cannot lose thee, we have yet to earn our marks," Luna chokes out.
  271. >These girls.
  272. >They look nothing like you.
  273. >They speak nothing like you.
  274. >They live in a world that is nothing like yours was.
  275. >And yet...
  276. "I'm sorry Lulu..."
  277. >You raise your hands as high as you are able too, they both lower their heads allowing you to rest your hands upon them, like you did when they were fillies.
  278. "I'm so sorry girls... I want to... I love you girls, you know that? I-"
  279. >You pause as a fit of coughing overwhelms you.
  280. >Celestia and Luna bury their faces against your sides, doing everything they can think to ease your pain.
  281. "You're both the smartest, strongest, most... most wonderful girls... and I-"
  282. >"We love thee, we- we- w-" Luna mumbles.
  283. >"We always will, Anonymous" Celestia sobs out.
  284. >They rise to their hooves, tears streaming down their faces as they rest you down comfortable on the soft grass.
  285. >Your vision is fading and you fight as hard as you can to stay with them.
  286. >These girls you've come to love so dearly.
  287. >Both of them look to the sky, the wind picking up around you all, covering the sound of their gentle sobbing.
  288. >Celestia and Luna's horns shine gold and blue.
  289. >The wind blows harder around you.
  290. >And then, in unison, their eyes glow white.
  291. >You can feel what they do, their emotions as powerful as the winds whipping around.
  292. >The sun lowers from its peak in the sky.
  293. >From beyond the horizon, the moon rises, meeting its celestial partner midway.
  294. >The glow of their horns intensifies and their light spreads along their forms.
  295. >A total eclipse, the sky is in twilight.
  296. >Stars, visible light against a backdrop of darkness, fill the space above you all.
  297. >The lights shine so brightly, as bright as the two sisters above you.
  298. >You cannot maintain your vision any longer.
  299. >As it fades, you become unable to tell the difference between the sisters and the bright stars in the sky.
  300. >Until everything fades, and your last sight are of two simple images.
  301. >A yellow sun and a white moon.
  303. >You open your eyes, at least it feels like you do.
  304. >Everything is dark regardless.
  305. >"Greeting Anonymous."
  306. >You look around, out of instinct mostly, before realizing that doing so is pointless.
  307. >A light appears before you, but it is not blinding.
  308. >In fact, it's almost comforting.
  309. >When it dissipates, an alicorn with a white coat and a red mane and tail stands in its place.
  310. "Are you- are you Celestia and Luna's mother?"
  311. >She giggles, "It is so telling that you would ask that first. I am afraid not, I am... well I've gone by many titles. Creator, One above all, Writer, but you may call me Faust."
  312. "Faust. I'm... well, you said my name already didn't you?"
  313. >She nods.
  314. "Were are we?"
  315. >"Everywhere, nowhere, there's no good way to describe it really aside from, beyond."
  316. "Right..."
  317. >"You sound sad."
  318. "No offense, but this isn't exactly where I'd prefer to be."
  319. >"You'd rather be with Celestia and Luna?"
  320. "Can you blame me? I guess you know what happened, that I left them alone in world without order."
  321. >She hums knowingly, "I wouldn't say that..."
  322. >Her horn glows and all around you, panels appear showing what seems to be snapshots of Celestia and Luna's lives.
  323. >They're speaking with a group of nomads, forging some kind of treaty it seems.
  324. >In another they are standing alongside two other alicorns, one purple and one pink.
  325. "Wha-"
  326. >"Beyond time, beyond space, you can see why describing it can be rather troublesome."
  327. >One depicts Luna and Celestia commanding over a village, the stallions look up to them with pride, something that'd be unheard of when you were alive.
  328. >There's a castle, with two thrones placed beside each other, one adorned with a moon, the other with a sun.
  329. >In the same castle, Celestia is facing off against another alicorn, her coat is black and...
  330. >Celestia raises the moon from the balcony of a completely different castle, the sorrow on her face as she watches it hang in the sky sends shivers down your spine.
  331. >Celestia and Luna are holding each other closely, maybe this came after?
  332. >So many snapshots of their lives.
  333. >"They look nothing like you," Faust says as she stands beside you.
  334. >"They spoke nothing like you."
  335. >"They come from a world that was nothing like yours."
  336. >"And yet..."
  337. >Your words weigh heavily on your heart.
  338. >"The confidence in their words, the way they hold their heads high even when their knees shake, their unwillingness to quit, their patience, their understanding, all these traits and more... those are yours."
  339. >Yours...
  340. >Her wing wraps around your waist, and you both stand there, watching the accomplishments of your girls pass by.
  341. >"I'm afraid our time together is coming to an end, but if you would like, I could send you back for a short time."
  342. "Back?"
  343. >She nods to the screens before you.
  344. >Your hand reaches out and rests on the panel showing Luna and Celestia in a warm embrace, watching the night sky together.
  345. "No... look at ‘em, all grown up. They don't need me anymore, they haven't in a long-"
  346. >Your eyes catch sight of Luna tossing and turning in her sleep.
  347. >Another of Celestia half fallen out of her bed, she always did that during her midday naps.
