D&D campaign 2 session 2

GRiM has connected.
Lampshade has connected.
Shanto has connected.
DM has connected.
GRiM:
there we go
DM:
wooh
Darth GW7:
yo
DM:
and now to never use this again
Lampshade:
I'm gonna change my token
GRiM:
i like maptools :
Lampshade:
Got a proper one now!
GRiM:
it's useful
GRiM:
right
GRiM:
now one very good idea i have is that we beat the shit out of Bjorn and take his stuff
DM:
no, lamp
Lampshade:
Dibs on scythe
DM:
...
GRiM:
dibs on gold
Shanto:
Dibs on gold
Shanto:
FUCK
GRiM:
and rope
Lampshade:
lol
DM:
lamp, why'd you dc
Darth GW7:
Dibs on spellbook
Lampshade:
dunno
Lampshade:
weird
Lampshade:
I'll restart
DM:
We need to discuss the situation with Strep.
Lampshade:
So did Bjorn slip on a banana peel and break his neck?
Lampshade:
and die?

Xannan Hawkflight:
I say we kill Bjorn and loot his wealth!
DM:
...what's your alignment, again?
GRiM:
chaotic good
DM:
...
DM:
I'll keep a note of your lust for murder.
Lampshade:
But Bjorn is evil!
Lampshade:
It's the RIGHT thing to do
DM:
...um.
Lampshade:
Oh wait, I'm not a paladin
GRiM:
yeah.... betrayal is justified
Lampshade:
Paladins run around and kill everything that is on the bottom of the aligment axis, right?
DM:
Paladins run around and kill everything that isn't them
Lampshade:
Wait
Lampshade:
Isn't that we do?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Courier, we are very interested in your deal, but may we have a moment to settle the division of payment... properly...
Lampshade:
I'm looking at his character sheet, and that dude is loaded
DM:
seriously, let's not kill off his character in case this is a one time incident. Let's just write him out temporarily.
Lampshade:
okay
GRiM:
ok
Shanto:
I know
Shanto:
Bjorn scares his
Shanto:
him*
Shanto:
So bad
Shanto:
He goes into a coma
Shanto:
Roll for it
Shanto:
!
Darth GW7:
Okay
Darth GW7:
what be goin down

Bjorn Yngvar:
You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up later after this ale
Darth GW7:
Where did cloud come from
* Bjorn Yngvar crosses the tavern to the bar and nearly slips...
DM:
...what is going on?
Lampshade:
..nothing
DM:
...oh
DM:
...alright
DM:
...carry on.
* Bjorn Yngvar slips
Lampshade:
Does that mean he's unconscious?
DM:
prone

Xannan Hawkflight:
I think your best off taking a little rest before joining us Northman!

Courier:
How much has he had to drink?

Ahwassa:
Enough.

Courier:
Ah

Xannan Hawkflight:
lets not dally further

Courier:
Indeed. Glory awaits

Xannan Hawkflight:
and gold

Ahwassa:
Can't forget the gold

Ehthos:
Let us depart
Darth GW7:
We playing for real now?
DM:
I guess
GRiM:
yep
DM:
who's the artist?
Lampshade:
Apparently
Darth GW7:
I mean- not suggesting you WEREN'T playing for real beforehand
GRiM:
me
Darth GW7:
I mean that was some fine roleplaying
DM:
I don't know what's going on
DM:
I'm so confused
Lampshade:
We're having a dance
GRiM:
you knew last session
DM:
oh
GRiM:
you were leading us to an employer
DM:
yeah yeah
Lampshade:
Or is there more plot exposition at the inn?
DM:
apparently not
DM:
:(
Lampshade:
We're off the rails guys!
GRiM:
last week was 3 hours of plot exposition in the inn
Lampshade:
More like one, if even that...
DM:
Nah, 5 hours of character creation then an hour or so of exposition
Lampshade:
We're such a productive little group of people
* DM rolls: 1d20 => 19
Darth GW7:
oh god
DM:
huh, alright
Darth GW7:
he's rolling
Lampshade:
That can't be good
Darth GW7:
Why is there a random black guy in the tavern
Lampshade:
No more drawing?
DM:
Leading you out of the Tavern, into the crowded, smoke-choked streets of Sigil, the Courier flashes a smile at a nearby orphan boy.

Courier:
Tell your boss I have new employees for him.
DM:
The orphan kid looks up, nods, and runs off through the crowds, and into the alleys at the other side of the street.
Darth GW7:
YOU THERE BOY
Darth GW7:
WHAT'S TODAY
DM:
...
GRiM:
...
Lampshade:
..
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
dammit lamp
Lampshade:
I wanted to be a part of the group
Lampshade:
But I failed
DM:
alright
DM:
The Courier beckons, with a wave of his hand, and follows the path the orphan took, into the dark, twisting alleys that criss-cross Sigil.
DM:
Anyone?
Darth GW7:
Quoi?

Ehthos:
I'm guessing we should follow them

Ehthos:
Introduce ourselfs to this "boss"

Ahwassa:
Right behind you

Xannan Hawkflight:
following

Z'ar Kor:
Just as long as this isn't an elaborate mugging attempt, I suppose.

Ehthos:
Okay, I'll go in first

Ahwassa:
I'd feel sorry for the miggers then

Ahwassa:
muggers*
Darth GW7:
LOL
Darth GW7:
miggers
Lampshade:
I know
DM:
Miggers, is that some kind of weird racism?
Lampshade:
that came out wrong
Darth GW7:
Is it like wiggers but for... mauve people?
Lampshade:
Yeah
Shanto:
God damn miggers
Shanto:
took our jebs
Darth GW7:
DEY TUK ARE JERBS
Lampshade:

* Ehthos follows the courier
DM:
Almost as soon as you step into the alleys, the noise that permeated the street seems to vanish. Here there is only the quiet murmur of far-away crowds, the occasional rustle of those hiding in the shadows, and the footsteps of your guide.

Ahwassa:
Well this looks like a pleasant place to be

Ehthos:
Heh, quite, kinda creepy as well

Xannan Hawkflight:
eyes around us people....

Courier:
Stick close and you'll be safe
DM:
We don't actually have to represent the movement, y'know. On the map

Z'ar Kor:
I doubt any sane person would try to take us on...
Lampshade:
I thought you were moving the guy?
GRiM:
i like to

Courier:
You'd be surprised by the number of madmen in Sigil.

Ehthos:
Well, what sane person dwells in allyways?

Xannan Hawkflight:
I've spent many an eve in an alley

Xannan Hawkflight:
however that was when i was drunk

Ehthos:
I don't need to know about any nights you've spent in them thanks

Ahwassa:
You seem to have such an interesting life Xannan

Ehthos:
Not the mental image I am wishing for

Z'ar Kor:
Let's never speak of this again.

Xannan Hawkflight:
good, it's best not to elaborate
DM:
After a minute or two of walking, you hear the light sound of running feet.

Ehthos:
Do you guys hear that?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Who's that?
DM:
From around the corner, the orphan boy appears again, and walks up to the courier.
* Xannan Hawkflight recoils lightly in discomfort

Ehthos:
Oh, just the boy

Z'ar Kor:
I'm not sure I approve of you using small children for servants.
DM:
They exchange a few words in a language you don't understand - it is a harsh, unnatural language, unsuited for the human tongue.

Xannan Hawkflight:
I dont like children...

Ahwassa:
I'm sure they don't care

Xannan Hawkflight:
especially sneaky ones

Ehthos:
I wouldn't assume you liked much thing apart from ale and women Xannan

Courier:
They are our 'rats.' They work for us, we pay them fairly. And it is none of your business, dragonborn.
* Z'ar Kor snorts.
DM whispers: rats
Lampshade:
What was the emote command again?
* Xannan Hawkflight glares at ehtnos
DM:
erm
You whisper to DM: Rats?
DM whispers: Rats!
Shanto:
slash me
Lampshade:
ty
Shanto:
forwardslash
You whisper to DM: I don't like rats...
* Courier gives the boy a handful of coins, and is handed a scroll.

Z'ar Kor:
Oh, I'm sure that their childhood is perfectly fair, they do some work, they get some money back, all very lucrative, everyone happy.

Ahwassa:
I'm guessing we won't be actually meeting our employer

Xannan Hawkflight:
seems to be

Z'ar Kor:
But what about when they grow up, and are ready for more dangerous tasks?
Shanto:
Did we learn Z'ars name?

Courier:
You'll be meeting an agent.
GRiM:
no
Shanto:
Kay

Xannan Hawkflight:
agent?

Courier:
My employer rarely leaves his hiding place, but he has rats everywhere. It is others who do his dirty-work for him.

Ehthos:
I wouldn't keep proding at this Dragonborn, I don't think we should be getting into trouble with our "employer"

Xannan Hawkflight:
*to himself* #sigh# the things i do for gold...
* Z'ar Kor snorts again and his nostrils seem to flare.

Ahwassa:
What's on the scroll?

Xannan Hawkflight:
share your work for us!

Xannan Hawkflight:
i tire of these games!

Courier:
An invitation. From the agent.

Ehthos:
I enjoy a good workout, where to next?

Ahwassa:
So let's go meet him then

Courier:
Just a few more streets. If you are still so certain? I must warn you, all contracts are unbreakable. All deals you make are definite.

Courier:
Are you still so sure?

Xannan Hawkflight:
yes

Ehthos:
I'm sure we can handle the work

Ahwassa:
Just lead us to the agent

Courier:
Very well then.
DM:
He turns, puts the scroll in his pockets, and leads onwards. The air is thick with dust, and the alleys are getting tighter, and bleaker.
* Ahwassa coughs

Ahwassa:
Damn dust
GRiM:
brb
DM:
alright grim
* Z'ar Kor follows silently, seemingly agitated, but at least seems willing to continue with the business.
GRiM:
back

Ahwassa:
Exactly how are the contracts unbreakable?

Ahwassa:
Some kind of spell, or will you just send people to kill us if we don't do it?

Ehthos:
I assume the latter

Courier:
I am not at liberty to say.

Xannan Hawkflight:
I always find assuming the worst is the best course of action

Courier:
We are nearly there, however.

