junko

“…ngh. Wha?” I groaned as I looked around, my vision fading back in slowly. “What the…?” I placed a hand to the back of my head gingerly, and gasped as a wave of pain exploded through my skull. When I pulled my fingers away, they nearly stuck to my hair, coated in thick blood.

Blood?! Was this…my blood? What in the world happened?

I tried to stand, but the moment my body was upright, I felt like I was going to vomit, and fell onto my butt. Taking a deep breath to stop my eyes from crossing, I turned around, craning my neck as little as possible. Sure enough, there was a pretty big spot of blood there on the floor. Being more careful this time, I eased myself up on my palms. Though another wave of nausea shot through me, I clenched my fist, leaning against the ice-cold wall for support. Wait, ice cold? Where was I?

Ignoring the throbbing in my forehead and temples, I looked around, my eyes sweeping across the blue lights lining the wall to my right. Oh, right, this was the bio lab. I was in here with Kyoko, going over the injuries to Mukuro’s body.

My eyes snapped open as that memory came flooding back, along with a fresh rush of blood into my temples. Kyoko! If I’d gotten knocked out, then where was she? I turned around, resting my back against the wall as I looked around the room more thoroughly. Even if I didn’t feel like I could walk yet, maybe I could spot a clue.

However, no matter how I strained to see through my blurred vision, nothing made itself apparent other than the bloodstain on the floor, where it seemed I’d almost been…killed. The thought alone brought another wave of vomit surging up my throat, but I held it back. We were almost at the end, and I couldn’t afford to be losing it just because of something like this.

I took a few shaky steps forward, leaning on the desk once I reached it, a few droplets of blood running down the ends of my hair and splattering against the cold steel—tendrils of steam rose from the small puddles they formed. Yeah, this was going to be a concussion for sure, not that I had time to worry about it right now, I needed to find Kyoko!

I edged my way along the desk until I reached the end—finally my legs were solid under me, or at least enough so that I could walk without danger of falling. With my vision clear as well, I could see that, without a doubt, there were…absolutely no clues whatsoever in the bio lab. I bit my lip and worked my way out into the hall, making sure my steps were small and careful.

However, I hadn’t gotten even halfway down the hall before Toko came around the corner, moving so fast that I’d have sworn her shoes were leaving smoke trails. She screeched to a halt in front of me, bent over and panting.

“Y-you…M-Master says we have to start the c-class trial. Y-You’re such an i-idiot, being late and m-making Master wait!” She looked up at me, still with a face like she’d smelled sour milk, the same as ever. “You’re c-coming back with me and…and…” She trailed off, staring at me like she’d seen a ghost. “You…blahhhh…” She collapsed onto the ground. Oh, right, the blood. I probably still had it dripping off my hair and soaking into my clothes. Of all people to send, why her?

I stepped over her prone body, hoping she wouldn’t spring back up as Genocide Jack, and continued down the hall. Normally it wouldn’t take me more than half a minute to get from one end to the other, but with my injury, I could only a move at a pace charitably described as glacial, almost tripping over myself several times.

Now I had a choice. I could either press on looking for Kyoko, or I could try to make my way down to the room with the trial elevator and warn the others of what had happened…plus get myself some medical attention. Even as I thought it, however, I knew I couldn’t allow myself to turn away from Kyoko now. With us being so close, and the Mastermind already having tried to trick us into executing her once, I had no idea what they might have tried that led to me being knocked unconscious. What was it Kyoko had said before?

“If you vote for me, and choose to execute me, the mystery of this school will be lost forever.”

Of course. If I were to turn away now, who knows how long it might take for me to get downstairs and warn everyone? If Kyoko was in danger, if the Mastermind had ensnared her in a trap, I couldn’t waste time with even the possibility she might die on the table. Otherwise, there would be no way for us to finish this. We were a team. When I got to the end of the hallway, however, what greeted me was something I’d hoped I’d never see again.

“Rrrrrraaaaagggghhh! You’re tardy, Mister! So, so tardy!” Monokuma. Standing in front of me, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, with his paws on his hips. I just narrowed my eyes in response, so he kept talking. “Did you think I was going to…” He trailed off. I raised an eyebrow.

“What, no one-liner? No bear pun?” I smirked triumphantly at him.

