Thread 32: Stories 1-15

Thread 32 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/18726218
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>DT
~~~~

She could sense him. Something deep, deep within her knew he was here, in this place, in this building. The sheer, primal force that beat in her chest told her, among all other things, that this was the right place she needed to be. She didn't just know, she felt.

She felt that, indeed, this place labeled 'confiscated storage area' in bright bold letters was the right place.

But, of course, she couldn't just go right up through the front doors. No, her cloak had to be the chameleons skin that enshrouded her in darkness as she slunk around the corner, looking for the perfect window to break in....

Okay, slight snag, there was, in fact, no window. Anywhere. It was a windowless building. Why was this a windowless building? Fine question, nobody in particular! There is no answer, of course. Instead, there is just annoyance. Lots of that.

Not 'turn around and go home', annoyance, of course. TBDRLIATU was worth a lot of things, a lot of things. Things like breaking the top off of one of the plates leading to the artificial sewer with a combination expansion chemical. Silent, yet forceful. Beautiful.

Far less beautiful was the abhorrent smell in the aforementioned sewer The sewer, which, apparently, was designed with much smaller wiggle room than anticipated. This was clearly a design flaw which would need to be corrected. But she would have all the time in the world to make her list, of course. After she found the proper bend in these pipes. The tell-tale bend that indicated they went right up too....

>Jackpot.

Now she just had to cross her hooves and hope nobody had to use the john at this exact moment. In hindsight, she should have prepared more of her expanding foam, but distilling the proper chemicals from the shampoo was hard, damn it, and she needed to see him again! Still, no matter, she had just enough to break the tile off the floor, and...

>...Hello.

The security guard on the pot just sort of blinked at her. Then rubbed his eyes. Blinked some more. Looked left and right as if he thought this was some sort of gag and someone would pop out. Blinked one last time, and then opened his mouth.

And then he promptly fell to the ground in convulsions as a sudden burst of electricity delivered via make-shift taser-stinger sunk into his chest, launched via a poorly made, yet somehow sturdy, slingshot. He was out in seconds, and would likely be out the rest of the night, and possibly the rest of the next day... probably not dead, though. I mean, yeah, that was a pretty bad shock, and he might have a pacemaker or something, but that's not totally likely... probably... maybe...

>OH THANK THE HOLY ROCKET!

Not dead! Definitely not dead! Phew!... A-hem.

A quick examination showed her that, of course, stealing the guards clothing and disguising herself within them was out of the question. Curse her tiny, filly-like body!

But no matter, she had his magical security card, all she had to do was sneak into whatever dinky cage this place could afford, unlock what was doubtlessly a dime store padlock, grab her Sexy that was no doubt being guarded by little more than a box and a prayer, and leave before anyone could even notice! It's a fool-proof plan!

>...What the fuck.

Or, at least, it was. And then she opened the door to the hallway outside the bathroom, and just happened to notice it looked peculiarly like a slip and slide. And was also very... very large...

>...Meh.

What's the worst that could happen?

With a single jump, her back end met slip and slide, and she was launched down the hallway at speeds that, frankly, seemed a tad unrealistic. If she weren't so focused on her mission, she might have even admitted this was, in fact, fun. A little fun. Just a bit.

>WHEEEE!

A BIT she said!

~~~~~

Unbeknownst to the filly going down the slide to parts unknown, a pair of eyes were watching her. Gazing into an enchanted jawbreaker, the red coals peering out from the darkness narrowed in mirth, and pearly white fangs emerged as a mouth split into a wide, elated grin.

“Naughty naughty...”

Just like that, they vanished. The only indication they had left at all the choking black shadows... and the soft sound of a *honk!* perfectly in timed with every hoofstep.

“What fun, what fun...”
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>32
"2"
'Morlocks'
-Blueblood-
{???}
~77~
[Spike]
<Shining Armor>

Pain, searing pain is all 32 can register as he crawls in the long tunnel to safety. His broken leg drags uselessly behind him, broken neatly in half by Blueblood cheap shot. He tries not to scream, he knows that will only bring the Morlocks to him faster. He needs to reach the light, he needs to find some way to stop the aristocrat...

He needs to feel the sunlight one last time.

'Tirvesh nakak revalsk!'

32 suppresses a growl, they are coming... He can hear the sounds of their hooves on stone, the scrapings of their weapons, the hisses of absolute malice escaping their maws. His body tenses, he tries to clock the nearest one's approach, he breathes deep.

The impact of a body pouncing onto his back is his cue to roll, catching his assailant off guard, leaving it to thrash under him as he smashes his back hooves into the face of an oncoming Morlock, tall and wiry, brandishing one of their vile bone spears.

The Morlock he's pinned to the floor sinks its teeth into the chitin on his neck, sharp fangs begin to penetrate his exoskeleton, drawing thick green blood. He slams his head back into his attacker's making it loll back as he pants and cocks his ear to the sound of enraged exertion. He rolls out of the way as the tall Morlock's bone spear comes down, the blade skewering its fellow, making it scream out, high-pitched, shrill. A female. All 32 can think is how glad he is one less litter-bearer breaths.

The wiry Morlock's eyes go wide as it regards the corpse of its ally. 32 can briefly see tears well up before it roars and comes for him again. He thrashes and crawls on the floor, desperate to get to the safety of the light. There's a whistle through the air, he tries to roll out of the way-

SHNK!

