7/5/2011  7:12:36 AM   Okay
7/5/2011  7:12:37 AM    so
7/5/2011  7:12:45 AM    Ive had a lot of time to contemplate things
7/5/2011  7:13:10 AM    and some things are still fuzzy, but those are most philosophical and other questions about myself in particular
7/5/2011  7:13:25 AM    as for ones regarding you.. I've figured things out
7/5/2011  7:21:56 AM    7/4/2011 1:18:10 PM Rinduri Windy Dog I dont know 7/4/2011 1:18:16 PM Rinduri Windy Dog what to think, that is 7/4/2011 1:19:37 PM Windy Dog Rinduri hahaha 7/4/2011 1:19:53 PM Windy Dog Rinduri well, if you figure it out, let me know
7/5/2011  7:22:27 AM    It was what I was trying to figure out on Sunday, but the whole thing was thrown through a loop
7/5/2011  7:22:45 AM    emotions.. feelings.. Ive never been so much in touch with them. It's scary
7/5/2011  7:22:56 AM   And it's fun
7/5/2011  7:23:42 AM    I had a crush on you online, before I met you. I loved your personality and we got along well enough. You were one of the few people who I thought could relate to me on a deeper level.
7/5/2011  7:23:51 AM  Rinduri  Windy Dog  I STILL believe thats true. Just subconciously
7/5/2011  7:24:13 AM    But when I met you, and things went.. not the way I wanted them to.. I found that I didnt feel anything for you
7/5/2011  7:24:46 AM    Not that entire trip, and I expect thats also why I was a bit more distant. Had I felt something I probably would have been a lot more playful, etc.
7/5/2011  7:25:47 AM    So come Sunday I was just trying to figure out what to do and why this happened. That's why we talked so much. At that time I honestly didn't know if I ever would meet anyone again let alone you. Saturday was terrible... Sunday was great.
7/5/2011  7:26:52 AM    But I figured why not get something out of it and try to have sex or whatever, and so we did.. and then I was thrown around a bit again
7/5/2011  7:27:17 AM    Men are supposed to be able to stick it wherever they want.. get in, get off, get out.. no strings attached
7/5/2011  7:27:42 AM    Women are the ones who get emotionally strung up with things. At least thats I thought
7/5/2011  7:28:45 AM    I told you a bit of that.. Ive never had anyone be that close to me physically, or hell, even care to try or care to make me happy.. and although its self-gratifying in many ways, sexual acts most definately is part of making another feel good
7/5/2011  7:30:01 AM    and that connection with you.. took me by surprise. It was SUPPOSED to be just for fun and to experiment, and it was.. but the whole setting and everything else, and your attitude of being calm and compassionate which I HATED in other terms (always serious, right) really did mean something to me
7/5/2011  7:30:33 AM    and I wasnt sure what it was for awhile since those two days were so crazy.. but I guess I do now
7/5/2011  7:31:46 AM    Im not sure how you feel for me. You said as a friend.. I can respect that and Im not trying to strong-arm you to do anything but.. what I felt for you online.. after what we did, I feel for you in person on an equal level if not even stronger
7/5/2011  7:31:53 AM    It's a good feeling..
7/5/2011  7:33:10 AM    Its not just the sex or anything.. through that youve made me consider so much. You made me happy. I.. havent felt that for a very, very long time. Like.. you made me actually calm.. and Im always so stressed.. it's just so nice. How can I not like or want that?
7/5/2011  7:33:44 AM    And youve made me see a lot more about life and your own philosophy than what I did before.. rewarding to say the least
7/5/2011  7:34:39 AM    You've stated our differences. Personality and interests.. and I agree wholeheartedly. Interests aren't that big of a deal.. and although I view you as being a lot more 'boring' Im sure you view it the same way with me. Honestly, I cant see that as a problem
7/5/2011  7:35:51 AM    As for personality.. there are two factors. One is that for the majority of the trip I was very strung up. I wish I could have stayed after we did stuff because that was probably as real of a me as you can get. I think we would get along on some level, but not all of it
7/5/2011  7:36:56 AM    As for the rest.. your personality of being calm etc.. is in direct opposition of my habit over over-thinking and the like. I know you saw this. And for the first time in my life Im considering dropping my stance.. because you're right. It is pointless in the end and it is killing me.
7/5/2011  7:37:18 AM    so basically what this all sums up to is that Im not going to run away
7/5/2011  7:37:43 AM    I may have, had I not been close to you that night, but I was and so now I can see so much more
7/5/2011  7:38:11 AM    hell, and even if I dont have reasoning behind it maybe you can understand that.. maybe its all just feelings and emotions that I just want to pursue
7/5/2011  7:38:50 AM    I want to meet with you again, with me being more relaxed and generally just.. happy with you
7/5/2011  7:38:58 AM    you can see the whole side of me then, I think
7/5/2011  7:39:06 AM    its funny
7/5/2011  7:39:18 AM   I was thinking about how much I wished I could have hugged you
7/5/2011  7:39:40 AM   And Ive never wanted that before
7/5/2011  7:39:50 AM    Anyway, as for the meeting thing
7/5/2011  7:39:57 AM    I know you need time
7/5/2011  7:40:02 AM    I do too
7/5/2011  7:40:26 AM    So I guess I'll talk to you more about that later, in person. This is probably getting rediculously long anyway.. but I needed to say it
7/5/2011  7:41:16 AM    I want to know more about you. I want to know you as a friend and maybe more. Now it's not a zoo thing.. now it's just personal
7/5/2011  7:41:30 AM   I hope you would like to do that too
7/5/2011  7:42:07 AM    I'll call you during my break later today.. I dont think you'll object to that