Fatanon 12

>Day 70 in Equestria
>You are Anonymous, and you are feeling good.
>More tubby than fatass, and feeling light on your feet, you can't help but wonder about how you got here.
>It's night time right now, and your waiting for Dash in front of a restaurant.
>What's strange is that the restaurant is kind of a fancy one.
>The only fancy one in Ponyville, in fact. Dash mentioned that Rarity got them a reservation and she figured she would check the place out.
>You're in a suit, but knowing her she'll show up with her mane all messed up and...
>That thought goes out the window when you finally notice Dash walking towards you. She looks stunning, to say the least.
>She's wearing a dress, and from the way it looks and what she's told you, it's the same one she wore to the Gala a while back before you got here. Her hair isn't all mussed up, it lacks its usual tangles and tomboyish look. Just by looking at it you could tell Rarity spent hours brushing her hair and throwing product into it; there's no way Dash could have done all this on her own.
>It's still strange that you find her and Twilight so attractive, but thinking about human women also gets you going.
>Maybe you're just a xenophiliac, awesome.
"Hey Dash."
>"Hey Big Guy."
"So uh... what's up with this place?"
>You gesture to the restaurant behind you. Just by looking inside real quick you can see the fancy red carpet and all the rich ponies at white clothed tables.
>Dash shrugs, "Rarity says it has really good food, and I didn't want to make her all pouty by saying no. She said she's paying expenses tonight, too."
"Damn, I keep forgetting to tell her how much of a bro she is."
>She smiles, "Yeah. She may be all prissy and proper, but she knows how to spoil her friends. Wanna head inside?"
"Yeah, let's do it."
>Might as well dive straight into the beast's maw.
>It's going to be a long night if you complain about everything, anyways. Just enjoy that you get to eat out like this for once.
>You and Dash are seated quickly, and brought water before your butts even hit the chairs.
>There's a few ponies around staring at you, judging by how crazy rich some of them are they probably haven't seen the human of Ponyville yet.
>You quickly decide on some fancy cheese bread looking meal that you can't pronounce the name of, and Dash orders the biggest salad on the menu.
>While the waiter is away Dash leans over the table and grins, "So I was thinking we could head up to Canterlot some time."
"What for?"
>"A while back I won the Best Young Fliers competition in Ponyville, way before you got here. Turns out I got something interesting in the mail yesterday. An invitation to a Wonderbolts tryout. Since I won the competition I automatically qualify."
"That's great, you're gonna blow it out of the water!"
>She barely suppresses a girly squeal, "It's gonna be great. It'll be different though. On my own it's easy to look totally awesome, but if I'm up there flying with a team it's a completely different story. They're not just gonna be looking at how good I am, and I'll need to practice formation tricks. I can probably talk a few of the better fliers at work into helping me out with practice."
"Man, all I do all day is work with Twilight, heh."
>"Haha, you should be glad. It's a job isn't it?"
"Very, very true."
>It isn't long before your waiter, a unicorn, returns with food and... a wine bottle. He smiles as he uses his magic to pour the wine and serve you up, "Miss Rarity asked you be served our best wine."
>You can't help but laugh a little.
"It's good to have friends in high places."
>You go to take a sip of your wine...
>"I guess so. Knowing her she wants us to get drunk and rut."
>And promptly spit said wine all over the table.
>Dash leans forward and plants her chin on one of her hooves with a smug grin, "Did I say something shocking, Anon?"
>You're still coughing and sputtering as the waiter rushes to clean up the wine.
>When you're fully recovered you glare at Dash, who just sticks her tongue out with a laugh.
>Is she... flirting with you?
>No way.
>Then again, she's obviously interested enough to go on dates with you. You sigh and shake your head with a smile.
"Now you're just not playing fair."
>"What was it Twi told me that one time... Ah! 'All's fair in love and war.'"
>You smirk.
"So which one is this?"
>She blushes and rolls her eyes, "War, obviously. You're my worst enemy."
"Shit Dash, if I'M your worst enemy, all those evil monstrosities you guys have defeated must have really been cuddly teddy bears."
>"Pretty much yeah. All pushovers, one blast from the elements or an equal force and they're done. I don't think the last guy we beat even got to talk much. I can hardly remember his name... Sombrero or something like that."
>You try not to laugh at how ridiculous that sounds, and you barely succeed.
>Both of you start enjoying your meals, the conversation exhausted for the time being.
>It isn't long before you're both done.
>Before you can leave, however, a well dressed couple walks to your table, and both of them look pretty pissed off. The stallion looks particularly spoiled, clearly looking down his nose at the both of you.
>"You must be Rainbow Dash and Anonymous." He speaks your names as if they are coated in venom, and you can't help but get peeved at the way he's talking to you.
>Dash herself looks like she's about to lose it, and that's just with one sentence coming from that guy.
>You'd hate to imagine how much this will escalate if he speaks again.
>"I expected a mare like you to date outside of your own species."
>Too late.
>Dash is in his face in a flash, "What the fuck did you just say?"
>He scoffs, "I'm merely here to tell you that the Missus and I don't approve of your life choices. We've been in Ponyville for a few months now, and we see the way you act around Twilight Sparkle and Anonymous."