“N-no, I was just a little…thrown off by all the blood! Did one of your fellow students break out the Justice Hammers or something? I thought we’d been through that already!” I sighed.

“No, I don’t remember what happened. Just get me to the nurse’s office so I can get some bandages and get to your stupid trial. Kyoko and I are going to expose you in front of all your viewers.” Monokuma laughed.

“Oh, no no no, Makoto! You’re late! Everyone else already left.” I tried to hide my shocked expression, to no avail.

“Left? You don’t mean left the school?” Another one of his stupid, shrill laughs.

“Of course not, silly! They just went back to their dorms! But since you were so late…” He extended his claws. “…you get to suffer the Ultra, Mega, Super-Duper Punishment! The Punishment to end all Punishments! You-” I cut him off.

“Shut up! You already said you wouldn’t break your rules because it would make you lose ratings! There’s no way you can punish me, because I didn’t break any rules. I passed out in the bio lab, I didn’t fall asleep. Just go get everyone and we can start the trial as soon as Kyoko gets here.” Monokuma smirked…well, he was always smirking, but it got a little wider.

“Tough luck. While you were asleep…I changed the rules. Couldn’t have a student delaying us forever, now could we? People would get bored and walk away from the show! Therefore, failure to show up for a trial after a one-hour period is now an automatic punishment.” I froze. I’d been out for an entire hour?

“No, that doesn’t make any sense. Toko just came looking for me like five minutes ago. She passed out when she saw all the blood. How could I have been unconscious for an hour?” Monokuma put a paw to his mouth, laughing softly.

“Well hey, nobody knew where you were except Kyoko, right? Poor Toko had to run all over the school looking for you! You must’ve seen how tired she was.” As I thought back, I realized that must’ve been the reason she showed up looking so exhausted. I was glued to the spot, completely frozen with terror. I was going to be executed, and nobody would know anything about it?

“N-no…you can’t just do that. You can’t just…” Monokuma’s shriek cut me off.

“The hell I can’t! I just told you why I made this little change to the rules! You really don’t listen well at all. Now come on, come on, into my room!	Your punishment is waiting. Don’t make me drag you there myself.” He started to laugh, but then just…stopped. He stopped moving altogether, going completely still there in front of me.

As terrified as I was, I forced myself to move. Was this a trap? Was it the punishment? I was scared to even breathe, let alone take a step, for fear of what might happen. Mustering all the courage I had, I reached out and touched Monokuma’s forehead…

…and he fell backward, collapsing in a heap on the hallway floor with an echoing, metallic bang! He was really deactivated. I swallowed hard, looking down the hall to where the data center door stood, beckoning me. “Come to my room!” That’s what he’d said. If he meant what I thought he did…then there was only one place I needed to go, though even that short distance down the hall seemed like miles.

The air in the data center was as cool as ever, though a welcome and warm upgrade compared to the bio lab. I looked around, and my eyes fell on the door. That door. The control room for Monokuma. With a shaky hand, I stepped closer, turned the handle, and pushed it open. What I saw inside was beyond imagination.

Junko. Junko Enoshima. My mind raced, trying to comprehend it. I’d seen her die—more importantly, I’d felt her die! All at once, I lost my footing, only managing to shoot out an arm and catch myself on the cold wall. The soft thump of my arm hitting the steel made her jump slightly, and she turned her head back, as though trying to imitate an owl.

“Whoa, fuck!” she cried, uncrossing her legs, which had been kicked up onto the control panel, “You came down for your punishment already? Boy, I guess you couldn’t wait!” She grinned widely, but as she did, I noticed something…off about it. The freckles that had been scattered across the bridge of her nose were gone, and her hair accessories were different. I tried to say something, anything, but my breath caught in my throat.

It was Junko, but it wasn’t. She looked so close to the one I’d known over the first couple of days, but her features were too different for it to be the same girl who’d gotten run through with a dozen spears just after Sayaka’s death. She quirked one of her thin eyebrows.

“Uh, you gonna stand there forever looking like a dumbshit, or are you gonna say something? I don’t have all day, y’know. Got plenty of things to d—Burrrrrorp!” She wiped her lips and picked at her teeth absently. “Sorry, just got through with dinner.” My knees buckled, but I held myself up.

