Artemis- The Luna Minor

Myles could not know it, but Artemis was simply softening him up with these small nuggets of news, so his real announcement would have a greater impact.

Here it comes, brother, he thought.

‘I suppose you’re right about the microbes. But you may be interested to know that the moon has a moon.’

There was silence for a moment, made longer by the delay, and then Myles said, ‘I think there must be an echo on the line. I thought you said the moon has a moon.’

‘Why yes, brother,’ said Artemis lightly. ‘I said exactly that. I have discovered an inferior moon in geocentric orbit, forever in the shadow of the dark side. It is barely five miles above the surface and possibly was originally part of the main body, but it is a moon nevertheless. I have called it Luna Minor. Quite a find, I think you’ll agree. One might even call it a feather in the Interstellar’s cap.’

Myles was silent once more and Artemis could hear the waves lapping the shore near his brother, and he could almost hear the cogs turning in Myles’s brain engine as he searched for a way to undermine Artemis’s triumph.

And Myles did find a way. ‘Tell me, Doctor. How big is this moon? What is its exact diameter?’

Artemis played it casual. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Somewhere around six miles.’

Myles was having none of it. ‘Somewhere around? Somewhere around? That is akin to saying that the DNA of a chimpanzee is somewhere around that of a human. What is the exact diameter of your so-called moon?’

‘Six point zero nine miles,’ admitted Artemis. ‘But there is no formal literature dictating…’

‘Six miles, Doctor,’ said Myles sharply. ‘Six miles is the accepted minimum. The literature exists, as you well know, and it is only a matter of time before it is formalised.’

‘It’s still a moon,’ protested Artemis weakly.
…

Artemis clipped a carabiner to the stasis tube so that he would not float away during his lecture, and began:

‘Earlier today, I, Artemis Fowl the Second, was the first person… the first human to locate and classify the hidden moon which I have named Luna Minor. Preliminary scans reveal that the mantle of Luna Minor is largely composed of orthopyroxene and clinopyroxene. The crust, as you might expect, is mostly oxygen, silicon, magnesium, iron, calcium, and aluminium. But it’s in the trace elements where things get interesting. There is titanium, of course, along with potassium and hydrogen, but what’s this? Gold, old friend. Gold that may have bled through from the core. Imagine that, Butler. A moon with a heart of gold. You will pardon my flowery rhetoric, but if that is the case then it is possible that we have found a refuelling station for our solar panels and our scientific mission can be extended indefinitely.’

-Luna Minor