>AAAAAHHHHHHH!

His shout of agony brings a vengeful smile to the face of his pursuer. His left back leg is skewered by the spear, pinning him to the ground, drawing more blood.

'Selkak vulkir fregnus!'

>Fuck...you!

The spear exits his leg, only to slam in again, causing another cry of agony from the changeling. And again, and again as he moans and squirms on the ground. The Morlock laughs, advancing for the killing blow, the spear ready to jab at 32's neck.

It plunges down, but his head jerks to the side, causing the wicked blade to clatter on the stone. 32 lashes out with his good foreleg, snapping the handle and scrambling for the resulting knife. The Morlock hisses and falls upon him, biting and bludgeoning and screaming words he could not understand. The crippled changeling fought like a madman, wrestling with the Morlock on the ground, trying to bring his newfound blade to bear on it.

He felt teeth close on where his torso met his broken leg, ripping and tearing, and indeed chitin feel upon the floor, amidst a splatter of his blood. He choked out a cry of agony as the Morlock reared back for another more fatal attack. 32 pants and does the only thing he can...

He tucks his chin as the Morlock's maw comes down and rams it into the beasts mouth, blasting it with as much magic as he can muster. The Morlock's brain is destroyed in a conflagration of magical energy, its body flopping to the side as 32 coughs and spits up a gob of blood.

'Hurvesh teknae, monstrak?'

32 doesn't need to turn his head, he knows what lays behind him. The light is so close now, he just needs to keep going. He can hear them charging behind him dimly. Almost, almost...he can taste the heat from the summer air. He has to make it...

{My, you are a determined one, I'll give you that.}

His body flops onto warm stone, he grins, allowing himself to turn back, he can see a massive bruiser glare at him from the shadows, it knows it cannot follow, and it knows he knows. He smirks, savoring this last little victory.

Then he hears 2 scream, and he knows he is far from finished.

He crawls with what little energy this is left to him, making it out of the cave to find a stand off. Blueblood stands upon the edge of a cliff, holding 2 near it, a victorious smirk on his face, 77, a pony, and a dragon (he assumes Shining Armor and Spike) glare at him from a few steps.

- -and you WILL give into my demands or your precious little bug princess will be as dead as patchy there's brother.-

~Do you know no shame, you psychopath!?~

[You do that and I'll put a bullet in you so fast, you won't even have time to hear the bang!]

<If you hurt her I'll rip you apart, you hear me!?>

-No YOU hear ME! I want half the Equestrian treasury, I want an airship to fly me out of this doomed country, and I want you all to SHUT UP!-

32 grits his teeth, stifling a swear. He can't get over there in his current state without being noticed. A blast of magic from this distance would be too innacurate and weak after he went full bore on the last Morlock. He takes inventory of himself, two legs fucked, slowly bleeding out from a wound in his side, copious other injuries. What can he do?

The only thing he can.

He rolls onto his back, grinning at the Morlock still glaring from the darkness, reaches out to what little he remembers of their language, and he calls its mother a whore. A howl of rage issues out from the cave and in the next instant the Morlock charges, skin sizzling and already beginning to slough away in the sunlight. 32 grits his teeth as the behemoth comes for him, gathering his strength and preparing.

He rolls out of the way, allowing the beast to barrel forward, a macabre projectile headed right for a surprised Blueblood.

-What in the he-!?-

Blueblood has little time to cry out as the beast slams into him, the two going over the edge of the cliff, his scream intermixed with the creature's howl in a horrible harmony.

32 pants, dragging himself forward. Through blurred vision he can see 2 drop to the ground almost immediately scooped up by the pony in a tight hug, the dragon coming over to help. 32 is vaguely aware of the buzzing of changeling wings as he closes his eyes.

~Brother!~

32 pants, spitting another gob of blood.

>77....heh...heh...a sad fate, this. Finally...escape the caves...only to die...'causs of a Canterlor dandy...

~You're going to be okay, brother, we'll get someone to help you.~

>He said...Blueblood...said the Queen betrayed us...

~Brother, he...she...~

>It doesn't matter...I suppose...won't live to see her again...is the girl alright?

~Yes, Two is fine, just relax, we'll-~

>Then betrayed or not...I have served the Queen...brother I have...a request...

~...brother please...a~

>Bury me...where the shadows...don't linger...

32's eyes, still closed, noticing a spreading darkness that overlaps the darkness struggling against the light on his closed eyelids. He is fading away. He can feel the soft patter of water...tears, on his chitin. He has served his hive...he can let go.

And he does.

{Nicely done.}

He wakes up to the same darkness, he had known before.

>Am I...am I dead?

{Hm? Oh right, you're still the you I created. Let me just...resynchronize your memories...aaaand, there!}

It's as if floodgates are let loose in his brain, memories spewing forth, merging and settling with those implanted in him, giving context, horrible context.

He sees the faces of the Morlocks he's killed, and he wants to vomit. He sees the melting behemoth barreling into Blueblood-

>Grehm...

-the wiry one whose brains he vaporized-

>Rekulk...

-the small one, female, he maneuvered Rekulk into skewering.

>Vekir.

