Wizard_in_Equestria Chapter 3

Chapter 3.
>AJ: ”So ya not mad ah bucked ya head?”
“No, I did have a headache for five hours but I’m not mad.”
>You WERE mad. Very fucking mad.
>You haven’t forgiven her, but you’re not angry at her anymore, she just panicked.
>AJ: “So Pinkie Pie lives over at sugarcube corner.”
>You have no idea what the fuck that is, is it a kiosk of sorts?
“Lead the way Applejack”
>As you walk through P0nyville you see that the pastel coloured inhabitants of are sending you strange looks.
>Some are fearful, some are curious and some are disgusted. Why in the world would they be disgusted at the sight of you? You’re the greatest thing since chocolate.
>You arrive at a huge house made of what looks like sweets.
>Hansel and Gretel much?
>You enter the building.

>You are greeted with shocked looks from everyone… everyp0ny, you have to learn that.
>Suddenly pink.
>Pink EVERYWHERE!
>PP: “Hi I’m Pinkie Pie Who are you? Are you some kind of hairless diamond dog? Or are you a monkey? I love monkeys. Do you climb trees?”
>What the fuck is going on here?
>Suddenly this pink p0ny is all up in your grill.
>And she talks.
>Oh god she talks way too much.
>You put a hand up to her mouth to shut her up, but she just keeps talking.
“I’m Anon, I’m a human, I’m from Earth, I’m not dangerous, will you please PLEASE shut up!”
>You remove your hand and the endless barrage of annoying sounds just continues.
>PP: “What’s a human? Where is Earth? Is it like full of dirt? If there’s dirt then there must be mud, I like to play in the mud with the cake babies, it’s so much fun.”
>Stopitstopitstopitstopit!
>AJ: “Pinkie calm down! Ya’ll startled him.”
>Okay Applejack is definably NOT a bitch.
>PP: “Ohmygosh I’m so sorry. It’s just this is really exciting, almost as exciting as the time I went all” She does something really weird with her face.
>If your jimmies weren’t rustled by being warped to another world by magic, being knocked out by an orange marshmallow wearing a cowboy hat and tackled by a rainbow maned cyan Pegasus, they sure as hell were rustled now.
>AJ: “Ah found ‘im out in the orchard. He lives with Twi at the moment, ah just thaught ya’ll should meet him.”
>And she didn’t think about the possible mental scarring you could get?
>You take that back.
>Applejack is a total bitch.
>PP: “He just got here?”
>AJ: “Yes he used some kind a magic spell thingy and got here by accident.”
>The pink ADHD marshmallow gasps.
>Probably out of air.
>PP: “You need a welcoming party!”
>Wait what?
>Before you can object she continues her ultra-fast monologue “I’ll need to get confetti, and cake, and punch, and music I’ll need music, uuuhh everything have to be perfect for tonight.”
>AJ: “Come on sugarcube we should get going, even if ya’ll talk to her now she ain’t gonna hear ya.”
>Sugarcube… god damn it.

>When you get outside you take a minute to just try to comprehend what just happened.
>But Applebitch ruin your little moment by opening that country mouth of hers.
>AJ: “Ah think we should go see Rarity now, ah think you’ll like ‘er.”
>More horses?
>Aww hell no.
“I’m really tired, don’t you think I can go back to the library and catch some shuteye?”
>AJ: “But what about Rarity?”
>This Bitch just doesn’t get it.
“Maybe I’ll see her at the party tonight.”
>You don’t even plan on coming.
>You start walking back towards Twilight’s library and raise a hand in salute for Applebitch “Se ya”.

>Back in the library you sit your not so happy ass down, pick up your grimoire and start reading the entry about water-to-wine again.
>You just want go home now.
>You try to find out what went wrong.
>After rereading the entry a few dozen times you just can’t take it anymore.
>You close the book and yell.
“I just don’t know what went wrong!”
>Twilight comes down.
>Twi: “I heard Pinkie’s throwing a party for you tonight.”
>that’s just what you needed, to be reminded of that small happy hyperactive firecracker.
“I don’t plan on going.”
>She gives you a surprised look.
>Twi: “Why not? I think it would be good for you to get your mind off that book right now. You have been reading it for hours and still not found anything.”
>She’s right you know.
>Shut up brain.
>Sorry, just trying to help.
“Maybe you’re right, I need to look upon this with fresh eyes now, there has to be something I’ve overlooked.”
>Twilight gets this pleased look on her face. “If you are going to be here for a long time, it would probably be best if you made a good impression on everyp0ny.”
“And Pinkie Pie’s party is the best place to do that?”
>Twi: “Well of course, she is known for throwing the best parties in P0nyville.”
>One more read and you’ll get ready for tonight.

