game_chars_char_Denise.rpy

game_chars_char_Denise.rpy

Line 147: "fucks" to "fuck's"
Line 153: "japanese" to "Japanese"
Line 153: "chinese" to "Chinese"
Line 159: "Wel" to "Well"
Line 168: "english" to "English"
Line 207: "Cause i" to "'Cause I"
Line 208: "kinda of" to "kind of" or "kinda" (One or the other)
Line 221: "hot an bothered" to "hot and bothered"
Line 225: "agrressive" to "aggressive"
Line 272: "for it's it's target" to "for its target" (repeat word, also no apostrophe; apostrophe references "it is" or "it has" and not when used possessively. See: http://data.grammarbook.com/blog/pronouns/1-grammar-error/)
Line 275: "too" to "to"
Line 276: "your" to "you"
Line 276: "out of soaking" to "out of her soaking"
Line 279: "realises" to "realizes" (American English)
Lines 301, 563, : "denise" to "Denise"
Line 305: "the" to "The"
Line 310: "point of of making" to "point of making" (repeat word)
Line 313: "wedge" to "wedged"
Line 313: "assume, she" to "assume she's" (she need's apostrophe s, comma is extraneous)
Line 350: "kick" to "you kick" or "kicking" (depending on which you want to use here)
Line 368: "2 nd" to "Second" or "2nd" (depending on how loose you want the colloquial dialogue)
Line 370: "Eviscerater" to "Eviscerator"
Lines 391, 1278, 1298: "your" to "you're"
Line 416: "appearances" to "appearance's" or "appearances'" (depending on if reference appearance singular or appearance plural. Either way, needs the apostrophe to show possession)
Line 436: "farmers" to "farmer's"
Line 541: "your fear" to "you fear"
Line 544: "lulling" to "lolling"
Line 545: "waste" to "waist"
Line 563: "you order your denise" to "you order Denise" (fuck you, she's not YOUR Denise, she's MY Denise lol)
Lines 567, 580: "stop her swearing on every other word" to "stop her from swearing every other word"
Lines 573, 586: "you, by" to "you by" (extraneous comma)

Right around here (Lines 563, 587?) I need to point out a continuity error, as opposed to corrections. During the shopping scene(s), the text references "Once the credits starts to roll" However, the image(s) depict the text referencing the outfits and fitting room. I don't recall seeing anything about a movie scene (et al) any time during Denise's scenes. Please double check this on your end.

Line 616: "did" to "didn't" (or "don't" if you're staying with present-tense: don't mix tenses!)
Lines 616, 1505: "realise" to "realize" (American English)
Lines 619, 634, 647, 662: "Yeah all" to "Yeah, all"
Lines 622, 637, 650, 665: "not dickwad" to "not, dickwad"
Lines 624, 652: "probably" to "Probably"
Lines 631, 659: "too" to "to"
Line 699: "musta been smoked" to "musta smoked" or "musta been I smoked" (the former is better imo)
Line 706: "You quickly push your will onto Denise and for a moment she is being controlled by both of you. You quickly bury some rudimentary control paths in her mind and release her." (Consider not using "quickly" both times. Removing one - or both - would still be fine)
Lines 727, 733: "girlsroom" to "girls' room"
Line 797: "you cum again and again in her mouth. She doesn’t object as you fill her throat again and again" (Consider not using "again and again" both times. Try changing one to "over and over" or "over and over again")
Line 814: "Sandra leads you to the school pool, which is currently empty." (Er, was this an overlooked copy/paste? Sandra leads? Or Denise leads? Where the hell did Sandra come from?)
Line 847: "turn dude" to "turn, dude"
Line 852: "masters" to "master's"
Line 862: "push on" to "push back on" (Not 100% on what is trying to be said here, YMMV)
Line 869: "you’ve" to "you have" or "you've got"
Line 869: "that" to "than"
Line 884: "Fuck it’s" to "Fuck, it's"
Line 906: "Gimmie" to "Gimme"
Line 1061: "Goddam" to "Goddamn"
Line 1076: "Maybe i should" to "Maybe I should"
Line 1091: "You hand" to "Your hand"
Line 1257: "rigth" to "right"
Line 1290: "hoping" to "Hopping"
Line 1295: "You have completely" to "you have her completely"
Line 1307: "jut" to "just"
Line 1308: "she" to "she's"
Line 1354: "place huh?" to "place, huh?"