He remembers countless others, all slaughtered by him. He heaves and heaves, but nothing seems to come out of his nausea. The eyes regard him from the darkness.

{On you drama queen. You've not eaten anything to necessitate vomit. And you feel so bad for them? Need I remind you what they did? They needed to be culled, not coddled.}

>They were my friends...my students...my-

{Mine mine mine, yours yours yours! Do you hear yourself!? It's all about you, not about them, obviously! This is your crime in action, I'm afraid, these ideas of ownership, of achievement. Need I remind you what you are? A drone. A drone is not important, a drone is expendable, a drone is made to serve the Queen above all else! You have forgotten this, but I will remind you, this is swear, before I take this body you've wasted for my own.}

>Who...ARE YOU!?

{Hmph, is it not obvious?}

The owner of the eyes steps forward into 32's vision, and he cannot believe what he sees.

Because he sees...himself.

{I'm you, only better.}

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>Chrysalis
"???"
'???'
~~~~~

>Shut up, song stuck in my head because 18 only sings annoying songs, I'm in no mood for dancing. The dragon-shit has soured my dance moves. They are soured and disgusted.... Nope, not going to-

*SLAM!*

"Okay, think! Where could she of ended up!?"

'Ventilation shafts, sewers, alleyways, rooftops-"

"NOT HELPIN'!"

'What do you want from me? That's where she normally hides! She stays out of everyone's way most days.'

"Well, that's a problem! What if she gets grabbed by someone she don't know!?"

'I don't even want to think about that! Oh, the poor thing!'

"Lets jus' go down ta' the front desk, and have them call out fer' her on the intercom. She's gotta be within' hearin' range somewhere!"

'...oh no, what if you know who hears?'

"Shoot, Ah' didn't even think about that!"

'She could use this opportunity quite easily!'

"We'd never even know!"

'We have ta' find her, NOW!'

Normally, Chrysalis would just laugh at the pair and trot off to what she was doing. Shinybits trumps anything else most days. But... well, she did suppose this sounded important.

>Do you guys need help?

Even as she said it, she couldn't believe those words had come out of HER mouth. They sounded so foul and alien.

Of course, she had little time to ponder it, seeing as her mind was quickly drowned out.

"'AHHHHH!'"

"N-NO! NO WE DON'T"

'N-N-NOT AT ALL DARLING! JUST GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM! FOREVER! FOREVER EVER!'

"DON'T YA'LL EVEN BOTHER LOOKIN'!"

>Look, just tell me who I'm looking for, and maybe I can-

"N-NOBODY!"

'NOBODY YOU WOULD KNOW!'

"YA'LL AIN'T NEVER MET 'EM!"

'SO GO HOME!'

"LEAVE!"

>Fine! Fuck, try to help somebody.

Impossibly, her mood turned even more sour. What dicks.

Behind her, Applejack and Rarity let out a sigh of relief.

"...We have ta' find her."

'DUH!'

"..."

'Unladylike, I know, but seriously... DUH!'
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>SA
"2"
~~~~

>I'm starting to think Celestia is a bad influence on you.

"Why's that?"

>Well, mostly the cakes. All of them. The sheer multitude of cakes that my bank account is going to regret.

"But they make Auntielestia happy!"

>Right, but that's for therapeutic reasons, not... just stuffing her face.

"I'm jus' sayin', the cake was on the menu, and then I pushed a button, now I have cake! What'em I supposed ta' do, Shiny? Not eat the cake!? THA'S CRAZY TALK!"

>...Can't argue with that.

"Tha's what I thought! Now... can you help me with this?"

>Two, we're on vacation, you don't have to do your homework.

"I know but... but I'm gunna have ta' be like you someday, right Shiny? But I'm not like everybody else, I didn't get ta' go ta' school as much as them! They's got a big headstart on me!"

>Two, you're in kindergarten, you've got plenty of time to catch up.

"But Shiny... I can't just catch up, right? I gotta be ahead of them. You gotta do way more stuff than they do cause yer' prince, right? Doesn't that mean I gotta..."

Never did he think it would feel this good to lose an argument.

>...Well, when you put it like that, how can I refuse? What are we working on?

"Plusses!"

>Oh, that should be simple enough.

"Says you! I don't even see a blue or a purple here, how am I s'posed ta' know what's what!?"

>...Maybe we should stop having Cadence help you out so much.

"Yaay! That means yer' gonna have ta' help, right?"

>Or Eighteen, sure. Now, let's see here... two plus two is?

"...Uh..."

>S'alright, we've got all night. Let's see if I can make this simpler...

To think, they said this dad thing was going to be hard.