“Junko? You’re the Mastermind?” Her smile widened, if that were possible. “There’s no way…I saw you die. I didn’t feel a pulse and you…you were so cold.” I couldn’t see myself, but I could only imagine my face was white as a sheet. She wrinkled her nose and snorted.

“Yeah, sure. I got better, alright?” She laughed—it was the same shrill, unpleasant kind of sound I’d heard Monokuma spouting time and time again as he tormented us. Things had felt sort of ephemeral before, like I was going to wake up from a dream any moment, but that laugh seemed to solidify everything. I could feel reality crashing down on me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes—it sent a wave of nausea through me.

“No, there’s…there’s no way, Junko. Nobody could’ve survived what you did. There’s no trick, no nothing that could’ve stopped it.” Her face shifted from glee and amusement to annoyance.

“Yeah, well, there’s no way that dumbass with the ‘fro should’ve made it this far either, but here we are, right? Plenty of wacky shit goes on in my school and this is what you’re questioning?” I steadied myself, taking a few steps forward.

“Yeah, maybe. The stuff I’ve seen in the executions is way beyond what I ever could’ve expected. I’ve seen my friends killing each other just for the chance to get out of here, to fulfill your stupid motives.” I took a deep breath. “But even with all that, I don’t think this place has the ability to bring back the dead!” Junko just shrugged.

“Who cares? You make it all the way here, figure out I’m the Mastermind, and you want to sit there asking me stupid questions? Guess you’re dumber than those trials made you out to be.” She stomped her boots back onto the ground, pulling herself up from her chair. “Besides…” She faced me, and my blood turned to ice.

Her stomach was huge, almost sagging down to the floor, and covered with lumps. Moving lumps. “…I think you’ve got some bigger problems on your hands.” My heart started to race so quickly I thought it might explode.

“You…Junko, you…” She sucked her fingers, each one making a little pop, until she got to her thumb.

“Yep, ate one of your classmates.” She said it so casually I was inclined to believe her, especially with what I was seeing, but it was impossible. Impossible, of course, seemed to be have become a relative term, considering that I was also standing in front of a dead girl.

“Who?” I’d gone so far down the rabbit hole at this point that, even if this was all a terrible dream, I felt I had to play along. “Who did you…eat?” I had to force the word out, like a boulder falling out of my mouth. Junko just wagged her finger, taunting me. Her voice rose in pitch, like she was trying to sound cutesy.

“Aw, c’mon. It wouldn’t be any fun at all if I just told you who was struggling around inside me, desperately reaching out find someone to help them while my stomach pulverizes them into goo!” She giggled—my blood surged, my eyes narrowed, and I curled my hands into tight fists.

“Who was it, Junko? I’m not going to sit here and play games with you. What’s more, you’d better let them out right now.” Junko’s voice dropped back down, lacking even a hint of emotion.

“Or what? You’ll come over here and make me? You couldn’t save anyone without a trial before, what makes you think you can do it now?” All my emotions were welling up at once, coalescing into something primal that I couldn’t explain. I shot forward at Junko, my face flushed and all of my muscles tight as a bowstring.

I ended up flat on my back.

I couldn’t say for sure what had happened, but my vision erupted with stars, streaking across my eyes and leaving my head whirling. Junko’s laugh slowly faded into my ears—had she been laughing the whole time.

“Holy shit!” she cried, “I wish you could’ve seen yourself get taken the fuck out! It was like, whoosh when you ran at me, then bam! I knocked you right on your scrawny ass! Oh, oh, can you do it again? I bet it’d be even funnier the second time!” I let out a squeaky little groan—it felt like my chest was caving in. She leaned over, resting one hand on her huge gut and putting her other up to her ear.

“Sorry, what was that? Couldn’t really hear you over the sound of how pathetic you are.” I propped myself up on my elbow, my entire body shaking with the effort, and looked up at her. “Oooh, you look mad. Are you mad?” I tried to speak, but gagged on my own spit, collapsing onto my back in a violent coughing fit. Junko clucked her tongue.

“Probably not a good idea, trying to talk after taking a hit like that.” I managed to suck in a halting breath, pulling myself up onto my butt. Junko towered over me—I’d read in her biometrics that she was taller than me, but it had never been more obvious than now, given I couldn’t even see past her stomach.

“E-enough games, Junko. Who was it?” She sighed, so long and so hard that she might as well have been a deflating balloon.