Line 1374: "You want faster and harder!" to "You want it faster and harder!" (I think this is what is meant. Also, is this intended to be a question or a statement?)
Line 1378: "talk pussy" to "talk, pussy"
Line 1385: "time That" to "time. That"
Line 1393: "ever rock hard" (Since this would require multiple hyphenations to the point of ridicule, perhaps consider another word... something like "eternally rock hard" or "forever rock hard" or "perpetually rock hard"... etc etc ad infinitum)
Line 1406: "fuck man" to "fuck, man"
Line 1412: "What you" to "What, you"
Line 1413: "Look it" to "Look, it"
Line 1425: "you" to "your"
Line 1466: "your" to "you're"
Lines 1472, 1512: "goes kneels" to "kneels"
Line 1490: "Mmmm bad" to "Mmmm, bad"
Line 1503: "Kellys" to "Kelly's"
Line 1566: "off Billy" to "off, Billy"
Line 1569: "Do one dickhead" to "Do one, dickhead" (bluh? do what? I'm apparently not familiar with this form of insult, and I can fucking swear and insult in Klingon. That says something.)
Line 1575: "usual weirdo" to "usual, weirdo"
Line 1601: "Sandra doesn’t even make eye contact with you, let alone speak to you." (Er, was this another copy/paste gone awry? You mean Denise, right? wtf does Sandra have to do with anything?)
Line 1613: "good job I was" to "good job, I was"
Line 1618: "hall" to "Hall"
Line 1620: "hole of the week" to "Hole of the Week" (or, more properly "'Hole of the Week'" YMMV)
Line 1621: "it fucknuts", to "it, fucknuts"
Line 1636: "about dickwad" to "about, dickwad"
Line 1644: "fuck you" to "fuck, you"
Line 1655: "me fucker" to "me, fucker"
Line 1656: "bored eh" to "bored, eh"
Line 1679: "this you" to "this, you"
Lines 1690, 1753, 1852: "listening too" to "listening to"
Line 1710, 1783, 1896: "your implying" to "you're implying"
Line 1710, 1783, 1896: "implying you" to "implying, you"
Line 1752: "halfheartedly" to "half-heartedly"
Line 1752: "head oc your" to "head of your"
Line 1760: "bobby" to "bobbing"
Line 1761: "up hippy" to "up, hippy"
Line 1769: "taste" to "tastes"
Line 1809: "you hand" to "your hand"
Line 1815: "not you when" to "not when"
Line 1836: "decencies" to "decency's"
Line 1838: "Well if" to "Well, if"
Line 1862: "Very Well" to "Very well"
Lines 1876, 1932: "or swear" to "or I swear"
Lines 1880, 1936: "want’s" to "wants"
Line 1909: "nose" to "noise"
Line 1916: "thrust" to "thrusts"
Line 1916: "You also notice that Sandra is breathing" (Another copy/paste overlooked? Sandra? You mean Denise, right?)
Line 1916: "Sandra is breathing pretty shallowly" to "Sandra's breathing is pretty shallow" or "has become pretty shallow" (Saying Sandra here for the sake of argument, see above)
Line 1919: "takin" to "taken"
Line 1920: "Oh now" to "Oh, now"
Line 2012: "You're" to "Your"
Line 2012: "blurry, when" to "blurry. When" or "blurry; when"
Line 2012: "them, and all" to "them all"
Line 2012: "someones" to "someone's"
Line 2014: "Oh look" to "Oh, look"
Line 2064: "in you" to "in your"
Line 2067: "nook and craney" to "nook and cranny"
Line 2080: "here" to "her"
Line 2089: "i just" to "I just"
Line 2091: "Dreams dork" to "Dreams, dork"
Lines 2108, 2202: "fucks" to "fuck's"
Line 2109: "diaphram" to "diaphragm"
Line 2152: "I'd" to "I"
Line 2163, 2994: "Denises" to "Denise's"
Line 2165: "suck" to "sucks"
Line 2172: "Thanks i guess" to "Thanks, I guess"
Line 2217: "Wanted" to "wanted"
Line 2268: "my up" to "my mom up"
Line 2276: "Though gotta" to "Though I gotta"
Line 2287: "nightware" to "nightwear"
Line 2288: "show" to "shows"
Line 2299: "fuck stop" to "fucking stop"
Line 2326: "stars" to "starts"
Line 2390: "Marches Denises" to "marches Denise"
Lines 2433, 2467, 2536: "moms" to "mom's"
Line 2433: "moments" to "moment's"
Line 2520: "me you bitch" to "me, you bitch"
Line 2528: "Look we're" to "Look, we're"
Line 2531: "DONT" to "DON'T"
Line 2544: "your self" to "yourself"
Lines 2553, 2572, 2576, 2994, 3241: "Denises" to "Denise's"
Line 2554: "mouth skank" to "mouth, skank"
Line 2555: "ridding" to "riding"
Line 2582: "reals" to "reels"
Line 2584: "mothers" to "mother's"
Line 2584: "in mouth" to "in your mouth"
Line 2584: "Denise deep throating" (Do you want this used as a verb, or as a description? In which case, would you want "Denise's deep throating"? YMMV)
Line 2587: "start" to "starting"
Line 2607: "Quiet skank" to "Quiet, skank"
Line 2611: "Oh the skank" to "Oh, the skank"
Line 2611: "Go To Bed." to "Go. To. Bed." or "go to bed."