Must've been crazy...
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>Cadence
"Spike"
~~~~

"...Oh man, that's an unfortunate feeling creeping up my spine..."

>SPIKE! Good! Just the one I wanted to see!

"And now I've gone to full blown terror."

>Listen, I need your gun!

"Oh, okay. Now I'm relieved."

>...Didn't expect that.

"No no, I understand. Finally going to deal with Chrysalis, eh? Can't say I blame you. Not at all, really. But sorry, I don't have Charity, got confiscated before I got here. Can I suggest instead, electrocution?"

>...I... I just wanted the gun to look cool..

"Picture yourself standing over the corpse of a blown out bug monster, and you tell me that doesn't look cool. Would be cooler if you went after Chitania, but eh."

>Oh, uh... well, I'm just trying to, you know, look good. Shiny thinks we're getting old, and I need to show him what's what!

"Why do you care?"

>Because I'm not old!

"Well, no, you're not."

>HAH!

"You'll never be 'old', technically. You'll be like this, this right here, for all of time. You're never going to have to worry about growing grey and wrinkly, and you'll always have access to the current trends. Who cares if someone thinks you're 'old'? You'll still look like this when they're barely able to walk on their own."

>...

"But if you want my advice, I don't know, look a little darker? OH! Get, like a HUUUUUGGGEE sword! That would be awesome! And then make the sword set on FIRE! And then add in little guns! With fists! Fists that give a thumbs up after they hit! And make it all green!"

>...

"...I like green. Green's a cool color."

>I'll... I'll keep that in mind.

"Cool. Whelp, gotta go find my princesses! Have fun with whatever you're doing!"

>Sure... go... go enjoy your time.

"I sure will! Have a nice night..."

>Go on... go enjoy your time.. with your... also immortal princesses...

...

>Okay, broody is not cool... or fun... or pink enough...

...

>I need a second opinion.
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>DT
"???"
~~~~

Okay, her ass was starting to chap. Figuratively and very, very literally.

>How long is this!? I should have looped around the entire freaking THEME PARK at least once by now!

It did seem impossibly long, considering. The building did not look that big, and yet as far as she knew she wasn't even going in a full circle. She felt her body constantly slide down, so unless Pinkie had somehow mastered the art of physics and redone reality so that the world can forever go downward but never move, this was probably a bit of an issue. Still, it was probably better to focus on the doors, at the moment. Would hate to miss her drop off and... I guess loop back around?

>Confiscated clothing... confiscated jeweler... confiscated pets... confiscated sex toys... confiscated organs... confiscated- WAIT WHAT!?... I had to have read that wrong... WEAPONS! WEAPONSWEAPONSWEAPONS!

Coming to a stop proved to be far, far harder than it seemed. What with the utter lack of things to grip, the utter lack of a way to stop her forward momentum, and the utter lack of time to think something up. So, in short, she had to improvise. She was good at improvising.

Well, normally. If anyone was around, they would probably think “Fire grappling hook at light fixture and use it to slingshot self into door” was a little on the crazy side. And it was. It was also on the painful side. And the scary side. Lots of sides to this improvisation, it was an improv hexagon, really. She would be proud of herself if she wasn't too busy biting down on her tongue to prevent the outcry of pain from being flung body-first into a door knob. If she had been a male, that would have been the end of this little tale, but huzzah, female.

Now, just to get inside and...

>Is that... honking?

It sure sounded like a little honking noise, as if from one of those novelty horns on the end of a bike. Slow, deliberate, easily paced.

“Naughty... naughty...”

And that's when she stopped deciding to wonder what the hell was going on with that, and instead just get right to moving. Shaking hooves swiped the security card against the lock, again and again as it just seemed to never do it quite right.

“We all need a bit of fun...”

>Come on, come on!

At last! It chirped almost cheerily, and in desperation she flung herself forward into the gaping darkness of the room before her, completely unable to see where she was going, or where she was landing.

Caring not a lick that she would be cutting off her only source of light, she spun around and shut the door as quickly and quietly as her panicking mind could muster, latching it closed before the sounds of that dreadful noise got too close. In the darkness, she could at last breath a sigh of relief.

She waited, listening closely for any sound that whatever had been coming closer remained. Either the door was sufficiently soundproof, or it had walked away. Regardless, a quick turn of the lock meant she was in the clear. Now, just to find the light switch...

>Bingo!

Illumination! Sweet, glorious illumination! At last, she could see-

>WHAT THE FUCKWHATWHATWHATWHAT!?

Her stomach hit the floor, clinging to it as best as one could to a flat surface with no claws or other similar gripping extremities. Her own hoof struck sideways across her face, again and again, and yet the sight before her would not fade away.

A circus tent! It looked like she was in, of all places, a circus tent! The seats, the ring, there was even the little pillar for the ringmaster to stand upon and deliver their spiel. Not that she noticed all of that detail, of course, she was far more concerned with where she, specifically, was placed within said tent of red and white stripes.

Specifically, at the very top of a pillar.

A pillar connected via a very long, very straight, rope.

She was on one end of the tight-rope walk.

And the only way out? Guess where that was.

And, of course, the ladder down was currently folded up nice and neat, at the base of the pillar.

With the most unsteady, shaking hooves she could stand upon, she crept over to the edge, and poked the rope.

>...Fuck.

The worst part was the brief flicker in her mind of Silver Spoon looking at her and going 'This is so dumb, turn around.'

...Of course she didn't.

~~~~~

Outside the door, water rushed against legs, completely unmoved despite it's slipperiness. The figure attached had it's face pressed nearly against the cool steel, a dark chuckle reverberating through the halls.

“Fun...”

Slowly, the face moved forward, and a loud *SQUEAK!*, as if from a stuffed animal, rang out.

“What fun.”

Slowly, the door began to open.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"Zecora"
~~~~~

"At last, I reach this place of rest so far away. Oh, my hooves are so tired from a weary day-"

>ZECORA!... It is Zecora, right? I didn't just say that to a stranger, did I?

