#Ratemyargument

SHAUN: Sorry I upset your really not my intention. I suppose I would just ask you try and imagine if you did think racism was a real structural feature of the world and one that was the cause of great suffering and misery. How would you then feel about a friend who just denied it was real? I find it hard to discuss this with the kind of detachment that I can, say, metaphysics. Inevitably when it comes to issues of justice I have a large degree of emotional involvement so when someone I love says something i find awful it creates quite a degree of cognitive and emotional difficulty. That's all I really meant, came out far crueller than I either intended or really mean.

DOGLATINE: I just feel quite ground down when you adopt what feels like a judgmental and frankly sometimes sanctimonious attitude towards me, which seems to happen with depressingly increasing frequency in our political debates. Too often it's like you think I'm some kind of moral moron and you're trying to save my soul. Even in the message above you talk about how YOU have a large degree of emotional involvement in issues of justice, as if other people didn't. The fact is that we both have sincerely held but slightly differently aligned moral intuitions on some subjects (though I daresay we have more in common politically than most people). But rather than look for common ground or charitable readings I frequently feel like you're actively acting like a prosecutor, going after not merely my arguments but my very character, as you did explicitly in our last conversation. I suspect it comes partly from your fiery and frequently very impressive debating skills, but the fact is that I largely don't apply the same tactics to you, nor do I recall ever having suggested that my opinion of you is imperiled by our differences of opinion, and if I did, you'd probably hang up on me and otherwise take offense. I'm happy for us to engage in fiery rhetorical jousting or to keep it nice and civilised but given the strong reactions you've had on several occasions in the past when I've started to let the rhetoric fly it really doesn't feel like we're playing by the same rules. For my part, when we get onto more polarising issues, I increasingly make a point of looking for common ground and trying to find broadly charitable readings of what you say, and I certainly don't think I've ever cast serious aspersions about your good intentions. If you have serious concerns about my moral character after all these years of friendship - and taking into account that even in political matters as I recall, we've actually voted the same way in every election in our lifetime - then I don't know what to tell you. I would also remind you that when we're talking about issues of race I am actually married to a non-white person and have mixed race children so if we're talking about personal exposure to these issues it's rather hurtful for you to suggest that I somehow have a blindspot for these things without at least acknowledging this or asking for how it may have informed my perspective.

DOGLATINE: It makes me sad that while we used to have brilliant free-ranging open-minded political debates and we can still have great discussions about philosophy or games or most other things, when politics comes up these days I know I'm probably letting myself in for a scolding. I'm aware part of this is the way politics has become increasingly polarised and having genial debates about politics is getting harder, but I still manage it with a few friends with views across the political spectrum. But for us it seems like it's getting harder, which is a great shame given how good some of our past discussions have been. But perhaps we could consider how we might go about creating a more respectful and inclusive atmosphere in our political discussions, or failing that, perhaps adopt a moratorium on politics as the best way forward, because as matters stand I feel like I increasingly have to hold my tongue or else face admonishment and criticism not merely of my views but also my character.