I think that you're making a mistake to never break up with Dalton for the kids. My perspective was never asked during our relationship so I never gave it. I didn't feel like I had the right to interfere with your kids' lives for what I wanted and this might have come across that way. But, now that you chose(lol), here it is. I know that this is going to sound super biased because it aligned with what I wanted but hey, I've seen and lived this story for 28 years.

 - You know how much time we spent together and know how good my memory is. I remember a lot of the things you've told me about your relationship with Dalton. That's really one of the main reasons why I thought that we had could have been real because I know you truly believe that you guys aren't a match and probably worse than just not matching. He may be a good dad but that doesn't make him a good partner. Just like my dad. And being a good dad is meaningless when all the kids see are heightened emotions and fights. Now that we aren't together anymore, you'll have to spend all that time with him.

 - This is from experience, I'm not just talking out of my ass. I never told you this part of my parent's dynamics. But, both of my parents are extremely caring and loving to me. Now, that doesn't mean he wasn't a giant asshole to my mom and I at the same time. My dad is stuck in his ways and will never change because people don't change. My mom was miserable staying with my dad and told me she contemplated suicide and might even have done it if it weren't for me. I am relatively positive that you've had these thoughts before as well. I don't mean you are obsessing over suicide, just that you've thought about it when you felt incredibly stuck and trapped.

 - It's not an honest family dynamic and your kids will notice everything you do. It's going to confuse them and fuck their thinking for their future relationships. Thinking that's what a relationship should be and it's okay to be sad. Even when you forget me and move on, you're still always going to remember the feelings you had with me and it will cause problems that your kids will pick up on. Your kids will think that staying in an unhealthy, shitty relationship where big fights are normal. I couldn't even imagine if my mom stayed with my dad. She would have been miserable for 18 years for me and for what? Nothing. I am so glad that she didn't. The reason I am so direct, straight forward, not afraid of speaking out, and willing to feel and express emotions is because I grew up with my mom. She taught me to never settle and always go for what you want, you will inevitably fall when reaching for something better and greater but, you're not to fall every time, and it's better than never reaching at all. And she showed it to me through how she handled her life. She is really happy with my stepdad now.

 - The only person that really benefits is Dalton; not the kids and definitely not you. He gets Iowa, the kids, his family, his friends, you, everything he ever wanted. You know this and it's going to eat at you forever.

 Story time about my experiences
 - My mom told me "I was thinking about suicide because I felt so stuck and trapped in a miserable life that I had to live in forever. The only reasons I didn't attempt suicide was because of you and thinking about how my mom and dad didn't bare me and raise me so that I could live a miserable life or kill myself over some asshole and realized that I can have a happy life." and just peaced tf out (Like left a letter on the kitchen table with her lawyer's number peaced tf out). That broke my heart when she told me that. I wouldn't ever want my mom to live a life of sadness for me for any amount of time. And I would have felt so guilty and heartbroken if my mom stayed with my dad in misery for 18 years even though I had no hand in the decision. I still very much love both of my parents, 0 hard feelings, and don't blame either one of them. They just didn't work together. They married and had me too soon and realized it too late after the honeymoon phase. My mom divorced my dad when she didn't have another guy in mind or anyone at all and stayed single for another 5 years until she met my stepdad. She's so strong and I don't even know how because seeing her now, she's like the nicest, happiest, easy going person ever and I never would have thought she went through all of that.

 - I've had first hand experience of shit relationships like this with living with my dad and his ex. I lived with them almost my entire life until I moved to LA. His ex gf was like you, also stuck in the asshole cycle (except for like 30 years and they didn't even have kids!). When she finally decided to break up at the nice young age of 60, her life was basically over and now she has no one and is living alone.

 - I've seen this story too many damn times through personal experience and through friends. Tanya has 2 sisters. She's the youngest one, her other sisters are in their 30s. Their parents tried to stay together for the kids but her parents ended up getting divorced when Tanya was 2, too young to know anything while her sisters were grown and saw all of the fights. Now, Tanya is closest to her dad. The other sisters have such a sour taste in their mouth from the entire experience and barely talk to their dad. I could go on and on and probably write a book with all these shit relationships I've seen and they all end the same.

My story is more similar to your all of your kids' than you think.
    - My parents divorced at when I was young, around 1 or 2.
    - My mom then gave me to my dad at 6 because she thought I'd have a better life.
    - I lived with my mom for a year when she was with my stepdad. He's so good to her and I can call him my dad.
    - I know all the feelings of living with 1 parent, switching parents, and 2 parents(arguable. but still, he pretty much adopted me and took care of me for that year) because I've experienced it myself.
    - And look how I turned out!!