"..."

>...Yes? No? Help me out here.

"Yes, as you can plainly see. It is indeed, me."

>Oh thank goodness!... I mean, I knew thaaaat! But you're just the mare I wanted to see, really!

"Oh? A princess such as yourself seeking my aide? I will of course help you, no need to be delayed."

>Good! Listen, I need you to teach me... how to get Ziggy with it!

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Plea-

*HOOF TO THE FACE!*

>OW!

"You can go to hell and have your vocal cords played by a demonic bassist. I knew you were a little flightly, but that's OUR WORD YOU RACIST!"

>No no! It doesn't mean what you think it means!

"Keep talking, for in a second my ass is all you will see. Take a good look, and you dear princess can BITE ME!"

>Zecora, wait! It doesn't mean what you think!... Zecora? ZECORA COME ON!... I am NOT a racist!... ZECORA-

*STICK TO THE FACE!*

>OW!

"Choke on it!"

>Not my fault none of you know what words mean!... NOT IN A RACIST WAY! NOT IN A... DAMN IT!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadance
-Twilight-

>Twilight!

-Yes Candance?-

>Twilight, I need some help.

-One second, Cadance. I need to get a bookmark. I picked up "Courtship of the Four Realms" for a little light reading before bed. Don't want to lose my place-

>...

-Well, what do you need?

>Never mind.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
“???”
~~~~~
>THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!

The rope around her midsection was, well, less than pleasant. Rope burn in these places was never, ever fun. But, alas, there was no other way except for the unicycle, and fuck if she knew how to ride one of those. So, here she was, inchworming her way down the rope, grumbling ineffectually at the world. Nothing but pure focus on the sweet, sweet door ahead of her, and the future feeling of warm metal in her hooves.

>Oh yeah, gonna polish him till he SHINES!

So enraptured in her own assured success, she barely even registered the sound of the door opening. Of course, that barebones registration was enough for her to glance in the direction of said door. Just in time to notice it slowly beginning to creak open. Abruptly, it swung open, and a bright, nearly blinding light exploded from behind it. Where said light had come from, she had no idea, as the hallway was nowhere near that bright when she had been in it, but it hurt too much to stare at to contemplate.

From all around her, the spotlights exploded to life, even further irritating her already strained eyes as it assaulted her with colors of all kinds, reds blues yellows and everything in between! She could not look back, or to the side, all she could do was look on ahead, and keep going. A pity that she could no longer try to see who, exactly, was chasing her down, considering....

“Naughty... naughty...”

>...FUCK!

Her wiggling movements suddenly doubled, uncaring as to the scraping feeling of rope against her body as she squirmed as fast as she could. Though she could not look in the direction to see who exactly was after her, she could hear them walk towards her, that weird horn still sounding with every step. Normally she would wonder at their identity, but seeing as she had just broken into a building and earlier knocked out a security guard, she supposed it was most likely it was just some pony doing his job in the creepiest way possible.

On top of that, any questioning would have to wait, because fear has just made itself very known in her brain and it looks like said abstract concept was dragging mud all over the carpet. For you see, she had just felt a weight.

The weight of a wheel against rope.

“Funtime... over... funtime... over...”

Aaaand, now comes the terror.

Stifling what she would forever swear was not squeaks of terror, her hooves felt a mite more slippery as she continued her race to the other side.

So close...

SO CLOSE!

“Too bad.”

She could practically feel the rope bend as he was doubtlessly only a few feet away. The last, tiny distance suddenly felt like an eternity, and she knew she would never make it in time. Whoever they were, they had her, and there was nothing she could do.

Well, not quite. If she were a sane, rational being of any kind, she would be totally out of options and just have to accept that she was caught, apologize in the hopes of not being kicked out, and either sadly accept it when denied, or be thankful when forgiven and just endeavor to have a fun time without her rocket launcher, as two days away from her weaponry wasn't going to kill her.

But unfortunately for all those involved, she was, in fact, a mare crazy enough to break into a heavily guarded building to 'rescue' an inanimate object who's sole purpose is to propel something that causes explosions so that she might spend the day with 'him'. So, when confronted with this dilemma, she instead reacted not as a sane mare, but as Diamond Tiara.

Which is to say, she screamed-

>NOT TODAY, ASSHOLE!

-and then cut the rope.

She was totally unworried for the safety of whoever that was she felt plummet behind her, for she knew that there was at least a fifty percent chance he hit that net she had seen down there. And, if not, that just meant there was a fifty percent chance she didn't have to worry about him chasing her ever again either.

All in all, good plan.

...Well, except for the part where she was flung facefirst into a hard, flat wall as her rope bent to the will of physics and gravity. Because now those worked, apparently. Her brief grumbling about the unfairness of it all meant little in the grand scheme of things, but it made her feel better.

“Yay.”

Hello terror, her old friend!

With a strength that could only have been born from adrenaline coursing through her veins at frankly unhealthy speeds, she shimmied up the rope and wasted no time diving though the door, uncaring that it slammed behind her seemingly all on it's own.

She would have taken a brief moment to still her racing heart, if not for the sight that met her eyes in the next room.

>What the...

She stood still, and yet she moved. Around and around she spun, lights swinging to and fro about her as shapes she could just barely make out as her eyes adjusted enough to see that they seemed to be dancing with the twinkling music that played. Or just... bobbed, she supposed.

Yes, bobbed was more 'right' here, as they were doing that.

Because apparently...

>Why the FUCK IS THERE A MERRY-GO-ROUND IN HERE!?

None answered her, of course, for it was a merry-go-round.

Deciding that any further questioning would erode her sanity, she simply resolved to get to the other side, and see if there was another door.

If she didn't kill herself from this damn music first...

