Channels Khepri to talk to Panacea

Instead, as though summoned by my aborted reach for that future Amy, a familiar presence prodded, gentle but insistent, at the edge of my mind. My first instinct was to push her away, but after a moment of consideration, I braced myself, and for the first time, I willingly let her in.

Help me help her, I told Khepri.

And unlike the last two times, Khepri settled in, a featherlight nudge at the back of my head, carefully steering the direction of my thoughts, rather than the overwhelming domination she’d been before.

“I can’t,” I told Amy.

“What do you mean, can’t?” she demanded.

“Because it wouldn’t be you,” I said. “It would be a…another Amy, a different Amy. She wouldn’t have made the same decisions or mistakes or lived the same life as you will. It’d be the same as me and Khepri — someone you could have been, if only things had gone differently.” After a moment, I added, quietly, “If only you hadn’t had me.”

“You?”

“Khepri and the Amy in her life were never friends,” I admitted. “Khepri… Some of the things Khepri did, they only made things worse for her Amy. Only pushed her to make worse decisions. The Amy Dallon of that world, that timeline, the life she lived was one where she had no one she could rely on and no one to stand by her. Not even the sister she loved so much.”

Because Khepri and the Undersiders had helped destroy that, too. Maybe it hadn’t been the one thing, the only thing, but the beginnings of that wedge had been sharpened by the things that had happened in the bank, during that ill-fated confrontation between Vicky and Amy and Tattletale and Khepri.

Amy’s eyes went wide. “You… You can’t mean…”

“That Amy had a lot of…of regrets,” I went on. “She made a lot of mistakes. She did a lot of things she hated herself for, and she punished herself for them, too. I… One of the things Khepri regretted was that she wasn’t able to do more to help that Amy.”

There had never been any time for it. Never a moment where it had been possible to reach out to Amy and help her, for one reason or another. Whether it was just because there were so many other things going on or because it was the middle of a fight or just…not being able to focus on it, Khepri had never been able to help Amy.

Not even in the moment where she needed it most.

I offered Amy the brightest smile I could. “But I’m not Khepri, and you’re not that Amy. You don’t have to be alone, and you don’t have to make those decisions alone. You have me to rely on. You have me to stand beside you. And you have me to pick you up if you stumble and fall, okay?”

Tears gathered in the corner of Amy’s eyes, and she reached up to wipe them away as she sniffled. “You’re so fucking cheesy,” she said, but it lacked any heat.

And all the other times? Amy… That Amy would never have accepted it. Because their first interaction together was as enemies, and it was one that had done irrevocable damage.

I didn’t reply to that. “You can’t keep running away from the things you’re afraid of. Eventually, they’ll catch up to you, and you won’t be prepared to face them. But…when you doface them, when you’re ready to face them…I’ll be there to face them with you.”

She sniffled again, shaking her head. “I-I don’t know… I d-don’t think I… I can’t…”

I hesitated a moment. Khepri directed me, and I had a quick, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it flash of a woman with Asian features smiling, before she pulled the memory back like she was reeling in a fish.

“If you can’t do it now,” I allowed, “then I’ll heal Brandish. And when you’re ready to meet those fears face to face, I’ll be there to help you.”

Amy offered me a half-hearted but grateful smile. “Th-thank you.”

I let out an internal breath of relief, and to Khepri, I gave my own silent, Thank you. Then, she slipped away, and I was alone again in my own head.