>Dash's eyes narrow, "I would pick your words carefully."
>"Perhaps you should leave. I tire of looking at you."
>God, how can anyone be this much of a jerk?
>Well, there he goes, stumbling back because HOLY SHIT DASH JUST PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE!
>The restaurant falls into a panic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFfCKy0nKr0
>Dash is on top of the asshole in less than a second.
>What you don't expect is the asshole's girlfriend to charge at you, screaming.
>You react without thinking, bringing your fist right to her cheek.
>It is in this moment that you have a flash of clarity.
>You just punched some crazy bitch in the face, and Dash is beating the crap out of a stallion.
>Isn't this situation kind of... reversed?
>It doesn't matter for long, because said crazy bitch is back on her feet and OH MY GOD SHE'S TRYING TO FUCKING BITE YOU!
>The lobby door of the restaurant is busted open, and you swear for a second that you hear police sirens.
>Looking over, you see ponies in royal guard armor, glaring in the direction of the conflict, "Hold it!"
>No time to hold it, crazy bitch trying to chew your neck off!
>You bring an arm forward and lock it on her throat so that she can't get access.
>You look over and see Dash still beating the tar out of Mr. Prissy.
>It might be a good idea to focus on the one trying to attack you, Dash could obviously handle herself.
>You bring your other arm around the mare's neck and judo flip her right onto some poor lady's table, who just screams and runs off.
>Feels badass.
"Stop trying to bite me you crazy fucking horse!"
>She doesn't listen, already standing on the table and prepping to jump at you.
>What the fuck is wrong with her?
>She jumps towards you, but you duck deep down and only her hooves end up scraping your back as she goes careening over you and right into another table, shattering it.
>You turn immediately and pin her down, grabbing the table cloth from the shattered table and stuffing it in her mouth.
"Yeah! You like that you crazy bitch?! That's what you get for trying to fucking eat me!"
>You're tackled to the ground by a royal guard.
>All four of you end up getting arrested.
-------
>So here you are, sitting in pony jail with Dash.
>Her beautiful hair is all messed up now, and her dress is torn in several places.
>You're in pretty bad shape yourself. Your suit is all fucked up and your tie got lost in the fight somehow.
"Well, it was a nice night until those two showed up."
>Dash grins, "Nah, that part was pretty awesome too."
"Well, yeah, but now we're stuck in a cell."
>"Yeah, but maybe those two will think twice next time they want to talk to somep0ny like that."
"I'll give you that one. Maybe that mare SHOULD be locked up, I think she was trying to eat me."
>Dash laughs, "Oh come on, she was a scrawny thing, how bad could it be?"
"About as bad as someone trying to eat me alive."
>A long moment of silence passes.
>Then, Dash starts to laugh softly. After a moment it gets louder, and lighter. It's a beautiful sound, and apparently contagious, because you start laughing too.
>All you and Dash can do is succumb to your laughing fit, as the guard outside your cell shakes his head.
-------
>You're both released within five hours, even though Dash was the one that started the fight. Obviously that meant he wasn't pressing charges. You think Mr. Prissy is afraid to mess with you, but you're worried he'll come back with money and a lawyer.
>As you and Dash are walking to the library, you frown, "You got a lawyer?"
>She grins at you, "Best one in Equestria. I get in a lot of fights. There's been a couple of suits filed against me already."
"From what I saw tonight you only hit people who deserve it."
>"I'm actually a lot better about it than I used to be."
"Oh?"
>"Yeah. Part of the reason it's been so difficult to get into the Wonderbolts is because I got into a lot of fights. That all changed when I met Twilight," she says with a smile. "I became an element, and Twilight became a really close friend. The only reason tonight's fight happened is because he had no business talking like that. I guess I still have buttons left to be pushed."
>You can't help but laugh.
>You reach over and ruffle her hair, causing her to blush.
"Troublemaker."
>She sticks her tongue out at you, "Shut up."
>The rest of the trip back to the library is spent in silence.
>When you get there, you lean against the door and Dash looks up at you with a smile, "Tonight was awesome Anon."
"Yeah..."
>The awkwardness is getting more palpable, she's just staring at you now.
>Right as you're about to say goodnight, Dash sighs.
>"Fuck it."
>She flaps her wings, floating from the ground and right into you, pushing her lips into yours.
>This isn't the first time you've been kissed, but it's definitely a lot better than you remember it.
>Your first kiss was clumsy and strange.
>This one was precise.
>No tongue or anything, just a kiss.
>She lands back on the ground, and her face is almost entirely red, "N... night Big Guy. See you at ten sharp in the morning."
"Yeah."
>Dash flies off, you think you hear a whispered, "Yes," as she does so.
>You turn around and open the door to the library, and there's Twilight with a shit eating grin on her face, "I saaaw that Anon."
"Voyeur."
>"So what if I am?" she asks with a sultry voice.
>Whoa... okay.
>"Come on in." Her voice is back to normal now, "I've got some books I need help with before we pass out."
>You shrug, might as well.
"FYI we got in a fight."
>"Dammit Anon."