~~~~~~

In the room she had left behind, the figure rose from the spot where it had landed hard against the ground, chuckling to itself once again as inflating noises filled the otherwise silence, accentuated by the occasional *pop*!

“Still fun...”

The sound of massive spring rang out, and where once was an empty platform now had a visitor upon it once more.

“So fun...”

Once again, it slowly reached out, taking it's dear sweet time as it pushed open the door.

In the blinding light, those same pearly fangs were, impossibly, visible once more.

“So... naughty...”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"Dash"
~~~~

>DASH!

*TACKLE!*

"ACK! NO! IT'S A LIE, CADENCE! I JUST DO IT TO VENT MY ANGER! EVERYTHING THEY SAID ABOUT ME IS A LIIIEEEE!"

>...What?

"Please explain your reasoning before I make a bigger idiot of myself."

>I need your advice, I need to know how to be cool!

"Oh, that's a relief. Well, you've come to the right mare! I know everything there is about being AWESOME!"

>Great! Teach me!

"Okay, you need to do a lot of really cool tricks while flying!"

>Gotcha! What else?

"...What do you mean?"

>Is... is that it? Nothing else besides fly fancy?

"...Can you do a rainboom?"

>I cannot.

"Ah... uhh... OH! Try and save a baby!"

>What if there are no babies in peril around me?

"W-... wait for a baby to be put in danger?"

>Shouldn't... shouldn't I prevent that?

"Well, I mean, sort of, but it doesn't look as cool if you save them before they're in real danger."

>But that's a baby.

"...Okay, toddlers? Can we work with toddlers?"

>Not... not better?

"Whelp, I'm out of ideas, guess you're going to be lame forever."

>That's it?

"That it is."

>...Thanks.

"Anytime! Glad I could be of service... now can you get off me? Please?"

>Right... sure...

"Man, sure feels great to help others, you know? Not babysaving great, but in general. Hope you feel like this someday."

>Let's hope not.

"What?"

>NOTHING!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Rekulk"
'Vekir'
-Grehm-

>Stupid fucks, don't need their shit, gotta find Shiny, I...

"..."

'...'

-...-

>Okay. The fuck.

"..."

>I know you're in there, whatever you are, cut the bullshit.

'...'

>I don't like being spied on.

"Snrk! Mruh? Hoozer?"

'Mmph, we got woke up again.'

-N-n-not even b-b-by magic singing v-v-v-vending machine.-

>Oh, you were sleeping. Don't care. What are you doing in there?

"Many apologies, tall sister of Zhetri Tuuhl, we are in hiding."

'From the army!'

"The terrible guards of 'Zuh Kurreh Tee', we know him not, but he must be terrible for his minions to hunger for these 'tickets'."

>...run that first part by me again.

"The snrk, mruh, and hoozer?"

>No, jackass, the other first bit.

"Ohhh, yes, many apologies tall sister or Zhe-"

>I'm nobody's sister, got that?

"But we see the insect skin!"

'And the wings!'

-And th-th-the holes in l-l-l-legs!-

"Therefore, sister of Zhetri Tuuhl!"

The house plant was vaporized in the next instant, revealing the Morlock behind it. Two hooves smash into the wall on either side of his head.

>Listen to me close, so it can get through your tiny cavepony mind. I'm extremely pissed off right now and the LAST thing I need is to be accused of being any kind of sister to that fucking grub. I am greater than him in every sense of the word and-

"Not sister, but greater?"

'...taller....greater...not sister...GASP!'

>Okay, yeah, I'm getting how people find that annoying now-

'THE MOTHER OF ZHETRI TUUHL!'

>...I'm going skull fuck you-GRK!

The hug was unexpected, unneeded, and oh so unwanted. As was the sudden outpouring of love from the small creature that shot like a rocket out of the toy pile, far from Shiny levels of love, almost like the unconditional affection of a puppy.

>Urge to skull fuck...mitigated for now. Look, I don't have time for this, and while you're cute in a wouldn't immediately try to burn kind of way, I got places to be. I'll explain to you everything that's wrong with your statement-and more than likely shatter your worldview-later, okay?

'Okay, Mother of Zhetri Tuuhl, a million blessings upon you.'

>Keep them, you need them more than me, melty.

Chrysalis shook the pint-sized critter off her and went back to her search for Shiny.

"Well...my hiding place has been destroyed, sad day. But we have met the blessed maker of our blessed ruler, good day!"

'Come brother! We shall share my pile of small dead animals like we shared the warm embrace of our mother!'

"Hurrah for my gracious sister!"

-C-c-can I j-j-join?-

'No! You can stay in your cold cave, cuddle your own ill-gotten small dead animal! Haha! Vengeance IS best served cold!'

Chrysalis looks over her shoulder.

>Those things ate like, five of my best guys.

The enormity of 32's diplomatic acumen hits her like a tom of bricks.

>...just makes me hate the traitorous little fuck more.

She grumbles and continues her journey, though a note is made in the backmost part of her mind to see-through 77 of some other proxy of course-if there can be a snowball's chance in hell of bringing the insecticidal maniac back onto Team Chryssi.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

non-canon
>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~~
"Oh, hey, Sparkle Butt, I'm surprised I found you, this place is like a maze."

>Uhhh, not really, I mean Pinkie put up directories next to every ice machine and elevator-

"Who the fuck wants to stand near the ice machine! Freaks, loners, and hotel creepers!"

>Uh, right, need help finding your room?

"I'd appreciate that, and hey, you know I went to the Future Frontier thing earlier today and saw some of the concept art you let Pinkie use in your shop. You know what I told you you needed someone to keep you in line, that doesn't mean stop building piloted robots."

>You miss Fafnir, don't you.

"Those heated leather seats were so lovely, it was like my ass had an orgasm every time I sat down..."

>That one's going into the Vault. ... And it's gone.

"Anyway though, I was more talking about the giant robot stuff. you know, the ones with the huge cannons and stuff?"

>Oh... those.

"You have that tone, don't tell me Blueballs stole the prints."

>Ah, no... I actually... I don't always draw up invention drafts, honestly. Sometimes I just draw because I like it.

"No kidding, had no idea you were the artistic type."

>Yeah.... I... Try not to tell ponies.

"... Can I get a commission of my having sex with Shin-"

>No.

"Worth a shot asking, you know? Alright then, mind drawing some of the Changelings? I mean we have no profile pictures for them on The Wiki and they're a big part of these threads."

>WHAT?

'BITCH! ARE YOU STEALING MY BIT?!'

"YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF IT, PINKIE SNATCH?!"

'TEST YOUR MIGHT, I'M A GODDAMN SIDEREAL EXALT AFTER DROPPING ACID!'

>I... I am horribly confused. This is also going into the Vault. ... Nope, not working. Where's Charity when you need it?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chyrsalis
"???"
~~~~