  348. "Wait... you said we're outside of time and stuff right?"
  349. >Faust nods, a pleased smile on her face.
  350. "Can you send me to two places at once?"
  351. >You stand in Luna's room.
  352. >You sit down at the edge of her bed, watching her face scrunch and her legs kick weakly.
  353. >A gentle shush escapes your lips as you rest a hand on her cheek.
  354. >Her legs stop kicking, her eyelids soften, as does the rest of her face.
  355. >The feeling of her ethereal mane over the back of your hand feels as cool as a night sky.
  356. "I love you Luna, you've made me so proud."
  357. >You kiss the tip of her nose and watch her resting comfortably as the world around you slowly begins to fade away.
  359. "Luna?"
  360. >"Yes Celestia?" she asks, setting the moon on its rising motion.
  361. "Do you have a feeling in your chest? Like-"
  362. >"A weight?"
  363. "Yes, that exactly."
  364. >She nods, then turns back to the evening sky, "But it's not only that I feel, in a way I feel..."
  365. "Proud?"
  366. >She hums, "Yes, that exactly."
  367. >You stand next to your sister and watch as the stars begin to appear against the darkening sky.
  368. >"Sister?"
  369. "Yes, sister?"
  370. >"I love you."
  371. "And I you Luna, always."
  372. >From this tower you can see over all of your little ponies, almost like how Anonymous would watch over yourself and Luna.
  373. >You look back up into the open air, the lights in the night sky twinkle high above you both, and you can almost feel as though he were here with you again.
  376. >Year 1357 in Equestria
  377. >Be Anon
  378. >Be relaxing at this year's Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville.
  379. >Which was kind of hard considering most adult ponies are taller than you like actual horses.
  380. >Still, ponies gave you your space once they realized who exactly you are.
  381. >"The good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all Equestria-!" the mayor introduces.
  382. >You roll your eyes
  383. >Celly always did like her long introductions.
  384. >"Princess Celestia!"
  385. >A white unicorn pulls back the curtain, and...
  386. >Nothing?
  387. >...
  388. >What the hell?
  389. >Is Celly playing another prank again?
  390. >Because if it’s like that time she spiked your beer with weird magic stuff that resulted in you creating the first minotaur in a drunken one-night stand she's getting an ass-whooping.
  391. >No matter how much she insists she's too old for one.
  392. >"Uh… remain calm, everypony! There must be a reasonable explanation for this!" the mayor says in an attempt to calm the whispering crowd.
  393. >The white unicorn who pulled back the curtain went up to the balcony and inspected it.
  394. >"She's gone."
  395. >Everypony gasps, and you hear the sound of a few stallions fainting.
  396. >You roll your eyes.
  397. >Silly big ponies.
  398. >Then, this blue magical looking fog starts pouring out from behind the balcony.
  399. >Oh.
  400. >This might actually be serious.
  401. >The fog coalesces into... a black alicorn?
  402. >You narrow your eyes at the cutie mark.
  403. >Wait a minute...
  404. >"Oh my beloved subjects, it's been so long since I've seen your precious, little, sun-loving faces-"
  405. "LUNA?!"
  406. >Now you recognized her!
  407. >Ponies moved out of your way as you walked to the front of the crowd.
  408. >'Nightmare Moon's' eyes widen in fear as she sees you glaring up at her.
  409. >Good.
  410. >"D-Dad?" she asks nervously.
  411. >You snort.
  412. >"Yes, it's me. Now do you mind telling me why you're wearing that ridiculous outfit? And where's your sister?"
  413. >"Uh... I! You see-" she starts stuttering.
  414. >You growl, and snaps your fingers.
  415. >*FLASH!*
  416. >You teleport up to the balcony, levitating eye to eye with your daughter.
  417. "Are you trying to conquer the world AGAIN?!"
  418. >"Wait, Dad! It's not what you think!"
  419. >You ignore her excuses and grab her by the ear, pulling her down.
  420. >"OW! OW! OW! OW!"
  423. >Be Twilight Sparkle
  424. >Be unsure of what exactly you're seeing.
  425. >Is Nightmare Moon being scolded by this short bipedal creature?
  426. >Wait a minute.
  427. >You mentally flip back through the pages of that book of legends.
  428. "Is that.... The Dad?"
  429. >The Allfather? The Baker of Cookies and Milk? The Knitter of the Comfiest Sweaters?
  430. >Pinkie Pie gasps.
  431. >"That's The Dad?!" she asks.
  432. "A-Apparently? That's the only reason why I think Nightmare Moon is bowing to him like this."
  433. >You were watching a goddess get emaresculated by her father in public.
  434. >It was incredibly uncomfortable.
  435. >Well, better her than you.
  436. >Rainbow Dash, the weather pony you met today, was laughing at her fellow mare's misery.
  437. >Not cool...
  438. >"Now you are going to let your sister go, take off that outfit, and put the moon back to normal. UNDERSTAND?!"
  439. >"Yes, Daddy…" Nightmare Moon replied, head held low in shame as the two of them walked out of the building.
  440. >The room was silent for a moment.
  441. >"What th' hay just happened?!" Applejack asks everyone.
  442. >Even you're not entirely sure.
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