Ehthos:
Well, we'll find out pretty soon
DM:
This is a good time to introduce Spot checks
GRiM:
ok
Lampshade:
Ooh, I know them
DM:
There are several types of checks for finding things - Spot, Search, and Listen
DM:
Listen is fairly obvious, yes?
Lampshade:
Kinda
Shanto:
We get bonuses to them
Shanto:
As well?
Shanto:
From racials etc
GRiM:
yeah
DM:
They're skills, so perhaps
GRiM:
i have a high listen skill i think
GRiM:
yep
DM:
Spot is a passive check, that tells you how much you see in a current area, or how well you can identify invisible things. Search is more active - it is the activity of trying to find traps, odd markings, whatever.
DM:
Generally, make a spot check when you enter a new area (each room in a dungeon, say), and a search check when actively looking for something
GRiM:
can i make a spot check for the alleys here?
DM:
you all can
GRiM:
how is it calculated?
Shanto:
Okay well, I have a higher level I think
Shanto:
Cause I'm half elf
DM:
And Lamp, since his character has high Wisdom
Lampshade:
Yeh
Lampshade:
Was just checking
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 7 - 1 = 6
Darth GW7:
welp
* Lampshade rolls: d20 => 10
Lampshade:
13
DM:
okay
* GRiM rolls: d20 -1 => 8 - 1 = 7
DM whispers: You see nothing unusual.
Lampshade:
You guys are blind as bats
Shanto:
I forget the additional chance I get
Darth GW7:
shut the fuck up
DM:
oh?
Darth GW7:
I'm distracted
Lampshade:
haha
Darth GW7:
Because I'm so annoyed
DM:
annoying, surely
Lampshade:
hehe
Shanto:
One sec
Shanto:
Till I find the thing
Shanto:
lol
* DM rolls: d20 + 5 => 19 + 5 = 24
Lampshade:
Nice
DM:
that's... good to know.
Shanto:
Yeah it's a plus 1
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 1 => 1 + 1 = 2
Shanto:
LOL
DM:
...
Lampshade:
But your skill mod is only +3
Darth GW7:
critical faaaaailuuuuure
* Darth GW7 sings
Shanto:
Man
Lampshade:
heh
Shanto:
I want new dice
DM:
Shanto is now blind. You poked your eyes out with your quarterstaff.
Shanto:
These are shit
Lampshade:
Haha
Shanto:
Blind monk
GRiM:
lol quoting the pax game crit miss song'?
Shanto:
Kay
Shanto:
I am now lee sin
Lampshade:
We need a link to that
Darth GW7:
www.wizards.com/dnd/article.aspx?x=dnd/4news/paxgame
Shanto:
So you can critical fail spot checks?
Shanto:
And blind yourself
Shanto:
I don't think
Shanto:
I'm gonna roll
Shanto:
Ever again
DM:
You won't always blind yourself
GRiM:
dm, may i do a listen check to see if i can hear anything coming?
DM:
that was a joke
DM:
sure
Shanto:
Nah I know
DM:
you can all listen
Lampshade:
I mean a video of just the failure
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 3 => 2 + 3 = 5
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 13 - 1 = 12
Shanto:
Right I'm gonna do a listen check!
GRiM:
shit
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 1 => 13 + 1 = 14
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 11 + 3 = 14
Shanto:
Hightened sense of hearing!
Shanto:
From being blind
GRiM:
lol
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 18 + 4 = 22
DM:
that's also good to know
Darth GW7:
God fucking damnit hjort
Darth GW7:
I want your dice
DM:
Alright, the alley seems like the others before it, just a bit dustier.
GRiM:
how long is shanto blind for?
DM:
He's not blind
Shanto:
Forever =
Darth GW7:
forever
Shanto:
It's cool lampshade cured me

Courier:
Ignore the dust, we are almost there.
Shanto:
So what does
Shanto:
Can I do gather info from him?
Shanto:
Like the boss
Shanto:
When we meet him
DM:
yeah, I think
Lampshade:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IS6NUAHmJEM&feature=related
Lampshade:
There we go
Shanto:
I swear if I critical fail and tell him I shit myself in the tavern I'll never roll again
Lampshade:
But you didn't
Lampshade:
You almost did though
DM:
no, you can't gather info.
Shanto:
np
DM:
totally different check
Shanto:
Anyway lets continue
DM:
You turn another corner, and enter a small courtyard where several alleys meet.

Courier:
Here we are.

Ehthos:
Seems like a lovely place

Xannan Hawkflight:
finally
Lampshade:
Spot check!
DM:
Sure
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 6 + 3 = 9
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 9 - 1 = 8
Darth GW7:
god fucking damnit
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 1 => 10 + 1 = 11
Lampshade:
The dice are trying to kill us
* GRiM rolls: d20 -1 => 16 - 1 = 15
DM:
shanto its +3 for you

Ehthos:
Oh
* DM rolls: d20 + 5 => 5 + 5 = 10
Shanto:
Oh
Shanto:
so 13 for me
* DM rolls: d20 + 5 => 4 + 5 = 9
DM:
ah well
DM:
was fun while it lasted
Darth GW7:
rocks fall, everyone dies
DM:
From two alleys running parallel to yours, two large, fourlegged creatures come padding along. They are covered in a thick, spiny armour, and one has an open mouth, from which a huge, razor-covered tongue protrudes.
Lampshade:
Do those things fall under planar knowledge?

Xannan Hawkflight:
look over there..
DM:
yes
Lampshade:
I'll roll then

Xannan Hawkflight:
anyone know what those things are?
* Lampshade rolls: d20 => 1
Lampshade:
...
Darth GW7:
LOL

Ehthos:
Er, that looks a bit dangerous
DM:
...
DM:
anyone else want a shot?
Shanto:
Don't think I have planar knowledge

Ahwassa:
Whatever they are, they don't look too friendly
Darth GW7:
Which knowledge is it
DM:
is anyone else able?
Darth GW7:
Oh wait doesn't really matter
Darth GW7:
wait what
Shanto:
Do you have
Shanto:
Planar knowledge?
Darth GW7:
Probably not
DM:
only lamp does
Lampshade:
Well I did have +3

Xannan Hawkflight:
we should ready our arms ... something is not right here
Lampshade:
but that doesn't matter
Darth GW7:
welp gg guys
Darth GW7:
we're doomed
* DM rolls: d20 + 8 => 17 + 8 = 25

Ahwassa:
Xannan, you said you can handle yourself right?
Darth GW7:
GOD DAMNIT HJORT
Darth GW7:
PUT AWAY YOUR LOADED DICE

Xannan Hawkflight:
yeah, usually from further away than this...
DM:
From the shadows at the fat end of the courtyard, a voice booms in the samge tongue as before.

Ehthos:
Maybe it's a scare tactic?
DM:
The courier replies calmly. The conversation drags on for a few minutes.
Lampshade:
That languange wouldn't happen to be celestial?

Xannan Hawkflight:
or we're dinner
DM:
Nope
Lampshade:
Damn
DM:
Lamp, do they look angelic to you?
* Z'ar Kor puts his hand on his sword. He has no idea what these things are and wants to be ready to fight if necessary.
Lampshade:
They could be in disguise...
Shanto:
What about Terran!
Shanto:
¬_¬
DM:
no
Shanto:
Damn
* Xannan Hawkflight takes his bow from behind his back
DM:
One of the creatures comes up and sniffs the air near you.
* Ehthos readies his quarterstaff
* Xannan Hawkflight readies himself for what seems to be a violent situation

Xannan Hawkflight:
Gah!
* Xannan Hawkflight shuffles away from the beast

Ahwassa:
Courier, I hope you know the first thing I'm going to kill is you if things get violent
Darth GW7:
Does it seem aggressive?
DM:
Sense motive, I guess?
DM:
no
Darth GW7:
another wisdom check? sigh
DM:
not in this case
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 8 + 3 = 11
DM:
No, they're not aggressive.

Xannan Hawkflight:
Down boy!
Darth GW7:
kay
Lampshade:
I guess that fails
Darth GW7:
Looks like I should have taken handle animal
GRiM:
can i handle animal
GRiM:
?
GRiM:
on the south one
Darth GW7:
eeew
Darth GW7:
grim
Darth GW7:
no yiffing
GRiM:
as in ... keeping it away from our rations...
GRiM:
and hands...
Shanto:
If it eats my rations I'm going postal
Lampshade:
Yeah, rations are what I'm worried about right now
* GRiM rolls: d20 +5 => 13 + 5 = 18
DM:
and...?
GRiM:
that good or bad?
DM:
what do you do?
Shanto:
Handle animal
Darth GW7:
Well what exactly do you do with it
Darth GW7:
:v

Xannan Hawkflight:
manouvers the beast closest to him to move away
Lampshade:
You know, I don't think these are animals...
GRiM:
woops
DM:
yeahno
DM:
Lamp's in the right here
* Xannan Hawkflight manouvers the beast away

Xannan Hawkflight:
thats better
DM:
Nooope.

Courier:
It is your lucky day, adventurers. The agent will see you now.
GRiM:
then what does it do?
DM:
handles animals
DM:
not extraplanar monstrosities
GRiM:
it's not an animal... couldve said a min ago
DM:
I did

Ehthos:
Okay, lets get out of here

Ehthos:
And meet this guy

Xannan Hawkflight:
yes

Xannan Hawkflight:
sharpish
DM:
Wait what

Ehthos:
Or woman, I'm not sexist
* Darth GW7 keeps a close eye on the beast closest to him, in case it gets nasty.

Courier:
Wait, where are you going? He's right here.

Ahwassa:
Monk's losing his nerve

Xannan Hawkflight:
you mean he's in the room now?
Darth GW7:
We're in a courtyard not a room
Lampshade:
I'm guessing it's the green dragon thingy
DM:
yeah
Darth GW7:
Looks more like a gargoyle to me
Darth GW7:
Or a demon

Ahwassa:
You the agent?
* Xannan Hawkflight introduces himself graciously
DM:
From the shadows, a tall, greenskinned creature walks into view. It has the head of a vaguely canine creature, and two huge wings.

Xannan Hawkflight:
Hello

Xannan Hawkflight:
I'm Xannan

Xannan Hawkflight:
how may we aid you
GRiM:
can i do a diplomacy check?
DM:
sure
* GRiM rolls: d20 +2 => 16 + 2 = 18
Darth GW7:
Nice.
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 10 + 3 = 13
Lampshade:
planar knowledge check

Ahwassa:
I hear there's a job that needs doing
Shanto:
Can I do a sense motive?
DM:
hang on a sec
Shanto:
np
Lampshade:
I feel like yelling across the courtyard "Hey dragonboy, this your cousin?"
Lampshade:
But that would be rude
Darth GW7:
try it
Darth GW7:
see how far you get
DM:
and fatal
Shanto:
brb a sec grabbing dinner
DM:
k

Xannan Hawkflight:
Hey dragonboy! This your cousin?
Darth GW7:
the demon bites your head off

Ahwassa:
And this started so well...

Z'ar Kor:
Smooth talker.
* Creature bites his head off
* Xannan Hawkflight smirks and hopes the creature finds it in jest
Lampshade:
I thought you rolled a GOOD diplomacy check
DM:
what did you say for the Diplomacy check, anyhow?
GRiM:
i said hello etc
GRiM:
we came for work
GRiM:
something like that
GRiM:
i said it before the actual check i think

Creature:
Is this a joke, little creature, or do you seek your end before even finding the battlefields?

Ahwassa:
Don't listen to him
Shanto:
Back

Xannan Hawkflight:
only jesting sir... I mean no offense
DM:
It hefts its axe with two arms, though the other two stay by its side.
Lampshade:
How many arms does it have?
DM:
Four
Shanto:
I wish we had Bjorn to intimidate *sadface*
Lampshade:
Yeah, that would work SO well
* Xannan Hawkflight backs away 5 feet
Darth GW7:
Big scary demon with four arms and a huge axe
Darth GW7:
very likely imtimidation target

Xannan Hawkflight:
Sir? Master? erm... I apologise... I am interested in your contract...
Shanto:
Anything is possible with Bjorn
Darth GW7:
"Master"
DM:
I miss Bjorn.
Darth GW7:
lick boots more
* Darth GW7 makes cock-sucking gesture
DM:
It's not wearing boots.
DM:
:|
Lampshade:
Even better

Ahwassa:
Tell us about the job
Darth GW7:
actually looking at it... I don't think he has a big enough mouth

Xannan Hawkflight:
if you would kindly ., sir...