>You stand in front of sugarcube corner with Twilight.
>You can hear the music coming from inside the house.
>You sigh and walk in.
>The inside of sugarcube corner has changed since the last time you were there.
>There is confetti everywhere, the tables are moved to the sides and there’s a giant cake in the middle of the room.
>It looks like a birthday party.
>PP: “Hey look everyp0ny! Anon’s here.”
>All the p0nies in at the party stop what they are doing and look at you.
>Oh shit.
>???: “Hi Anon!” a grey p0ny with a blond mane spoke up.
>You instinctively walk over to her.
>The guests just go back to whatever they were doing before you entered.
“Umm hi. What’s your name?”
>DH: “My name is Derpy Hooves, Pinkie told me about you.”
“Yeah. What did she say?”
>DH: “She told me you just got to P0nyville, so I baked you some muffins.” Derpy produces a tray of muffins out of the thin air.
>You aint gonna argue with that, you know magic this place is weird and you love muffins.
>MUFFINS!
>You take a bite of one of the muffins.
>Sweet Jesus this is good.
“Wow Derpy these are really great.”

>After two hours you still haven’t found the courage to talk to any other p0nies than Derpy and the mane5/6.
>You can’t seem to find any liquid courage anywhere.
>After manning the fuck up you ask Pinkie.
“Hey Pinkie… Do you have any alcohol?”
>She gives you a curios look.
>This does not bode well.
>PP: “No I don’t have alcohol, I like to keep my parties alcohol free.”
>Worst party ever.
>Hey there comes Applebitch maybe she has some booze.
>She brought somep0ny with her.
>A white marshmallow p0ny with a purple mane.
>She’s been standing over by the wall in the opposite end of the room the whole night, just eyeing you.
>AJ: “Hey Anon this is Rarity.”
>Rarity… that friend you didn’t give a shit about?
>Right.
>Rar: “Well hello. What exactly are you? And more importantly what is that you are wearing?”
>Wut?
>Is she talking about your sweatpants?
“Umm those are pants.”
>Rarity gives you a quizzical look.
>Right p0nies doesn’t wear pants.
“They are for keeping me warm and for hiding my… you know.”
>Rarity blushes a bit.
>Okay new topic.
“Anyway I am a human; I came here from my world, Earth, by accident.”
>Rar: “Well you do certainly look interesting.”
>At least she’s polite.
>But the awkward is killing you.
>Back to pants.
“Why are you interested in my pants?”
>Rar: “Well I am a designer, and the premier dressmaker of P0nyville.”
>She looks proud.
>Her dresses probably suck, how can she even sow without hands?
>Remember your manners Anon!
“I’ll have to come by your store tomorrow and take a look at them.”
>Rarity smiles and turns to walk away.
>As she does so she swings her tail to the side for a brief moment to give you a full view of her nether regions.
>Oh god why did you even look?!
>She turns her head to give you a wink and a sly smile.
>These p0nies are weird.

>When the p0nies start to leave the party Rainbow comes over to you.
>RD: “Hey Anon, Rarity and I are going to the local bar to get something to drink.”
>Now we’re talking! Booze!
>Wait…
“Rarity doesn’t strike me as the type of gi… mare who’d go to a bar.”
>RD: “Oh she likes the attention from all the colts there.”
>Seems legit.
“I’d love to, but I don’t have any money.”
>Come on, come on.
>RD: “You don’t have to worry about that, we got you covered.”
>Just as planned.

>The bar is at the edge of town.
>There are about a dozen p0nies inside, some are couples some are creeps.
>You pay no further attention to them.
>Rar: “Hello I would like an appletini please.”
>The bartender sighs and goes to work.
>Rarity must be a regular.
>RD: “Applejack Daniels”
>Starting out hard.
>Okay.
>You glance at the list of drinks.
>…
>No beer goddamn it.
“Applejack D for me too.”
>Rainbow hands the bartender the money for the drinks and kick back in the barstool.
>Rar: “Are you always wearing these… pants?”
“Most of the time, though they are getting dirty so I’ll have to get some new.”
>She looks almost ecstatic at the mentioning of new clothes.
>Rar: “I could make them for you when you drop by tomorrow.”
>You did plan on not coming but now you have no choice.
>It’s either that or walk around with your dagger in fully exposed in public.
“Deal.”

>The bartender hands the tree of you your drinks and go back to reading whatever magazine he was obsessing about before you entered the bar.
>???: “Hey Rarity long time no see.”
>A blue stallion comes up to Rarity.
>RD: “Buzz of”
>He ignores your bro and keeps talking. “How about you ditch the lesbian and the monkey and come have some fun with me?”
>Did he just call you a lesbian?
>No wait you must be the monkey, is Dash a lesbian?
>Who knows?
>Rar: “I told you last time AND the time before that, that I am not interested.”
>He called you a monkey.
>you are a primate after all.
>???: “Come on Rarity none of the other stallions in this place are better catch than me.”
>But it was meant as an insult.
>You do NOT cope well with insults.
“She said no.”
>???: “She’s just playing hard to get.”
>Rar: “No I most definably am not.”
>???: “Shut up, you’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”
>You will not stand for this shit.
“Hey bartender! How much for a new mug?” You empty your drink in one slurp.
>Bartender: “12 bits why?”
>You slam your empty mug down on top of the annoying Stallions head.

>He goes out like a light.
>You pick him up and throw him headfirst out of the bar.
>Everyone in the bar is staring at you now.
>You shrug “another one of those.” You point at the bottle of applejack daniels.
>Tonight was a good night.