I want to give you a different perspective than the old adage of "stay for the kids". Because from my perspective, I have never seen it end well and just causes pain.
    - Sometimes things aren't so black and white like staying together is always better for the kids. Sometimes it benefits literally no one except the person that causes the cycle.
    - I know there is another side to the "stay for the kids" thing but from what I've heard you say about Dalton, I could pick a "bad" piece from every story and add it together and it'd equal yours.
        - Fighting all the time
        - 0 Communication
        - Doesn't actually care about or be with you. Just that you exist and have sexy time with them. (it was really awk when my dad's ex told me this(why do my parents always tell me about them having sex??? I know I'm easy to talk to but chill ok))
        - Little things causing huge disproportionate fights
        - Never hanging out with the family, and on the rare occasions they do it's things that they want to do
        - Putting on a fake face when you are in public/ people over
    - I wanted to tell you this because I don't want you to waste your life and live a terrible, shitty life that you don't want :/
    - From living with my dad and his ex, I've come to realize is that there's never really going to be a straw that finally breaks the camel's back in these types of relationships. Never going to be something so strong that it compels divorce but if you think back and add it all up; all the wasted time and feelings, it's so much worse because not only did it fuck your past, your present, it will fuck your future. Like, look at my dad's ex 30 years later. Not a single good year. And she never made the break until it was too late. Now she's too old to date and is living alone and will probably die without anyone by her side.
    - I am so passionate about this because I've seen it too much in my life. It was really hard not to tell you during our relationship. I let it slip a little on Weds... My emotions were just so high.
    - Everyone, including you (even though you don't think so) deserves to be happy. And I want you to know that staying for the kids is not only not the only path, but a pretty bad one.

I want to talk about us now.

Do you still feel broken up about us?
    - I do.
    - It feels weird that you're no longer mine. And the fact that you're back with Dalton and coming home to him every day just compounds it.
    - I don't know if we're ever going to get over what we had.
    - Every day at 5:30/6 I get reminded of you because that's when we hung out and started our shenanigans and stayed super late into the night and it's shitty to reminisce.
    - The main thing is I felt so happy when I was with you and I feel like I'm missing something. And it sucks that it got cut off so abruptly and we didn't really even have a last day of us being us.

We built the foundation of our relationship on such a strong friendship for so long and it got destroyed by 3 people that didn't really know the our entire situation in less than a day of thinking. Makes me feel like this is about more than what you're willing to say outloud.
    - I'd like to say I know you pretty well
    - I wanted you to take a leap of faith with me. Because I was going to leap too.
    - It sucked because I thought we were finally heading in the right direction. We were just about to meet, we had just started to get over indiscretions, we were about to make this actually real
    - I think you felt like you were stuck and trapped.
    - I think you were/ are too afraid to reach.

I don't know if we can keep talking to each other if we're not dating. We told each other our feelings about the whole situation and how we still wanted to be together but can't.
    - You just texted me that you don't care what Dalton thinks and want to continue talking to me. That makes me feel... bittersweet.. Because that is what I want but...
    - The feelings will always be there... and knowing that I lost you and can't have you just really sucks.
    - I can't just be just a friend anymore.
    - As much as I want to keep talking to you and keep that emotional connection that we're both missing in our lives alive, I can't continue that with you if you are with someone else.
    - Getting an emotional connection with me during the day and going into the arms of Dalton at night when knowing I could have provided both makes me feel super shit.
    - I'm not saying I don't ever want to talk to you again, but I can't talk and spend time with you like how we used to when we were dating if we're not together.



    Okay I wrote all of that up there since I was in class + until I texted you. And now I've been thinking about it all day. I wanted to talk with you about it over the phone but you were busy.

    I really don't want to lose you.

    I know a large part of your uncertainty was because we never talked about the future and I always fucked around with "come to CA with me!" and I really didn't know it was weighing on you as heavily as it did. I am not attached to CA at all.

    Take a leap with me, Alexis. I'm confident it will work. You get to be happy, I get to be happy, and more importantly, your kids will be happy. We will do it right this time. I don't want us to sit around and wait for Rocklahoma to meet up. I want us to meet up before Rocklahoma and consistently afterwards until we can be together. We can sit down and plan our future. My class ends in May and I'm willing to move to Nebraska(seriously, I didn't even realize this was even an option before until I really thought about it. I'm down with Nebraska) so that the kids can be closer to their dad. Only like a 2 hour drive and you guys can meet half way. I don't care that my friends and family are in CA. We don't really hangout as often as we used to(as I'm sure you've noticed lol) and my friend friends and family functions I can visit any time. The plane tickets are cheap enough.

    I want you to know that am 100% serious and don't want you to say "nooo you can't leave your friends and family." Because I have been thinking about it (except in my mind it was CO because I didn't know about NE) for a long time and realized how much I cared about you and not really that much for where I am. I've been thinking about it ever since you mentioned that you couldn't take your kids too far because I knew you wouldn't be able to come to CA with me. If you think NE is too far or because of your job, fuck it, let's stay in Iowa until the kids get used to the routine or when we can get our feet off the ground. I looked up web developer jobs in IA and NE and there are plenty. I'm confident it can work. At one point we spent 12+ hours every day doing random shit like PICKING HERBS and we would've kept that schedule too if we didn't have to adult. We can definitely handle real life.

    The only thing that I had reservations about before was getting job exp in CA first. But why? I don't even know. I can get that exp in any state.

    It hit me super hard when you said you can't be happy because you still had feelings for me and felt like you were in a fake relationship. And I think you still have been wanting to talk to me and send me those texts because you're reaching out and I just haven't been understanding until now. I am 100% in. I don't want to put you off by thinking so far into the future. I just wanted you to know that I am serious and have a plan. Call me tomorrow and we'll talk about it.