Creature:
You come to me as mercenaries, yes?

Xannan Hawkflight:
yes

Ehthos:
I agree, the quicker we learn of our task the quicker we can leave your.... er nice dusty courtyard

Creature:
Good. The Blood War always needs more warriors. You will be working for a Yugoloth with great influence, indirectly at first.
Lampshade:
Fiendish creatures are evil, right?
DM:
Yes

Ahwassa:
Who are we killing?
DM:
Generally, though there are exceptions

Creature:
The details of your mission are mostly secret, until you agree to the terms.

Xannan Hawkflight:
Those terms being?
* Ehthos whispers to his group
DM:
heh

Ehthos:
Guys, I'm pretty sure that if we don't agree, these large things will eat us
DM:
I get to make a listen check now
GRiM:
ok
DM:
This thing's apparently really good at listening.
* DM rolls: d20 => 13
DM:
Okay.
Shanto:
Do I roll for how quite I speak
Lampshade:
Did he hear?
DM:
Yes
Darth GW7:
hohoho
DM:
To Lamp
Lampshade:
goodie

Creature:
Jests are not becoming of you, in such high company. You will learn to hold your tongue. That is the first term.

Xannan Hawkflight:
Quiet Ehthos!

Xannan Hawkflight:
please continue sir..

Creature:
Your missions must be completed quickly, and efficiently. With minimal losses. You will obey the orders of your superiors, without question.

Creature:
Know this - for now, you are nothing. Too many die in the Wars for me to care for your names. Make a name for yourselves, however, and you will be rewarded.

Creature:
This is not safe work, but it is good paying work.

Ahwassa:
So, we taking this job guys?

Xannan Hawkflight:
I like the sound of that

Xannan Hawkflight:
the paying part anyway

Xannan Hawkflight:
but i'll agree to those terms

Ahwassa:
Same, I agree

Z'ar Kor:
May we know who we are fighting for? Our employer?

Creature:
The direct employer may change. My employer, for whome you will also be working with, will only reveal himself to you if he deems it appropriate.

Creature:
What say you, Bahamut born?

Creature:
And you, half-elf?

Ehthos:
I join them

Z'ar Kor:
Very well. I accept.
* Fiend nods

Xannan Hawkflight:
is there a contract to sign?

Fiend:
Let me draft up your contracts.
Lampshade:
You're like a mind reader or something
GRiM:
hells yeah
GRiM:
natural DM brain XD
* Fiend Clicks his finger, and four pieces of paper appear in the air in front of him. He hands you each a quill.

Fiend:
Sign here, here, and here. This is a binding document.
* Xannan Hawkflight takes the quill and signs 3 times

Fiend:
Breaking these terms will lead to some unfortunate consequences.
Lampshade:
Spot check on document?
Darth GW7:
READ THE FINE PRINT
Lampshade:
in case of fine print
Darth GW7:
too late I guess xan
Darth GW7:
lmao
DM:
Spot?
Lampshade:
Xan sold his soul

Xannan Hawkflight:
done
* Z'ar Kor reads the contract carefully
DM:
Decipher Script, maybe?
Lampshade:
I mean search
DM:
hang on

Xannan Hawkflight:
what say you, gang?
Lampshade:
maybe..
Darth GW7:
Decipher?
Darth GW7:
Is it in a different language?
DM:
yes

Ahwassa:
Unlike you, I read my contracts before signing
Darth GW7:
well shit
Lampshade:
I got +1 on decipher!
Lampshade:
so can I roll?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Unlike you, I'm not burdened by such thoughts

Ehthos:
I will sign as well
Darth GW7:
Depends on whether you have to have it trained first
DM:
It's trained, but I'll overlook it in this case.
* Lampshade rolls: d20+1 => 8 + 1 = 9
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 10
Lampshade:
oh well
DM:
...
Darth GW7:
fuck
DM:
nm
* Ahwassa signs the contract.
* Darth GW7 puts on his reading glasses and tries again for another roll
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 8
Darth GW7:
FUCK
DM:
what
DM:
how does
DM:
wha
DM:
how do you get worse?
GRiM:
lol
GRiM:
they arent his glasses
Lampshade:

* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+20 => 6 + 20 = 26
Lampshade:
So he put some random glasses on?
DM:
I don't think human glasses even fit his face
Lampshade:
A monocle?
DM:
And top hat
DM:
Gentleman dragon
Lampshade:
Heh, imagine a dragonborn gentleman thief
DM:
right

Fiend:
Do you sign, Dragonborn?
* Z'ar Kor snorts, slightly wary about signing a contract when he has no idea what it says, but picks up the quill anyway
Darth GW7:
I wonder
Darth GW7:
if I sign a different name
Darth GW7:
Will the spell still work (if it is a spell)
Lampshade:
Do eet
DM:
give it a try
DM:
:D
Lampshade:
sounds ominous
GRiM:
creature should do a sense motive role tho for that right?
DM:
yes
Lampshade:
Would that be forgery check?
* Z'ar Kor thinks for a second, and puts the quill to the paper
Shanto:
Doesn't know his name though
* Z'ar Kor Without looking up or hesitating, he signs "d'nag qui"

Xannan Hawkflight:
*mouths to Ehthos "heh, lets watch what happens to dragon boy now "
Lampshade:
But you don't know what he is doing
Darth GW7:
someone has to try something different
Darth GW7:
also
Darth GW7:
You don't even know my real name
Darth GW7:
bitch
Lampshade:
Dragon boy is sufficient
DM whispers: What do you want to roll?
GRiM:
but you make shifty looks
You whisper to DM: What would be the thing to roll?
GRiM:
and took 10 mins to sign a document

Ahwassa:
Hurry up
Darth GW7:
I didn't take that long IC :|
DM whispers: Forgery, maybe

Xannan Hawkflight:
Don't be so hard on the lizard, he probably cant read
DM:
Neither could you.
GRiM:
he doesnt know that XD
GRiM:
ooh

Ahwassa:
I don't recall you reading the contract either
GRiM:
bluff check
* GRiM rolls: d20 +6 => 9 + 6 = 15
Darth GW7:
Probably bluff rather than forgery
GRiM:
success?
Darth GW7:
Since I'm not impersonating anyone
DM:
okay
Darth GW7:
They're both the same anyway
Darth GW7:
+0
GRiM:
bluff check for me blagging about reading it
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 1
Darth GW7:
........
Lampshade:
Ouch
DM:
Well
DM:
Do I even need to roll?
* Darth GW7 throws the dice out of the window
Lampshade:
So, what are you going to reroll as?

Xannan Hawkflight:
*bluffing took me seconds to read it...
Darth GW7:
Do I rip the paper or something as I write

Fiend:
What are you doing with that quill, Dragonborn?

Fiend:
You aren't even trying to hide your suspicious activity.
* Z'ar Kor snorts a slight laugh

Z'ar Kor:
"Suspicious?"
DM:
You mumble your thought process to yourself
DM:
No, you sign with three different names.
Shanto:
LOL
Shanto:
This dragon is the smartest
GRiM:
hah
DM:
Z'ar Kor, Zark Or, Zar K'or. Three different permutations of the same name.

Z'ar Kor:
Us who are gathering in a dark courtyard to sign a contract with a, no offense intended, rather large, armed, individual?

Z'ar Kor:
Us, look suspicious?
Darth GW7:
WAIT
Darth GW7:
I try a sleight of hand check

Ahwassa:
You were as subtle as an elephant robbing a general store
Darth GW7:
To shove the pieces of paper together before he can get a good look at each one
Shanto:
To steal the document??
DM:
Sleight of hand is trained
Darth GW7:
damn
Darth GW7:
Well
Darth GW7:
Can I try to shove them together anyway
DM:
and an armor penalty
Darth GW7:
That way he only sees the top one
DM:
...
Darth GW7:
I'm trying to make up for a very serious critical fail here ;-;
DM:
How can you, you crit failed.
Lampshade:
You're the comical relief of our party now
Shanto:
Some people gonna die

Fiend:
Would your god be as quick to belittle an oath, dragonborn?
GRiM:
if shit goes down,. I'm rolling a hide check,,,
Shanto:
Idd
Shanto:
Jump then hide
GRiM:
yep
* Z'ar Kor rubs his holy symbol, disconcerted.

Z'ar Kor:
I... Must have accidentally signed my friend's name. My apologies, I was distracted.
Shanto:
I get a +7 on my hide so shit's fine
GRiM:
skyrim OST + playing D&D = awesome

Z'ar Kor:
...Three of my friends' names...

Fiend:
Which are almost identical.
* Fiend coughs
* Xannan Hawkflight chortles

Z'ar Kor:
.......they're triplets.

Ahwassa:
I apologise for the dragonboy. He's an idiot
* Xannan Hawkflight bursts out laughing

Courier:
He has seemed rather simple, so far, yes.

Xannan Hawkflight:
oh dear... he'll have me in tears by our task's end
Darth GW7:
Don't worry guys, I'm sure this could have no serious repercussions whatsoever!
Lampshade:
Yeah
DM:
heh
Lampshade:
We can't fail this soon!
Darth GW7:
Just... pissing off a demon guy
GRiM:
who is paying us
Darth GW7:
A very large demon guy
Lampshade:
So what are you going to reroll as?
GRiM:
lol
Darth GW7:
A very large and/or powerful demon guy
DM:
and currently restraining himself from murdering you all.
Darth GW7:
I'm sure there will be absolutely no long-term consequences
Darth GW7:
none whatsoever
Lampshade:
I do a diplomacy check!
Darth GW7:
save me lamp
* Lampshade rolls: d20+5 => 13 + 5 = 18
Lampshade:
aww yeah
Darth GW7:
E>
DM:
What do you say?
Lampshade:
hmm

Ahwassa:
Just let him sign the contract and we'll be on our way to get slaughtered, all right?
* Fiend sniffs
GRiM:
so whats the range we have to roll in to pass a skill check?

Fiend:
For a child of Kord, you make a good point
DM:
It depends on the situation
Lampshade:
Saved your ass there
Darth GW7:
You've done me a great service young man, I won't forget it
DM:
The Fiend was Indifferent to you, he's now Friendly with Grim and Lamp. Sorta. It's complicated.
GRiM:
ok
Darth GW7:
And... me...?
DM:
Indifferent
Lampshade:
So.... you're making it all up as we go?
DM:
Vaguely Amused
DM:
What? No. There are rules for this stuff
Darth GW7:
I refuse to become this party's comic relief
Darth GW7:
D:
Lampshade:
Suuure
GRiM:
lol
Lampshade:
Better roll some damn crits then
Darth GW7:
I'll make it up to you guys when we get into combat
DM:
seriously, they're in the PH
Darth GW7:
You'll see
Lampshade:
oh
DM:
what now Darth?
Lampshade:
Try to sign with the wrong name again!
Lampshade:
That'll be a blast
Shanto:
We won't all be killed
GRiM:
yeah i wanna see a dragonborn explode
Lampshade:
Just him
Shanto:
By unknown things
Lampshade:
The fiend thing likes me, don't you remember?
GRiM:
and me
DM:
he's friendly. It's a technical term/
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
well
DM:
It means he'll help. It doesn't mean he likes you
Lampshade:
Don't do it then
DM:
It's a purely business relationship.
Darth GW7:
shall I just sign this contract then

Ehthos:
Dragonborn, sign the papers for the love of....