“Oh fine. I guess I can at least give you a hint.” She got down onto her knees, and before I could say anything else, dropped the full weight of her stomach down onto my legs. I grit my teeth, trying to ignore how badly it hurt, and glared at her. She leaned way over, until her face was right next to mine, our lips just inches apart. Despite myself, I blushed, little beads of sweat running down my forehead—my prior injury had been all but forgotten in the face of all this.

“Wow, are you getting turned on by all this?” She laughed, and the motion caused her pigtails to sweep along my face. I didn’t want to admit she was right, but I could already feel something stirring down south—I could imagine it was all the more obvious with her bloated belly resting right on my crotch. She turned her head to the side, studying me.

“Yeah, you totally are. That’s so gross—did your parents fuck you up as a kid or what?” She snickered, and I just turned my head away, screwing my eyes up and trying to will my erection back down. “Well, I did promise you a hint, didn’t I? Time to deliver on that.” I opened one eye, looking back up at her—or rather, at her gullet.

She opened her mouth, I’d imagine, as wide as it could go. Certainly looked like she could fit my entire head inside at once. Her teeth were all immaculate, pearly white and perfectly straight. Her lips, now that I could see them up close, were full and pouty, even stretched out this much, and were slick with saliva—seemed like her lipstick was waterproof.

Speaking of saliva, a long trail of it was dripping down her tongue, which she’d allowed to loll completely out of her mouth; it hung above me and wriggled back and forth like a big, pink snake. Little drips of drool splattered against my teeth while she made a cutsey “Ahhh~” noise, like a kid about to get her first round with a tongue depressor.

This made her whole throat flex, and from where I was laying, it seemed endless. Like an endless, dark tunnel to Hell itself. To my disgust, she leaned her head down just a little more and dragged her tongue up my cheek, giving an appreciative moan at my…flavor?

“J-Junko,” I squeaked, “this isn’t much of a hint, I already know you ate someone.” She giggled, though it was softer, more lilting than before.

“Alright then, here’s your hint, Mr. Impatient.” She grabbed me by the chin, squeezing her sharp nails into my cheeks, and turned my head to face her—now her throat was on full display, and I could hear her stomach gurgling, both from the outside and a faint hint of it from the inside.

“Haahhhh…” She expelled a gust of warm, wet breath across my bare skin, raising more pinpricks of sweat from the humidity. It was just an undertone, but I could swear that I smelled something off under the scent. Sort of sweet, but traditional. My eyes shot wide open.

“No…no, you didn’t.” I swallowed hard, all the sensation leaving my body in an instant. Everything felt cold, like the world was freezing over. It felt like there was a rubber band in my head, being stretched to the limit. Junko’s face twisted from a smile to a sadistic smirk.

“What, was that not good enough? Okay, I can do you one better.” She tangled her fingers into my hair, holding me tightly, and moved me a little closer, resting my chin on her tongue.

“Junko, please, this isn’t-” I was cut off by a loud, crass belch exploding from her bowels. Something splattered onto my cheek in the process, and I could feel the movement that had been pervading Junko’s belly slowing down—I hadn’t noticed before, but muffled noises had been coming from it as well, and while they’d just been background noise, their absence made my heart shrivel.

I reached up with a shaky hand as Junko pulled back, her thighs squeezed around my hips to keep her steady. It peeled away from my face with a wet sound, and I held it up so I could see it.

Reality dropped away around me. This had all been hard to accept before, when I didn’t have much of an idea who it was in there. My breathing seized up, my brain ground to a halt, and the rubber band in my head snapped. I was floating through space—no oxygen, no heat, no life whatsoever.

It was Kyoko’s glove.

I didn’t remember passing out—all I could hear was Junko’s laughter as my mind went blank.

When I came to, all I could do was hold out hope that I’d been having some hallucination after I hit my head. I was surrounded by something soft,  and I immediately raised my hands to try and push free of it, but it yielded against my fingers, prompting a muffled giggle from above me. I flicked my eyes up, and realized this wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare, and I wasn’t waking up.

Junko had pressed me between her breasts, and was grinning down at me.

“Oh good, you’re finally up. Wouldn’t want you to miss the best part! Don’t you just love how Kyoko looks on me?” Her voice was full of energy again, like she was ready to start bouncing off the walls. Her stomach looked smaller, and a good deal less lumpy. I didn’t, no, couldn’t think about what it meant. She stroked it with one finger, then gave it a smack—the sound of it sloshing around made me sick.