>Fuck, this is so annoying! Seriously, I want to go one way, but for some reason it feels like I'm just going in random directions! Does anyone know how annoying that feels? To try to go one way and end up who knows where!?

In a room not three doors down from where she said it, someone sneezed.

>I just want to-

"HI!"

>...

Slowly, very slowly, she turned at the way, way too chipper voice.

>...Who the fuck...

"Oh uh... hi Queen!"

>....

"...Misses the Queen? Miss? I'm not sure what the terminology is."

>...Changeling, please state your number so I remember which target exactly I am sending 42 after for insubordination.

"I'm 55! Nice to meet you!"

>...fifty five... fifty... damn, that sounds familiar...

"I'm the one that was the second rock on the left in the play we put on!"

>...

"I ate most of the wall paper on the RIGHT side."

>...

"I once farted in the middle of the room and blamed it on the dog. There was no dog, though, so they caught on pretty fast."

>...

"Uhhhhh... Sorry, I don't think I did anything notable aside from that."

>...Uh... huh...

"OH OH! 29 once called me a 'braindead buffoon upon which this earth tastes more sour in his presence!"

>...

"...Here! Ice cream for the Queen!"

>Thanks?

"Anything for my Queen!"

>Then punch yourself in the face.

*WHAM!*

"Like that?"

>...

"...Oh! Wrong half, gotacha!"

*WHAM!*

>...

"Still no? I'll get it, don't help me!"

*WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK!*

"Got it that time, didn't I?"

>You sure did.

"Great! I'm going to go lie down now, I have a splitting headache, and I don't know why. Probably too much candy, you know?"

>It'll do that.

"Have a nice night, Misses the miss Queen!"

>I'll do that.