Xannan Hawkflight:
just sign the damn contract Dragon, we arent all bless with long life
Lampshade:
YES
Darth GW7:
I WAS WAITING FOR YOU GUYS
Darth GW7:
you were talking
Lampshade:
We were talking while waiting for you
Shanto:
Make your own decisions like a man
* Z'ar Kor takes the quill again and, hesitantly, signs his real name this time.
Shanto:
Fuck the group
* Fiend takes back the contract, and examines it.

Xannan Hawkflight:
good lizard

Ehthos:
Finally

Fiend:
Yes, the same name. Does anyone know if this IS his name?
Lampshade:
Pat him in the head
DM:
in?

Xannan Hawkflight:
no
* Z'ar Kor turns to Xan

Ahwassa:
Not really

Ehthos:
Er, actually no

Z'ar Kor:
If you want to remain on friendly terms, I would suggest not calling me a lizard again.

Fiend:
Well that's just fucking fine and dandy.
* Xannan Hawkflight laughs

Z'ar Kor:
If you must know, my full name is Z'ar Achiusk Korshim, but that wouldn't fit on the page.
You have disconnected.
Derek:
What happen
GRiM has connected.
Shanto has connected.
DM has connected.
Lampshade has connected.
Darth GW7:
kay
DM:
Everyone back?
Lampshade:
Yeh
GRiM:
bluescreens... the critical miss on the D20 of pc ownership

Z'ar Kor:
If you must know, my full name is Z'ar Achiusk Korshim, but that wouldn't fit on the line.
Lampshade:
I'm surprised darth didn't crash then
GRiM:
lol
Darth GW7:
shut up you critical failed too

Ahwassa:
If he signs with the wrong name again, I'm sure tracking him down would be easy

Ahwassa:
You saw him trying to be shifty

Xannan Hawkflight:
use a bloody short name then Z'ar Achi-... Achoo-... Ach... thing
DM:
Bless you
Darth GW7:
Don't say that with demons around...

Ehthos:
So, what now. Do you give us a location and we travel there to find some shady character?

Fiend:
There are multiple contracts available.

Fiend:
I'll be lenient for now.
Lampshade:
Ooh, a multiple choice question
Lampshade:
I'm good at these
Darth GW7:
branching point for our career guys
Darth GW7:
don't fuck this up
GRiM:
it's always B
Lampshade:
It's A

Ehthos:
I don't mean to be rash, but could we hear the choices?

Z'ar Kor:
That would probably be a good idea.

Fiend:
One with the Baatezu, who need someone to claim some, uh, ground on Acheron. And one with the Tana'ri, who want to set up a forward base in the Grey Wastes.
Lampshade:
Planary check!
DM:
shoor
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 19 + 3 = 22
Lampshade:
finally I know something!
DM:
what was that trying to identify?
Lampshade:
the places
DM:
alright
Lampshade:
does it have to be only one
DM:
Acheron is the Lawful Evil/Neutral plane, the Grey Waste is the Neutral Evil plane. I'll do a more detailed write-up in a second.
Darth GW7:
Did someone say lawful evil?
DM:
Lawful Evil/Neutral
Darth GW7:
I think someone said Lawful Evil.

Z'ar Kor:
Acheron... Does that not border the nine hells?
DM:
Yes
Darth GW7:
That was deliberately IC
DM:
I know, but the check was good enough to know it

Ahwassa:
So what's the third option?

Xannan Hawkflight:
9 hells , yes i'd like to hear the third option too...
Shanto:
Was there a third?
DM:
Acheron is also known as The Infernal Battlefield - its top layer consists of an almost infinite expanse of huge planet-sized shapes, constantly colliding and moving though space.

Fiend:
Third?
Darth GW7:
THERE'S ALWAYS A THIRD OPTION!

Fiend:
We ARE the third option.
Lampshade:
didn't he say three?
Shanto:
He said multipul
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
damn
Darth GW7:
Multiple = More than one
Darth GW7:
Two = More than one
Lampshade:
As I have said before
Lampshade:
I'm blind
Shanto:
Does he mean we
Shanto:
as in
Shanto:
fight them
Shanto:
Or we as in actually them
Shanto:
Or do I need to do a sarcasm check
Lampshade:
I guess he means mercenaries in general

Xannan Hawkflight:
lol
Darth GW7:
nice IC
GRiM:
damn
GRiM:
it
Shanto:
Anyway
Shanto:
Lets get the show rolling
DM:
The Grey Wastes of Hades are the bleak, dull expanse at the bottom of the Great Wheel. Its top layer is an infinite expanse of rolling planes without colour or purpose.
GRiM:
pasta + D&D = lack of OCC observation :
DM:
It is directly between the Abyss and the Nine Hells, and acts as one of the major battlegrounds between the Baatezu and Tana'ri

Fiend:
There is a third option, actually.

Z'ar Kor:
If we go to Acheron, who or what will we be fighting?

Ahwassa:
Elaborate
DM:
Goblins, Orcs, Demons
DM:
Duergar
DM:
:D
Darth GW7:
Demons...?

Xannan Hawkflight:
I think Archeron might be ok....
You whisper to DM: I thought we were fighting demons :V

Fiend:
There is one Yugoloth who wishes to make peace with the inhabitants of Carceri. He needs emmisaries.
You whisper to DM: I mean
You whisper to DM: working for them

Ehthos:
Hm, I like the sound of that one

Fiend:
Acheron's inhabitants change. Always goblins and orcs and Dark Dwarves.
Lampshade:
Planar check again on Yugodude

Fiend:
But sometimes Baatezu and Tana'ri
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 19 + 3 = 22
Lampshade:
I'm being annoying to the DM, he has to write the background fluff for us
Darth GW7:
You kidding?
DM:
Yugoloths are the third most well known of fiends - the Neutral Evil to the Chaos of the demons/Tana'ri and the Order of the devils/Baatezu
Darth GW7:
This is what DMs thrive on
DM:
No, I thrive on murder
Darth GW7:
oh
Darth GW7:
...oh dear
DM:
Yugoloths act as a middle ground in the Blood War, never staying on one side forever.
Lampshade:
I'm up for working for the Baatezu

Xannan Hawkflight:
I like the idea of the yugoloth conflict better
DM:
The guy you're talking with now is a Yugoloth. They and demons both lack a central command structure.
DM:
The devils... not so much.
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
wait, I meant the other
Lampshade:
Tanari
Lampshade:
read it wrong

Z'ar Kor:
I agree, I think helping at Carceri would be a good start.

Ahwassa:
I'd rather go with the Tana'ri

Ahwassa:
But I won't go alone

Ehthos:
I would like to help make peace

Xannan Hawkflight:
as would i

Ahwassa:
Guess I'll stick with you guys then
DM:
Just a quick metagame note, btw
DM:
Carceri will be more RP-focussed, and less combat. The other two will be the opposite
Shanto:
Prepare our anuses?
Shanto:
Oh
Shanto:
That's fine
Lampshade:
So what you guys want?
GRiM:
i want combat + RP
Darth GW7:
Indeed
DM:
Oh, there can be combat too. Just not as much
Darth GW7:
I'd like RP
Lampshade:
Well I haven't tried combat yet
Lampshade:
But RP is fun too
GRiM:
well if it starts with some combat i'd be more towards it
GRiM:
been so long without so much as throwing that ale against the wall
Lampshade:
So we take the Yugodudes?
GRiM:
my bow finger is getting twitchy
Shanto:
I'm scared incase I critical fail and break my legs
Lampshade:
hehe
DM:
heh
Lampshade:
"I roll for walk. Critical miss. I break my legs and can never walk again"
Shanto:
I pretty sure you guys don't want to wheel me around
GRiM:
nah we'll drag you
Shanto:
How cruel
Lampshade:
We'll loot you and leave the rest for the enemies
DM:
No-one wants to learn more about Carceri before deciding?
Lampshade:
fine
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 19 + 3 = 22
Lampshade:
happy?
GRiM:
i heard enough at "some battles"
Lampshade:
How come I roll so good?
Lampshade:
I stole all the good rolls for background plot
GRiM:
yup
Shanto:
gj
DM:
well done
Lampshade:
When combat comes, I'll be the one decapitating myself
Darth GW7:
indeed
Lampshade:
oh and I got a greatsword now
Shanto:
Blunt weapon decapitation
Lampshade:
just fyi
Darth GW7:
wait what
Lampshade:
Feat!
Darth GW7:
you're... a cleric...
Lampshade:
Kord likes greatswords
Lampshade:
So it's appropriate

Ehthos:
Okay, so are we agreed? We shall create peace

Ahwassa:
I guess we are.

Ehthos:
give us the detail, er I didn't catch your name

Xannan Hawkflight:
I guess it seems so
DM:
Carceri, or the Tarterian Depths, is the Prison Plane. It is here the traitors and overthrown reside, seeking their vengange, but ultimately dragged down by their own petty pride. It is a subtler evil than the other Lower Planes - assassination and poison rather than war and destruction.
Lampshade:
So this is how you hire emissaries? Random guys at the bar?
Darth GW7:
oh boy
DM:
It is Neutral/Chaotic Evil aligned.
Lampshade:
Good enough
Shanto:
So how quickly is someone going to sexually harass lamp?
Lampshade:
Now that Bjorn is gone...
Lampshade:
It'll take a bit longer
Shanto:
Think of the baby
Lampshade:
Besides, you would think twice hitting on someone who has a goddamn greatsword
Darth GW7:
rrer
Shanto:
Tbh I wouldn't mess with your rolls and my rolls
Lampshade:
Heh
Shanto:
rrerr dragon rape
Darth GW7:
shall we get going
Shanto:
Sure
Darth GW7:
GET GOIN
Darth GW7:
MOVE THAT GEAR UP
Shanto:
I said above for the feind to open more dialogue
Shanto:
Waiting on master dm

Xannan Hawkflight:
Which way to Carceri?

Fiend:
You will find your new employee on the first layer of Carceri. Ask around for a peaceful 'loth, and you'll find him soon enough. Keep your wits about you.

Fiend:
Here.
* Fiend hands Xannan a silver key
Lampshade:
Is Xannan the party leader?

