Actors:
Sir - my weeb friend
Diva - the cosplayer girl
Ninja - the kendo guy, former BF of Diva

Glossary:
VK - russian Facebook
--------------------------------------------
Diva was in the relationship with Ninja, but then Sir met her and made her fall in love with him. Whoops. She decided to break up with that guy, but here's a problem: he is a huge attention whore.
While trying to break up with him and move to another apartment, Diva saw:
- Ninja trying to shoot himself in the head with an airsoft gun in an attempt to cosplay Persona 3, while Diva and her friend were watching scared shitless;
- Ninja telling her he's gonna jump/kill himself in other ways
- Ninja stalking her social network pages etc.

After some time she decided to move, but couldn't say it to his face. She did, however, change her VK page so that he couldn't stalk her and they put their relationship on hold. The thing is that Ninja knew Sir, so if he saw them together, some problems would have arisen.

A week later.

Ninja say that he'll let her go only if he sees somebody with her. However, as I sai earlier, Sir is not really an option, since those two just CAN'T STAND EACH OTHER. Also, considering his suicidal tendencies, she is too scared to just block him and let Sir handle the talk.

A month later.

So, Sir and Diva did get into the relationship. Happy end? No, after a couple of weeks they both deleted their VK pages and cut off all contact with other people. My friends' chat is furious, yet we are laughing about the hilarity of the situation. Sir logs in the next day and says that they broke up.

The epilogue, half a year later.

We ask Sir about how did it all end. He says that Diva and Ninja got together, but with a twist: Ninja is now super friendzoned. She calls him "brother", and she's cut off all contact with Sir. We proceed to laugh like crazy about how she traded Sir for that suicidal idiot, yet still friendzoned him.

The end.