*Happily skips off.*

>...The saddest part of my life is knowing that, by far, that is probably in the top five, if not top three, of my most loyal subjects... but damn this pistachio is good...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ion3N5WFOqQ
>DT
“???”
~~~~~

>No yeah, no, yeah... no... this makes fucking PERFECT SENSE.

This made no sense.

The strange thing wasn't even the odd, unsettling eyes of the various pony statues of the ride that seemed to bounce in short, strained bursts, she realized. It wasn't even that she swore she heard the creak of metal behind her, and that their limbs had shifted somewhat, even though none of them seemed to move. No, that wasn't the most weird part.

The weirdest part she found, and that was saying a LOT, is that it constantly felt like it was rolling downward. As if the merry-go-round were askew slightly, but for some reason just never got to the part in the arc where it rolled upward as it spun. She would have focused on this more if not for the fact that fucking 'duh duh dadadada!' noise was driving her up a wall. Figuratively, as the walls were spinning away with her. If not for the off feeling of movement beneath her and the ceiling had not been spinning above her, she wouldn't even have realized it was moving at all. But it was, and it was starting to annoy her.

Mostly because about the second loop, she realized there didn't seem to be a second door. Which is stupid, why the hell would there just be one door leading to-

>Ohhhh shit...

That creaking noise was probably bad, was the first thought that crossed her mind.

“Naughty...”

How the hell did he get back up after that!? Even if he hit the net, which is good that he did because WOW she did not want to kill a guy like that, he should've been stuck for at least ten more minutes, minimum! Those things are a pain to get out of, and nevermind climbing up the ladder.

honk-henk!

Okay, that's just unnerving.

In perfect timing with what would be hoof-steps, that same loud honking noise rang out. On the positive side, she now knew from which side he was trying to come at her, and allowed her to run in the opposite direction of the ring.

>Okay, calm down, it's just a guy who takes this job way too seriously. Just get around and head back out the door, and then find another exit. There has to be another door in that circus room. There HAS to be!

Good. This is good, she thought. Just gotta stay one step ahead of him, get to the door, slip out and lock his dumbass in, and then find Sexy. Just had to get to door. Just... just had to get to the door...

Impossibly, the ride seemed to speed up, the music raising to an almost feverish pitch. She could feel the heat of grinding gears beneath her, feel the small gusts of air that somehow managed to worm it's way inside, feel the pressure as gravity subtly pulled against her as she moved forward.

That wasn't the only thing starting to increase in speed.

Honk-henk! honk-henk! honk-henk!

Getting louder, got to move faster. Got to move faster, door should be right here... right here... RIGHT HERE!

>WHERE'D IT GO!?


Honk-henk! honk-henk! Honk-henk! honk-henk! HONK HENK!

No time, no time to look! Gotta get ahead of him! Gotta stay one step ahead!

“Naughty naaaaaaughty!”

...Okay, wait, that sounded like-

HONK HENK! HONK HENK! HONK HENK! HONK HENK! HONK HENK! HONK HENK!

Like it was coming from-

SQUEAK!

>AHHH!

She whirled on her hooves as something bopped her in the rear. Without even thinking, she pulled the switch on her belt, and fired off a barrage. A wave of nails launched forth, propelled by the sudden total release of compressed air fueled by a hairspray can. If anyone had been there, they would have been skewered like a bad carpentry job.

But there was nobody there.

At least, nobody as tall as who she was expecting.

>W-what the fuuuu...

It was... clown shoes. Just four little clown shoes. Sitting there without an owner. No movement, no sign of any life, just... clown shoes.

>What the FUC-

“Naughty.”

If it were anyone else, their panic at the sudden voice just behind them would have been filled with screams, tears, perhaps even a touch of an 'accident' for someone to clean up.

Diamond Tiara reacted a little differently.

>FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUUUUUU!

From her utility belt, over a dozen round, perfectly spherical balls were tossed without even looking behind her. They exploded in a loud flash, a thick, disgusting smelling smoke filling the room. Were it not for the safety goggles and make-shift gas-mask she had packed, she would have been choking her lungs out as the green, noxious fumes filled the air. This would have reduced any pony to a gagging, simpering mess.

“What fun.”

And that's the point where most rational thought left her. Her brain went into overdrive, examining every possible answer to this puzzle in the span of a single flutter of a butterfly's wings.

The door wasn't there.

But there was a way in. There had to be a way in, and out.

So what does one do when they have to make a way in and out, but don't want to make it obvious?

Put it in the place they would check last.

The place with all of the gears.

The most dangerous place.

THE CENTER!

Sliding on hooves slippery with sweat, she bucked sideways, blindly kicking at the center of the ride. She had merely been hoping for a sound to indicate it was hollow.

But you know what? One of the plates being launched off and revealing a tunnel with a long firepony pole in the middle was fine too! She'll take it!

>EAT SHIT AND DIE, YOU CREEPY ASSHOLE!

Diving inside and gripping the pole with three of her four limbs, she spared one last hoof so she could reach into her bag, and pull out a very special bomb.

To anyone else, it would look like a water-balloon with a strange contraption on the top... because that's what it was essentially.

>NIGHTY NIGHT, CHUCKLES!

She hurled the bomb, grinning wildly as she watched the room she had just left light up with electricity, long arcs dancing within the colorful lights and smoke.

That's when the ride stopped, lights and music shorting out and being enveloped in shadow, and she knew she was in the clear.

>Phew... creepy asshole.

Her mission at last back on track, she loosened her grip a bit, and slid down, down, impossibly far down into the darkness.

A pity, if she had held on another few seconds, she would have seen a pair of red eyes in the darkness, narrowed in mirth.

“The fun... has begun...”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Spike
"Cadence"
~~~

>Okay, what you need is armor. Big, sharp, badass armor.

"Sharp?"

>Oh yeah, we're talking blades out the ASS! We're talking 'can cut you to fucking ribbons' sharp! With spikes! More spikes! AND SHOULDER PADS BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD! WITH EVEN MORE SPIKES ON THOSE! ALL OF THE SPIKES!

"All of them."

>AND MAKE IT ALL RED! ON FIRE! WITH SKULLS! AND TRIBAL MARKINGS! WHO CARES IF ITS REAL, JUST LOOK COOL! AND IT SPRAYS BLOOD EVERYWHERE BECAUSE *FUCK YEAH!*

*SUDDEN HEAVY METAL SOLO!*

>AND THEN YOU RIDE OFF IN THE NIIIIIIIIIGHT!

"..."

>...I mean, if that's what you're going for. I don't want to try and limit your options or anything.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________