Fiend:
Hold this, and the portal to Carceri nearby will open for you

Xannan Hawkflight:
Yes sir
DM:
he's the closest to the fiend
Shanto:
He's closest
Lampshade:
But that guy probably has long arms

Fiend:
Courier, lead them to the portal.
GRiM:
i added it to my inv
Darth GW7:
pfft
Shanto:
Basically I'm gonna follow
Darth GW7:
no one is the party leader
Shanto:
I need to pee
Darth GW7:
We're a communism
Shanto:
brb
DM:
same
Lampshade:
We'll be waiting
Darth GW7:
hey you know what
Darth GW7:
me too
Darth GW7:
brb
Lampshade:
Forever alone
DM:
back
Darth GW7:
bac
Shanto:
Back
Lampshade:
Are tieflings generally on the evil side of things?
GRiM:
sheet edited
DM:
tieflings can be anything
DM:
but they have fiendish blood
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
So, generally evil?
DM:
technically, anything can be anything.
DM:
there are always exceptions
Lampshade:
I meant if you somehow made statistics of the aligment of all the tieflings
Lampshade:
Would a significant amount be evil?
DM:
40% or so would be some kind of evil, yeah
Lampshade:
So
Lampshade:
We can be racist against tieflings now
DM:
...
DM:
have fun with that
Lampshade:
The science is with us on this one!
Lampshade:
How do you get the total attack bonus btw?
Lampshade:
what do you need to add?
Darth GW7:
It's given to you
DM:
the relevant mod, + base attack bonus (if any), + stuff from feats + enchantments
Darth GW7:
yeah
Lampshade:
So
Lampshade:
For me just the basic one?
Darth GW7:
You have a STR mod
Darth GW7:
No base attack bonus
DM:
+1
Lampshade:
ok, thanks
Lampshade:
everyone here?
GRiM:
yes
DM:
mhm
Shanto:
Yeah

???:
woof

Ahwassa:
What are those things anyway?

Fiend:
Guard dogs. Canoloths.

Fiend:
They are inconsequential.
Lampshade:
See, I don't need some stupid planar knowledge
Lampshade:
SUCK IT DM!
Darth GW7:
He could be lying you know
Lampshade:
ohshit
DM:
he's a yugoloth
DM:
THey like lying
Lampshade:
In reality Canoloth is like the fiend version of a chihuahua
Lampshade:
or something

Ehthos:
Okay mr.Courier
DM:
A fiendish version of a pit bull, or something. idk

Ehthos:
Lets go to the portal

Courier:
To Carceri, then?
* Courier sighs

Xannan Hawkflight:
yes

Ahwassa:
Ineed

Courier:
Alright

Ahwassa:
Indeed*

Courier:
Follow me

Ahwassa:
So how often do you find people like us to hire anyway?
DM:
The courier walks off into the alleys once more, taking different turns than before.

Z'ar Kor:
People like us? Once in a lifetime.

Courier:
We have rats positioned throughout sigil.

Ahwassa:
With the way you handled the contract, I can agree
Shanto:
We learned Z'ar's name then?
GRiM:
yes

Ahwassa:
And how often do the hired people end up being horribly killed?
GRiM:
when he signed contract

Courier:
I wouldn't know. I don't keep tabs on them.

Courier:
The blood war isn't called that because it's a walk in the park, though.

Ahwassa:
Lovely

Ehthos:
So Z'ar, how long have you been a master con-artist?
Lampshade:
We'll never let it go

Z'ar Kor:
I may not be able to sign a false name, but at least I can look around a dusty alley without poking myself in the eye.
Darth GW7:
oh snap
Lampshade:
That was retconned!

Ahwassa:
I wonder what happened to Bjorn
Darth GW7:
The part about you being blinded, maybe
Darth GW7:
not you rather
Shanto:
lol
Shanto:
Yeah

Ehthos:
Well played

Xannan Hawkflight:
best not to think of it

Ahwassa:
He's missing the opportunity of a lifetime

Xannan Hawkflight:
Bjorn can catch up if we send him a letter or something.

Ehthos:
It's fine, Ahwassa pretty much saved us all

Z'ar Kor:
Without him I may be able to get a drink in peace.
Lampshade:
Dude, are you hitting on me?
Shanto:
No
Shanto:
wtf
Darth GW7:
lmao
Darth GW7:
Hjort
Darth GW7:
That guy?
DM:
hm
DM:
?
Shanto:
I'm a possitive person
Shanto:
I can't be possitive in your general direction without hitting on you?
Shanto:
You're not my type
Shanto:
For one
Lampshade:
Just kidding
Shanto:
You have a dick
Darth GW7:
Shant may be "That guy"
Shanto:

Darth GW7:
hitting on lamp
DM:
Darth, stop throwing that term about
Darth GW7:

DM:
None of you have been horrible enough players to be considered a 'That Guy'

Ahwassa:
Thanks Ehthos
Lampshade:
Your name is hard to type

Ahwassa:
How far is the portal?
Shanto:
Intentional
Lampshade:
Should I have been Mmrnmhrm then?
Lampshade:
Just to be an ass
DM:
heh
Lampshade:
That's actually my nick in a couple of things if you're not aware

Ahwassa:
What are you doing in Sigil by the way, Ehthos?
Lampshade:
we were in sigil, irght?
Lampshade:
right*
Darth GW7:
Yep
Darth GW7:
Still are
Lampshade:
goodie
DM:
we good to go?
Lampshade:
Yeah
DM:
Alright
Lampshade:
Was just trying to fill the silence

Ehthos:
Traveling, mostly
DM:
The Courier stops at what seems to be a random door in the middle of an alleyway.

Ahwassa:
This is it?

Courier:
You there, with the key.

Courier:
Keep your hand on the frame.
Lampshade:
everyone?

Xannan Hawkflight:
yes?

Courier:
But go through last.

Xannan Hawkflight:
ok
Shanto:
I'm staying here if we need to roll

Courier:
Be prepared. The destination changes.
* DM rolls: d20 => 8
DM:
huh

Xannan Hawkflight:
Come on everyone

Ehthos:
Okay
Darth GW7:
brb dinner

Ehthos:
Lets do this
* Ahwassa goes through the portal.

Courier:
Good luck
* Ehthos goes through portal
Lampshade:
Assume darth goes too?
Lampshade:
or do we wait?
Shanto:
I can only assume so

Xannan Hawkflight:
Z'ar?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Are you coming?
DM:
oh, dinner
Lampshade:
Guess we'll have to wait
DM:
want to wait?
Shanto:
He's at dinner
Shanto:

DM:
ok
Lampshade:
So....
GRiM:
ok...
Lampshade:
I guess you can write the description of the place we end up meanwhile
Lampshade:
I heard you DM's love that
DM:
sure sure
GRiM:
and draw some plot stuff
GRiM:
like the place we end up
DM:
no drawing
GRiM:

Lampshade:
I'm guessing drawing is a pain in the ass
Lampshade:
Especially if we spend like two minutes in the room
GRiM:
nope. tool is super easy to use
DM:
It's restricting, though
DM:
It means some places I'll be more prepared for than others
GRiM:
it's helpful for relative position , and a sense of unified direction
Lampshade:
But you really need that only in combat
Lampshade:
Otherwise text works pretty fine
GRiM:
well combat can happen at any time
Lampshade:
So when DM starts to draw stuff, we should get worried
Lampshade:
And is Shanto writing some kind of novel there?
DM:
Shanto isn't writing
Lampshade:
weird
Shanto:
?
Shanto:
I am
Shanto:
Not
DM:
Huh
Lampshade:
It said you did for me
Lampshade:
weird
Shanto:
Sorry rofl wasn't paying attention
Lampshade:
While we're waiting
Lampshade:
Who's the worst player you've DM'd?
Shanto:
Us
DM:
Yes
DM:
Get out
DM:
all of you
Lampshade:
:
Lampshade:
:
Lampshade:
hmm
Lampshade:

DM:
:\
GRiM:

DM:
No, actually, I've had pretty good luck with players.
DM:
Nothing interesting to tell there.
Lampshade:
aww
Lampshade:
DM horror stories are fun
DM:
They are
DM:
although
DM:
not fun to partake in, I would think
Lampshade:
Heh
Lampshade:
Well, DM stories are usually pretty funny
Lampshade:
or at least interesting
Darth GW7:
back
Lampshade:
yay
DM:
alright
GRiM:
finally
DM:
There's a new map in the Select Map option at the top right
DM:
move your tokens there
Lampshade:
cool
Darth GW7:
it's...
Darth GW7:
100% black!
Lampshade:
yeah
GRiM:
no map
DM:
zoom out and in
Darth GW7:
what a beautiful place
Lampshade:
Now I'm there
Lampshade:
Wait, Sigil was REALLY a big-ass grassland?
Lampshade:

DM:
heh
DM:
shuddup
GRiM:
ok.
DM:
we ready?
GRiM:
I'm through
Lampshade:
All here
DM:
The portal disappears behind you.
DM:
You are falling
* Xannan Hawkflight places the key back securly in his pocket
Lampshade:
Priorities!
DM:
You are falling through the air
Darth GW7:
well shit
Lampshade:
How long is the fall?
Darth GW7:
Shame none of us can fly
Darth GW7:
OH WAIT
DM:
You are roughly 200 feet above ground
Lampshade:
Save us, oh might dragonbobrn
Shanto:
I roll to fly on the dragon
Lampshade:
mighty*
Darth GW7:
shame I can't actually fly
GRiM:
spot check
Darth GW7:
shame I can't actually glide either since I have medium load
GRiM:
for cliffs close enough to grab
* GRiM rolls: d20 -1 => 12 - 1 = 11
Lampshade:
Well, gg guys
DM:
Players fall, everyone dies?
Darth GW7:
Let's all roll for funsies
Lampshade:
Indeed
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 13 - 1 = 12
Darth GW7:
ha
Darth GW7:
one better
DM whispers: nope
Lampshade:
I roll a spot check
* Lampshade rolls: d20 => 15
Darth GW7:
Can I open my wings?
Darth GW7:
I can't glide
Lampshade:
I got 18
Darth GW7:
But it must slow me done
Lampshade:
with skill bonus
Darth GW7:
*down
DM:
but more air resistance
GRiM:
I roll a jump check to see if i can jump of Z'ar right before we hit the ground and slow myself
* GRiM rolls: d20 +3 => 3 + 3 = 6
DM:
...
Darth GW7:
you-
Darth GW7:
but-
Darth GW7:
what-
Darth GW7:
what.
Shanto:
did you say there was any kind of cliff
Shanto:
Near us
Shanto:
Or wall
DM:
Nope
Shanto:
Or something
GRiM:
my other plan was to double jump. that somehow made more sense
Darth GW7:
nothing
GRiM:
i said that
GRiM:
i wanted to check if there was
DM:
Suddenly
Lampshade:
DM whispers: there is something glimmering in the air beneath you.
Lampshade:
We're saved!
DM:
You land in a huge, soft net. It feels like silk. You hear voices in the distance "New meat! Drag 'em in!" The net shifts as people on a nearby cliffside drag you towards them. When you reach them, they pull you up, and give you a look over.
Darth GW7:
Did opening my wings do nothing?
Darth GW7:


Xannan Hawkflight:
Faaantastic.
GRiM:
can we identify what the people are?
DM:
Sure, gimme a minute
Lampshade:
I'm pretty sure they're not exactly "people"
DM:
Most of the people are humanoid. They look similar - pale skin, tired eyes, torn clothing.
Lampshade:
Yay, we're getting mugged by a group of hobos
GRiM:
do they look weak? strong?
DM:
weak
GRiM:
how many are there?
DM:
about half a dozen
DM:
hang on a minute
GRiM:
to arms?
Lampshade:
Anyone got some sick aoe?
Lampshade:
Also, we're in a net
Darth GW7:
Is there solid ground below us yet?
GRiM:
yes they pulled us up
Lampshade:
I'm guessing it's too far
Shanto:
Can I roll for escape artist?
GRiM:
same
DM:
hang on a minute
* GRiM rolls: d20 +4 => 8 + 4 = 12
Shanto:
np
Darth GW7:
don't jump the gun
Lampshade:
Wait for the DM?
Darth GW7:
We don't know if there's ground below us yet
Darth GW7:
or how far it is
GRiM:
we do
GRiM:
read
GRiM:
scroll up
Darth GW7:
They dragged us towards them
Lampshade:
Oh, we're on solid ground
Lampshade:
I think
Darth GW7:
We could still be dangling over the edge of the cliff
Lampshade:
Sooo...
Darth GW7:
wait for Dee emm
Lampshade:
Skyrim in 9 days btw
Lampshade:
Booyah
Shanto:
mmmmm
Darth GW7:
SR3 in 16
Lampshade:
SR?
GRiM:
http://skyrim2011.info/
Darth GW7:
saints row 3
Lampshade:
oh right
GRiM:
8 days
GRiM:
3 hours
GRiM:
32mins
Lampshade:
Nice
Shanto:
You can get it on the 10th
Shanto:
From steam
DM:
The leader has a strange look about it. It stands about as tall as a human, but its eyes look bulbous and fish-like, constantly shifting, and its body has incredibly strange proportions. Its limbs are too long, it's navel area far too skeletal to support its weight. It is a hideous mockery of humankind.
Shanto:
If you use a VPN to activate it
Lampshade:
I'm not gonna buy it from steam
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
storystuff
GRiM:
map
GRiM:

Lampshade:
Is it a...
Lampshade:
Murlock?
DM:
Heh, no
Lampshade:
Murloc*
Darth GW7:
Are we above solid ground yet?
Lampshade:
Planar knowledge check?
DM:
Yes, the humanoids have helped you up
DM:
Planar or Religion
* Lampshade rolls: d20+5 => 7 + 5 = 12
GRiM:
then can i roll to escape now?
Lampshade:
religion has +5
Darth GW7:
I try to cut a way out
Lampshade:
Can I roll both?
GRiM:
only 1 at a time
DM:
you're not being held down by anything
Lampshade:
What about the net?
GRiM:
we were in a net
DM:
They helped you out of it
Darth GW7:
oh
Lampshade:
Oh

Ahwassa:
Thank you
GRiM:
sense motive check
Darth GW7:
^

Ahwassa:
Who are you?
Darth GW7:
Are they hostile?
* GRiM rolls: d20 -1 => 8 - 1 = 7
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 18 - 1 = 17

???:
No no, you the intruders. Who are you?

Ahwassa:
You people have the upper hand here

Ahwassa:
We don't even know where we are

???:
And that is why we get questions, yes? Speak up, who are you?
DM whispers: What was that for?
You whisper to DM: Sense motive

Ahwassa:
We're a bunch of nobodies

Ahwassa:
Hired for a job

Xannan Hawkflight:
mercenaries
* Z'ar Kor whispers "Shut up" to xan
DM whispers: They are curious, but you sense they could quickly turn hostile
* Xannan Hawkflight slaps Z'ar
Darth GW7:
Roll to hit then bitch

???:
Mercenaries? On Orthys? Ha, who you work for? Demons? Devils? Angels?
Darth GW7:
come on
* ??? spits
Darth GW7:
just you try to roll to hit

???:
'loths?
Lampshade:
Planar knowledge on orthys
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 8 + 3 = 11
Darth GW7:
Lamp you are a pure fountain of information today
DM:
Orthys is the first layer of Carceri. No more knowledge.
Lampshade:


Xannan Hawkflight:
ok so we are in Orthys

Xannan Hawkflight:
thats a start...

Xannan Hawkflight:
we were supposed to meet someone I think.
Lampshade:
'ioths was the one we were working for right?
Lampshade:
I remember someone mentioning them
Darth GW7:
Loths
DM:
loths, yes
Darth GW7:
As in yugoloths

Ahwassa:
(whispering) Shall we tell them the truth?
Darth GW7:
or absorbaloths

???:
There are lots of someones in Carceri. Who sent you? You you seek?

Xannan Hawkflight:
(whispers) whats the harm?
* Z'ar Kor remembers the words of the Yugoloth

Ehthos:
(whispers) We hardly know anything about it either

Z'ar Kor:
We're looking for a friendly 'loth. Do you know where we can find them?
DM:
It is getting more and more agitated. It's voice gets higher and reedier as it gets more frantic.

Ehthos:
Yes, a peaceful 'loth

Xannan Hawkflight:
(whispers) we can take these fellows if things get hairy

???:
A 'loth?
* ??? spits

???:
A peaceful Loth?

Ehthos:
Yes

???:
Yes, stories. Have heard.

???:
Stories.

Ahwassa:
I'm afraid to ask, but what kind of stories?

Ehthos:
A friend of ours, told him we'd find him on the first plane of this place

???:
Stories of a peaceful Loth

???:
Yes, find him here. This orb too, if stories true

Ehthos:
(whispers) I think this guy was dropped one to many times as a child
DM:
Child?
Lampshade:
Spawn?
Shanto:
Spawn/child

Z'ar Kor:
Do you know where he is? Or someone who would know?
DM:
...sure. Let's go with that, close enough

???:
Loths a loth. Why you come to Carceri looking for a Loth? They not liked here.

???:
They hated here.
Shanto:
I'm not speaking literally

Xannan Hawkflight:
Money

Xannan Hawkflight:
I'm not fond myself. but work is work

Ahwassa:
We got a contract

???:
Money, money, always money. Always leads to Carceri.
* ??? laughs

Ehthos:
Do you know of whom we speak?

Ehthos:
And more importantly, can you take us to them
* Lampshade rolls: d20+5 => 16 + 5 = 21

???:
I know. He stays near portal to Grey Waste. Coward, me says.
Lampshade:
secret rolls, whoooo

???:
It about 2 miles that way
* ??? points to east. Or what you think is east

Xannan Hawkflight:
right

Xannan Hawkflight:
thats enough for me

Ahwassa:
Will you let us go?

Z'ar Kor:
Thank you very much. Is there anything you would like from us?
DM:
The creature is a Farastu, one of the Gehreleths. They are natives to Carceri.
Lampshade:
Gee, helped
DM:
hang on a sec
DM:
geez
DM:
god
Lampshade:
okay okay
Lampshade:
I thought you had all this copied somewhere where you can paste it
DM:
What, no
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
You should
Lampshade:
Just open up the d&d wiki and copy paste away
DM:
It is said the god of the Gehreleths, Apomps, creates Farastu, the least of the Gehreleths (or 'leths, or Demodands) by breathing life into the rotting corpses of those who venture into the lower planes. Farastu act as infiltrators into the Prime Material, as well as slave drivers to the petitioners of Carceri. There can only ever be 3,333 Farastu alive at one point, although they can 'dissolve' themselves and retain sentience at a later stage.
DM:
This is often used in wars - the higher-up 'Leths can throw the disolved Farastu at foes, replacing each dead warrior on the battlefield.
Shanto:
That's creepy
Lampshade:
Yeah
DM:
There's more if you want
Darth GW7:
we're in the lower planes now
Darth GW7:
get used to it
Lampshade:
No need
Lampshade:
We got the point
DM:
On other 'Leths
Lampshade:
So that means my character knows about the 'Leths?
Lampshade:
So no need to roll the next time one of them come up
Darth GW7:
You seem to know everything today...
Lampshade:
Heh
Lampshade:
I'm a fucking ecyclopedia
DM:
No, you only know some basics.
DM:
Not intricacies
Lampshade:
encyclopedia
Lampshade:
Anyways
DM:
The slime-disolve thing is a fairly major feature of the 'Leths, so it's kinda well known

Ahwassa:
Why do you have that net set up over the canyon?

Farastu:
To stop the dying. Stupid primes, waltzing in and out of Carceri like they own the place. Not fair. I let you go. Want no trouble from the Leths, not alone.

Ahwassa:
Fair enough

Ehthos:
Well, there's some luck at last
Lampshade:
I was so sure this was gonna be a combat

Ahwassa:
We'll be leaving then

Ehthos:
So we should head east?
GRiM:
yes

Ahwassa:
Yes

Farastu:
East yes.

Xannan Hawkflight:
lets go

Farastu:
You see it soon enough
Lampshade:
Muahaha, stole your line

Farastu:
The Pillar and gate.

Z'ar Kor:
Our thanks, again. We'll be going now.
* Farastu scuttles off to repair the upper net
Lampshade:
That's enough moving
Darth GW7:
NO
Darth GW7:
NOT FAR ENOUGH
DM:
hangonhangon
* DM rolls: d20 => 2
Lampshade:
Good thing?
Darth GW7:
Hopefully...
Shanto:
The guy trys to speak
Shanto:
and dissolves
DM:
gimme a minute, trying to find the right book
Lampshade:
Oh
Lampshade:
Wait, is this a random encounter?
GRiM:
hope so.. bored as fuck.
Darth GW7:
hnnnnng
GRiM:
so far all fetch stick
GRiM:

DM:
make spot checks
* Darth GW7 rolls: 1d20-1 => 20 - 1 = 19
Darth GW7:
...
Darth GW7:
well that's the end of that
* GRiM rolls: d20-1 => 2 - 1 = 1
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 5 + 3 = 8
* DM rolls: d20 + 9 => 17 + 9 = 26
Darth GW7:
NATURAL TWENTY YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH
* Shanto rolls: d20+3 => 10 + 3 = 13
Lampshade:
YEAAAAAH!
DM:
true
Lampshade:
You spot 'em extra good
GRiM:
now we have to hope it was something important he saw
Lampshade:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT-eZs2OKOs
DM:
heh
DM:
You are passing through a huge swamplands, with scorched earth for ground and turgid, filthy liquids for water. From behind a nearby hill, you hear a scraping sound
Lampshade:
Undeads!
Lampshade:
I hope
GRiM:
roll to listen
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 3 => 8 + 3 = 11
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 2 + 3 = 5
DM whispers: you see something green moving in the distance, over there
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 3 => 4 + 3 = 7
* Z'ar Kor gestures for the party to stop

Z'ar Kor:
Wait. I see something.
You whisper to DM: where?
Lampshade:
What do your dragonborn eyes see?
Lampshade:


Ehthos:
What do you see?
GRiM:
lol
Darth GW7:
horse sex
DM:
mmm
DM:
wait
DM:
what
Darth GW7:
something you're not telling us, hjort?

Xannan Hawkflight:
whats that scraping?

Ahwassa:
Ready weapons
DM:
says the man obsessed with dragons
* Xannan Hawkflight takes his bow out

Z'ar Kor:
There's something... Something green, over there.
* Z'ar Kor points
* Xannan Hawkflight preps an arrow
DM whispers: It's moving
* DM rolls: d20 => 13
You whisper to DM: Towards us?
* Ehthos readies self
DM whispers: no

Z'ar Kor:
It's moving... But not towards us.