Line 2618: "Shut it skank" to "Shut it, skank"
Line 2645: "can i do" to "can I do"
Line 2659: "you Skank" to "you, Skank"
Line 2664: "you ma'am" to "you, ma'am"
Line 2676: "way to tired" to "way too tired"
Line 2677: "yeah" to "Yeah"
Line 2677: "she must" to "She must"
Line 2677: "real" to "really"
Line 2740: "You try to strike up a conversation with Sandra" (Sandra again? Plz double check)
Line 2790, 2891: "center fuckwit" to "center, fuckwit"
Line 2831: "your" to "you're"
Line 2831: "mid stride" to "mid-stride"
Line 2849: "it's" to "its"
Line 2851: "modelling" to "modeling" (American English, see: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/modeling-or-modelling/ )
Line 2861: "yep" to "Yep"
Line 2875: "Keep" to "keep"
Line 2903: "deffinitely" to "definitely"
Line 2934: "Sweet" to "sweet"
Line 2950: "a reward for my model" to "A Reward For My Model"
Line 2966: "she's wraps" to "she wraps" or "she's wrapped"
Line 2969: "oh" to "Oh"
Line 2996: "Shes says" to "She says"
Line 2996: "breather" to "breath"
Line 2996: "hug" to "huge"
Line 3002: "your" to "you're"
Line 3039: "here" to "hear"
Line 3059: "cause" to "'cause" (or "because")
Line 3065: "Woah" to "Whoah" (unless this is colloquial, then disregard)
Line 3072: "lip?" to "lip" (question mark?)
Line 3073: "the" to "she"
Line 3078: "Fuck you're" to "Fuck, you're"
Line 3126: "billy" to "Billy"
Line 3128: "sure." to "sure?"
Line 3129: "right." to "right?"
Line 3131: "come" to "coma"
Line 3133: "your" to "you're"
Line 3170: "Bitch" to "bitch"
Line 3179: "anybodys" to "anybody's"
Line 3207: "Should i" to "Should I"
Lines 3207, 3299: "thinker" to "Thinker"
Line 3207: "greek" to "Greek"
Line 3208: "what i was" to "what I was"
Line 3215: "up Billy" to "up, Billy"
Line 3221: "Yeah like" to "Yeah, like"
Line 3223: "Billy come" to "Billy, come"
Line 3233: "Ok Billy I" to "Ok, Billy, I"
Line 3258: "Done" to "done"
Line 3265: "good Denise" to "good, Denise"
Line 3272: "guys" to "guy's"
Line 3281: "anything Denise" to "anything, Denise"
Line 3283: "All i wanted" to "All I wanted"
Line 3284: "Jeez Denise" to "Jeez, Denise"
Line 3307: "To your surprise, the second you slide into her, she suddenly relaxed dramatically. She started twerking on your cock quickly, but she didn't feel like she was about to run over to Mary and punch her in the back of the head." (This line is a mess of mixed tenses. Don't switch between present and past tenses. If it's supposed to be a narration, disregard) to "To your surprise, the second you slide into her, she suddenly relaxes dramatically. She starts twerking on your cock quickly, but she doesn't feel like she's about to run over to Mary and punch her in the back of the head."
Line 3313: "your" to "you're"
Line 3313: "fast into Denise" to "fast into her"
Line 3324: "you sure" to "You sure"