Apples and Clover, Over and Over

>be me, bonky
>i've invited myself to fix pickle horse-man's church
>it has a few problems
>first, he says it's boring
>second, he says it's not rigorous enough
>third, they won't let him wear his really good bus driver's blind-fold
>i'm a little intimidated tho
>because my knowledge of the orthodox church
>comes from scary russian paintings
>although that phrasing's a tad redundant
>I see the big persian style dome from a distance
>and there's a guy nailed up there!
>they have a friccin guy nailed up on the roof!
>thank goodness it's not a horse
>so I pull up on them
>and I'm immediately greeted by four cassocked priests
>bearded
>with piercing black eyes
>they point
>in unison
>CATECHUMEN, they shriek
>and i bolt
>i don't know what a catechumen is
>but it sounds like some sort of parasite
>and i need all my parasites
>i got none to spare
>so i'm going to have to go under the cover of night
>but instead i fuck off into a field all night eating apples because i'm a horse
>i go back another time though and there's no cossacks
>so i march right in and kick the door open and it looks like i arrived at a bad time
>because there's families and old people in there
>and pickle horse-man
>it's the dang church service!
>i shout I OBJECT!
>the people all look around at me
>a little man comes up to me and asks me to please leave
>i say i have a right to speak
>they say no you're on private property
>they say i am trespassing
>i say i am allowed to make my case
>they ask me to please leave
>i trot up to the priest
>who scared me the other day
>and called me cat-a-human
>i look him straight in the eyes
>i say hello
>i am here to represent my friend pickle horse-man
>i look back at him
>he's pulling his ears down over his eyes
>my friend pickle horse-man, i say,
>has asked to wear his blindfold
>and i say we let him!
>here-here! i say
>the people are silent
>they ask me to please leave
>AND FURTHERMORE, i shout
>I HAVE IDEAS
>for the sermons
>in your sermon, you shall include,
>hereforeward,
>one color, one animal, one character from any of pickle horse-man's favorite franchises,
>one reason why you appreciate pickle horse-man,
>and one foul internet meme
>those apples got me feeling weird, i say aloud
>he's drunk! someone shouts
>i'm not drunk, i say, i'm just apple-woozy
>there's a cloth on the altar they've laid out
>i grab it
>all the crap they piled up on it falls to the floor
>i run over to pickle horse-man with it
>and toss it
>so it billows over him
>HE DOESN'T LIKE TO SEE YOU PEOPLE, i shout to the rest of them
>SO YOU SHALL KEEP HIM C O V E R E D
>please leave or i will have to call the authorities
>KEEP
>HIM
>-> COVERED <-
>i scan the crowd
>like a bird, i say, like a bird,
>and begin to sashay out of the doors
>i swing back around though
>i say i feel like i'm forgetting something
>please leave.
>well, i say, saving a bit of work left undone gives me a reason to come back
>and check up on all of you
>i reel around and fall down the front steps of the church
>i lay there for a while
>sun feels good
>stone feels cool
>horse feels happy
>i burp
>and it tastes of apples and clover