INTRODUCTION: I am the narrator of many, many children's televised motion pictures. The temporal location in which I was conceived was in '69 because I was a Vietnamese Chimpanzee.

Yes, I was an ape. A dirty, foul, quelting raisin in the midst of the hairy fruitlings who had been spared the toils of sundried basking. My perverse existence is the epitome of your deranged spectation, which I hereby deem vile and repulsive. Voyeur is NOT a sane medium through which any individual should propel their sexual torpedoes, so cut it out, bub.

I can see you've been viewing us from afar, salivating in your groin, dripping the thick residue of forbidden lust, anticipating the moment in which you can confess your primitive ideals to the world in hopes of finding a pack of hungry wolves such as yourself to make a move on us big game. Our meat is succulent and tender and you can do nothing but ogle at the massive repositories of vibrating flesh deposited in our bodies as we traverse the vast terrain of the African Plains.

"Those gargantuan hambeast," you think to yourself as you spring off into the land of the unknown, the endless landscape that seems to unfold into the sky, possessing limitless quantities of unhindered serenity and quantum complexity; and so the physicist is spawned.

You know what must be done, you must save the world from the flaming sphere of death in the sky, preventing the world from becoming an enormous graveyard. You must teach all humans of the realm of science to rid them of their ignorance; it wouldn't hurt to also tell them that wolves don't reside in the African Plains.