Her breasts had been big before, but now they were straining against her shirt, looking ready to pop free at the slightest movement. Her gut sagged down still, but only to her thighs, rather than her knees. Her thighs were a good deal thicker than before, and with her waistline expanded out, her skirt was straining to hold her in. She popped me free of her chest, then shoved me onto my back.

“Boy, your girlfriend was really fighting up until the last second. I thought she was never gonna die. Or maybe it was just her clothes gumming up the works.” She picked absently at her teeth with a pinky nail, flicking away a bit of detritus. As it floated down to the ground, I could see that it was a strand of Kyoko’s hair.

I wanted to tell myself it couldn’t be real—Kyoko wouldn’t have let herself get beaten by Junko, not even if she got the drop on her! I moved to stand up, determined to take Junko down myself, but was stopped dead when she raised a boot, bringing it to rest on top of my crotch.

“Ah-ah, no screwing around, now. You’re not gonna haul off and do something stupid that ruins how delicious your despair is. I can taste it even from here.” I glared back at her, balling my hand into a fist.

“I’d never give into despair, and if it really is Kyoko in there, neither would she! I know she fought you until she couldn’t anymore, because she never gave up hope!” She cut me off in the middle of my speech by grinding her foot back and forth, causing a spike of pain to shoot right up my spine.

“Shut up. I don’t have time for speeches from someone who couldn’t save the person he cared about most. This is just what happens to people who only believe in hope.” She licked her lips, a line of drool running down to her chin. “They’re ultimately consumed by despair. Devoured by it. Their hope only makes it stronger.” She pulled her foot back. “That’s what you are—or were. Someone who never lost hope. I guess now you can see where it got you.”

She leaned down, grabbed the collar of my shirt, and yanked me up into a sitting position. “You want to hear what the real sum of all your hope was? The culmination of your dreams, your attempts to stop the gears of despair from turning?”

She grabbed me by the hair once more—it looked like she’d done her shirt back up, at least the middle button, and using her other hand, she undid it. Her gut sprang free with a wet splorsh, jiggling in front of me.

“Ooh, damn, that feels way better. Hope you’re grateful, I saved that just for you.” Despite how hard I tried to resist, Junko was much stronger than she looked—I couldn’t pull away, I couldn’t even stop her from turning my head, shoving my ear up against the smooth skin of her stomach.

A myriad of sounds assaulted my ear: Liquidized meat sloshing around in Junko’s stomach, mixed with a sickening scraping sound. I could only imagine those were Kyoko’s bones rubbing together, breaking down as the last vestige of her body. The steady sound of her excited breathing was mixed in on top of that, as well as her heart pumping. I could even hear her swallow, and the saliva landing in her belly.

Not thinking, I raised a hand and placed it on the side of her gut, pressing my fingers into the yielding flesh, more to give myself the sense of touching Kyoko for the last time than anything else. The moment was completely ruined when Junko laid her hand over mine.

“Oh, did you want to hold hands? I understand I’m way hotter than your girlfriend, but sorry, you’re not my type. Don’t really go for idiots, even if you’re kind of cute.” She started to laugh, but was cut off by a huge belch which tore free of her lips. I could hear it in my left ear, above me, and in my right ear, muffled inside her stomach, as well as the reverberation of it throughout my whole body.

“Mmm! She tastes just as good coming back up as she did going down.” She relaxed her grip, and I looked up at her—I’d tried to hold it back, but my eyes were getting hot. “I can see the despair welling up from inside you. It must hurt really bad to be so close, but so far.” She smirked. “Hey, for what it’s worth, Kyoko was pretty talented with the whole detective thing.” She patted the side of her stomach. “It’s just a shame she couldn’t detect what I was going to have for dinner…or what I’m having for dessert.”

She shoved me over, and I smacked onto the ground like a sack of potatoes. Now she was affecting some kind of British accent? This girl changed personalities like pairs of socks. “First thing’s first, though, we have been standing around for so long, waiting for you to wake up, and Kyoko isn’t even quite finished yet! We need a place to rest.” I turned my head away.