Ahwassa:
Where is it going?
DM whispers: its just moving on the spot, apparently. Keeps appearing and disappearing over the top of the hill
DM:
You hear a snapping sound, followed by some deep giggling

Ehthos:
I really don't like the sound of that
* Z'ar Kor whips around to the source of the noise
Darth GW7:
Listen check

Xannan Hawkflight:
giggling green things?
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 15 - 1 = 14
* DM rolls: d20 => 17
DM:
And silence falls
Lampshade:
Can I cast a spell?
* GRiM rolls: d20 +3 => 14 + 3 = 17

Z'ar Kor:
Draw your weapons.
DM:
what spell?
* Z'ar Kor draws his longsword
Lampshade:
sec
* Ehthos gets into a fighting stance
Lampshade:
Omen of Peril
DM:
the direction is upwards, btw
DM:
where's that spell?
Darth GW7:
Wait what
Lampshade:
Complete divine
Darth GW7:
was that to me?
Darth GW7:
"The direction is up"
Lampshade:
Pretty much a spell that tells if we're screwed or not
DM:
that was to everyone
Darth GW7:
Did you... choose your spells?
DM:
I assume you would have told
DM:
...yes
Lampshade:
No....
DM:
We're just going to go with yes until the next res
DM:
rest
DM:
now, hush you
Lampshade:
Okay
Lampshade:
page 172
Lampshade:
btw
Darth GW7:
Is the green thing still where it was before?
GRiM:
have we seen it enough to place a token for it yet?
DM:
no, hang on
Lampshade:
I'm being so annoying ^^
GRiM:
i'd like to roll a move silently check
GRiM:
and move in closer
GRiM:
to look at the green thing
DM:
Okay
* DM rolls: d20 => 1
DM:
heh
* GRiM rolls: d20 +8 => 8 + 8 = 16
DM:
yeah, okay
DM:
alright
Lampshade:
Kord is saying blood and death to me
Lampshade:
whoops

Ahwassa:
Kord is saying blood and death to me

Ahwassa:
Not mine, however
GRiM:
search check?
DM:
There is a hunched, vaguely humanoid figure crouched over the corpse of a man. Its fur is thick with mud and blood, but has a green tinge to it
GRiM:
oh
DM:
It is engrossed in it's meal

Ahwassa:
Xannan, is it dangerous?
Shanto:
Is this to everyone?
Shanto:
Or Xannan?

Xannan Hawkflight:
come up here guys
Darth GW7:
...
* Ehthos moves to xannan
Darth GW7:
Smoth.
Darth GW7:
Smooth

Xannan Hawkflight:
i think whatever this is killed someone
Darth GW7:
Moving silently then
Darth GW7:
"HEY COME HERE GUYS"
Lampshade:
haha

Ehthos:
Should we even be getting close to it?
GRiM:
well now we are too close for it too run if i scare it
Lampshade:
Planar knowledge?
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 15 + 3 = 18
DM:
sure
DM:
Right
Lampshade:
Dangerous?
Lampshade:
I bet you wish you had planar knowledge now
DM:
This is a Dretch, a demon. They are among the lowest of the Tana'ri, just above petitioners. They have a savage lust for battle that all demons share, but none of the wit of their superiors.
Lampshade:
But
Lampshade:
Dangerous?
DM:
Little bit
DM:
Yeah
GRiM:
I attack with one shot of my bow!

Ahwassa:
Careful guys

Xannan Hawkflight:
forget carefulness
DM:
The good news is
DM:
Since you were hidden, we initiate a surprise round

Xannan Hawkflight:
beasts are beasts and should be put down for sport
DM:
You're a terrible ranger
Lampshade:
hehe

Ahwassa:
How noble of you
DM:
There should be an initiative modifier on everyone's sheet, yes?
GRiM:
yes
DM:
right
* Lampshade rolls: d20-2 => 5 - 2 = 3
Lampshade:
goodie
DM:
Initiative determines the order that the battle goes in.
* GRiM rolls: d20 +4 => 9 + 4 = 13
* Shanto rolls: d20+3 => 8 + 3 = 11
DM:
darth?
GRiM:
darth roll for intiative
Lampshade:
Did he go afk again?
Darth GW7:
oh sorry
Darth GW7:
Wasn't paying full attention
Lampshade:
-.-
Lampshade:
Roll
* DM rolls: d20 => 15
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+1 => 5 + 1 = 6
Darth GW7:
...
Darth GW7:
well fuck
Lampshade:
So
Lampshade:
Monster goes first?
DM:
Normally
Darth GW7:
But surprise buttsex
Lampshade:
But surprise d´round?
DM:
Order is - Dretch, Grim, Shanto, Darth, Lamp
DM:
Yes
GRiM:
so me first
GRiM:
?
Shanto:
Btw how does my dodge come into play
DM:
In a surprise round, everyone who is aware of the enemy makes an attack. Everyone who isn't is unable to move
Shanto:
as a feat?
Shanto:
Do I roll dodge
Shanto:
Or
DM:
no
Shanto:
Does it just get factored in?
DM:
you get a +1 to AC from a single opponent each round
DM:
and since there is only a single opponent
DM:
Right, there are three actions per round - attack/standard, move and minor, as well as infinite free actions. That;s fairly simple, yes?
Darth GW7:
yep
Lampshade:
Sure
GRiM:
yep
GRiM:
when using bows , is it best to be slightly further away or closer?
DM:
Further away, but still in range
GRiM:
ok
Darth GW7:
I don't think it matters in terms of hitting them
Darth GW7:
Unless you're right next to them
Darth GW7:
In which case they get an attack of opportunity
DM:
After a certain distance, its factored in
GRiM:
is it time for the first attack of the suprise round for me then ?
DM:
yes
GRiM:
ok
GRiM:
I move here
DM:
okay
GRiM:
thats doable in one move right?
Darth GW7:
That's your move action
Darth GW7:
Yeah
DM:
year
GRiM:
face left
DM:
no need to say where you face, tbh
GRiM:
then fire my long bow
Darth GW7:
FIRST ATTACK OF THE CAMPAIGN
Darth GW7:
MAKE IT COUNT BOY
Shanto:
How far does a quarterstaff reach again?
DM:
roll a d20 + attack bonus
GRiM:
ok
* GRiM rolls: d20+4 => 8 + 4 = 12
Lampshade:
Not THAT bad
DM:
no
Darth GW7:
oh well guess it was too much to ask for the first attack of the game to hit
DM:
But the arrow still misses. WIth a thunk, it sinks into the body and not the dretch. You hear the body scream - it's still alive.
GRiM:
shit
Lampshade:
Nice one
Darth GW7:
LOL
Shanto:
Ouch
Darth GW7:
Not anymore it's not

Xannan Hawkflight:
Sorry!
Lampshade:
A true marksman
Darth GW7:
LOL
GRiM:
i yell as a free action
GRiM:

GRiM:
damage calc on the body?
Lampshade:
Who's next?

Ehthos:
Oh wow, is there a chance they'll live?
DM:
sure, roll for damage on the body
GRiM:
ok
* GRiM rolls: 1d8+4 => 3 + 4 = 7
Lampshade:
Bet it's a crit
Lampshade:
shit
Darth GW7:
nah
Lampshade:
Would have been hilarious
Darth GW7:
Crits are calculated on the attack roll
GRiM:
yep

Corpse:
Oh sweet Paladine, help me!
Lampshade:
"The body explodes in a shower of guts and blood"
DM:
Shanto?
Shanto:
It's me
Shanto:
Yeah?
Lampshade:
knowledge check on Paladine....
Lampshade:
I'm guessing religion
DM:
yeah
Darth GW7:
stop showing off
Shanto:
Okay I can roll that
Darth GW7:
it's a god alright
Lampshade:
fine
Lampshade:
I won't roll
Darth GW7:
yeah
Darth GW7:
showoff
Lampshade:
heh
GRiM:
i feel really bad for hitting that guy ;_l
Lampshade:
Don't worry, I'll heal him after
Lampshade:
If he survives
DM:
psst - he's being eaten alive
Shanto:
Right so I move?
DM:
I don't think an arrow matters
DM:
yeah Shanto
Shanto:
Er what's the range on my staff?
Lampshade:
Can we attack diagonally?

Xannan Hawkflight:
We must kill the beast quickly before he eats the poor man!
DM:
adjacent square, and yes, diagonally
Shanto:
Np
Shanto:
Okay I move there
Shanto:
I want to use Flurry of blows?
Lampshade:
no range incerement on quarterstaff
DM:
Yeah, sure
DM:
One normal attack and one at -2
Shanto:
So roll a d20 first?
DM:
d20 + 3
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 3 => 14 + 3 = 17
DM:
alright
DM:
and d20 + 1
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 1 => 1 + 1 = 2
Shanto:
lol
Lampshade:
heh
DM:
...notsomuch
Shanto:
FUCK THIS GAME
Lampshade:
The other attack hits the man?
DM:
how?
GRiM:
lol
Lampshade:
Would be hilarious
Lampshade:
Wait, a critical miss
Shanto:
Then my attack roll?
Lampshade:
ouch
DM:
roll for damage
Darth GW7:
CRITICAL FAILUUUUUUUUURE
* Shanto rolls: d6 => 2
Shanto:
Nice
GRiM:
lol
DM:
+3
Shanto:
5
Shanto:
Kay
Shanto:
So that's done
Lampshade:
Darth is next
Darth GW7:
my go my go my go
Darth GW7:
Do we get a bonus to attack rolls for surprise?
DM:
wait
DM:
You smash the creatures skull, but the rebound from the attack causes your staff to fly out of your hands and fall nearby.
GRiM:
hahah
Lampshade:
Do you have a generator making those?
DM:
not yet, just whatever seems right
Shanto:
I'm not weilding my staff fyi
DM:
no
DM:
because it's on the ground
Shanto:
But I get the jist
Shanto:

DM:
Darth?
Darth GW7:
Do you get bonuses to attack rolls for surprise?
DM:
no, but the combatant takes an AC penalty for being flat-footed (which is when you haven't acted during combat yet)
Darth GW7:
Ah
Darth GW7:
Okay
GRiM:
damn must have really hurt the man
Lampshade:
Heh
Darth GW7:
Okay
Darth GW7:
And I attack with my longsword
Darth GW7:
for massive damage
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+4 => 19 + 4 = 23
Darth GW7:
FUCK YE
DM:
noice
Lampshade:
Ooooh
Lampshade:
Almost critical
* Darth GW7 rolls: d8+3 => 6 + 3 = 9
DM:
is that a threaten?
Lampshade:
heh
Darth GW7:
It IS a critical
Lampshade:
no
Darth GW7:
Longsword = 19-20
DM:
it is
Lampshade:
crit is natural 20
Lampshade:
oh
Darth GW7:
Not for some weapons
Darth GW7:
What do I do for crits again?
Lampshade:
didnt know
DM:
right, crits work differently in 3.5
Darth GW7:
Another attack roll?
GRiM:
crits are specified on weapon
Lampshade:
x2
GRiM:
*2
GRiM:
yes
Lampshade:
says in your character sheet
Lampshade:
18
Lampshade:
ouch
DM:
but hang on
DM:
nope
GRiM:
:/
DM:
you roll another attack, basically
Darth GW7:
So...
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+4 => 2 + 4 = 6
Darth GW7:
...
Darth GW7:
bollocks
Darth GW7:
Normal hit then
DM:
what was the first damage?
Lampshade:
9
DM:
You slice the dretch just at the shoulder, severing one leg. It screams at you in agony and fury
DM:
Lamp, your turn
Darth GW7:
At the... shoulder?
Lampshade:
I attack with my sword
Darth GW7:
Oh wait
Darth GW7:
it's on all fours
DM:
still no flanking
DM:
:(
Darth GW7:
Should have flanked it
Lampshade:
Can I still flank it?
DM:
how far did you move?
Lampshade:
15
Lampshade:
I think
DM:
darth stop
Darth GW7:
sory :C
DM:
yes, you can
DM:
move to a square opposite an ally
Lampshade:
and then attack
Lampshade:
so d20 + attack?
DM:
yes
* Lampshade rolls: d20+1 => 7 + 1 = 8
DM:
+2 for flanking again
DM:
not that it matters
Darth GW7:
I need to go soon
Lampshade:
damnit
DM:
after this combat?
Darth GW7:
Will it be long?
DM:
one more round
Darth GW7:
Kay
Darth GW7:
gogogo
Lampshade:
It's the enemy turn
DM:
The dretch, still infuriated by Darth severing its limb, attacks him
GRiM:
lol
Darth GW7:
17 AC bitch
Darth GW7:
try it
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 12 + 4 = 16
GRiM:
whats that dot on the floor?
Lampshade:
The staff
DM:
Shanto's staff
Darth GW7:
17 AC
GRiM:
ok
DM:
heh
DM:
it has multiple attacks per round
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 19 + 4 = 23
Lampshade:
Nice knowing you
* DM rolls: d20 + 2 => 2 + 2 = 4
* DM rolls: 1d6 + 1 => 5 + 1 = 6
DM:
Its remaining fist smashes into you. 6 damage.
Darth GW7:

Shanto:
Who?
DM:
Grim?
Darth GW7:
Me
DM:
Darth
Darth GW7:
donkey
Shanto:
Okay
Lampshade:
Because Darth is the only one who managed to do something?
Lampshade:
Grim's turn?
GRiM:
is it?
DM:
grim, since you're shooting into melee
Shanto:
Omg
DM:
you take a -4 on your next attack roll from that angle
Shanto:
He's going to kill us
GRiM:
i'm gonna move
DM:
ok
Lampshade:
Brilliant idea to flank him
Shanto:
If you miss
GRiM:
there
Shanto:
IF YOU MISS
DM:
that angle is fine
Darth GW7:
woo
GRiM:
see
GRiM:
nuttin to worry bout
Darth GW7:
then he gets a critical miss
Lampshade:
And hits the man again
GRiM:
haha
Shanto:
Or one of us
Darth GW7:
"Sorry! Again!"
Lampshade:
Aim for the guy who's being eaten!
Shanto:
Is friendly fire on?
Shanto:
lololl
Lampshade:
That way critical miss hits the demon
Darth GW7:
sv_cheats 1
GRiM:
ok can i roll now?
Darth GW7:
buddha
DM:
1d20 + 4, yes?
GRiM:
yep
* GRiM rolls: d20 +4 => 10 + 4 = 14
DM:
nope
Darth GW7:
a valiant effort doctor freeman
GRiM:
nope what?
Lampshade:
What's the ac on that thing?
DM:
I can't say
Lampshade:
oh right
DM:
more than 14 though
Lampshade:
we have to guess
GRiM:
damn
DM:
Shanto?
GRiM:
arrows do nothing
Shanto:
Er
Shanto:
I guess
Shanto:
Unarmed strike
Shanto:
Improved
Darth GW7:
gogogo
GRiM:
i updated my ammo
GRiM:
what happened to my arrow
GRiM:
hit the guy agian?
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 3 => 8 + 3 = 11
GRiM:
or the ground...
Lampshade:
probably just went over
Darth GW7:
it flew away
Shanto:
Then I roll a d6?
DM:
only if it hits
Lampshade:
doesn't look like a hit
Shanto:
Oh
DM:
it didn't
Shanto:
No hit
DM:
you can still make flurry of blows, can't you?
Shanto:
Yeah
Shanto:
Okay
Shanto:
So another d20 + 1?
Lampshade:
Spells are standard actions, right?
DM:
yes
* Shanto rolls: d20 + 1 => 6 + 1 = 7
DM:
to both
Shanto:
Oh well
DM:
ah
DM:
Darth?
Lampshade:
We're so good at fighting
Darth GW7:
My go?
Darth GW7:
Ah yes so it is
Darth GW7:
I use my dergon breath
Shanto:
?!?!
Shanto:
That seems
Lampshade:
I'm right behind him you asshole
Shanto:
Risky
DM:
hehe
Shanto:
Can I move
Shanto:
If he does this
Darth GW7:
It's only 5ft range
Darth GW7:
:v
Lampshade:
not your turn anymore
Darth GW7:
Which is adjacent square
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
we're safe!
Darth GW7:
Hmm
Shanto:
I'm not I'm diagonally am I not
Darth GW7:
What sort of energy would be best against it, you think?
Lampshade:
Just something
Shanto:
fire
Darth GW7:
Yeah
Darth GW7:
I'll go with fire
Lampshade:
Fire sounds great
DM:
planar check?
Lampshade:
fine
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 18 + 3 = 21
Darth GW7:
nice
DM:
not acid, cold, or fire
Lampshade:
And I get good roll on THAT
Darth GW7:
oh
Lampshade:
what else there is?
Darth GW7:
...
Shanto:
Water gun
Darth GW7:
Which leaves me electricity
Shanto:
GO BLASTOISE
Darth GW7:
Okay, electricity it is
* Darth GW7 rolls: d8 => 7
Shanto:
Wait
Shanto:
fuck
DM:
wait what
Lampshade:
There's an electricity breath?
Darth GW7:
Yeah
Lampshade:
cool
Shanto:
I was gonna do a spot check to see if there was water near by
Darth GW7:
The damage can be acid, cold, electricity, or fi re, changing on each use as the dragonborn chooses
Lampshade:
I don't think it's water
DM:
darth, 7 damage?
Darth GW7:
Yeah
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 15 + 3 = 18
DM:
3 damage
Darth GW7:
darn
Darth GW7:
reflex save?
DM:
yeah
Lampshade:
Is it dead yet?
Darth GW7:
Kill it kill it kill it
DM:
Nope. Nearly
DM:
Lamp?
Lampshade:
I attack!
Lampshade:
gotta save spell for healing
* Lampshade rolls: d20+1 => 11 + 1 = 12
Lampshade:
well fuck
Shanto:
fuuuuu
DM:
...
GRiM:
dont worry guys
GRiM:
i have a cunning plan
Shanto:
Isn't someone gonna die?
DM:
The dretch pities the party. And then attacks them.
Lampshade:
haha
Darth GW7:
ie me
DM:
Lamp, I think. Biting time
DM:
and scratching
Lampshade:
eep
Darth GW7:
and gouging
Darth GW7:
and tearing
Darth GW7:
and ripping
Darth GW7:
and oh god the blood
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 9 + 4 = 13
Lampshade:
And other nasty things
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 20 + 4 = 24
DM:
...
Lampshade:
So
* DM rolls: d20 + 2 => 7 + 2 = 9
Lampshade:
What should I reroll as?
Lampshade:
I was thinking of wizard
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 19 + 4 = 23
Shanto:
Wow are you dead
DM:
alright
Darth GW7:
wow
DM:
all at once?
Lampshade:
Well this was fun!
* DM rolls: 3d6 + 3 => 17 + 3 = 20
DM:
20 damage!
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
dingdingding!
Lampshade:
fucking hell
Lampshade:
wait!
Shanto:
Heal
Shanto:
Bubble
Lampshade:
only one attack?
DM:
3 attacks
Darth GW7:
...
Lampshade:
fuck
DM:
two to take you to 0
Lampshade:
and two can oneshot me
Darth GW7:
hjort
DM:
and then 1 to take you to -6
Lampshade:
ok
Darth GW7:
oh
Lampshade:
ok
Lampshade:
Can I retcon
Lampshade:
for the party?
Shanto:
?
DM:
who says you're dead?
Lampshade:
And use my daily?
DM:
...fine.
DM:
no
Lampshade:

Darth GW7:
I thought lamp was gonna die
Darth GW7:
20 damage at 10hp = -10
Lampshade:
what about the third attack?
Darth GW7:
= insta death
Darth GW7:
:V
Shanto:
Didn't pass your AC I don't think?
Lampshade:
oh right
Lampshade:
So
Lampshade:
I can blow my daily to try to save myself
Lampshade:
but still go down
DM:
what
DM:
what daily
Lampshade:
Luck domain!
DM:
oooh
Shanto:
ima lol if you fuck this up
DM:
I'll let you retcon it, yeah
DM:
1 reroll
Darth GW7:
don't blow the daily
Lampshade:
roll for dodge?
Lampshade:
hehe
Shanto:
*tense drum roll*
Lampshade:
wait
Lampshade:
I mean
Lampshade:
what do I reroll?
DM:
the attack from last round, I guess
Lampshade:
yeah
DM:
unless you want to use a spell
Lampshade:
that one
Lampshade:
hmm
Lampshade:
Can I save the guy with lvl 0 spell?
DM:
you can stop him dying, yes
DM:
but I wouldn't
DM:
because next turn, you take all that damage
Lampshade:
He's an asshole?
Lampshade:
Yeah
Lampshade:
Spell it is
Shanto:
Why would we all take damage?
DM:
why?
DM:
no, Lamp takes damage
Shanto:
Oh
Darth GW7:
all the damage he would have taken
Lampshade:
Inflict light wounds
DM:
I'm allowing 1 retcon. And then we proceed as normal
DM:
oh, ok
* DM rolls: d20 + 2 => 8 + 2 = 10
DM:
attack of opportunity failed
DM:
continue
GRiM:
lol
* Lampshade rolls: d8+1 => 2 + 1 = 3
Lampshade:
OH COME ON
GRiM:
dont worry we'll drag you to a temple
DM:
waitwaitwait
Shanto:
gg lamp
Lampshade:
I like how I died to the first fucking enemy EVER
Darth GW7:
can we hurry up please I really need to go :v
DM:
whay
DM:
It's funny
Lampshade:
if it weren't for retcon
DM:
It only had 2 hp left
DM:
gratz
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
ohew
Lampshade:
phew
Lampshade:
So did that blow the daily?
DM:
yes
GRiM:
did it die?
Lampshade:
ok
DM:
yes
Lampshade:
yes
GRiM:

GRiM:
I had a awesome plan
DM:
will we divvy up loot and xp next time?
Darth GW7:
how did he blow the daily if it died
Darth GW7:
:v
Lampshade:
My daily
Lampshade:
Is one rerol
Lampshade:
reroll
DM:
he still redid the action
Darth GW7:
oh
Darth GW7:
anyway
Darth GW7:
we done?
Lampshade:
It's because I worship a god of luck
DM:
yes, done
DM:
next wednesday?
Lampshade:
Okay
Shanto:
Sure
Darth GW7:
Sure
GRiM:
sure
GRiM:
i'll save
Shanto:
I'm confused though
Shanto:
Did lamp die
Lampshade:
no
DM:
no
GRiM:
we can divvy up loot when we get back
Darth GW7:
he's unconcious
Lampshade:
I have a retcon daily
Darth GW7:
Anyway
Darth GW7:
gtg
Lampshade:
It didn't happen
GRiM:
and talk to this man
Darth GW7:
See you guys
DM:
adios