“Yeah, well, you’ve got a chair over there.” I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a shuddering breath—it was all I could do not to start crying. “Just know you’re not taking me without a fight, either, I-mrrgph!” I let out a strangled cry as she whirled around, flipped up her skirt, and sat down…right on my head. With my head turned like it was, it squashed my cheeks together, and I instinctually pushed up against her rear. She just laughed at me.

“Well, if nothing else, you make an excellent throne!” She couldn’t even let me grieve without tormenting me further, it seemed. She ground back and forth against my face, making even breathing a chore with all her weight on my head and chest. The thought that all that weight had once been Kyoko snuck into my mind, and the dam broke, tears flooding down my cheeks and ragged sobs wracking my body. Junko just hummed to herself.

I had no way of knowing how much time had passed, trapped there under Junko’s bulk, crying until I felt like I was totally dried out. By the time she stopped humming and finally raised herself off me, I couldn’t do much more than stare blankly off into nothing. I was empty inside—she’d wrung everything out of me, fed on it, sucked it out of me like the last bits of broth from a soup bowl.

“Well then, I guess you’re all done, aren’t you?” I flicked my eyes over to her, standing triumphantly above me, twirling a lock of her hair in her fingers. I stayed silent, the only act of defiance I could muster, not that she cared. “Well, I’ve got shit to get back to, so you’re gonna have to go.” I turned my eyes back down to the floor, trying not to think about what she meant.

She made her meaning apparent by stripping off my shoes, tossing them to the side. I felt a warm, thick wetness envelope my toes, spreading down to my heels and ankles next. Rivulets of what must have been drool slid down into my socks, soaking them thoroughly.

I forced myself to look down, and sure enough, there she was, looking back up at me with her eyes wide open, practically spinning in her head. I couldn’t tell if it was because of how I tasted or if it was the vacant look in my eyes that was exciting her so much.

By the time she reached my hips, I could feel my feet poking out into her stomach, and I flexed them experimentally, prompting a pleasured groan from Junko. I grit my teeth against the tide of vomit threatening to surge out of me.

Once she’d gone over my stomach and reached my chest, my feet were submerged into the pool of thick sludge sitting at the bottom of her gut…what had once been Kyoko. A fresh wave of guilt and anguish surged through me, and I tensed. She might have been getting impatient, or maybe she thought I was going to make a move, but either way, Junko reached up and placed her palm flat against the top of my head, shoving down on it to swallow me down faster.

Only once her lips were creeping up across my chin and her tongue was exploring my neck and jawline did things start to really sink in. I’d understood it all before, but the weight of Kyoko and I’s failure hadn’t hit me fully before this point. I could feel the last little spark of hope in my heart snuffing out, doused by the flood of despair I was experiencing.

Then the world went dark and wet. The warmth around my head was at once unnatural and natural, and sent a shudder through my limbs. I could hear and feel Junko’s tongue slurping all around my ears, pressing against the wound on the back of my head. Then, all at once, I was sent down into her tight, muscular throat with an echoing glurk!

The tightness around my face was indescribable, expanding and contracting at every inch, until I finally emptied out into Junko’s gut proper, sitting in a dense, sour-smelling mix of meat. Her heartbeat surrounded me on all sides, as well as her labored breathing, and the light sound of her footsteps as she righted herself.

Before long, the air around me, horrible-smelling but at least breathable, swirled into a pocket and whooshed up Junko’s throat, exiting with a final crass burp. Tentatively, I pressed my hands into the mush beneath me, the world shifting and shuddering as Junko made her way back to her chair, then rocking all around when she flopped down into it.

With a little searching, I pulled Kyoko’s skull out of the muck. It was pitted all across the surface, and little wisps of her once long, flowing hair clung to the top. I cradled it against my chest, grinding my lip in my teeth. I’d failed. We’d failed. Junko would get to do her horrible games as long as she wanted, and we’d never put a stop to it.

Even when she’d eaten me, it seemed more like a matter of course, an afterthought. Even now, beyond her steady heartbeat, the gurgles of her stomach processing me, and her breathing, I could hear her returning to her antics as Monokuma. She typed away on the keyboard, shouting into the mic mounted on the display, and I just held Kyoko’s skull close to me, burying my head against my knees. There was nothing left but this now. Just becoming fat on her body.

That thought stayed with me as I slipped into a suffocating darkness, overwhelmed with despair.